Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@CluelessInLondon oh bless you - so glad both you and baby are okay. I'm sorry to say that mum guilt doesn't leave 😂 Georgie (almost comically) slipped down her high chair at six months and although I half caught her she ended up on the floor with a scrape on her chin.

I spent the afternoon apologising to her (she was fine after 5 mins). Awful guilt... Par for the course, it's usually worse for us than it is for them when they have bumps etc ❤️

@ThelastRolo20 My husband's way of cheering me up while we were waiting to get checked out at the hospital was to tell me not to worry, that he would almost certainly be the first one to drop the baby after it's born! It was just a horrible feeling to think that I might have done something to harm the baby, even though it was just a little accident and these things happen - I posted previously about the feeling of pressure because the responsibility for keeping baby safe is all on me at the moment and this just added to it.

Oh @CluelessInLondon what a shock!! I am so sorry you had a fall. It’s so hard to not feel responsible but accidents happen, and your body has done the exact thing it needed to do and protected your baby. I hope you can take some time to physically heal and recover. Have you finished work now, or are you close to it? I’m so glad baby is doing well and you were able to be seen at a hospital, I hope you can take it easy now x

Thanks @Wise0wl ❤I've just got a few scratches that need to heal up, fortunately it wasn't a hard landing so no bruises or broken bones! I'm finishing work on the 20th so I'm into my last 3 weeks now - starting to feel uncomfortable now so I'm looking forward to when I won't have to sit at a desk anymore. I definitely feel like I'm heavily pregnant now!

@CluelessInLondon how exciting you’re so close though! I have 11 weeks at work left now which feels like nothing, yet the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy felt like the longest 12 weeks of my life. It’s great you’ve not done any real damage (by which I mean any broken bones etc), and I hope the feeling of guilt lessens with time x

@CluelessInLondon oh that must have been really scary! But baby will be fine, they’re very well padded in there and sounds like you’ve had a good check over. Hope you still managed to enjoy your weekend notwithstanding the fall.

@Wise0wl any tips for the first 12 weeks? It’s really dragging here!

I was out for dinner tonight and my friends guessed I was pregnant, clearly I’m too boozy under normal circumstances! I’m trying hard not to freak out that some people know. They were very tactful but it feels really overwhelming.

@HerbaceousPerennial I totally get that, for a long time (basically until I got used to telling people widely), the idea of anyone knowing I was pregnant felt like it piled on the pressure somehow. The only way I got through the first 12 weeks was planning for the next ‘milestone’. So the big ones were for me the scans (esp the 9 week one because likelihood of a MC drops after that), 10 weeks (because I’d not got to 10 weeks with my previous pregnancy) and the 12 week scan. Plus literally anything and everything to keep me busy. Jigsaw puzzles, crap TV, tidying cupboards. How far along are you now?

@HerbaceousPerennial I also really struggled in the first 12 weeks, and I really don't like when people try and guess! It has taken a while for me to be comfortable with people knowing, it's definitely a self preservation tactic. You've just got to get through the first 12 weeks in any way you can ❤️ I threw myself in exercise and learning Spanish - I also told two people, one at work and my sister x

@CluelessInLondon aw bless you what a scare! So glad everything is ok. And I know you know really but you are definitely not the worst mum in the world 😜 When I was pregnant with my first I fell down the stairs and was so scared and beating myself up etc. Main thing is, all is ok!! These things happen to all of us. And from my due date group with my first son we all ended up realising you're not a proper mum until your baby has rolled off the sofa or bed or something 😬😄 Honestly happens to all of us!

Cardiologist is a week today so not too long to wait now... So hoping all is ok and preferably resolved of it's own accord... 🙏🏼

@Wise0wl I can't believe you are already down to 11 weeks left at work - that has flown by, or it seems like it to me anyway! The second half of a pregnancy definitely goes quicker than the first - my mat leave seemed like it was ages away and suddenly I'm going in less than 3 weeks and my baby is actually due this month. 😱

Thank you @HerbaceousPerennial , we did manage to at least enjoy some of our weekend although not quite in the way we had hoped - managed to have a nice dinner and overnight stay as planned so the weekend wasn't a total write-off, just a bit more of it spent in a random hospital than I was expecting! (Although it was a nicer hospital than the one I'm actually booked with - they told me I'm welcome to come back and have my baby there if I want as they've now got all of my details. 😂)
I had the same problem trying to hide my pregnancy from friends early on - I am such a wine drinker that anything social was a problem in the first trimester. I had one evening where I went to the theatre with friends and had to make up some story about how I'd had to drive to the station so I couldn't drink...at least one of them figured it out but thankfully they were very discreet and didn't say anything on the basis that I obviously didn't want to tell people yet. Maybe try flipping it around so it's a bit of a positive - even though your preference would be that they didn't know yet, if they do then it's extra support for you if you need it. We all worry about people knowing 'too early' and wanting to hide it until we feel more confident, but ultimately these are the people that love and care for us and will be there for support whether things go well or badly.

@SnookyPook Thank you for the reassurance! ❤I know logically that there's absolutely no way you can ever stop your child from falling off things/bumping into things, but I do definitely feel the pressure of being the one responsible for growing the baby and keeping it safe now - I'm looking forward to when I can share that load with my husband.
Good luck for the cardiologist next week, fingers crossed it's good news and his little heart has sorted itself out.

Thanks all, this has helped a lot. I’m a bit all over the shop today. One of the people who guessed is my friend who’s also had two miscarriages, then her third worked out and she’s just so optimistic on my behalf, it’s almost unbearable. It’s lovely, but I just can’t cope with it at all. Nobody knows what will happen this time round and people saying they ‘just know’ it will happen sends me into a flat spin. I nod and smile and try not to have a breakdown 😂

@Wise0wl I love a jigsaw, I’ve ordered myself one just now so hopefully that will help. Good plan! I’m still really early, only 5+1 I think. We do have a holiday booked so that will be good, break from the norm.

@CluelessInLondon this is exactly my problem, the minute I’m at a social event and decline a drink I get the eye. In all fairness to my friends I think I sort of wanted them to guess, I didn’t even really try to cover it up, I’ve just freaked myself out when they did. They will be there for me no matter what happens. Glad you managed to enjoy a good bit of the weekend at least, your emergency hospital sounds lovely! Hope you’re knocks are healing up a bit and you’re feeling calmer.

@SnookyPook fingers crossed for next week for you.

Hope everything went as well as it could do today @SnookyPook

Hi ladies, how is everyone doing this week?

I had an absolute panic yesterday that my waters might be going - there's so much going on now that I find it really hard to distinguish between discharge, pee that's leaking because my bladder is under loads of pressure, general sticky sweatiness...worked myself up into a huge worry that my waters were leaking, called triage who told me to monitor on a pad for a couple of hours and then by the time I'd done that it seemed like whatever it was had settled down and it's been fine since. It reminded me of how much I worry about being the person who misses a sign that something is wrong at the very end of my pregnancy - so I both want it to be over and at the same time want baby to stay in there for another two and a half weeks until it's due! On the final stretch at work now too, 7 working days left - not sure I am ever really going to feel ready to stop working and go have a baby though. 😬

@CluelessInLondon what a worry! I’m so glad it seems to have calmed down. When my waters went with DC1 it was a very definite gush and didn’t feel like an accidental wee or just feeling a bit damp. Not sure if that’s any consolation though! And wow, the end of work is so close now. What are your plans post-work and pre-baby?

I’m doing ok, nearing 29 weeks and definitely feeling bigger and starting to struggle to get up off the floor elegantly! But I’m well in myself which I’m grateful for.

@SnookyPook hope everything went ok 🤞

@CluelessInLondon glad it settled down. I don't think I ever felt ready to have my son! It's almost like I didn't quite beleive there was a real baby in there until he was actually here! 7 more days yay!! I hope you have booked in chill time for after you finish!

I am 10 weeks and have my dating scan in 2 weeks. Keep having moments of panic where I think its all going wrong and worry that I'm not having as much sickness etc, but I've had 3 scans already and really can't justify having another before then! Really having to just try and trust that all is OK.

@Wise0wl That does help, thank you - I think I just assumed that it would be really obvious to me if my waters went and then read lots of things about how they can just leak gradually, which made me really paranoid. Everything anxiety-provoking is a bit heightened this week because it's a year today since my miscarriage was confirmed - I'm trying to keep reminding myself how far I've come since then but it's hard not to remember how that felt and still be worried about something going wrong.

I'm taking a week of annual leave after the end of next week before my mat leave officially starts - I'm just planning a relaxed week where I can get any last minute bits sorted and take it really easy, watch some TV, sleep when I want to and all of that stuff. Hoping baby doesn't show up early as I feel like I need that time to decompress from work!

@UrsulaSings123 I think it makes perfect sense to hold on now for your dating scan - I'm not sure that having lots of scans really helps beyond a certain point, I think there's a risk that you end up being totally reliant on them and not able to believe things might be okay unless you keep having them. When I felt tempted to book extra scans in the first half of my pregnancy I kept reminding myself that the money I could have spent on them could be used to get nice things for my eventual baby instead, and that kind of helped to keep me balanced and avoid going scan-crazy!

Thanks to those who messaged and apologies for not replying sooner - not on MN as often these days!

So, we had the cardiology appointment and thankfully it was best case scenario! The hole in his heart appears to have almost completely closed up and has done so without drawing on any heart valves etc so all is looking healthy. To be prudent they want to do one further follow up in 6 months time but cardiology consultant had no concerns. So relieved 🥰

Hope everyone else is doing good! Looking forward to seeing the next baby announcements soon!

@CluelessInLondon I was actually someone whose waters just trickled questionably. If you get that feeling again and keep getting little trickles or fill a pad with watery liquid in a couple of hours just pop in and ask them to check it. They can do a simple swab. They confirmed mine that way. I was a week overdue by that point so also more primed for it to be a likely possibility!

@SnookyPook What brilliant news, I’m so pleased for you! And great they’re double checking everything in 6 months too ❤️

@SnookyPook thats great news! So glad to hear that. Fingers crossed it’s all plain sailing from here.

@CluelessInLondon that sounds a bit scary - glad all turned out well. I didn’t feel ready for my son to be born ever! My waters went from the back which I didn’t even know was a thing and meant I then also had them broken again later in labour. Was Friday your last day? Hope you get some nice chill time before baby arrives, I loved my few days of mat leave before birth.

@UrsulaSings123 the waiting is the pits! Did you find the scans reassuring? I’m not sure I want one until I’m a bit further on, I find them really stressful but equally waiting until my 12 week scan feels like a lot of pressure. How are you doing otherwise? My symptoms do fluctuate but overall I think I have more than my last two pregnancies so trying to hold on to that at the moment, although I know equally it doesn’t necessarily mean all is well!

I’ve been feeling quite nauseous but otherwise think I’m staying fairly calm about everything. Going on holiday soon so that’ll be good although I’m slightly worried about feeling sick on the way there. Hope everyone is doing well

@SnookyPook That's fantastic news, and must be a big weight off your mind.

@HerbaceousPerennial I've got one more week of work left - definitely hoping baby doesn't show up early as I'm really hoping to just enjoy a relaxing week off once I finish!
Glad you are feeling okay and not too anxious at the moment - hopefully the symptoms won't get in the way of being able to enjoy your holiday. Where are you off to?

@Wise0wl How are you doing at the moment? Hope everything is good with you and baby!

@SnookyPook I'm making sure I'm wearing a liner or pad all the time now and keeping an eye on it - definitely not filling anything up and it seems at the moment like mostly discharge and some leaking urine (I literally feel like I need the loo every time I stand up and walk around, now that baby is so low in my pelvis! 😖). Baby is still squirming around and the midwife said it sounded very happy on the Doppler at my appointment yesterday so think all is good for now, thankfully.

I had a chat with the midwife yesterday about when to think about starting sweeps as I've been told baby is big - she wants to bring me back for an extra appointment next week as my blood pressure was just a bit high yesterday, and she said that I can have a sweep next week if I want one! I said I probably don't as I don't really want baby showing up the moment I finish work, but I might go for one at my 40 week appointment if there's no sign of anything happening yet. Would be nice not to go too overdue if possible!

@CluelessInLondon it’s great that they’re being careful, I hope you have a relaxing penultimate week at work and feel like you can relax a bit!

I’m doing fine thanks, movements much stronger now with my anterior placenta, I passed my GTT and had a good 28 week appointment. We built the changing table last night so it finally feels like this baby might actually be joining our family in the next 11 weeks!

Hi ladies

I hope everyone is getting on ok! I was on this thread a while back but ended up having another miscarriage.

I've just found out I'm pregnant again (very mixed emotions from extreme happiness to extreme anxiety and trepidation!) which is very, very welcome.

In my previous pregnancies (all ended in loss) I've had HCG blood tests at about 5 weeks(ish) because of light bleeds and expected ectopic. I haven't had either of those so far this time round but am really keen to know if my HCG is doubling for reassurance.

Where you've had previous losses, have your EPU offered this to you? Or has anyone done it privately?

@Cloudburster90 cautious congratulations to you my lovely - hope this one sticks for you. I asked my GP for a HCG test and then got repeat ones at EPU when the levels seemed low. They kept an eye on them as there was a query regarding the pregnancy being possibly ectopic. I did go on to lose that one. My next (successful) pregnancy, they didn't offer HCG checks although I also didn't ask for them as I just couldn't handle the stress of it. They did offer an early scan at 7wks. I think a lot of these things vary a lot from trust to trust but also sometimes a case of don't ask, don't get. I'd certainly query with them and/or your GP and see what they say. Wishing you all the best! 💕

@Wise0wl That's great to hear that the movements have picked up and all the appointments are going well - I know the worries never quite go away but it's so much nicer when it feels like things are straightforward and going as they should!

@Cloudburster90 Tentative congratulations to you and I hope this a sticky bean for you. I wasn't offered HCG blood tests when I got pregnant again after my loss, but the hospital did offer me an early viability scan at 7 weeks, and were happy to do a reassurance scan at 9 weeks on request as well. I think I personally would have found having bloods done as well as scans quite stressful, but can see why with multiple losses you might want a bit more to monitor how things are going. I'd definitely ask the EPU what support they can offer, and then potentially the GP depending on what they say. Good luck. ❤

Thanks so much @SnookyPook @CluelessInLondon I’m going to give me GP a go and see what they say. I feel like a mini milestone before the first scan will help me cope a bit better with the waiting and all the uncertainty!

It gives me so much comfort to see so many of you either with your babies in your arms or well on your way to it, knowing that it really ia possible 💖