Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@CluelessInLondon congratulations! Been looking forward to hearing your update!! I hope you are both home now and settling in to newborn life!

Hello everyone, just checking in! How is everyone?@CluelessInLondon hope you are settling into newborn life ok.

I had a scan this morning, decided it was best as were meant to be going away just after my 12 week scan. All looking good, healthy foetus with a good heartbeat, 10 weeks which is further on than my last losses. I know it’s no guarantee but it feels like a positive milestone

@HerbaceousPerennial amazing update! Grinning from ear to hear. Hard not to get hopes up but amazing you're further than ever before. Everything crossed. When's your NHS scan?

My 20w scan is on Friday. So hard to keep still and not overstretch / twist too much.
Also full nesting mode so trying to organise the cupboards / lifting when I shouldn't be then panicking for ages. Having so many kicks all the time now, more than ever somehow even with anterior placenta. Not sure if it's because of being non stop this pregnancy 😂 I never moved in lockdown with my daughter

Lovely update! Definitely positive! 💗

@samilicious so reassuring to feel all that movement! And makes the scan less anxious as you know they will find a heartbeat! Hope it goes well ☺️

A lovely update @HerbaceousPerennial and a big milestone! How are you feeling now about your 12 week scan?

20 weeks is also a fantastic milestone and I’m so glad you’ve got some strong movements @samilicious.

Great to see your name too @SnookyPook, how are you getting on?

I’m 32 weeks with lots of movements, and have even done a lot of prep for baby’s arrival! Part of me still worries that something will go wrong in the next 8 weeks, and that I won’t end up with a baby at the end of this, but I wonder if that’s to be expected a bit!

Thanks all. 12 week scan is in a couple of weeks, it’s a Wednesday so I should be 12+4. I’m a bit apprehensive about it already but that really will feel like a big step in the right direction if all goes well. For the first time I feel like it’s possible I’ll get to it and it’ll be ok, both MMC were diagnosed about 11 weeks or so so I’ve not got to one since my son. I don’t feel able to look any further ahead than that at the moment though!

@samilicious can’t believe you’re nearly at 20 weeks! Sounds like you’ve got what my midwife calls a party baby, are you finding the kicks reassuring? I wouldn’t worry too much about lifting etc, apparently the reason you’re not meant to is for your sake not baby’s, as you are more likely to pull something etc. Not saying you shouldn’t be taking care of yourself of course! But no danger to baby.

@Wise0wl I think it natural to worry all the way to the end unfortunately. Hope it’s just a small part though and you are doing ok. Mind you I found it difficult to believe I was going to end up with a baby even after I’d given birth! It just seemed so ludicrous. What prep have you done so far? I’m impressed!

@HerbaceousPerennial I’m so glad you’re feeling slightly more optimistic, and I completely understand the ability to move from one milestone to another rather than looking fully ahead. I have everything crossed for you!

We’ve finally sorted out some of DC’s baby clothes, put together the cot and have bought a few new bits we needed. Creeping ever closer 🤞❤️

@Wise0wl ah 32wks is amazing! Getting so close now! As per one of my recent posts, feeling superstitious/anxious towards the end is definitely something I experienced too but it didn't mean anything (and we had additional health concerns in the mix too!) - I'm sure you and little one will be just fine ❤️

Thanks for asking - we're doing well! 11 weeks old today! Getting lots of lovely smiles and coos now 🥰 Still feeling so lucky - especially given how tough October was last year. Crazy what a difference a year can make. Sending lots of love to you all. Xx

@SnookyPook thank you. It’s always reassuring to not feel alone, especially as when I’ve voiced these worries to a couple of friends they can’t understand it (and very much view this baby as sort of erasing the lost ones, so have a ‘what have you got to worry about?’ Mentality).

11 weeks! Time is flying. Have you thought much about Christmas planning?

@Wise0wl I think it's just incomprehensible for those who haven't been through it. Although you'd hope they could maybe use a bit of imagination to understand!

We were just discussing Christmas yesterday! Need to decide where we'll be first - my family or his. Either way, the others will be Boxing Day. Sammy will only be 5 months so it won't mean an awful lot to him still but will do a stocking 🥰 Think I might get him a toybox with his name on for main pressie and then we'll have somewhere to put other things he's given. Got my eldest a lovely one off Etsy so would be nice to have something similar. Will be so lovely having two of them to do Christmas for 🥰

@SnookyPook the toy box idea is lovely! I’m finding myself thinking ahead as DC1 is very concerned about how Santa will know about the baby so am going to have to cobble a stocking together!

Wow @Wise0wl 32 weeks, I can’t believe how quickly that has gone by! But then I feel like I’ve blinked and 3 months have passed me by! I also felt very superstitious/anxious towards the end, even more so when I went on mat leave and was left alone with my thoughts. I didn’t dare believe I would be coming home with a healthy baby but as Snooky says, I think it’s only natural to feel like that after loss but it definitely doesn’t mean that anything bad is going to happen. I’m sorry your friends aren’t more understanding, some people just don’t get it. When do you finish for mat leave?

I ordered a Christmas stocking for Elodie yesterday, feel super organised but no idea what to put in it 🤣 xx

So lovely to see your name @Bali200 how are you doing? It’s also really reassuring I’m not alone (and am taking limited mat leave pre-baby for the same reason!)

Ideas for baby’s Christmas stocking so far I’ve had are a couple of small bath toys, some of those Velcro wrist rattles, some socks…?! Not very exciting!

The 'That's not my...' books are good too and nice stocking size! Also random things for tummy time like little black and white cards and even a foil blanket like a hiking/hyperthermia prevention one (learnt that one at a sensory class - they love lying on them as shiny and crinkly!)

@HerbaceousPerennial Thanks for checking in - I've been offline for a few days, not deliberately but the days just seem to disappear and I wonder where they've gone! Somehow Maddie is 17 days old already, she's still totally gorgeous although I am less enamored with her when it's 1am and she's cluster feeding and refusing to settle in her crib. 😂 I understand now what people mean when they talk about the baby bubble though - there are some days when I could quite happily just sit on the sofa and snuggle with her, she's the loveliest thing to cuddle up with. Newborn life is definitely tough as well - I've found it hard at times not being able to get out of the house and do things, even just small stuff like going to the shops, and I don't think we're quite there with breastfeeding yet.
So great to see your update about your 10 week scan - I remember feeling really reassured once I got to 9 weeks and things were looking good as I knew the odds were very much in my favour at that point. So I think you can definitely be cautiously optimistic for your 12 week scan. ❤️

@samilicious How did the 20 week scan go?

@Wise0wl Not long to go now! I think it's totally natural to still have worries at the end - they don't go away, they're just different. But every day you manage the worry is another day closer to having that lovely little baby in your arms.

Can't believe everyone is doing their Christmas planning already! @Wise0wl How lovely that DC1 is worried about Santa knowing about the baby, that's so cute! We are planning to tell people not to get much for Maddie at Christmas because she'll be so little and won't have a clue what's going on, but I'm not sure that her adoring grandparents and auntie are going to pay any attention!

@CluelessInLondon 17 days! I’m so glad you’re enjoying (most of) the newborn bubble. For DC1’s first Christmas we asked for things that were for further down the line - so toys for when they’re more engaged with their surroundings and sitting up etc, or weaning bits. Helps satisfy the buying urge from GPs…!

I’m finding my shifting perspective a bit weird. On paper I’m 99% I’m done after this baby, 110% done when I think about the last year and the potential for being back in that situation again. But as this pregnancy is nearing its end, I keep wondering if this will be my last experience of pregnancy and how weird it feels when the end felt so impossible to reach not that long ago.

Hi all, 12 week scan milestone is DONE, all is looking good and I am feeling so relieved. Feels like a really important step, like I’m just a normal pregnant woman now with no additional risks over and above the standard ones. I’m hoping this lovely feeling lasts 🤞

@CluelessInLondon hope things are feeling a bit better. If it’s any comfort I found the newborn stage very difficult, DS was a few weeks before he’d sleep longer than about 20 minutes in a crib and I found breastfeeding tricky too. But it does get dramatically easier quite quickly, I promise. Especially once things fall into place with feeding. It sounds like you are doing a fab job, much better than I was at the same stage! The newborn cuddles are amazing, enjoy 🥰

@HerbaceousPerennial so so so happy for you - could jump up and down! How are your symptoms?

Huge congratulations @HerbaceousPerennial! What a brilliant milestone to reach! How are you feeling? And how are you doing @samilicious?

@CluelessInLondon I hope you’re settling in ok. The first few weeks are so tough ❤️

@HerbaceousPerennial yay! Lovely news! Congrats on leaving that nerve-filled 1st trimester behind!! 🎉

Thanks @samilicious @Wise0wl @SnookyPook. Don’t feel totally out of the woods yet but hopefully can go down to a normal level of worry now! I’m feeling much better, I had pretty bad nausea and fatigue from about 6 weeks which improved around 10 weeks. Definitely worse than any of my other pregnancies, even my first with my son. Now more tired than usual but a lot more manageable, odd episode of sickness or nausea but nothing like it was at all. Tummy’s pretty big already though!

How are you guys all getting on?

@HerbaceousPerennial that's great news 🥳🥳 x

@HerbaceousPerennial I’m so pleased for you, it definitely felt like I was inching closer in the early stages but the second and third trimesters have flown/are flying by now. I’m coming up to 35 weeks, very tired but it’s starting to feel very real now!

@HerbaceousPerennial all good here thanks lovely! Samuel is over 3 months old now! Can't believe it! We're getting adorable smiles and coos and he's interacting more with the world around him. 🥰 It's very poignant this month as it would have been the 1st birthday of our first loss and it's also the anniversary of our 3rd loss... Can't believe how much has happened in a year. So very lucky to be marking those milestones with a healthy baby in my arms. And amazing how healing having a baby has been. Those losses were so all consuming last year and now they've faded away into my history. Not forgotten but no longer the weight they were. Samuel was the one who was meant to be here and here he is 🥰

So glad to hear everyone is getting on well. Congratulations on little maddie @CluelessInLondon! What a beautiful name!

I am 17 weeks now and time is flying by. Struggling with low iron and tiredness and writing this from bed, but just seeing it as training for the sleep deprivation that will be coming my way 😂