Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

Hey guys, just wanted to check in and see how you're all doing? I'm still here rooting for you all and our wee babies.

@CluelessInLondon I was thinking of you in particular today as it's been a year since we were in hospital. What a journey!

So lovely to see your name pop up @Bugdem123! I’m doing ok thanks, 30 weeks, definitely bigger and feeling the impact of it. But I feel very lucky to be where I am (sore back, sleeplessness and all!) how are you doing?

@Bugdem123 Lovely to hear from you, how are you getting on? It does feel like a lot has happened in that year since we both had our losses. I'm not sure I'm even really going to feel as if I've come out of the other side of it until this baby is actually here. I'm 6 days from my due date now and I said to my husband the other night that when we found out I was pregnant again at the end of January I genuinely couldn't imagine how it would feel to get to this point - I just didn't believe I was going to make it out of the first trimester. The whole journey over the last year and a bit since I found out I was pregnant the first time has been like nothing else I've ever experienced.

Has anybody else had any experience of sweeps in previous pregnancies? I'm thinking about having one at my 40 week appointment on Friday if there's no sign of labour before then, as I'd really like to not go massively overdue and it seems like a pretty low risk way of trying to get things going.

Hi @Bugdem123, good to hear from you! How are you feeling?

@CluelessInLondon I can’t believe you’re so close now! Gives me hope, I’m still very much in the ‘can’t believe I’ll get to a baby’ stage. I’ve not had a sweep but was planning on having them if I got to 40 weeks for the reasons you’ve stated, DS was slightly early. Lots of walking and cuddling on the sofa seemed to do the trick for me.

@Wise0wl glad you are doing ok, notwithstanding aches and pains and sleeplessness. I hate the insomnia, it feels such a cruel trick.

I’m doing ok, trying to keep my nerve, I’m 8 weeks which is when I lost the last one although I didn’t know for another few weeks. My nausea is a lot better the last couple of days which is freaking me out, but I still have a lot of other symptoms I didn’t have the last two pregnancies so trying to focus on that. Midwife next week.

@CluelessInLondon I had two with my first DC, my understanding is that if your body is nearly ready it will help you get things started so I was willing to give everything a go (dates raspberry leaf tea, clary sage in bubble bath, and a heck of a lot of bouncing on my ball…) good luck! How are you doing now you’ve finished work?

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you! It’s so hard to hold your nerve and make it to each milestone. I found the first trimester dragged but from the second time sped up considerably. Will you have an early scan between now and your dating scan?

@Wise0wl think I’ll have to as my NHS scan is 2 days before we travel for my dad’s 70th birthday so if it’s bad the timing will not be great! But I really don’t want a private one, I only trust the EPU. I’m going to speak to my midwife and the unit and if they won’t scan me I’ll have to go private, I’ll be about ten weeks by then so hopefully if it’s good I won’t need to worry, last time we saw a heartbeat and things still went wrong. I think overall I’m managing to stay fairly calm though! Getting to the stage where there’s a bit more support thank goodness

Oh wow, what an occasion to coincide with @HerbaceousPerennial! Totally understand your reasons for not wanting a private scan for an early scan. I can’t remember where you are in the country but there are some good more medical places who are slightly better positioned for tricky situations like pregnancy after loss, which could be an option if EPU can’t help maybe. I don’t think I’ll ever truly accept this pregnancy has worked out until I’m holding my baby (I even feel weird saying that and worry I’ve jinxed something) but small milestones helped. Getting past the point of my two MMCs, 12 week scan, 20 week scan, feeling movements, viability at 24 weeks. Little steps x

@Wise0wl I feel exactly the same! 28 +2 today and even though the aches and pains, insomnia and anxiety are ALOT, I still feel so overwhelmingly grateful. Although I do need to remind myself of that at 4am when I've just got comfy and need to pee again 😂.

@CluelessInLondon I can't believe you're so close now. I don't know how it feels for you but it feels like it's went so quickly! I totally relate to it not feeling real. Sometimes I feel like it's never going to have a happy ending and other times I let myself get a bit excited and imagine what it'll be like when he's here.

@HerbaceousPerennial you're in the hardest bit for sure. Hopefully the EPU can reassure you and give you the early scan. I've ended up having 5 private reassurance scans and I honestly don't know if they helped or not - i think I maybe became a bit reliant on them!

I'm doing well. I passed my GTT and had another reassurance scan at 27 weeks and he was measuring approx 2lbs 7oz. We were able to get a sneak peak at the 4D scan and saw his face and it's just made him seem so real - he looks like a real baby!

I've found the anniversary of our loss quite hard. Simultaneously feeling so so grateful and excited to be where I am today and so sad about the baby we lost has kind of pickled my brain a little bit.

I'm finding tracking his movements quite stressful. I have an anterior placenta and sometimes I can hardly feel him and it just feels like a lot of pressure for me to try and discern some sort of change of movements as he doesn't really have a pattern. I'm terrified I miss something and it feels like a lot of responsibility although I suppose maybe it's good practice for motherhood! I'm on the count down to mat leave now, only 8 weeks to go and I'm so looking forward to stopping.

Did any of you do ante natal classes? We've just signed up to the NHS ones but wondering if we should sign up to one of the paid ones instead?

@Bugdem123 That is so lovely you’ve had a reassurance scan and sneak peek! I also was relieved to pass my GTT, and feel like having an anterior placenta has been a bit cruel post-loss. It’s worth saying that for me I hit 29 weeks and movements have become much more noticeable and regular (my bump feels much bigger so I assume she had a growth spurt…)

I’m not doing antenatal classes as it’s my second, but might do a few of the free online refreshers (I can send you a link if you want?) I had a great antenatal group with my first though! Do you know any people due around the same time as you locally?

@HerbaceousPerennial @Wise0wl Thanks for the thoughts on sweeps - I am definitely hoping that my body is already starting to get ready, baby's head has been engaged for a while and I can tell that it's sitting really low from the pressure in my pelvis so I'm hoping it knows it needs to come out before too long! I've heard they can be a bit uncomfortable but I figure everything is a bit uncomfortable by this point!

@Wise0wl I'm doing okay, glad to be done with work and having a bit of downtime before baby comes along. Definitely feeling quite heavy and uncomfortable and struggling a bit with sleeping because of needing the loo so much and just generally getting uncomfortable if I lie in one position for too long, but at least now I've finished work I can nap during the day if I need to.

@HerbaceousPerennial I hope the EPU will see you for an early scan - I think you said you'll be under the same midwife as previously? So hopefully as she knows your history she can get you an appointment. 10 weeks would be a good time to have a scan if you can - if things are looking good then you know the odds are really with you this time.

@Bugdem123 So pleased to hear that everything is going well for you, can't believe you are already 28 weeks! I know what you mean about the anniversary of the loss being quite conflicting - I particularly felt like that when we got to my original due date in April. It's weird because you know that when this baby arrives you won't be able to imagine that they could ever have been anyone else, but you don't stop thinking about the lost baby. Pretty sure I've said it before on this thread, but I like to think that my lost baby is somehow a part of this one, and that this one could never have existed without the lost baby.
I found that the movements got a lot easier to track around 30 weeks - I have an anterior placenta as well so things were quite inconsistent from the first movements until the third trimester and then seemed to ramp up a lot and got easier to keep an eye on. Baby has never really had a clear pattern though, and things have changed over the course of this trimester - I used to get more movement in the morning and now I find it takes a little while for movements to get going in the mornings (baby must like a lie-in!) and then I get more activity later in the day. Try not to worry too much, although I know that's hard - movements are just another thing to worry about!
Re: antenatal classes, we did Bump & Baby Club - we thought it might lend itself to giving us a bit more of a social experience than the ones run by the hospital. We looked at NCT as well but B&B was in a more convenient location and quite a lot cheaper. Three of the ten babies in our group have arrived so far, so everyone is waiting to see who's next!

Sorry I've been MIA guys - since starting work full time I've found life a bit crazy. But 16w now and just found out we're having a boy! Polly going to be a big sister. Had a feeling he was a boy and got our name picked already, but still taking some getting used to. The last pregnancy was most likely a girl due to disability being a lot more common in girls so only ever expected to be a girl mum! Also got an anterior placenta which sucks a bit as I'm really struggling to bond with the baby after previous experiences but hoping time will help

@HerbaceousPerennial hold your nerve, you can do this! I had new symptoms this time and all has been well so far. I was the same after a horrible private scan before my TFMR but we found a great Care Quality Comission Outstanding clinic that was 100x more thorough than the nhs and much more reassuring. It was Window To The Womb, not sure if there's any near you

@Wise0wl exciting about the changing table!

@CluelessInLondon sorry if it's a bit late now but for me the best thing was a one page birth plan - I struggled to communicate at points but that really helped keep different staff keeping the birth environment perfect for me (dark, calm, quiet). Also flip flops for shower and extra long phone charging cable! Smoothies and some kind of soup or something for long term energy I could drink as I really struggled to eat anything. Nice smelly things and fake candles. Put everything in labelled sandwich bags for ease of finding stuff. Glad your OGTT was normal and sorry about your fall! I got swept more than the shiniest chimney in town. Didn't do much apart from the first one but no regrets

@SnookyPook amazing news about the heart appointment! It must be all the love he's getting ♥️

@HopefulH how was your screening? I couldn't have a screening because I'd already had a NIPT, they said it was counterproductive because if the screening came back high chance, they'd just do a NIPT anyway. Hope it all went ok!

@Bellebg welcome and hope you're doing ok! Great scan update

@Cloudburster90 congrats! Hope things are going well so far

@Bugdem123 sorry you've been struggling with the loss anniversary. I feel everything so much more since being pregnancy again in a different way. Like I'm closer to remembering what it was like. I did a Mindful Birth and Beyond course online and really loved it. I had to pay and think it's gone up a bit but definitely changed my birth and first weeks completely

@UrsulaSings123 time is ticking on slowly but surely! so happy things are going ok. I thought it would get easier the closer I got to my nhs scan but I just felt worried in a different way. My nausea completely stopped but a week later, full on vomiting on random days started instead.
So you never know 😂 I've been sick about 5 times in the last month, about the same amount as my entire adult life before now

@CluelessInLondon and your own pillow! Like normal pillow not pregnancy pillow. Hospital ones are made of plasticy filling, get really hot and not comfy. I had my own with a high thread count pillow case and essential oils sprayed on it and it was the best for helping me come back to a chill state 😎 I was so chilled I left the bloody thing at the hospital

Hi All! Just checking in! Lovely to see how you're all getting on! @CluelessInLondon eek so close now! I had a sweep with my first born at 40+4. My waters went at 40+6 but didn't go into full labour so had to go in to be induced at 41wks. I asked for another sweep ahead of the formal induction and things kicked off immediately after. Son was born really early hours of 41+1. Given I was already overdue it's hard to know how much was down to the sweeps but I was glad to avoid the induction at least. Don't remember finding them painful.

Those of you early in your journeys - hang on in there. As others have said, time seemed to speed up loads from 2nd trimester so hold your nerves and hopefully these early milestones pass as quickly and painlessly as possible 🙏🏼

Those further on, I had all the same worries and superstitious feelings about getting little man here safely and not quite daring to believe it etc. That fear from the previous losses did unfortunately heighten anxieties all the way up until him being in my arms but at least I can reassure you that the superstitious feelings don't have to 'mean' anything. I was also so stressed and paranoid about movements through the third trimester (and I had a lovely posterior placenta so no excuse really) - was never confident in a clear pattern and was always questioning if I was feeling enough, if the movements I felt were strong enough etc. Convinced myself on at least two occasions that the worst had happened.

I am still SO grateful to be here with my gorgeous little boy 🥰 And that gratefulness has definitely kicked in at times on the difficult nights with multiple wakes etc! In the midst of the exhaustion etc I just think back to last year and how the grieving me would have given anything to be up in the night with a newborn to comfort. I've had a couple of weird moments realising we'd be coming up to my MMC baby's 1st birthday and knowing Samuel wouldn't be here now if that had worked out. Occasionally I see little girls and wonder if the lost ones were girls. But ultimately of course there was never a girl or an upcoming 1st birthday because those pregnancies were never viable. And also, as you would imagine, I just can't imagine not having my little Samuel. Now that he's here, it had to be him 🥰 It was always going to be him. And he's the perfect little man to join our family. 💗

@samilicious How exciting to know you've got a little boy on the way - and you'll have one of each. 🥰 Thanks for the hospital prep tips - think I've got most of those things sorted, and my husband came with me to the midwife appointment where we did my birth plan which was really useful as it means he knows he needs to be able to speak for me if I can't do it myself. Kept the birth plan fairly light on detail though, as I know flexibility is going to be key! I was super-organised for packing my hospital bag and got a load of packing cubes so I could keep things together for during labour, afterwards etc. then once everything was in the cubes we discovered they wouldn't fit into the suitcase and had to unpack them all! 😂 My husband is confident he knows where everything is though...

@SnookyPook Your posts are always so lovely and reassuring! You've brought tears to my eyes in conversations about losses, the fear and stress of trying again, and the nerves and anticipation of a new pregnancy - just wanted to say thanks for that, I feel like you've been on the journey with me right from the start. ❤️

@CluelessInLondon aw how lovely. Happy to be part of it all! I've gained so much from all of you ladies too. It really helped me get through the pregnancy! Sending big hugs as you get yourself over that finish line and onto new adventures! 🥰💗

@SnookyPook what a lovely post! Thank you. I’ve been having a lot of ‘superstitious’ feelings, worrying that by thinking about things going wrong I’ll somehow make it happen. Rationally I know that’s rubbish and you can’t think yourself into a miscarriage but you articulated my fears really well and it helps to see the end point.

@samilicious so good to hear from you! That’s so exciting, I’ve loved having a boy, I’m sure you will too. How is your MIL doing? How’s the job? Thank you, I keep telling myself I can and I will handle this, helps that I’ve got the midwife next week. I think I’ll feel much better if/when I get past 11 weeks, that’s when I’ve started spotting before. Helpful to know your nausea went and then returned, that was freaking me out although I’ve been bad again today. So weird to be pleased I feel shit 😂

@Bugdem123 I’m sorry you’re struggling with your previous loss. I’m coming up to mine in a couple of weeks and it does bring up a flurry of emotions. Similarly empathise with the worry about movements, I struggled with that with my son because I felt very responsible. If it’s any comfort he never settled into a regular pattern at all and all was well. Very much reflected the sort of baby he was actually! I spent a lot of time eating ice or dancing. We did NCT classes as well as NHS ones - for me the NHS ones were actually useful for information but NCT was where I met my amazing mum friends. I still see 2 of them once a week and they are some of the people who have got me through TTC number 2 and definitely through early motherhood. I love them and I honestly think I’d have had post natal depression without them. But it depends so much on who you get in your group.

@CluelessInLondon yes same midwife again! I know if there’s any way she can get me an early scan on the NHS she’ll do it. But if not, I’ll get a private one booked, I’ve got a couple of options and I’ll just have to bite the bullet I think. One is opposite my work which is not ideal though!

Hi ladies, just wanted to give you my big update - I am officially a mum! Went into labour at 3.30am yesterday and my beautiful little girl Madeline was born at 4.25 this morning. Birth went largely according to plan in the pool, although I did have a second degree tear so have quite a few stitches and am feeling pretty sore. I don't mind saying it was the worst physical experience of my entire life, but she is totally gorgeous so already feels worth it (but I don't understand why anyone puts themselves through it multiple times 😂).

@CluelessInLondon the best update!!!
Congratulations and welcome to the world Madeline! What a beautiful name ♥️

@CluelessInLondon what a brilliant update!! Well done you, and welcome Madeleine 🥰 I love her name. Rest up, I keep thinking it’s been such a long journey to get to these cuddles x

@CluelessInLondon ah this is wonderful news 🥰🥰 congratulations!! Xx

@CluelessInLondon many many congratulations! Wonderful news and Madeline is a beautiful name. Glad things went broadly to plan and hope everything heals up quickly, take care of yourself and be very gentle with yourself both physically and emotionally.

PS I said the same after my son… I retain an academic memory of how painful it was but it’s amazing how quickly you forget the reality!

Oh wow, huge congratulations @CluelessInLondon! Welcome to the world baby Madeline 💖🌈 hope you are both doing well and enjoying the cuddles.

Hope everyone else is doing well 💗

Thank you everyone for the lovely messages and wishes. ❤️ We are doing well other than still being stuck in hospital when I really want to go home! My heart rate has been too high pretty much since giving birth, which they think might be down to an infection but aren't sure about - so I've ended up doing the full tour of the maternity unit from the birth centre, onto labour ward for fluids and antibiotics and now the postnatal ward in the hope of being discharged this morning! The care has been first rate though, I've seen about a million midwives and doctors by now but they have all been fantastic and I've been very well looked after. Madeline is sleeping very well so far and didn't wake me at all last night, but we'll see how long that lasts. 😂

@CluelessInLondon oh my!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰 WELCOME BABY MADELINE!!! 🌈🥰💗 So happy to hear this update! Hope they sort you out soon so you can get home and start settling in to your new life as a Mummy! Also, don't want to burst your bubble but I'm sure they do something to make them sleep at hospital! Samuel was great the week we were in and then... 🤔👀😆 Honestly so worth it all though. Enjoy all the baby snuggles 🥰