Pregnancy after loss support

[Hopingrae]

Hi ladies, I've recently found out I'm pregnant again after 2 losses in a row. I'm very lucky to have a DS and I had another MC before I had him. So 3 losses in total. I'm only 4+4, but got faint positive 11 days ago at 9dpo and it feels like I've been pregnant for aaaages but time is moving so slowly. We've booked an early scan when I'll be 8 weeks exactly so waiting it out until then, and hoping nothing happens in between. I wondered if anyone else is in a similar position and wanted to share this early journey with me. I've decided not to tell anyone this time round, a lot of my close friends are dealing with newborns or their own ivf journeys and I don't want to add any load to anyone. But it feels like a huge load to me so would love to share with someone!

@Mamaxo how are you doing? Hope you aren't in too much pain x

@moosey89 my hcg levels are 16,000 so they don't think it's ectopic, because I haven't had any bleeding they've sent me home and early pregnancy unit will contact me in the next few days for a scan. I do have two slipped disc in my back so I'm not sure if the pain could be that 🙃

@moosey89 @Mamaxo sorry you've been struggling. That's encouraging they don't think ectopic. Hope the EPU get back to you quickly and can put you a bit more at ease. Slipped disks are meant to be a gone so I wouldn't be surprised if that's it, or if pregnancy is impacting that in some way. Hope you're feeling better soon.

@moosey89 hope you're doing ok. Are you still planning to hold out until Weds for the scan? It's so hard isn't it when every day feels like a week!!

How is everyone else doing? ❤️

@SnookyPook still hanging in! 8w+5 now. Trying not to freak out when my symptoms lessen for a couple of days, they have come back. Just so tired and the 12 week scan feels like months away.
How are you?

@Mamaxo I really hope your scan comes back with good news!

@SnookyPook I think so...so far it's not got worse and a 7 week scan would give a much better idea of how things are going...it's so hard when times moves so slowly! 💚

@Anxious30Something ah bless you I remember that feeling. The first trimester drags and drags. I'm actually 26wks today! Can't believe it. It's definitely feeling much more real now and the anxiety has eased a lot - although I did get in a bit of a panic about movements the other day but thankfully all fine. I must say, this second trimester has seemed to whizz by for the most part. I can't believe I'm almost up to the third now. Hopefully those of you who are still earlier on will soon be able to say similar. 💗

I met a woman at a party the other day and found out she'd just had a MC. I felt really guilty about being there with my bump. Has anyone else found they've felt more self-conscious about being visibly pregnant this time round? I feel so conscious of how painful it was to be around pregnant women after my losses and now I'm one of those pregnant women and I almost feel at times like I need to go around apologising... Very weird. It's also given me a kind of hindsight though of wondering how many of those women I found difficult to see had maybe been through painful histories themselves, or were cherishing a bump they thought they'd never get. Perspective I guess. 🙃

@SnookyPook please don't feel bad about your bump, you've been through a lot to get to where you are now. After my miscarriage, I promised myself I wouldn't feel negatively towards birth/pregnancy announcements and so far it's working. I'm genuinely happy for others and wouldn't want anyone else to feel awkward. Granted my loss was only at 7 weeks and nowhere near as traumatic as others. However, if I do get to the stage of having a bump/announcing a pregnancy, I somehow feel like I should be letting others know about my miscarriage so they wouldn't just assume it was easy for me, incase others were going through a hard time. It's a very fine line I think but just enjoy your pregnancy and know you've earned this.

I have a scan in the morning, nervous is a understatement x

amazing news about your nipt results @Hopingrae

@SnookyPook I know how you feel. I’m 15 weeks but showing a bit already but feel self conscious and depending on who I’m seeing will determine how I will dress. I usually wear oversized clothes anyways but some friends I’ve felt very conscious of looking visibly pregnant in front of them but I also think I’m not going to be able to do that forever as can imagine I’m going to get quite big with two in there 😅
I definitely believe you should enjoy every second though, like you said I’m sure each person that it was painful for me to see had their own pregnancy journey, worries and fears! Sometimes, when I was in a better headspace after the MC, it made me think if it’s happening for them then hopefully will happen to me too and here we are!

Good luck for your scan @Mamaxo
got everything crossed for good news! Xx

Just want to rant about my EPU.

When they confirmed my miscarriage in April, the midwife was lovely, couldn't complain about the care I received. She explicitly told me when I'm pregnant again they will give me a reassurance scan at 8 weeks. I said "oh really? As I've read online most people say they are only offered this after 2 or 3 miscarriages?" And she said "no, we offer them after 1. Although I can't guarantee that won't change in the future". My partner was there too and understood the conversation the same as me, that next pregnancy we will be offered a scan at 8 weeks.

So I've called them today and the girl on the phone said it was offered after 2. I challenged it and explained the conversation, named the midwife by name. She put me on hold and came back and said no, I would only be eligible after 2 losses. She said it was because they are so busy, which I understand. But I don't understand why I was told I could get one. I asked when the guidelines changed and she said last year.

So frustrated with that. (Doesn't help I've had a really stressful morning at work too) 😓

I guess I'll book in for a private scan but won't do that until closer to the time as I booked one a few weeks in advance last time and had to cancel it and lost the 50% deposit.

So I'm panicking a bit this morning.

Had a rubbish night with reflux, so I might be being over emotional.

I've woke up with the most awful, constant cramp in my lower pelvis 😭 it's not gas as I've passed some and made no difference. It's starting to get to the point where I'm having to sit and bend over as I've not got waves of it being a bit more intense.

Just want to curl up in bed but impossible with kids running around.

I remember having intense cramps (and pressure but I don't have that yet) with my missed late miscarriage. Had them about a week before we found out she had slipped away unnoticed.

Too tired for this anxiety today. Also had horrible dreams and flash backs of my miscarriage last night and it's playing on my mind too.

@OnNaturesCourse sorry to hear that - what a worry for you. I had 3 MC dreams during my first trimester and was convinced each time it was my body alerting me to another loss. It wasn't. I guess it was me working through the trauma a bit and the fears associated with the new pregnancy. Hopefully this is all it is for you too. It's also possible that your current pains are psychosomatic - if you were dreaming that all night, perhaps your body was reliving it too. It's horrible though isn't it. Can you give your EPU a ring? Sorry, I can't remember if you're due any scans anytime soon? Sending a hug. Xx

Had a scan at the epu today I'm 7w 2days nice strong heartbeat so hoping everything keeps going right xx

@Mamaxo that's great news! Fingers crossed it's like that all the way xx

@OnNaturesCourse I've had a similar thing over the last week with spotting - had similar spotting both times before my MMCs. I'm trying to remind myself correlation doesn't mean causation - the spotting may have been unrelated to the loss. It helps to try and just take the symptom for what it is in that moment, and not connect it back to the past trauma xx

@Mamaxo oh that’s fantastic news!!! I’m so happy for you ☺️ I slipped a disc when I was younger and it is extremely painful! Hopefully that will get better quickly, I wonder if you can see an osteopath to help it? Not sure if they will when you’re pregnant.
@moosey89 have you had your scan yet? Fingers crossed for you 🤞
@Anxious30Something i know how you feel, from 8 weeks my symptoms have been coming and going a bit which freaked me out last week but I’m getting used to it now. The midwife reassured me that’s normal as the placenta starts to take over. I had a scan The other day because I was so worried but all is ok.
@OnNaturesCourse how are you feeling? I really hope you’re ok x

That’s great news @Mamaxo!

@Zlcb one week today! I should be exactly 7 weeks then. Staying hopeful!

It still blows my mind that there are people in this world who have multiple pregnancies and babies with no issues or losses, and that they will never even realise just how lucky they are.

@moosey89 ah sorry I thought it was today, I hope this next week goes quickly for you!
omg I know what you mean. If one more person (that’s never had a mc) tells me “that’s such a good sign!” When I say how sick I’m feeling I’m going to scream! Well it’s not always a good sign as with my first pregnancy I was very sick and had a mmc. I know it’s not their fault and they’re trying to make me feel better but it’s frustrating as I know how cruel my body was still making me sick even though it had died.
Those people are so very lucky 💕

Thank you all so much, I'm still anxious but trying to take it day by day for now, hope everyone's good xx

@Mamaxo great news! 🙏🏼

@moosey89 love what you say about not connecting symptoms to past trauma. Often easier said than done but so true. And yes, it really is mind blowing how often it all goes right for people when you think how complex it all is. Hope the next week passes quickly for you as you await scan.

@Zlcb glad all seems to be progressing well 🙏🏼

@OnNaturesCourse hope you're ok lovely. 💕

Hey.
Sorry, reading and running.
I'm okay. Cramps eased around mid day but they are back worse tonight. I'm also so poorly with this reflux and indigestion discomfort.
I was going to call EPU but I had no babysitter, or transport so would be pointless call.
I'm just keeping my fingers crossed all is well.

@SnookyPook I have to constantly remind myself of it, but it is helping a bit!x

@OnNaturesCourse hope you're ok - so stressful when things don't feel right. Do you have any scans booked in?x

I'm so sorry I went completely awal from this thread. I was really struggling with anxiety and some unhealthy obsessive type behaviours so just needed to completely go cold turkey on all social media for a while. So pleased to see so many lovely women supporting each other and so sorry to those of you suffering losses, it's utterly heartbreaking.

i'm sorry I can't go back to when I was last on and catch up as there has been so many posts on here. I had my 12 week scan today, I thought I was almost 13 weeks but it turns out I'm actually almost 14 weeks. I was so extremely anxious about the scan but baby seemed to be looking ok and there was a nice strong heartbeat, I burst into tears as soon as I saw, the last scan I had (when I'd miscarried) the baby was so lifeless its burned into my mind and I was so convinced we would see that again. I think I'm still in shock as I've spent the last 12 weeks not allowing myself to believe I'm pregnant well that the pregnancy will progress really.

I definitely don't feel ready to share the news yet although my husband is desperate to!!

hope it's ok be popping back on to post despite having a break

My next scan is in June when I'll be around 12 weeks. But I am seeking to change this as it falls the day before a big family event and I don't want any bad news right before... I'm hoping to move it forward from 15th to about 12th.