3rd degree tear recovery stories

[Mumofonexo]

Hi All,

9 weeks ago I gave birth to my little one. I ended up with a forceps delivery and a 3b tear.

For weeks I suffered with urgency when needing a bm but this has now significantly reduced and some days it’s now non existent.

I’ve started physical therapy but I’m just wondering if there’s anything else I can do to help myself?

I’ve read some horror stories online that basically indicates I will end up bowel incontinent because of this injury when I reach menopause age? I’d love to hear from people older than me (31) who are ok 😞

I feel so broken in my body and mind by what’s happened.

Congratulations on your new baby!

I had a 3rd degree tear with my son, who is now 16.
I’m 42 and have no bowel or bladder control issues, if that’s any help. I’m also (possibly) pre menopausal.

The emotional aspect of it it is not to be dismissed though. I think it’s hard for some people (who haven’t experienced it) to understand.
Everything happens so fast, and you’re given so much information and ‘worse case’ scenarios, and then the surgery... it’s a lot.

Easier said than done, but I’d advise to not think about the future too much, just concentrate on taking care of yourself in the now. It’s such early days and the fact that you’re doing better with your bm already is surely a great sign.

Hi,

Thank you so much for responding and I’m glad you are well! I was told the repair surgery they do only lasts 10 years so the fact you’ve had 16 is amazing and obviously not correct. I’ve had it stuck in my head I’ve only got 10 years before I’ll be wearing a nappy ☹️

I’ve been really struggling with what’s happened and I’m now needing therapy because I’m so emotionally distressed.

No one talks about what can go wrong with a “natural birth”

I had the same fears too.
The first night on the ward I was just trumping away with absolutely no way of stopping them, and I genuinely thought that that would be my life, just a permanently farting woman! 😬

It’s a scary time, and I think you have to be given the very worst case situation, but please try not to worry too much. I hope the therapy helps.

I had a 3rd degree tear 40 years ago and haven’t had any issues with my bowels, even though I still remember how I felt emotionally at the time. I’ve also had two more natural births since, no tears with the second and a 2nd degree tear with the third. Congratulations on your little baby and enjoy your new member of your family.

@Notthecarwashagain the same thing happened to me 😂🙈spent weeks passing gas’s unable to stop it! Thank you so much, yes I’ve been given all the worst case scenarios and automatically presumed I will end up like that.

@CheshireCat1 wow that’s amazing! Do you do pelvic floor exercises or do anything to help? Thank you 💗 I feel so saddened by the fact he will now be an only child as I can’t go through this again mentally or physically.

@Mumofonexo
I had absolutely decided after having my first, because of the trauma, that I wouldn’t have any more and went on to have 2 more, who’d have thought. I didn’t do pelvic floor exercises straight away as I was just being gentle with myself as I felt quite mutilated at the time, but I did eventually start to do them and still do now, stood at the bus stop, cooking, walking etc. Do what’s comfortable with you and just be nice to yourself, it’s early days yet.

Forgot to add that delivering my second one was fantastic as I felt totally in control.

I had a 3B tear in 2020. I have no lasting damage from it thankfully. Full recovery was maybe by four months? Congrats on your baby!

Also, what on earth... you were told it only lasts ten years? Why would it? 🤔 No one said anything like that to me at all. I was just told to keep strengthening the muscles with those squeezy exercises (which I don't do and maybe I should cos I'm 10 weeks pregnant with our second now... 😅)

Also, also, I'm really sorry it's affected you so badly. Have you had a birth debrief from the hospital? I've heard they can really help with processing birth associated trauma ❤

not sure if anyone post menopause has replied and I don’t want to scare you as I didn’t have a tear during my delivery 12 years ago, I had an episiotomy but.. I wanted to let you know that after going through the menopause.. I had a uterine prolapse (was mild prior to menopause) and rectocele. I had surgery a year ago to address both issues. What I’m saying is that.. ime menopause definitely caused a worsening of what we’re previously mild asymptomatic issues..

I had very bad 2nd degree (not quite 3rd) have healed absolutely fine. No issues. But, came here more to comment on your feelings with regard to feeling so traumatised about your first that you won't be able to have another. I completely get this and felt much the same after my first. Horrible prolonged experience which resulted in a stuck baby (tears) and complicated emergency c section to try and remove her. I felt very much the same. After 5 years we had a second. Natural birth, no issues and interventions. Can honestly say it was (almost) enjoyable and undid much of the trauma from the first. Give yourself time and seek help and support
Xx

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your reply’s it’s lovely to hear some reassuring stories from you all. I think I’ve been scared silly being told I could end up with life long problems from this and I’ve taken that as gospel when so many of you are actually ok and it hasn’t happened.

I had a 3b tear too and took a year to recover. I wasn't offered surgery as I was borderline okay. I was just advised not to have another natural birth because if there is further damage it could cause issues post-menopause. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

The physio should give you exercises to continually strengthen your pelvic floor. I'm sorry your birth was so physically traumatic, I'm definitely over it 2.5 years later but physically it was a lot! I am suffering from incontinence now I'm pregnant again so I have physio booked in x

@LeopardLover oh gosh I’m sorry it took you so long to recover. Do you mind me asking what it was you didn’t recover from for a year? Was it the tear that didn’t heal or the muscle?

sorry for being personal I just want to know what to look out for.

also congratulations on the pregnancy I hope you have a less traumatic delivery this time.

@Mumofonexo Thank you!

Sorry for the confusion, the tear healed and my stitching was top notch! But my pelvic floor was seriously damaged. By the year mark it was mostly just struggling to control wind, previously it was urine incontinence, and also bowel incontinence in the early months!

@LeopardLover oh gosh bless you that sounds like it was a very difficult year for you. I wish this was spoken about more x

I had a third degree tear after DS1 19 years ago - I’m now 51. I had a repair and have no issues at all. I’m menopausal 🙂

I think I’m just saying what other people have said now, but I had a 3b tear in 2019 age 31, recovered no problem and had another natural delivery last year. The midwives were extra attentive to make sure I didn’t tear again and I had an episiotomy, but the tear hasn’t affected anything (ok, I can’t comfortably do star jumps, but that’s not the end of the world!)

Never heard that it can cause issues in menopause so that’s interesting…. I think it’s just important to keep working at those pelvic floor muscles whether you tear or not!

@TheOnlyAletheia wow that’s brilliant news 😊 thank you for the positive story.

@Cloud311 I’m pleased to hear your doing well and had no problems. If you have a look on the masic website/Instagram there’s lots of information on there about 3rd/4th degree tears x

@CheshireCat1 I forgot to ask was your tear at an angle or straight down? I do wonder if it’s the position of the tear that helps minimise incontinence problems x

@Mumofonexo They showed me a diagram of mine at one of my checkups following the surgery but I can't remember now. I think it tore on the same line as the episiotomy which was diagonal.

I’m 39 and had shoulder dystocia resulting in forceps and a 3rd degree tear. It was painful, more so than my Caesarian for my second baby, but after the initial few months it has been absolutely fine. I have experienced no problems whatsoever since then :)

Hi,

I had a 3a tear with my first kid 6 years ago. It took a long time to fully recover. I’d say 18 months. Then I felt better enough to try for second kid, who came along 3 years ago. 2nd degree tear with him and he was 9lbs 7. Healed ok but if I don’t do my exercises I feel a big (negative) difference, so am religious about them and about not getting constipated. Slightly worried now about how menopause will affect things reading PPs posts.

biggest thing I would say is do your pelvic floor exercises, and accept that sadly they are for life! try not to lift anything too heavy. And def don’t let yourself get constipated, have some lactulose or something at the ready.

@TheBirdintheCave that’s interesting to know! I think I might ask for that at my checkup 😊

@Malarandras i feel like we’ve had a vaginal c section 🙈 I’m so pleased you’ve been ok though. I’m just scared silly about having to wear a nappy because I can’t hold my poop in later on in life.

@Bigoldmachine i don’t think they fully prepare you for how long the recovery is. I’ve been doing the exercises daily but that’s good advice about lifting heavy things.
It’s seems some women are not affected by the menopause and others are. I don’t know if it’s just pot luck or the position of the tear/ keeping up pelvic floor exercise.