3rd degree tear recovery stories

[Mumofonexo]

Hi All,

9 weeks ago I gave birth to my little one. I ended up with a forceps delivery and a 3b tear.

For weeks I suffered with urgency when needing a bm but this has now significantly reduced and some days it’s now non existent.

I’ve started physical therapy but I’m just wondering if there’s anything else I can do to help myself?

I’ve read some horror stories online that basically indicates I will end up bowel incontinent because of this injury when I reach menopause age? I’d love to hear from people older than me (31) who are ok 😞

I feel so broken in my body and mind by what’s happened.

@Pallisers I would feel the same too! They should be struck off.

I should of had a c section as well 😞 I don’t think my body was designed to birth babies.

Thank you 💗 love hearing all the positive stories.

@HunterBidensBurnerPhone

what makes you feel like the repairs not holding so well?

I feel exactly the same! No one talks about this stuff and the midwife’s just kept saying your body is designed for birth ect when I said I was scared and was considering a c section! Personally I think they hide allot from pregnant women and don’t fully disclose things that could potentially go wrong.

Well without being too TMI, sometimes I need to put fingers in my vagina and support the back wall when I go to the loo. I had to do this before the surgery, then after the surgery it was perfect for years, but I'm noticing in the last year or so I sometimes have to 'help' again. This is typical of a rectocele though, so if you haven't got one you likely wont experience this.

I think people have this misplaced idea that scary birth stories might freak out mums to be, so they just lie and say it'll all be fine - it's what women have been doing for hundreds of thousands of years, etc. But also, women used to die in childbirth all the time because it is so fucking hard to do. I would've died if they hadn't have taken me into theatre. I would have preferred more honesty about it. But my NCT group leader just talked about aromatherapy and breathing and how important breastfeeding was. I feel a bit mugged off actually.

In my case it was so obvious from about eight months into my pregnancy that DC was going to be huge and I would struggle to give birth. But they let me go ahead and suffer it all anyway. I remember when I first got to the labour suite, the midwife made a comment about me maybe ending up needing an emergency c section. If she could see it then, why didn't they just go ahead and do it? Why did they let me go through two days of labour and then butcher me right at the end? Looking back it seems so needless. I'd love to understand the thought process but I guess I'll never know now.

It's the psychological aspect that's the worst. Cosmetically everything looks fine. It still works almost perfectly. But ten years on, I'm so embarrassed and self conscious of down there. If DH and I ever split up, I don't think I'd ever be brave enough to let another man get that close.

@Mumofonexo to be honest no…i never felt like I had time to in the early days and now it’s virtually never.

I have, however booked in for a c section in a few weeks.

I wish I’d really understood the risks of forceps etc before, I would have accepted the c section they’d offered me a few hours earlier.

Even now, the midwife is offering me patronising pearls of wisdom “I’ve never seen anyone tear on the sand place twice” and “we will support you either way, how can we reassure you?”…but I feel way more confident to stand my ground this time.

@TolkiensFallow I feel exactly the same no one warned me about forceps! The doctor just told me I’d have minor grazing 🥴

Good for you! Don’t let them bully you out of the c section! I feel like they do it on purpose because they can’t be bothered with us and would rather cause more long term damage to women 😞x

@HunterBidensBurnerPhone completely agree with you 😢 they made out that a C-section was the worst thing you could do when actually it’s not.

I feel exactly the same, you feel mutilated down there x

I had EMCS first baby and pelvic floor was pretty wrecked from that, then a normal
birth with 3B tear. Pelvic floor Not great, but no issues in the bum/poo department. I’m pregnant with my 3rd now, planning a normal birth again. Had endoanal scan which is standard at my trust and no defects or signs there ever was a 3rd degree tear so grateful to the doctor who sutured me.

recovery wise my stitches took about 14weeks to completely dissolve but generally after the first week was feeling better all the time. Lots of baths with tea tree oil, airing it out and it was okay

@Mummyme87

Wow that’s amazing news 💗 I honestly thought once you’d torn that was it and it never goes back together 😞 you’ve given me some hope!

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

@Mumofonexo no, it can definitely heal. I’m a labour ward midwife and have seen my fair share of women having 3rd degree tears and coming back with no symptoms or issues at all.

my pelvic floor was already damaged after my first pregnancy and CS. Our bodies don’t half take a battering.

hopefully you’ll continue to make a good recovery

I had a difficult birth and third degree tear with DD as she was huge! I healed up pretty well though and was able to have DS naturally three years later (tiny tear that time).

I’m 49 and DD’s 18. I don’t suffer any serious effects from it, I did do my kegels and I’d say that although my bladder control probably isn’t as good as it would be if I hadn’t had a difficult birth, it’s fine. I may say differently in 20 years! No bowel issues though.

I had a 3rd degree tear 11 years ago. I felt broken after the birth and, like you, terrified myself reading horror stories online. It affected my physically and psychologically. I was also told, within hours of giving birth, that any future babies I had would need to be delivered by c-section. Fast forward 11 years, 2 more vaginal births later (both straightforward births with minimal tearing) and I am absolutely fine. I think I’m probably better off than many women to be fair - I’m fine jumping on trampolines, running, laughing hysterically, sneezing. Absolutely no issues whatsoever!!! Your body will take some time to recover but recover it will. Chances are you will be absolutely fine x

I had a 3b tear with my first 8 years ago, it was so stressful and frightening. I had the anal test people describe and also saw a women’s health physio. I was sewn up a little tightly to be honest, and the physio helped, I needed to use dilators to get back into having sex which was also stressful. With my second I had a grade 2 tear which is a completely different ballgame, then with my 3rd early last year I don’t think there was so much as a graze. I do still use pelvic support shorts for running (evb brand, bloody amazing) but that’s partly a failure to do regular pelvic floor exercises, I don’t wear them for anything else including body pump classes.

@Mummyme87 I thought I was knackered for life 🥴especially reading all the horror stories I assumed I’m going to be wearing a nappy by the age of 50. I guess no one really talks about having a bad tear if they don’t have any issues it’s only the ones with problems that talk about it. Thank you 💗

@HamBone wow I’m so pleased you’ve been ok 😊 amazing news.

@QuarkBlisterbum honestly it’s so emotionally and mentally draining having a bad tear isn’t it. I’ve cried every day since it happened, I feel so sorry for my husband because I’m just a sobbing mess. Thank you so much and I’m glad everything has been ok for you x

@Notthecarwashagain the trumping!! Oh my gosh you’ve taken me back and really made me laugh. I was TERRIFIED that I’d just be farting my way through life, thought id have to give up my job. I laugh about it now but I was desperately worried and genuinely really traumatised at the time.

OP honestly, you’re in the thick of it now and memories are fresh but your body is amazing and it will heal. I also had no warning of a poo for a while, luckily this passed after a few months and certainly by the time I was back at work (feared I would shit myself in front of my colleagues!!). I also remember when I went for a wee it was like if just fell out of me in one uncontrollable gush. I remember walking around tesco thinking my insides were going to fall out. And then the added insult of having to scooch across the bed to get the baby out of the Moses basket to feed and then scooch back on my poor broken bits. Plus the agony of trying to breastfeed which also only got easier for me from about week 10!

Childbirth can be shocking and traumatic and the rush of getting taken to surgery afterwards whilst being bombarded with a load of information is incredibly overwhelming. Go easy on yourself, rest up and let your body heal.

@QuarkBlisterbum thank you so much 💗 it’s honestly not the Disney movie people make it out to be!

i just want to say thank you to everyone that’s posted a positive comment! I’ve spent the past 9 weeks crying and feeling absolutely terrified of what awaits me in the future because I’ve read so many horror stories 😞 I guess no one really posts the positive ones!

I had a 4th degree tear 22 years ago and had a small 2nd degree tear two years later. I am 58 now and have no bowel or bladder problems.
it did take time to get over that first delivery. I remember crying every time I went to the loo for weeks and being told not to hobble when I walked. I hated the farts from the Lactulose they gave me. They smelt so bad, I remember sobbing and saying to DH ‘I’ll never be able to go back to work’.
I remember thinking that I had read so many books about pregnancy and about childbirth and about babies, but none about recovery from birth.
As I starting feeling better, I just really focussed on the baby. It will take time to recover from the birth, but you will.

I had a 3rd degree tear with my 1st, 30 years ago. Had 2 more DC since. I'm now nearly 50, the other side of perimenopause and no bowel or bladder problems.

@WaystarRoy I can’t even imagine how painful a 4th must be 😞 the Lactulose made me trump constantly too! Honestly no one prepares you for the aftermath of childbirth. Thank you 💗

I had a 3b tear nearly 5 years ago now and have another birth under my belt in that time too and I don't think I've any issues at all from it anymore! But I know what you mean, any medical professional I spoke to before my 2nd birth basically asked me in hushed tones if I was fecally incontinent. No I am not thank you very much!

@imSatanhonest I’m so happy to hear your all ok! 😊

@TheSnailAndTheWaaaail did you recover well? Honestly that’s what I’m scared off. I’d rather pee myself as that’s easier to deal with, you can’t hide the smell of poop 🥴

I had this, and like a PP need to splint when I poo. I was told by my physio that surgery for the mild rectocele I have is not an option since it uses gauze, which is problematic, and not used by the NHS anymore. I had this advice about four years ago. I have slight bladder incontinence if I run a long way, but can manage this by going on shorter runs, 5k, and by wearing a tampon and "giggle knickers" so can still exercise. I have never, luckily, suffered bowel incontinence. I remember that feeling of farting after giving birth, and not being able to control it. It was horrendous.

To be honest, the splinting, using my fingers to support internally when doing a poo, is normal now. I'd be interested to learn about what surgery is available, and what it involves. Especially now that I think I could manage 6 weeks post surgery without heavy lifting.

The rectocele repair surgery I had didn't use a gauze. She just stitched my connective tissue back together. She did tell me afterwards that I didn't have very much connective tissue to work with but that that was probably just down to bad genetic luck.

TBH I still don't really know what connective tissue is! But she did a great job with what little of it I had.

I went private, which may have made a difference to the type of operation I had? I used to get health insurance with my previous job so I had the surgery while on mat leave.

@Mumofonexo Yeah I've recovered fine. It did take a good year or so I'd say. I used to feel a dull throbbing pain down there if I walked too far, and sex was uncomfortable for several months although not acutely painful.

Honestly no issues now. I had a section with my second and that was a walk in the park in terms of recovery!

@TheSnailAndTheWaaaail honestly I feel like people make out c sections are the worst thing ever when in fact they are far from it. I’m glad your all ok now though x