3rd degree tear recovery stories

[Mumofonexo]

Hi All,

9 weeks ago I gave birth to my little one. I ended up with a forceps delivery and a 3b tear.

For weeks I suffered with urgency when needing a bm but this has now significantly reduced and some days it’s now non existent.

I’ve started physical therapy but I’m just wondering if there’s anything else I can do to help myself?

I’ve read some horror stories online that basically indicates I will end up bowel incontinent because of this injury when I reach menopause age? I’d love to hear from people older than me (31) who are ok 😞

I feel so broken in my body and mind by what’s happened.

@BronnauMawrion I like the sound of the lavender oil in the bath that sounds very relaxing! So pleased to hear you’ve been ok. And thank you x

@YesshesaidyesiwillYes
Oh that’s brilliant news 😊 thank you so much 💗 I will be carrying on doing the exercises as good measure x

I’d forgotten the lavender oil in the bath…. I did that for months and months afterwards.

@WaystarRoy i definitely need to get some it sounds very relaxing 😌 just what you need after a hard day being a mum

Tbh it was long time ago when had my daughter and 3b tear ..they didn't give me any exercises or anything...just ice packs 🤣. My area is ok

@Loubelle70 I’m not sure if it’s only in the last 5 years they started offering physical therapy to women with a grade 3/4 tear. I’m a little dubious as to if it does anything or not but we will see 😊

Also did anyone experience a heavy/bruised feeling in the general bum area for a few months afterwards? That’s the best way I can describe it.

Also I’m actually amazed how many women this has happened to and it’s not generally spoken about and how natural births are still heavily pushed on women when maybe c sections should be more commonly offered to prevent bad tears.

@Mumofonexo Mine happened because my tiny 6lb 9oz son came out at a funny angle which couldn't be predicted unfortunately :(

And yes I remember that heavy feeling certainly for the first eight weeks.

@TheBirdintheCave I hope he buys you a nice present when he’s older lol! I never really thought you could tear so badly.. I feel like I should have been more prepared rather than focusing on hypnobirthing 😞

Ahh I hope it goes away I feel like I’ve got weights hanging out my bum 🙈

It’s really important for your recovery! C sections have their place, but they aren’t just better by any means. Also, prolapses etc do happen to pregnant women with or without a natural birth, the weakening etc happens from the pregnancy not just the birth. And they are also very common in menopause whether you’ve had a baby or not which frankly sucks, both in itself and in the fact that nobody knows that.

@Codlingmoths i think I’m just feeling cynical and deflated at the moment. But I have taken the exercises seriously as I don’t want to end up with issues. And no I didn’t know that, again I don’t think it’s something that’s talked about enough x

Another story here !

I had second degree tear wound and traumatised me as it just wouldn’t heal.

At 20 weeks pp and my internal stitches have not yet healed. I got a gynaecologist appointment after 12 weeks of asking my gp and having loads of antibiotics. They thought it was an infection. ObGyn appointment told me to soak in salt water. Since I started doing that I was bleeding a lot again and also with a lot of pelvic pain. I didn't know what to do. It was affecting my mental health. All these doctors didn't know why was i bleeding so much when I was not even on my period.

I was asked for internal scan but I couldn't go through it as the scanner hurt me.

After 10 months PP I finally got a surgeon appointment and he refused to do stitches again. He in fact scolded me for going to GP and not coming back to maternity ward. I said I was checked off and cleared at my 6 week appointment. Honestly I was just been treated as a ping pong ball.

I had to go through silver nitrate treatment and steroid injections over 6 months and it took 1 year and 4 months from birth for me to fully heal. In that period I could not sit, stand , do much physical activity. As a result I put on a lot of weight. Understandably no DTD with DH as down there was in shambles. It took us 17 months after my DS was born to get things going again.

Amongst all my mental health suffered the most. It wasn't just baby blues anymore. It was a f-ing nightmare tbh.

@icanlovemebetter oh jeez that sounds awful bless you ☹️ No one talks about all the crap we have to deal with afterwards and it’s not always straightforward for everyone x

Also I forgot to ask how long did it take to stop aching down there ☹️

It feels heavy/ pressure sensation when I'm on my period. It's not a pain anymore since my last steroid injection. It hurts a bit when DTD. But I'm told it's normal.

Do you still get that feeling even after the injection? Gosh I hope this isn’t permanent 🙃

Hi Op, I had a 3b tear 4 years ago with my son, he decided to do the superman pose as he delivered! You are in the thick of it at the moment, I can remember at the 6 month mark feeling I’d turned a corner regarding the full dragging feeling when I was walking. I did have a few issues with my pelvic muscles after which was fixed really quickly with a stim device (highly recommend if you have prolapse symptoms) I can honestly say my pelvic floor is better than it’s ever been, I now run 3 times a week, can use a trampoline etc without being scared my insides are falling out! Things I’ve found that helped;
making sure you prevent constipation
keeping my weight down
holding my pelvic floor in if I have a cold and I’m coughing a lot
not lifting anything heavy in the early days

please try and not let this ruin the early days of your baby, I feel like I spent so much time worrying about it I missed out on a lot xx

@Toothspots oh my 🙈 they do know how to make an entrance don’t they!
Thank you so much I’m glad your ok now 💗 I feel like I’ve spent so much time worrying and sometimes avoiding him because somehow I felt this this was his fault (obviously it’s not but I’ve been so upset and hormonal) I really underestimated how long the recovery would be and should probably stop being so harsh on myself that I’m not better yet xx

I had a 3b tear after forceps and an episiotomy in June last year. I felt like no one understood why I was 'making a fuss' and struggling so much, it's just not understood and I was SO embarrassed. I struggled with my mental health and would randomly burst into tears about it. I was petrified to return to work at 8-9months as I only had minutes warning.

I'm not great at keeping up with my pelvic floor exercises, but have found a women's physio who does pilates and teaches how to breathe properly to protect your muscles. Makes a BIG difference.

I'm now 17 months PP and the dragging sensation is very rare (only if I get constipated or have really bad wind), I can hold a poo for a while (although I don't as it's not good for you!!) and I've just found out I'm pregnant again. (Sex has been great despite my initial fears, hence the new arrival! Also, it's good exercise for your pelvic floor!!)

I think someone else has mentioned them, but stimulation devices can also really help. I got one via the NHS and then bought my own from kegel8. Can't use it while pregnant but will use it as soon as DC is born.

Honestly, it does seem scary at first and time feels like it's going so slow with recovery, but you're not alone and there are things you can do to improve it. Xx

Should also add... I was absolutely fine when I went back to work, I work in an office. I just need to make sure I'm not sat in the same position or standing for too long, movement is my friend!

Also, although I probably will go with a CS, a vaginal birth is still my preferred option if I feel strong enough by the end of the pregnancy.

Good to hear of menopausal women not struggling (although the risk is obviously still there) too, as that has been one of my worries. Another grateful individual here, thanks everyone for sharing.

@MrsTrue i can completely sympathies with no one understanding how you feel and “making a fuss” 😞

I was completely oblivious to how badly you could tear during birth and the side affects that could come with that.

I think I will ask about the stimulation device when I see the physio! Anything that helps is worth a shot.

I too am worried about returning to work after this and just praying I can hold on for longer than a few minutes before I need the loo!

I'm so pleased to hear you recovered well and congratulations on your pregnancy 😌 wishing you a smooth delivery whatever route you choose to go down 💗

I’m just really fed up that I’m not healed yet and have a gap in my tear that doesn’t seem to want to close ☹️ This saga just feels never ending xx

Healing really is such a slow process, it can be really frustrating and not linear either, but honestly it really is such early days.

I'd say just keep asking for help with the gap, gynecology referred me to the continence clinic before I was told the machine would help. There may be more options for you too, but I know they often don't operate until you're done having kids. If you're in the UK going through the NHS it may be a bit of pong pong to get to the right person, but keep saying things aren't right and they can't ignore you. 💕

@MrsTrue I’m just very inpatient 🙈 I didn’t realise how slow the recovery would be and j guess I need to be more realistic and think it’s going to take a good few months to feel ok again.

Thank you for the advice though I will keep pushing if nothing gets done! Isn’t it fun being a woman… And yes I’m done with kids now lol this has been a once in a lifetime experience never to be repeated 🥴 xx

Also forgot to ask if anyone is menopausal are you on HRT? I wonder if that helps keep symptoms at bay?

@Mumofonexo I had a third degree tear with my first 18 months ago which was also really traumatising for me, especially the surgery afterwards for so many various reasons. I had counselling and cbt afterwards but they were only of limited help, I think really I needed someone who specialises in birth injuries counselling but that's only available privately. I worked hard with a pelvic floor physio but unfortunately the sessions ended early as she went on long term sick leave and there was no replacement. I'm now pregnant with my second and my pelvic floor has definitely got worse again. I'm also terrified of having a bad tear again this time.