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Original poster

3rd degree tear recovery stories

153 replies

Mumofonexo · 18/10/2023 09:18

Hi All,

9 weeks ago I gave birth to my little one. I ended up with a forceps delivery and a 3b tear.

For weeks I suffered with urgency when needing a bm but this has now significantly reduced and some days it’s now non existent.

I’ve started physical therapy but I’m just wondering if there’s anything else I can do to help myself?

I’ve read some horror stories online that basically indicates I will end up bowel incontinent because of this injury when I reach menopause age? I’d love to hear from people older than me (31) who are ok 😞

I feel so broken in my body and mind by what’s happened.

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LeopardLover · 02/11/2023 09:53

@gentlemum so sorry to hear about your story 😔 Have you told your midwife about your pelvic floor issues now pregnant? Mine referred me quite quickly! And you will have a consultant appointment to discuss birth options (mine is booked in). X

gentlemum · 02/11/2023 19:08

@LeopardLover not yet, at my last midwife appointment it wasn't really an issue and now I'm not seeing them until 25 weeks but will discuss it then. I had my consultant appointment this week.. it was awful and pointless! Only ten minutes long and he said just discuss with your midwife! When I asked more questions he was very patronising saying well I've got two options, c section or vaginal birth, so just choose. I'll talk to my midwife about this and how unhappy I was. I hope your consultant appointment is a lot more useful x

LeopardLover · 02/11/2023 19:40

@gentlemum Definitely ask your midwife for physio and I'm SO sorry to hear about your useless consultant appointment. I hope you can give feedback? Mine isn't until December so I'll report back 🙈x

Original poster
Mumofonexo · 02/11/2023 21:09

@gentlemum

I’m sorry to hear you went through it too ☹️ I don’t think people fully understand how traumatic it is unless they’ve experienced it themselves. That’s rubbish they didn’t have a replacement for the physio for you!
Do you know if yours was a 3 a b or c? I was told having a 3b under no circumstances to have another “natural birth” it would have to be a c section. In hindsight I would of never had a natural birth in the first place had I not been so naive to what can go wrong.. I really wish I’d educated myself more before putting myself through the trauma 😣

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 02/11/2023 21:21

@LeopardLover how are you getting on with your physio? Xx

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gentlemum · 02/11/2023 22:00

@Mumofonexo mine was a 3a, along with a paraurethral tear as well so my surgery was quite long and complicated along with a bad reaction to the spinal and also the fentanyl so very traumatic for me. I completely agree about others not realising the trauma. And well meaning family were saying to me all that matters is you have a healthy baby.. but why don't I matter too!?
That's helpful it's so clear cut for you to go for a c section for subsequent births. You can't blame yourself for going for a natural birth, third and fourth degree tears are rare so you wouldn't expect it to happen. I certainly didn't, and had no risk factors. But part of the reason mine occurred was my midwife's fault which was hard to deal with 😞

gentlemum · 02/11/2023 22:01

@LeopardLover thank you, I'll definitely talk to my midwife about physio! I'll have to look into whether I can feedback, but I'm going to feedback at least to my midwife and then ask for another consultant appointment, with a different consultant!
Good luck with yours, definitely report back! X

TheBirdintheCave · 02/11/2023 22:06

Mumofonexo · 02/11/2023 21:09

@gentlemum

I’m sorry to hear you went through it too ☹️ I don’t think people fully understand how traumatic it is unless they’ve experienced it themselves. That’s rubbish they didn’t have a replacement for the physio for you!
Do you know if yours was a 3 a b or c? I was told having a 3b under no circumstances to have another “natural birth” it would have to be a c section. In hindsight I would of never had a natural birth in the first place had I not been so naive to what can go wrong.. I really wish I’d educated myself more before putting myself through the trauma 😣

It depends on how you heal as far as I know. I'm a 3b and was told the choice is up to me. I've been 'signed off' to have a natural birth if I want one.

Mummyme87 · 03/11/2023 08:05

Yes I had a 3B with my second born (first was a CS), and literally yesterday was signed off as absolutely fine to go for another vaginal birth this time. My endoanal scan was all good, no defects. My pelvic floor has taken a battering yes but that happened after my first pregnancy and CS.

Mummyme87 · 03/11/2023 08:10

@gentlemum sorry you feel it was someone’s fault you had a 3rd degree tear but it really isn’t a persons fault. A baby can fly out at the speed of sound and not have any perineal trauma. The evidence is limited on how much a HVP can do to reduce the risk.

women don’t realise, being a FTM is a risk factor, as is being induced… it’s rarely included in a discussion

LeopardLover · 03/11/2023 08:23

@gentlemum Thank you! I hope the next consultant is much better.

@Mumofonexo @TheBirdintheCave @Mummyme87 I think I'm also fine to pick, but my original physio and a quirky doctor who was studying the impact of bowels after serious tearing, suggested I don't. Without explicitly saying it (probably because they can't/shouldn't?). These discussions were a long time ago though.

Re my physio, surprisingly I got 5/5. She was really impressed 🙈 she said it was just the pressure of being sick that caused all the wee! So I have to do the exercises more religiously. But I was grateful to be checked and to get tips (although apparently my technique is good...probably all the physio after #1!).

gentlemum · 03/11/2023 09:50

@Mummyme87 please don't dismiss someone else's experience when you don't know the full story which I don't feel I need to post a long and complicated story on here. I only said part of it was the midwife's fault, and it was. That was admitted by the lead midwife in my birth debrief and acknowledged by letter in response to my complaint. It was also acknowledged by a lead consultant gynaecologist in a follow up appointment. Yes I may still have had a third degree tear with a different midwife, but I'll never know and her actions did in part lead to the tear occurring.

Original poster
Mumofonexo · 04/11/2023 09:08

@Mummyme87 @TheBirdintheCave

I wonder if it depends where you live what information you get told about future pregnancy’s. When I was getting stitched back together they told me to go straight for a c section next time? Also I’ve recently seen a colorectal doctor who told me to have a c section and not even risk it 🥴

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 04/11/2023 09:15

@gentlemum

Sounds like you had a rough time of it too 😢
sorry to hear you got those comments from family that’s really unfair and not supportive. Unless you’ve experienced a bad tear you have no room to comment in my eyes.

Its really hard isn’t it, i keep replying the birth over and over again in my head wishing I’d made better choices or been more informed 😞

this all still feels like a horrible nightmare x

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LeopardLover · 04/11/2023 09:22

@Mumofonexo It sounds like you had a good amount of damage 😔 I had some too (I need to go back to my notes) but borderline operation - so they decided against it! The only stitching I had was for my episiotomy.

I think a relaxed c section will be wonderful next time! Almost everyone I know had a great experience. X

gentlemum · 04/11/2023 09:41

@Mumofonexo the replaying it in your head is awful isn't it 😔 you're still so early on in your recovery and I definitely couldn't stop thinking about it at all in the early days and weeks. I'd say I only started feeling a bit better after a year. Have you heard of the birth trauma association? I had some emails back and forth with a peer supporter which was helpful and they've got lots of information for support on their website x

Original poster
Mumofonexo · 04/11/2023 21:38

@LeopardLover
Yes thanks to forceps! 😞 awful things, I can see why some countries have banned them.
Really? Yes I was stitched up in theatre it was awful. I think c sections get a bad rep. I was so scared about having one when in hindsight that would of been the better option x

@gentlemum

It’s definitely going to take a long time to recover physically and mentally from this. Is it just me or did you feel like it put a dampener on the bond between you and your baby? No I’ve not heard of that but that sounds like a good idea thank you x

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gentlemum · 04/11/2023 21:51

@Mumofonexo luckily it didn't for me personally even though I was worried it would as I wasn't able to hold him until he was 7 hours old due to my spinal anaesthetic going wrong and then had a tough recovery. But it's totally understandable that it does affect the bond and I think loads of people do experience this. You'll get there, with everything. It does get easier with time x

LeopardLover · 04/11/2023 22:45

@Mumofonexo I think maybe I got lucky because I had a spinal? Just in case the episiotomy and forceps didn't work, so they stitched me up there and then! I don't remember feeling my stitched at all, I guess I was bleeding a lot and the midwives took care of me 🤔

Me too! I wish I knew what would happen, would've happily picked one!

You are still such early days, I remember feeling like I'd been in a car crash X

Blinkingbonkers · 04/11/2023 23:17

Sorry, late to this and I haven’t read the full thread. My full 3rd degree (after a previous 2nd degree plus episiotomy 2years earlier) was 14 years ago and I’m not in any way incontinent😅!! Mental trauma was pretty bad for me, but physically it took less time to recover. And your dc certainly can have a sibling - I had dc3 and made it absolutely clear with the hospital that only a c section would do, I did my research and presented them with stats & facts plus nhs directives. …but I know that seems a long way off now😂!!!! You will be ok, you will recover.

RuthW · 04/11/2023 23:19

I'm 55 and post meno.

I had a third degree tear in 1997. It took 6 months before I was pain free and back to normal.

I do have slight problems with my bowels but nothing serious

Blinkingbonkers · 04/11/2023 23:27

Oh, just seen you’re chatting theatre experience. I was so traumatised I couldn’t stop weeping. The anaesthetist was incredibly kind and stayed with me not just throughout theatre but came with me to the HDU ward with a box of tissues and gave me some much needed reassurance. I have low blood pressure and set off every alarm every time I tried to calm down - they couldn’t decide whether to turn off the alarms or give me some sort of adrenaline injection…

Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/11/2023 10:56

@Blinkingbonkers glad to hear you recovered well 😊do you mind me asking how old you are?
it’s such a big thing to deal with mentally isn’t it.

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Original poster
Mumofonexo · 05/11/2023 11:00

@RuthW

Sorry for asking, Is it more urgency when you need to go? The things I’ve read online have scared me to death. Basically things like I’ll end up with a stoma bag or in nappy’s 😞

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Jellycats4life · 05/11/2023 11:02

3b tear here.

Aftercare wasn’t great. I saw a specialist gynae who checked healing of the sphincter with ultrasound at around the 12 week mark. Saw another member of his team at around the 6 month mark who berated me for being too afraid to have sex. “Your poor husband!” (And that was a woman too!)

I demanded a c section for baby #2 (when the trauma had lessened and I figured having a second child was a now or never thing) despite pressure from the obstetrician that it wouldn’t happen again, or they could do an episiotomy. Fuck that.

I do have bowel issues but they are lifelong and predated the injury. I have to take softeners and sometimes if I take too much there is urgency and that’s difficult to hold in IYSWIM.

Edit: just want to send love to every woman experiencing PTSD symptoms in the aftermath. I did too. The postnatal ward was hellish with awful care and it took me a very, very long time to recover mentally.