3rd degree tear recovery stories

[Mumofonexo]

Hi All,

9 weeks ago I gave birth to my little one. I ended up with a forceps delivery and a 3b tear.

For weeks I suffered with urgency when needing a bm but this has now significantly reduced and some days it’s now non existent.

I’ve started physical therapy but I’m just wondering if there’s anything else I can do to help myself?

I’ve read some horror stories online that basically indicates I will end up bowel incontinent because of this injury when I reach menopause age? I’d love to hear from people older than me (31) who are ok 😞

I feel so broken in my body and mind by what’s happened.

Oh you poor thing. I had the same seven years ago with my first and I really had post-traumatic stress from it. I felt similar to you and felt like I'd bee. In a car crash down there. I hope things settle down for you.

Two things really helped me. :

1. I had tests and scans on my anal muscles about a year afterwards and my squeeze and everything was normal. It's a bit embarrassing and uncomfortable but I was delighted all was well.
2. I had an elective section with my second child three years later. I was lucky that this was a controlled and happy birth which did wonders in helping me heal.

I do need to get better at doing my pelvic floor exercises but I try to not dwell on the menopause and will cross that bridge when I come to it.

@YearsofYears yes I completely get the car crash feeling. Part of my wound is still open too 😞

Did you have an ultrasound too? Did the hospital automatically arrange the tests for you?
I think that would help calm my anxiety if I knew I had healed ok.

Im pleased that you had a lovely birth experience the 2nd time x

I think I had to gently push for the scan, it was at a neighbouring trust. I hope it heals soon and that you get good ongoing care.

@YearsofYears yes I’m definitely going to push for one if I need more surgery I’d rather just get it over with now and thank you x

We are all different, aren't we. I hadn't have any issues after my repair surgery, which was carried out immediately after delivering my first dc. I went on to have a second child with no intervention and minimal tearing. 18 years later, no issues to report, apart from having to cross my legs when sneezing, but that's normal for a woman my age!

@Tempnamechng thats amazing! It’s nice to hear some positive story’s 😊 do you mind me asking how old you are?

Congratulations on the birth of your little one !! 💗
I suffered with a fourth degree tear with my little girl who is 2 next month. Granted I’m sure effects of a 4th is much worse than a 3rd.
it’s a long journey, I know I asked a similar question on here two years ago and the responses put the frighteners on me. Just take it slow and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Me and husband didn’t dtd for almost the two years as I was quite mentally affected me. Ironically now pregnant with my second!
I am fine with wees but unfortunately quite incontent with the other end. I put that down to stopping going to my appointments though and not keeping up with my pelvic floor excersises. As much as I hate doing them, that’s probably the best thing in making a good recovery.
im sure you will be able to make a full recovery. If you ever need a listening ear I’m happy to help ☺️ Best of luck to you, you’ll be fine xx

@Clm22 gosh I’m so sorry did you also have forceps? I wish there was a way to replace the muscle that gets damaged ☹️ Have you been offered any treatment for the incontinence?

Im finding it hard to be positive at the moment but that will hopefully come with time and therapy.

Thank you 💗 Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope everything goes smoothly for you xx

@Mumofonexo I had all the tests! Including a dildo cam and a balloon inflated inside me 🙈 feels weird but all were fine and no big deal after childbirth. As I said previously, they showed I was borderline okay so I didn't have surgery.

Also, I can't remember when I DTD after birth (maybe 4 months?) but everything felt totally normal which was a relief for me!

You've made good progress so far, you've totally got this 💪🏻

Congratulations! For me, sore and constipated for a few months (though iron tablets didn’t help this) and then an odd feeling in sex that my vagina was way over to the right and a quite prominent scar, it’s actually healed really quickly and really well. It doesn’t feel the same as pre birth but it’s causing me no issues!

Oh thank goodness it wasn't just me! I felt the same, constantly flatulent and no control. Thought it was the end of tbf world at that point

@LeopardLover have they said anything about if you have issues in the future what they would do? Honestly once you’ve had a baby you don’t care anymore do you 😂

Haha I can’t think of anything worse right now than dtd as I feel like this has really knocked my confidence 😞 but good on you for getting back in the saddle lol!

Thank you so much 💗 my husband keeps telling me off for being so hard on myself. I will eventually come to terms with things it’s just still very raw right now.

@Werewolfnotswearwolf oh the dreaded iron tablets! Completely get that they bung you up so bad don’t they. Did you get told to take them with orange juice? That’s what I was told to do while pregnant. I’m glad your lady bits are ok! I have heard from others regardless if you tear it feels different after birth

Hi OP. I didn't end have a 3rd degree tear, but I did have really bad urgency to open bowels but also had constipation at the same time, bizarrely. Sorry for TMI, it was essentially like a freight train driving itself through my back passage each time I needed the loo, which caused a fissure that re opened each time I had a bowel movement. The pain was worse than labour. However there was no real reason for the urgency, however it stopped by about 7/8 weeks postnatal. Keep going with your pelvic floor exercises.

@USaYwHatNow I do wonder if it’s the hormones causing the urgency. I will be doing them for life now x

As I understand it the orange juice with iron tablets is to help your body absorb the iron, in my experience didn’t prevent constipation in any way

@Bigoldmachine do you mind me asking how long ago it happened to you and how old you are x

26 years ago I had a forceps delivery (and she missed the contraction and the forceps sat in my vagina till the next one), a 4th degree tear, a PPH, bimanual massage, blood transfusions, retained products (finally had a sweep a month later). It was a shit show.

I recovered well physically. I am now well post menopausal and have no real issues at all. I went on to have 2 other children but had them by c-section (an absolute doddle by comparison). I changed obgyns and the new one said to me "well you kind of had a c-section already, just not in the right place"

I understand how difficult it is emotionally. It was a real trauma for me tbh but I did eventually learn to deal with it. what helped was the first obgyn met my dh after at a conference and aplogised for my treatment. Also my second birth, the doctor was so soothing and made me feel so safe, it helped a lot.

I really had no long term consequences at all. Dh said if it were he who had gone through it, he wouldn't have had another child. I know that if I couldn't have had a c section for the next ones, I wouldn't have had either.

good luck, OP. give yourself time to heal. Don't think that there must be trouble in the future though.

@Pallisers oh my gosh that’s absolutely awful I’m so sorry all of that happened to you ☹️

I’m glad you had 2 more positive delivery’s though.

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

Thank you, I don’t think other people who haven’t gone through a traumatic delivery understand how tough it is mentally. It’s lovely hearing some positive stories though because I’ve read all the horrific ones and convinced myself of the worst possible situation x

I had forceps and a 3b tear 6 years ago. I felt similar to you. Completely traumatised. I remember receiving a questionnaire to take to my follow up appointment in the post a few days after I got home and bursting into tears at the prospect of it.

it’s actually healed fine, it’s not what it was but full bowel control and no incontinence. I remember in the early days every time I breastfed I would immediately need the toilet but a log of mums report that. Now I don’t think my pelvic floor is particularly worse than anyone else who’s had a baby. I’m 40.

@TolkiensFallow Im glad you healed well with no issues that’s very reassuring 😊do you do pelvic floor exercises regularly? X

Mumofonexo, I was 31 when I had my first and am 57 now.

@Pallisers wow that’s amazing! I thought from reading other stories I’d have problems when I turn 50 but obviously just proves everyone is so different and it’s not a one size fits all situation. Do you do pelvic floor exercises regularly? Just wondering if you do anything that’s helped x

did the pelvic floor exercises a bit. Tbh I hated that obgyn for many reasons - I should have had a c-section, she let the chief resident do the forceps, she missed my pph - it was DH who spotted I was crashing, and she let me go home with retained products BUT she did a really good job of sewing me up. I had sex for the first time 12 weeks later with a lot of lube and while not the most comfortable, it was fine after that. It will get better OP. I promise.

I’m 36 now, it was 6 years ago j had the 3rd degree tear, 3 years since my second birth where I had a second degree

I had a 3c tear thanks to forceps ten years ago.

It took me about nine months of intense physio to heal and then I had surgery to repair a rectocele.

I was never incontinent but for a good few months I had issues with urgency and there were many, many close calls (emergency poo in a bush anyone?)

I'm now mid-forties and peri menopausal and touch wood, I haven't really had any major issues. I do feel like the surgery I had might not be holding so well any more. But I am scrupulous about my bowel health and so far I'm managing to stay on top of it all and things are fine.

I don't think a tear like that necessarily has to be a sentence condemning you to a life of Tena pants. But it does absolutely fuck me off that none of this stuff was talked about when I was pregnant. I had no idea about any of it and I really felt like I'd failed at giving birth because I'd done all the hypnobirthing courses and pregnancy yoga, etc. I thought that was the formula for success. I was so ignorant of what could go wrong and I really wish I'd been forewarned.

My second DC was an elective C section and it was a piece of piss in comparison. I was fully healed in three weeks.