Due October 2023 Thread 9

[NSx]

Hi ladies, I couldn’t find another thread made, so made this as the other one was full. I will try tag a few people … if you can also tag.

@Hopefulx Baby Academy has a free online weaning course going, I am attending one on Saturday. I am also thinking of doing baby first aid as my little one chokes on Calpol every single time and it is so scary. I will be introducing solids very slowly unless he demands more then I will follow his lead. I am worried about allergies, he already had one allergic reaction to nappy cream and I am paranoid that he will have some common food allergens like peanuts or strawberries. I found Annabel Karmel's books useful and found them in the library. I would suggest borrowing or finding a free exchange - me and a friend found someone who donated 6 weaning books to us.

Hope everyone's sleep regressions are going well!

My boy seems to be making a breakthrough now, he's doing his second 90m nap in his pram as I've got him into a good routine on falling asleep.

Only problem is I miiiiiiiisssss him. My snuggly little baby all the way over there.

Not sure if we are sleep regressing in the nights or not, some nights are great and others the complete opposite.

We are still in crap nap season and we often save the nap at 30 mins and continue as contact nap so he does an hour 🤣 don't mind though as he goes down well in his cot for the nap. Can't wait for naps to consolidate and lengthen 🤣

He's a week off 4 months.

I’ve managed to wean my little one down to two night feeds but he’s still waking up at least 4 times overall and his naps are rubbish at the moment-very occasionally we get a day with maybe 3 naps that each last an hour or so but today it was 2 half hour naps and one 15 mins! He’s so much cheerier than he was at the start of this leap though, and so fun to play with now!

I think we are coming out the other side with nights now, the last 3 have been back to only two wales after a few weeks of 3/4 wales and feeds a night.

Day time naps are still at 4 x 30-45 mins..... a few weeks back he was doing 3 with 2 shorter and a lovely 2-2.5 hour nap midday! I miss that.

He is seems to have got really fussy about the car seat when we go out... before he used to sit there happily and then drift off to sleep. Or if he wasn't tired he would sit there and manage a 10-15 minute drive without crying. Now everyone even if it's perfect nap time he will cry and fuss until falling asleep, or just cry the whole journey home! I really hope it's a phase and passes as we have to drive to get anyway!

In the midst of it here too! 🙋‍♀️ can’t remember the last time we had an hour’s nap and at night we’re awake about 4 times. I’ve stopped looking at the clock now when she wakes! Haha!

Is anyone doing anything different to help or just getting through it and hoping for the best the other side? 😅

Dear all,

This is a slightly weird and long post, but I’d really value input from experienced women and those going through similar circumstances who may be able to offer some insights.

I am 33M husband of a beautiful, intelligent, capable and formidable 35F. We happily are expecting in October 24. She loves reading posts on this feed, and so feedback you offer here will be useful to both of us. We are 8 months married, and she moved to my area from a different city and does not have good local social support, and while I know I’m lucky to be with someone like her, we are having some ongoing conflict, which in large degree come from our different perspectives, I’m from a family of 5, more happy go lucky and extroverted, while my wife is an only child, task-orientated, serious and loves stability.

We have been trying for a baby from the beginning, which has increased baseline stress levels. By God’s grace, my wife fell pregnant recently. Throughout the last 8 months of trying, and even more now, she has taken a very strict view on controlling any variables that could bring harm to a baby (namely infections such as toxo/ listeria or all kinds of chemicals.)

This has meant for the duration of our marriage so far:

1. We can never go together to friends/ family for food (we can’t control their cooking.)
2. We can’t eat out at restaurants / fast food (again we cant control the cooking, this is debilitating when trying to make or maintain friendships.)
3. I am not allowed to cook or prepare any food at all that we will both eat (and haven’t since the beginning of marriage) because she cant trust me to follow her strict rituals of cleanliness/ separating food. This is such a high bar that she has had to throw a lot of food away that she herself has cooked but she felt could have been contaminated etc for come reason. She’s so anxious/ focused that she cant even let me playfully touch her/ kiss her during cooking.
4. We are unable travel to her parents (who live in Europe 2.5 hour flight) or my parents (who live in Ireland (45min flight)) because there is risk to fertility/ foetus of radiation from flights. She doesn’t want her parents to visit us because they are unpredictable and unsettle her.
5. There are many places we can’t go because they have smells she is worried about (ie newly painted building, building site, friends who are refurbishing their home)- which seriously affects our ability to make friends.
6. She can’t sleep in any other room than her own, because she is worried about risk of infections/ chemicals/ stress and so we can’t go anywhere else to decompress/ relax/ holiday.
7. We can’t use any shampoo/ deodorant/ face wash/ moisturiser/ washing powder with any kind of fragrance. I get shouted at if I do, and she upset my 13 year old brother when he used some deodorant he gave me for Christmas.

Some small things can get quite extreme (in my opinion), so for instance in the last few days (by no means the worst):

• My wife has not allowed me to touch her/ kiss her for 48 hours because I used a face wash with salycidic acid. This is despite washing my face, showering 2/3 times and allowing 24 hours to go by.
• We can only walk repeated circles through a specific, small area of our local park because of her worries of being too close to the road or building sites or where thameswater officials were seen with spray cans 4 weeks ago.
• When I put a semi-peeled onion inside a zip-lock inside the fridge she had to wash the entire shelf because I’d touched the outside of the onion and the zip-lock with my hands (worried about soil contamination and therefore toxoplasmosis.)
• Today I got into trouble for putting a washed, peeled onion inside a Tupperware box into the wrong shelf in the fridge.

My wife does not acknowledge any anxiety out of proportion. She will not accept counselling for herself, or for us as a couple. To her these are all perfectly normal precautions and I am a mad careless foetus-hating barbarian for suggesting that they are restricting our lives too much.

Of course I am not objective in this matter, but I would like to hear voices from people who may have some insight or similar experiences...

@Hubbywoowoos Your wife needs to speak to a medical professional about her anxiety. She will not be able to function as a person or a mother with this level of it.

Nice to see everybody hanging in there. We are 4.5 months, still only managed a couple of rolls, and suffering with the crap naps too. We've also tried a few spoonfuls of food just for flavor once he started licking everything - sweet potato, yogurt, avocado. My trust has me booked for a weaning class tomorrow that should be interesting.

Bub is huge, alert, and happy, doing great overall and we'll be traveling overseas to visit my family this weekend - wish us luck with the flight!

What a trip too to see the Oct 2024 threads going off here. That was us a year ago! xx

@cruciverbalista we literally just did her first flights and it went really well so hope yours goes well too!

Lovely to read everyone's updates. We too are the inmidst of disastrous sleep! Good to hear we're in good company. She will only nap in the pram (and walking outside!) and wakes multiple times at night. Hoping its just a phase!

My little girl will be 18w on Sat (I think she’s the youngest in the group)
the sleep regression is real 😅 tbh she has never been an amazing napper she does 30/45 mins max unless contact napping.
she was amazing at night sleeps though only waking once, now she’s up a couple of times 😵‍💫😵‍💫 hope everyone is ok! Nice to hear from you all on here 🩷

My boy is 19w on Sunday. Last week we had sniffs of a sleep regression, suddenly waking every 1-2 hours and needed dummy to go back to sleep. since then we have successfully sleep trained with Ferber. He now puts him self to sleep within minutes after going into cot awake without dummy. Has one feed about 2:30am and puts him self back to sleep after. He goes whole night without dummy and we don't hear a peep apart from being up for the feed. I know sleep training isn't for everyone but I would defo recommend if you're struggling!

Should add this is just for night sleep! Still needs help settling for naps and will only go 30 mins unless we finish it as a contact nap 😂

@Sagittarius25 I thought it wasn’t recommended to sleep train under 6 months, I’ve been holding off. Do you have any website links you could send me to for Feber I’ve read different things when I Google, is it like a softer version of the cry out method? sounds like your little one is sleeping like a dream 😍

@NSx yes when I googled I found conflicting information saying either 4 months or 6 months. However our boy had been showing signs of being able to self soothe (rubbing head, leg thumping, hands to mouth etc) so thought we would give a go and if he just cried and cried we would abort and try again in a few weeks.

I read a load of diff pages to be honest but if you google image Ferber method chart there are handy charts that come up for timings.

Yes it's basically controlled crying, so they cry for a set amount of time before you 'check in'. A check in is no more than two minutes and the goal is just to reassure them, not necessarily to stop the crying, and they shouldn't fall asleep with you there either. Just just sort of pat them and reassure and don't pick up. Then the timings get longer and longer, but they start at like 3 mins.

It was hard to hear him cry but consistency is key. At first he would generally self settle after one check in, now goes to sleep in minutes after going down.

@Sagittarius25 I’m definitely interested I will have a read - did it take long for him to be able to self soothe to sleep? I don’t know if I can handle the crying, she does this cry as if she’s being murdered lol!

@NSx first two nights was about 10 mins crying with the relevant check ins and then he learnt to suck his hand and fell asleep. Third night was about 5 mins crying and then from night four he went down without crying and asleep in a few mins. He's cried out a couple times in the night and he just settles himself after a few mins each time.

@Sagittarius25 thanks for the suggestion. My little one can self soothe and settle as he sucks his thumb and it’s useful to know that if he’s tried this and can’t settle he’s genuinely hungry in the night.

Hi mamas!
Username change here but wanted to seek some advice or just an ear..
Anyone else feel lonely? I feel like the newborn stage has worn off. Have a great husband parents etc. but some days just feel lonely AF!!!!

@boymama2023 I don't feel lonely but I think that's because I'm introverted and always enjoyed my own company. But then I also make sure there is only one day a week I'm in the house all day, which I think helps. Lucky to see my NCT group every week at least once, and have a friend who works part time so see her once a week too. Other days me and baby go out together to get a coffee or something. I think I'd feel worse if I had more than one day at home without going out in a week. Do you manage to get out much?

@Sagittarius25 that sounds great!!
We do get out loads, see friends and family which is why it doesn't make sense! I'm hoping it's not PND but it just feels so lonely at times!

@boymama2023 I know what you mean, I do feel lonely sometimes, I go out most days and have a couple of friends with babies similar age and go swimming but I still do feel lonely.

I'm hoping the nicer weather will bring with it some more outings with friends and just generally feeling better!

I'm still struggling to loose the last bit of baby weight which is bothering me as this time with my first I was back to pre pregnancy weight.

@boymama2023 totally get it, the days are long. Love spending time with my biy and def finding this age a bit more fun and busier but it's strange being out of routine and also unpaid mat leave means you are limited on going places!

Does anyone have any tips on getting baby to sleep in their cot? I have it sidecar to my bed and still little man just wants to be in the bed as close to me as possible. I always try and start the night in the cot and barely get an hour if I'm lucky, also can't leave the room or he wakes. I'm not wanting to sleep train but would love a full night's sleep with a blanket and not curled in a C position. He is a total velcro baby, which is lovely but means I'm doing every night as he screams himself to the point of passing out the two nights I've tried to leave him with dad/nanny for bed time. Any advice or success stories much appreciated x

@CL05071998 totally!!

I started using soft sleep associations - white noise, sssh, belly rub and Patting. And slowly started to hum lullabies to him. It took 30 minutes the first time, now takes 5! He goes to sleep in his cot, still needs me, but it's a start! Also other people can do these things!!

He is over 6 months now (had c section early so actually September baby) so even in his own room as outgrown the next to me in weight!

Takes perseverance and patience but we are getting somewhere xxxx

@CL05071998 my first was a total Velcro baby, like yours, would only sleep close to me. We got there eventually with the next to me cot but it did start with only 1-2 hours a night and built
Up from there.

Like OP I introduced white noise which helped a little and held her hand until she fell asleep or as long as needed really as I could still sleep with her holding it.

Thanks a mill for the advice will start with those and try and stay consistent. He was doing ok in his bassinet up until around 12 weeks then had enough of it and graduated to the big bed so I could get some sort of sleep. He is exclusively breastfed bit will wean at 6 months and hoping that too might give dad a better chance at doing bedtime.

Hard to believe how fast the months are going. Thus time last year we were around the 12 week scans!