Due October 2023 Thread 9

[NSx]

Hi ladies, I couldn’t find another thread made, so made this as the other one was full. I will try tag a few people … if you can also tag.

@ttcttc why did they take so long to diagnose tongue tie? It took 2 weeks for my boy as well and it is a very common condition. However, the feeding is impacted and your baby struggles to get enough because they cannot latch properly. I am just amazed it is not a standard procedure to check before babies are discharged.

@Koalawhala Good to hear you are recovering well. In what ways did you find recovery hard/long? I bounced back so quickly I was shocked to feel so well so soon. But then again I needed to because of all the hospital runs and health issues. I am now 4 weeks post partum and I feel like my old self. I just cannot describe the level of energy I have now compared to the depleted levels of energy in the last trimester. Do enjoy the outing but take it very slow - there's no rush. I felt my mind was ready to do all the usual stuff but my body just didn't want to follow. I am still going around with an Uber rather than walking or on public transport.

@peonygirl just a bit sore and one side of incision became quite swollen. I still feel sore if I do too much around the house. I wonder if it’s because I’ve been co sleeping and mostly sleeping on my side facing baby. Probably not the ideal position for healing but it helped us get some sleep! There seems to be such a wide scale of how people feel after a c section, glad you’ve managed to bounce back quickly especially with all the things you’ve had to deal with.

The tongue tie situation makes me angry too, not something I’ve had myself but have seen friends really struggle. It should be checked at birth, it’s a simple thing to rectify but seems to always be left until mother and baby are stressed and struggling to feed

@Koalawhala I'm up and down with my recovery too - just over 4 weeks here. A small hole opened up in my incision, but GP has just checked it and confirmed no infection. I've been getting shooting pains though which are fairly severe. I've probably been overdoing it with lifting/bending but it's all to do with baby who weighs 10 lbs now... really hoping my recovery continues on schedule as I'm so sick of feeling physically limited like this.

Had 6 week check for me and DD today. I am so run down, have a cough I just can't shake and sinus infection now too. On third lot of antibiotics 😞 also doc has referred baby back to paediatricians in the maternity hospital as she thinks her anterior fontanelle is a bit small. She has no other signs of neurological issues, head measures a good size, good muscle tone and reflexes and very alert. But obviously I'm worrying.

Anyone else’s bub have super loud active sleep? Mine genuinely sounds so upset! It’s mad!

@peonygirl I've no idea. I think all babies should be checked before discharge. When you talk to people it's so common. We have been referred and being seen tomorrow. I honestly think it's all too late though. Baby is three weeks and not gaining weight, we seen the midwife earlier and he's lost a tiny bit. I've nearly killed myself trying to breastfeed him and to no avail. Health visitor referred us but other than that not much help. Lactation specialist called yesterday and said she will visit Friday... she sent me some videos, I could've googled them myself it's not really "support".

How's everyone feeling? Mum life is hard!

I'm absolutely drained with it all, my wound still isn't healing and is still infected. Baby constantly on me but not gaining weight, I don't sleep (even when I do sleep), I feel guilty about everything (from the breastfeeding to worrying about not loving/bonding with my son!), I'm anaemic and sore and just generally miserable.
midwife this afternoon thinks I have PND which figures as I just keep crying. I feel awful. She's referred me to see GP urgently tomorrow before the tongue tie procedure. She told my partner as I don't want to talk about it - he wants me to tell people, I just want to be left alone.
We came home and I cried for about two hours. I've continued with the bf but followed by a formula "top up" - baby seems much more settled. I feel awful that he's been hungry 😔. I was so exhausted I slept for two hours on the sofa 😳

@ttcttc I'm so sorry to hear about your journey so far! You are literally writing what I went through when my son was born and it was all down to breastfeeding.

Obviously I wanted my son to get all the good stuff from the boob and to feel that closeness. I was also anemic (for more than a year after his birth) and NEVER slept 😞

The only thing we didn't do is speak to the midwives/GP about my low mood as I was in denial but looking back... I probably did have PND or was on the very cusp of it.

I felt so much pressure and (I don't like to use this word lightly) bullied by the midwives to breastfeed and to do things a certain way with him being my first I just went along with all of their guidelines.

Second time around with my daughter and this is how I should have felt with my son. Her main feeding method is formula and she tops up with breast milk in between or for soothing. She is much more settled as she has a fuller belly and I can monitor the amount she is in taking.

I'm not saying that switching to formula will solve all of your problems because I was still on edge, felt unwell and could not sleep once we switched to formula with my first BUT it definitely took the load off and meant hubby could share more of the load with feeds.

It's always scary with your first I think regardless but I just wanted to say that you are not alone in this. Sending love and support to your family ♥️

@xLMCx thank you. I think part of it is I'm just exhausted but I'm overwhelmed too. I don't know if it's hormones or traumatic birth but I've never felt that rush of love and it makes me feel terrible. Partner got up with us for the night feed, I bf a little (didn't have the heart to fight on when I knew he'd be getting formula anyways) and partner done a bottle (top up as advised my by midwife). Baby was sick everywhere after we put him down (projectile over the side of the crib, himself etc and he was winded before he was put down) his bum is now so red and I feel like it's my fault (the sick and sore bum). My poorly body has let me down and I've let him down. I was actually crying again through night and it's just not normal. Then he wouldn't to back over. My partner took him downstairs after 2.5 hours but I also feel bad about that

When partner give baby his first bottle yesterday (I couldn't I came upstairs) I broke my heart. Couldn't even explain why just this overwhelming emotion of sadness and failure. I'm not being coerced by the midwives to bf him but I wanted to give him the best start but the support isn't there and I can't do it and now he's had 3oz formula after his feeds I just know I won't be able to fill him.

@ttcttc I'm glad to hear that you have not had pressure from the midwives. I haven't felt that during this pregnancy which has made my experience so much better than the first one.

Honestly I never felt that rush with my son and I too felt that my body wasn't doing what it was "supposed" to do by producing enough milk for my hungry boy. But in all reality, our bodies have done the most amazing job at growing our beautiful babies and getting them out safely. Some of us might feel a little more battered and bruised than others but our babies are here and your body has not failed you by doing that.

Honestly, I gave up breastfeeding my son within 4 weeks and felt like I had hit rock bottom but now he is three. We have the most special bond and he is hitting and exceeding all of his milestones. I may as well be feeding the kid miracle grow because he has always been on the 99th centile since being formula fed and honestly I love that kid with every fibre of my being and I can see that he feels the same about me. I hope this gives you a little reassurance about formula feeding if that's what you decide to do.

It sounds like you are not prioritising your recovery or mental health. Let hubby take on a few more bottle feeds, you bathe, eat, drink and rest and you will feel so much better after having an hour or 2 of you time.

I know it's hard right now but you will get through it, I promise you! And we are all here for support if needed! Sending virtual cuddles your way ♥️

So sorry you’re having such a tough time @ttcttc. I too didn’t truly bond with my first born for a couple of weeks after a traumatic birth and felt guilty about that for a long time. But looking back, I didn’t get the chance to in the first few days as I couldn’t hold her much so it was out my control and I was doing the best I could. She is 8 now and our bond has always been strong since.

Lots of experience and kind support in this group and I hope you have good support from friends and family too. It won’t always be this tough and you’re doing a great job - please go easy on yourself and accept any help offered 💐

Awh really feel for you @ttcttc. My boy was born on 18th Oct and after a tough labour I ended up having a post partum heamorhidge on the ward a few hours later. It was all go with about 12 people working on me in front of my husband and baby, I lost about 1.5 litres of blood. When I got home it hit me like a tonne of bricks, i was breastfeeding and so aneamic I was too weak to wind my baby. The sleep deprevation also was so bad that I was in such a blur I couldn't think straight let alone bond with my baby, i loved him, but it was just so hard to function. I was full sure I had pnd and the hormone drop was so intense. 4 weeks on I have taken any bit of help I can get and try and get any rest possible and it has made a difference. I know our situations are different but don't be hard on yourself, this is quite literally the hardest job in the world and is made so much tougher when you've been through a trauma and your body has been through so much. Just take it day by day and talk if you can. I'm not sure if your work has an EAP, they offer free 24/7 counselling and sometimes it's easier to be open with a stranger than a loved one.

@ttcttc My heart really goes out to you.

The bf thing has been my personal battle with both of mine and it was awful for my mental health.

My oldest lost 20% of his body weight and was very poorly because he wasn't getting enough from the boob due to poor latch. I was absolutely distraught and was in agony with bleeding nipples. I felt like a complete failure. It was something I was desperate to do but I couldn't.

The trauma of seeing him so distressed after feeding from me and still being hungry and then him fighting against me/the boob was horrific. It was such a vicious cycle. I knew he needed food but knew he needed to at least go on the boob to get that. I fought against the pain but was sobbing constantly and knew that made the whole process upsetting/unpleasant for him but really struggled to calm myself down. I felt like a complete failure and like I was letting him down. I wasn't enjoying my son and felt so incredibly lonely because it's just a battle you have to fight on your own.

In the end, I was advised to top up feeds with formula to make sure he got enough food and he fairly swiftly rejected the boob. However, once that happened, everything improved. Every interaction wasn't tinged with trauma for both of us. I felt like a mum and a partner again rather than a sobbing wreck. I was also able to recognise that powering on had actually been damaging our ability to bond as the thought of feeding him filled me with dread.

This time around my son has lost less weight but almost every issue has been repeated. My mental health was in the toilet. He's currently having a mix of formula and boob whilst we work with a lactation specialist and since we've stopped 100% breastfeeding I've felt much more emotionally stable and a better mum and partner again. Breastfeeding is NOT this magical, wonderful thing when it makes you/baby traumatised. I'm still working on it because I'd still like to do it and I have options to try to make it work but if I have to stop, I'll be fine with that.

Also, I love my eldest more than anything on earth but I never had that massive rush of love. Don't keep waiting for it and don't feel guilty for not feeling it. I don't know if I had slowly built my love up whilst pregnant and that love just steadily increased after he was born but I KNOW I love him. It's the same with this one. Removing the trauma of constant Breastfeeding has let me enjoy him. He isn't associating me with starving. We're both calm so we're bonding. Whilst I've not had a massive rush, I know how I feel about him but only because I've felt it before.

Please be kind to yourself. This part of the journey is something that is massively ignored. Some people fly through everything. Some people struggle with pregnancy. Some people struggle with being a new parent. Some people struggle with all of it. Only the people who fly through everything see parenting like it is represented in films. You're doing your best and that is all you can ask of yourself. I'm thinking of you.

Thanks ladies - feel a bit better to know I'm not alone.

I'm seeing the GP in the morning.

My partner got up with baby this morning and I had a few hours sleep so feel better for that at least. I didn't want to get out of bed but I did and sat and Fed baby (boob and expressed) and I didn't totally resent it and he seemed more settled. He wouldn't take the formula top up and the little bit he did had made him sick 😞 (I think he was full) all over me lol. We're on the way to the hospital with him for his tongue tie now which I'm obviously anxious about but I got a shower and washed my hair and it just feels like such trivial things make you feel so much better although I do still keep bursting into tears.

@CL05071998 our situations sound similar to be honest. I laboured for three days with the last day being intense and horrific. They couldn't get me to fully dilate, waters wouldn't go and had to be popped. Even the epidural didn't seem to fix the pain. Epidural also failed and had to be redone. I was out of it on morphine too. I was then taken for emergency c section as baby's heart rate wasn't stable, he was sitting funny on my cervix, was back to back and when they lifted him out his cord snapped. They also discovered it wasn't long enough so he'd never of made it down the birth canal anyways and if he had it would've been fatal for us both. I lost 1.1 litres of blood and ended up anaemic. They stitched me up quickly due to me losing blood quickly which resulted in me being more sore than usual. My wound then become infected, the hospital tried to tell me it was normal and sent me home so I had to go back. the anti biotics aren't working so they're seeing me again tomorrow at the Gp to change them 🤦🏼‍♀️. I was so exhausted I could have fell asleep while they were delivering him, I thought I was going to be violently sick while holding him on the operating table - they'd forgot to give me anti sickness and then spent the rest of the day laying down due to the epidural. On the small number of photos that were taken I look awful. Like half dead.

I know no birth is easy or nice and I'm not saying I've had it any worse just think it's overwhelmed me a little. The anaemia and infection have probably affected me more than I thought, I've been cooped up as just not been well enough to go out and about.

@ttcttc oh god you went through it with your labour. I just no when you are aneamic the tiredness feels so different, you are so wiped. Are you on iron tablets? I find the ferograd c good. My friends baby just got procedure dine fir tongue tie and she has said I'd made a massive difference, so hoping all goes well for you today. I also went to a mother's and baby group in my area yesterday, was so nice to meet other moms at different stages with their babies and to hear their birth experiences, no one I speak to ever seems to have it straight forward and it was nice to know I wasn't alone in my experience, sometimes you feel like birth should be straight forward and it's great when it is, but there was comfort in knowing I wasn't alone in my experience. Do you have something like this in your area? I totally get the overwhelmed feeling, anything traumatic takes it out of you, and then you still have to be responsible for a tiny human while looking after yourself. My first 8 days at home I couldn't eat as felt so icky over what happened and cried daily. Everyone has told me about the special newborn bubble and it did not feel special at the time!! But just enjoy the good moments and be so proud that under these circumstances you are holding it together and being the very best mom for your baby!

@ttcttc I'm so proud of you for taking some time to yourself to nap and shower. These little things are incredibly important and having a sane mum is so much more important for bab than being EBF. I had a very similar labor to yours minus the blood loss, and I've been needing to take all the help I can get and just accept that this recovery is long and slow. I'm lucky my incision is healing well overall and I'm able to get out for a walk every once in a while. I hope the new meds kick in quickly and I'm sure you'll feel so much better once that's fixed and you can do a bit more. Congrats too on the appointment for tongue tie and I'm optimistic that will help you both. Thinking of you 💕

Hi all, checking in. Thorne is now just over 4 weeks and I feel we're finally hitting our stride on the breast feeding. I was so sure he had a tongue tie, as my daughter did and he was presenting with all the same feeding issues. After referral to the tongue tie team it turns out he's got full mobility but they recommended body work as he was tight in his neck and jaw. Only something that can be followed up privately, but we've had two sessions with a cranial osteopath now and the difference is significant. Latch is no longer painful, he feeds well and while he can still faff to get a latch for 5 minutes it's much more tolerable as there's no pain. I still get covered in milk at most feeds though, so sick of changing tops multiple times a day! Cranial osteopathy might be something to consider if you're having feeding issues, I wish I'd tried it with my daughter. She had her tongue tie cut twice but feeding remained uncomfortable for the full 18 months. cranial osteopathy is also recommended for digestive issues so may help if you have a colicy baby too.

Anyone else struggling with weight gain? 8lb5oz at birth and 85th percentile, now down to 25th percentile. I'm sure the feeding issues haven't helped, but we get lots of wet and dirty (10+ per day) nappies and weight gain is still slow. He's also still got jaundice so going back for bloods tomorrow. I'm hoping everything is ok, but quite suprised he's still so small. My daughter was 9lb10oz at birth and moving in to 3-6m clothes by 6 weeks, so to still have an 8lb15oz baby at over 4 weeks and still fitting in newborn clothing is very odd to me 🙈

@CL05071998 yes I'm on iron so hopefully that's helping. My wound has now started bleeding as well as oozing so hoping that won't make me worse on the anaemia front. I'm seeing the GP this morning so will mention it. Just wish they'd fix it and then I can recover.

@cruciverbalista thank you ❤️ the procedure seems to have helped.. more so on one boob 🤔 😂 I'm seeing the lactation specialist this afternoon so will have a chat see if she can help us any.

@ttcttc so sorry you are struggling. There is a definite need for more research on traumatic birth and the impact on maternal mental health. I am very lucky that both my births were fairly positive experiences, but I know a lot of women who had traumatic experiences and there is definitely a link with PND/anxiety. I hope you get the support you need soon.

My baby is having her head checked by paediatrician this morning due to GP thinking her anterior fontanelle is small. I'm so anxious 😕 She gave me the most beautiful smile just now, she seems like everything is normal but it's hard not to worry.

@OrionNebula there definitely needs to be more support available. I'm sure we will get there.

I'm sure your appointment will go fine. It's hard not to worry and think the worst. I took mine for his tongue tie snipped yesterday and honestly I cried more than him 🤦🏼‍♀️

Everything was fine thankfully, doctor said GPs seem to be very over cautious about the soft spots at the moment for some reason.

@OrionNebula great news, one less thing to worry about and maybe they are over cautious but best to be checked so you can put your mind at rest. Least your GP bothered to check and make a referral... my doctors practice is abysmal!

Hope everyone is doing ok? We had tongue tie snipped this morning at 4 weeks old, it wasn’t a very obvious one so wasn’t noticed before. Apparently it can become a problem around this time as baby has to work a bit harder to feed. Hoping it will improve feeding and wind issues as nights haven’t been good recently

@Koalawhala oh good that you had it fixed, you should notice a change immediately, he'll latch so much better. My boy is gaining weight rapidly now and really demands feeding while before it was all a bit of a struggle. Nights are not ideal still though - he doesn't sleep much and I am dying at 4am trying to put him to bed.

I have also just found out he pees himself after a nappy change and his whole back is wet. I changed him 3x today already. I need to be more observant with his penis to point down rather than up, apparently this will make the change. I feel there's so much to learn just to take care of the basic baby's needs.

Morning. Lovely ladies!
Just wanted to check in and see how everyone was?
Just over 8 weeks here and tired!! Little man is a dream really but wow it's hard! Jabs tomorrow which I'm hoping won't affect him too bad... calpol at the ready x

@katherine123x pretty good here! Juggling self employed couple life and a baby is hard - husband just booked a commercial that will take him overseas for 4 days (which means I’ll be alone with our 4 week old) but baby is a sweetheart, sleeps well, loves cuddles and has a super happy disposition. House is a tip which I struggle with but you have to let go of somethings