'Pregnancy after Miscarriage - Latest support thread'

[tulipsunday]

Hi all new thread as the other one is about to max out.

For all those going through pregnancy after miscarriage/s. Come share your worries and celebrate your milestones with people who can relate to what you are going through 🥰

@suz2285 did you manage to get back to sleep? I'm waking up multiple times every night too, it's annoying!

@Neelamj I'm really sorry to hear that :( I had two last year. It's such an awful thing to go through.

@Brokenpancreas94 nope, been awake since 1am... I usually get back to sleep eventually but this cold or whatever if is is killing me... I was about to doze about 5 ish and then I woke myself up snoring/choking so no 🙈 so tired!

Was meant to be in the office today but no way, cancelled a couple of things this morning and will try and have a quiet day then hopefully feel better soon! 🤞🤞

Sorry to hear that @Neelamj ☹️ take care of yourself and sending you lots of love and strength. I hope you are back with us soon 💞

So sorry @Neelamj I know how horrible it is to have two miscarriages in a row. Hopefully third time lucky and we will see you back here soon. Take care ❤️

Hope your growth scan goes well tomorrow @Brokenpancreas94 hope you feel better soon @suz2285 x

May I ask how your partners are coping? Do you and your other half find yourselves feeling about, or dealing with, your current pregnancy differently? I'm 11.5w pregnant after 3 miscarriages and my partner - who is normally very positive and optimistic (far moreso than me!) - said last night that even if our upcoming 12w scan goes well (bearing in mind we had a good scan at 10w) he doesn't think he'll be able to believe this pregnancy will be successful until much further down the line.

I understand that we all experience MC in our own way, and my partner and I have grieved very differently over the last couple of years. But it saddens me that he feels like this. I think I was expecting him to be the one helping me to stay upbeat (again)!

Would love to hear from those of you whose partners felt similarly and/or who can share some wisdom from further down the line 😊

@tulipsunday thank you xx

@Faithincats not much advice I'm afraid, as my partner hasn't really engaged much in this pregnancy, well he has now towards the end, but I can't explain it really. Xx

@Faithincats I have only had one MMC so how we deal with things may be very different if I had been through multiple... but my partner is usually a happy chappy. There isn't much that brings him down! Saying that he was absolutely devastated when we lost our first baby, I think deep down I knew something was wrong but he really thought everything would be alright so it was more of a shock for him.

He was very reserved (for him) about everything before 12 weeks. We had reassurance scans at 7 & 9 weeks & he was very happy after those when they were all alright. But generally I think he tried to distance himself from it, and so did I to an extent.

Since 12 weeks he's been much more engaged and he talks to the bump all the time & talks about it all the time. It's just got better each week & the 20 week scan this week has been best yet! I hope this happy bubble continues 🩷 I would try and not read too much into it or put pressure on it/him as everyone deals with things differently. I'm sure he'll come round as you progress (as mine has!) xx

@Faithincats its a difficult one, my DH is generally not a talker and doesn't communicate his feelings. When we lost our first he was, i think, upset but didn't show it in the same way i did. He said we could try again as soon as i was ready, that was really the only thing. It took the excitement out of the pregnancy this time, we had a positive test but neither of us could really get on board with it being "real"

After the 12 week scan I felt a bit more reassured but then due to not managing to get all the NT measurements I was still worried, DH wanted to immediately tell his fam after the 12 week scan, so we did. I was still concerned until we had our quad test results back around 16 weeks. We had a gender scan at 16 weeks and all looked ok and that's the first time i felt DH maybe thought to get "attached" i guess. Even now though he's very much letting me do all the pregnancy stuff, he's probably only beginning to feel like it's "real" now that i'm huge! But he's still pretty chill about it all. I think it's difficult to say if its anything to do with loss or if it's just that's the way he is. My dad and several other pals of his who have kids have said it doesn't feel real until baby is here.

I think 3 is a LOT for anyone to deal with. I do think now that i'm bigger and he can feel baby move etc that it's more tangible for him. But can totally understand the worries. It's not an easy time for anyone.... esp when you feel like you need more support and encouragement. I've found i'm definitely more anxious and he's very much like "it'll be fine" 😂

@Faithincats My DH and I definitely dealt with the miscarriages in different ways. I was the one who was more wanting to take time, accept the sad feelings etc. and he was trying to be positive which I just didn't want at the time. Since falling pregnant this time I guess we have been on the same page more - both cautiously optimistic. When we were dealing with things differently I found my mum and female friends were a better support as I felt they understood the emotions better. Have you got anyone who could provide that positivity/encouragement that you need at this time?

@sweetpotato29 @tulipsunday @suz2285 @Brokenpancreas94 thanks so much for sharing. A lot of what you said resonated ❤️

@sweetpotato29 I can completely relate to what you said about staying slightly detached. When we found out about this pregnancy it was such a strange, muted moment. We were like, "hopefully this goes the way we want it to", and since then we haven't really spoken about it beyond the day-to-day (like food aversions, symptoms, etc). And there's an unwritten agreement in our house to never ever say the B-word 👀 Rightly or wrongly, it feels like another loss would be less painful if we haven't fully thrown ourselves into the pregnancy.

Like your OH, @suz2285, my partner doesn't talk about feelings at the best of times. He is either in full (slightly annoying, bless him) positivity mode (everything is going to be absolutely fine! We'll get there! Onwards and upwards!) or in "we'll cross that bridge" mentality, so I guess he used up all his positivity tokens and has swung further towards option 2 this time...

To your point, @tulipsunday, unlike in my previous pregnancies this time I haven't wanted to tell anyone else, which has probably put more pressure on him. I did confide in a friend a few days ago, though, who has been wonderful and supportive while understanding that there's still a long way to go and I can't be excited just yet.

I'm so glad to hear that all of your pregnancies are progressing well and that your OHs came around in the end, even if they were slow starters 😅 hopefully I'll be able to say the same for us in a few months! 🤞

Thanks again x

@Faithincats I'm definitely holding back a lot with this pregnancy, I still haven't told a load of people! Husband is holding back too as he hasn't volunteered to feel my bump and won't basically talk about anything in the future, we're just dealing with the here and now. We're both protecting ourselves from getting carried away but at the same time I hate it as I feel we're losing all the excitement, all the fun of walking about what it will be, what we will call it etc.

20 week scan next week though and I've promised myself that once that's out of the way I'm going to just throw myself into it, and not lose anymore precious pregnancy time to worry.

Just had my 16 week consultant appointment, it was 2 hours late (as well as the 2 and a half weeks!!) and they told me that from 28 weeks I'll need to do anti-clotting injections every day until baby is 6 weeks 😩😩😩😩 IVF pregnancy so I thought I was done with that kinda shit 😭

@SparkleFly same, I didn't tell many people at all until around 24 weeks and even that felt scary and weird! We didn't post on social media or make any big announcements ... we didn't start talking about names or anything until later on either I know what you mean, it def takes the excitement out of it a bit

@Faithincats the whole way though I've been like yeah this will happen IF everything is ok, IF there's no issues, IF etc etc! Husband says I should just be positive but I need to also be realistic!

Totally agree with @tulipsunday it's nice
To talk to other women even ones who haven't been though a loss as they definitely understand the emotional side of it more than the men do 😂

@SparkleFly I can completely relate - it must be a self protection mechanism. It baffles me when other people see a positive pregnancy test and automatically assume there will be a baby in 9 months! I would never ever want their bubble to burst, but cannot fathom that reaction...

@suz2285 yes to " if, if, if", I'm exactly the same!!! I had a call with Tommy's earlier this week and she actually scalded me (fondly!) for being so cautious and caveating everything with "if this goes well...". She signed off with "hopefully the next time we hear from you it'll be seeing a pic of your lovely baby" and that well and truly tipped me over the edge 😭🤣

@Faithincats omg yeah other people telling people as soon as they see that line freaks me out inside! 🙈 but yeah without a loss you just assume 9 months and there's a baby!

Awww, I've heard Good things about Tommy's! I'm sure that's exactly what will happen... fingers crossed for so many healthy babies on this chat 🤞

Also, do you have cats? 😂😂

@Faithincats We've had three miscarriages as well so were both quite anxious this time around. I say were, I still am. Husband copes far better than me and can believe there'll be a baby at the end. I'm under perinatal mental health as my anxiety is just awful. I panic over every change or lack of feeling.

16 weeks currently and this is as far as we've got since our son born in 2020.

@suz2285 how did you guess?! 🐱 Self-proclaimed cat lady 🙋‍♀️ They must have been being particularly good the day I made my MN account...

Tommy's have been fantastic. The waiting time to be seen there was also far less than for my local miscarriage clinic (6 wks at Tommy's vs 10 months locally 😳)

@TheBirdintheCave huge congratulations on getting this far. It sounds like you have lots of love and support around you, but I know that doesn't necessarily correlate with feeling less worried or scared. Hopefully the further you get, the more you are able to feel tentatively hopeful ❤️ Were you offered a 16 week NHS scan? I wondered if they offer extra scans in cases of recurrent loss, but forgot to ask my midwife.

@Faithincats Nope no extra scans. I am seeing a consultant next week however!

Thanks @TheBirdintheCave. Hope that appointment goes well!

@Faithincats how many, what kinds?
We have two, my boy who is 8 who's a mackerel tabby and a big floofy friendly thing! Spends most of his time outside where he's the ruler of the street, and has the scars to prove it or right next to us, would sit on you 24-7 if you let him! and my husbands 14 year old girl tortie who is as small as a kitten and hates everyone 😂 she tolerates me and DH but she really does not like my cat and she'll hiss at you if you look at her wrong 😂 but she's my husbands baby, can do no wrong and is totally spoilt, and has never been outside!

Husbands cat knew I was pregnant before I did and has been quite clingy with me! My cat is dumb and I don't think he knows anything different! Be interesting to see what they're like when baby is here tbh 😂

@TheBirdintheCave good luck for the consultant appointment! 🤞🤞 glad things are going ok at the mo!

@suz2285 they sound like quite the pair 🤣 Do they avoid each other around the house or would they potentially fight? We've got two girls - a 16yo ginger and white moggy who was hand reared, chatters away all day long, and basically thinks she's a human 😆 And a 4yo black and white demon child 🤣 She's lovely in her own way, and super cuddly when she wants to be, but also likes to bop our older cat who doesn't want to play is getting too old to escape... I read that it can help cats to adjust by playing them crying babies on YouTube before the birth, which sounds hilarious and also like pure torture 😱

@Faithincats they avoid each other, she stays upstairs and he mainly downstairs! When we moved in together we had to seperate/ introduce them slowly etc but they'll never be pals. He just ignores her but she won't leave him alone if he's in her space she just hisses and goes for him! But they don't fight as such, I'm hoping when we have a bigger house they will both have more space!

Haha aww yours sound similar to ours! I did read something before about bringing home a Muslin from hospital with babies scent on it for the cats to sniff before baby comes home but tbh I'm hoping not to be in hospital that long 😂🤞 we shall see!

I'm also just hoping the cats don't think all the baby stuff is for them, as I don't want cat hair in all the babies things! 🙈

@suz2285 our cats have inherited the crib 🙄🤣 one sleeps under it and the other in it. I've like put my massive oodie and a blanket in it so the actual crib is covered if that makes sense but yeah, they did it last time too haha

I've got to have those injections after birth! @SparkleFly

Had growth scan today, he's measuring big! On 96th percentile, was initially panicking but the Consultants aren't worried at all, because my diabetes is under control, it isn't affecting him and they said he's big because I'm 5ft 11 and my partner is 6ft 5 🤣. Next scan at 34 weeks on 20th December. Think it'll feel surreal to still be pregnant at 34 weeks as I gave birth at that time last time!

@Faithincats our cats didn't care when my daughter came home, and 7 years later they're only just beginning to tolerate her 🤣🤣🤣

@Brokenpancreas94 aw wow 6ft 5! Nice long legs then maybe like his daddy.

I had my 34 wk appointment today. They think baby is still breech. They aren't concerned as lots of time to turn but I have been told to get my husband to help me to do some inversions 😂 should be amusing! Will send me for a scan if still breech in two weeks. Bump thankfully measuring ok.