Pregnant, alcohol and high anxiety

[Mia098]

Hello. I have found out that I am pregnant. before I found out I was drinking alcohol. we were on holiday the first week I was pregnant and drank wine and beer every day. I came home and took a pregnancy test. it was negative. I took another one which was also negative. we went on holiday for 5 more days and then I drank wine with food. when I got home I got a positive test and since then I've had so much anxiety because I'm terrified of having hurt the child. It has now been a few weeks and the anxiety is only getting worse. even though this was a wanted child, I am now considering an abortion as I feel that the anxiety is eating me up. the doctor said I could think about an abortion since I had so much anxiety because of the drinking. I don't know what to do, the anxiety has taken over me and I feel I have no choice.

Hey, glad everything has went so well from all medical intervention thus far, though I can’t lie I’m a bit worried that you may be a regular drinker who has been unable to kerb it which has resulted in you pushing for alcohol related answers because you do care (so sorry if that’s not the case) but if it is be honest with your nurse x

@ItJustFellOutLikeWordVomit I haven't had any alcohol since I found out I was pregnant, if that's what you mean. I'm just afraid that what I drank before I found out might harm the baby. I rarely drink alcohol when I'm not pregnant either, but during the summer holidays it became a little more frequent than usual when we were on holiday.

You mentioned you’re seeing a psychologist. It sounds like you might need a referral to a psychiatrist or to change the approach. They should be helping you with first reactions and “hoping” is meaning you’re dwelling on uncontrollable outcomes.
Like a few others, you’re being so irrational and extreme that either this isn’t true or you are in a crisis.

"maybe the fear is so great because there is a high probability that the child may have challenges and that I will blame myself no matter what comes up."

^^ This is just utterly false though. I think you'd be hard pressed to find ANYONE who didn't have an alcoholic drink in weeks 4-5 (i.e. before they realised they were pregnant). As I said in my earlier post, I had a lot of gin and tonics and ciders in the week before I found out I was pregnant with my son as I'd tested negative earlier in the week. He is bright as a button and has zero issues.

With my current pregnancy I was on holiday in Cornwall and, as I had tested negative, I had lots of cider to commiserate and went in a hot tub multiple times. The baby is still perfect.

@TheBirdintheCave thank you.

Honestly then please don’t worry that early on and what you drank makes it so unlikely anything will go wrong hopefully once baby is here it will help you put your anxiety back in its box (from one anxious person to another, when anxiety does too much it’s the devil!) x

I'm not sure why there is any anxiety around this at all? Thousands of women get pregnant after drinking alcohol some don't find out until much later. FAS is not common at all and is related to those that drink throughout pregnancy, I don't think you'll find any cases where issues with the baby can be directly linked to a boozy weekend at 4 weeks pregnant! My friend thought she'd miscarried at 10 weeks and went on a huge bender for 2 weeks, she hadnt and baby is now a strapping 17 year old.
I had 12 years of IVF and each round was very careful about diet/alcohol..they didn't work. The one that did I drank a couple of glasses of red the day after transfer and had a few drinks here and there during the two week wait ..I was sick of putting my life on hold only to get bad news. Its likely a pure coincidence but I'm 20 weeks pregnant now and all is fine.

This is a very good point that you make about the NHS’s advice not being don’t drink at all if you’re trying to conceive. If the risk was big then agree the advice would be this.

@ItJustFellOutLikeWordVomit thank you very much. yes, I hope it gets better when the baby is born. but I don't know, because I'm afraid I've damaged something in the brain too.

@JRTfan I have anxiety because I'm afraid I've hurt my baby. I'm not too afraid that I drank very early, but I've read a lot that after week four it can harm the fetus. and I drank in week five, so to me it feels very serious.

You need to go back to your GP and seek proper RL expert health. There should be specialist help for pregnant women. The issue with anxiety is that it doesn’t just evaporate. Once the baby is born it can escalate further. Posting here won’t help.

@Wolfiefan I have received help from a psychologist and good follow-up with conversations, but perhaps not everyone can be fixed as long as someone feels guilt and fear. I had hoped that it would go better when I got help from a psychologist, and I have really tried to work on myself, it probably doesn't help everyone.

Honestly sounds like the person who you have seen hasn’t helped you much. I’m not sure how you found them or who you were referred by but specialist help can improve your MH.

OP I'm a psychotherapist and treat anxiety disorders daily. Has your psychologist mentioned CBT at all? Have they been giving you practical ways to manage your anxious thoughts? Just going and talking about your anxieties and worries will just breed them. Anxiety has to be managed through specific techniques. Have you done this?

@scoobysnaxx we have worked ERP. we have worked on just letting the thought be there without answering the thought , practicing that a thought is just a thought, and not believing everything you think. but it's hard for me not to believe it when I know that alcohol can cause damage. and just letting the thought be there makes me feel heavy.

Really really you've misunderstood the Google search. 1-3 glasses even a day in week 5 is fine. And all irrelevant anyway, what's done is done. Just relax. Many people drink a lot more, many don't tell their midwifes.

@Mia098 ah I see. Yes ERP will help you to not respond to the thoughts. Perhaps another approach could be helpful. I.E learning to challenge hypothetical thoughts, skills to tolerate uncertainty and more of an acceptance approach. Just a few thoughts that spring to mind. If you've worked through most of ERP and have been practising this for a while, perhaps asked to review your treatment and the current problems still left. Hopefully they will do this with you anyway!

I have been in your shoes and it's horrible. I found out I was pregnant in week five and had drunk several times during that week, including a bottle of champagne two days before I did the test. I tied myself in knots googling and was SO anxious about it. It went away as soon as the baby was born. I have OCD which I made a real effort to get under control before getting pregnant but it massively spiralled the minute I got the positive test. This is an immense time where you feel totally out of control and that's what fuels the obsessive behaviour. My daughter is 3.5 years old and absolutely perfect. I can't believe I spent my entire pregnancy in a state of abject terror. Stay in counselling and know that pretty much everyone has drank before finding out they were pregnant. Part of my therapy was to step away from google.

@scoobysnaxx thank you.

@bebecakes yes, it's absolutely horrible to be so afraid that you've ruined your baby. and I've read that the first weeks usually go well, but from week four/ five it's crisis. that's why I considered abortion because I thought "what do I do if it's my fault that my child is having a hard time/ what if it was the alcohol?" so good to hear that your OCD improved after your child was born and that your child is doing well today. :)

Hey! How are you doing? I'm reading this at 28 weeks pregnant myself having drank solidly for 7 weeks before finding out. I have the same fear
about week 5 and I was drinking a lot more than you were. I feel for you re: anxiety and also considered abortion myself but I strongly believe we've done the right thing. I know so many people who drank heavily for the first 6 weeks with no clue they were pregnant and never saw any adverse outcomes in real life. xx

@Help23 Hello. I'm so glad I can answer you now in retrospect as I always hoped someone would answer me. I know that where you are now is absolutely awful and the anxiety is so high! BUT - as others here in the forum reassured me, I now have a beautiful baby that I love more than anything! the baby is perfectly healthy and developing well. I'm so glad I didn't took an abortion because my baby is the most wonderful thing and brings me so much joy! the hard truth is that you're probably going to be nervous about this until you see your baby because your fear is playing on the fact that you don't know and just because my baby is healthy doesn't mean yours is. it's because anxiety plays on all the doubts you have! but remember that you are not pregnant forever, so the fear you have now will not last forever. when you see your baby it will calm down from the alcohol you drank. hope you will give me an update when the baby is born. wish you all the best:)

Thank you so much for answering. That's wonderful news congratulations! I feel like what I have done is a lot worse than you (as I found out a lot later) but am so reassured to hear your news. Brings me hope! Enjoy motherhood! xxx

@Help23
but the fact that you feel that it is much worse is also the anxiety talking. I remember thinking the same thing, that I had drunk later than everyone else. but I read so many forums and there were several people who drank at the same time as you and with whom it went well. I'm just happy to answer you, because it also gave me hope when I was pregnant- that this could go well. but anxiety is your worst enemy and will always come with doubt! but remember- you're not pregnant forever and I'm sure you'll be overjoyed that you didn't took an abortion due to alcohol! thank you very much:)

@Mia098 congratulations on your baby!! I've thought about you a lot since you posted this thread and hoped that everything worked out for you. I'm over the moon to hear that all the anxiety from your pregnancy is behind you and you have your beautiful baby :)