Pregnant, alcohol and high anxiety

[Mia098]

Hello. I have found out that I am pregnant. before I found out I was drinking alcohol. we were on holiday the first week I was pregnant and drank wine and beer every day. I came home and took a pregnancy test. it was negative. I took another one which was also negative. we went on holiday for 5 more days and then I drank wine with food. when I got home I got a positive test and since then I've had so much anxiety because I'm terrified of having hurt the child. It has now been a few weeks and the anxiety is only getting worse. even though this was a wanted child, I am now considering an abortion as I feel that the anxiety is eating me up. the doctor said I could think about an abortion since I had so much anxiety because of the drinking. I don't know what to do, the anxiety has taken over me and I feel I have no choice.

I drank before I knew! Baby was/is fine! And is a massive teenager now 🤣
look the biggest problem that will affect you and how much you enjoy this pregnancy is this crippling anxiety. Your response to drinking not that much in very early pregnancy is absolutely disproportionate and I think you need some help with this. Anxiety is HORRIBLE and it will rob you of this lovely time if you let it. Ask your gp for help CBT might be a really good option for you x

@ArseMenagerie thank you for replying:) I have spoken to the midwife and doctor and I have been referred to a psychologist. but it takes a long time before I can get any help so the time is running out.

yes, anxiety can tear you apart :( I've learned in the past that I shouldn't make big decisions when I'm anxious, but difficult when the anxiety doesn't go away. then I don't know if it's the anxiety talking.

The time is not running out though is it?

I don't want to make your anxiety worse but there are so many things that can go awry in life. You can't control them all. Your child will hurt itself by accident, get poorly, eat weird things they're not supposed to...

You can't have a mental health tram hovering over you each time these things happen. Do you have any real life support? Family? What does your partner say about this?

I've been reluctant to post this because I don't want people to think it's fine to drink when pregnant. As I posted before - I had a very boozey month before I found out I was pregnant with my son. We went on holiday (lots of drinking each day) then had a friends to stay - again there was heavy drinking. Then family stayed for a week, more booze.
I was absolutely terrified when I found out I was pregnant! I spent hours each day googling FAS and reading about women who got drunk before they knew they were pregnant. In the end I confessed everything to my doctor, expecting him to tell me my baby was doomed. Instead he just waved his hand dismissively and said "It'll be fine. We don't see FAS unless the mother was drinking a bottle of vodka per night throughout pregnancy."
Now I'm not saying what he said is 100 % accurate and it's definitely not a good idea to drink much when pregnant. However, from what you've said I think it's highly unlikely your child would have FAS.
As I said, my son is a healthy, lively and very clever 10 year old now.

Don’t underestimate how anxious the first trimester can make you. I was a wreck in my last pregnancy and I’m a very mellow, controlled person usually. Pregnancy hormones are wild and I’m sorry you feel this way.

As I mentioned, I’d definitely recommend Emily Oster’s ‘Expecting Better’. She’s a data fiend/economics professor who covers this in detail. Long story short: it’s all or nothing as people have mentioned above.

If you weren’t worrying about this, I wonder whether you’d just find something else to worry about like taking lemsip which contains decongestant, eating deli ham or having a jacuzzi. There’s always something for an anxious mind to focus on. Poor you. Take good care of yourself.

Oh and ps the same book cites studies finding that women in some countries who drink very lightly during pregnancy (like a glass of wine a night similar to what you’ve described) actually had a lower rate of miscarriage compared to women who drunk nothing!

You will be fine. I had a negative test so I carried on as usual, with parties and pub nights. Tested again a week later as my period still hadn't come and there I was pregnant. Baby is now 10 and thriving.

@YesitsBess thank you for replying. I have a very good family and a wonderful husband. he says he wants the child and is not anxious about alcohol like I am.he believes that it often goes well. But he says he will support me in the choice I make.

@SallyWD but were you able to calm your anxiety and not be afraid of fas after you talked to the doctor? my doctor says he can't say anything for sure, and that scares me a lot.

@Holdmysunhat thanks for your reply. yes, I've been anxious before, but it can't be compared to the anxiety after I got pregnant. I feel like I'm going crazy with worry and I don't know how to hold on. I feel I have to wait until the baby is born before I can see if any damage has been done, and that's a long time away. no one can guarantee me that either and it hurts so much not knowing for sure.

yes, maybe I would worry about something else, but I feel that I have done the worst I could have done.when I read on the internet it seems that I have completely ruined the baby.

@TheFluffiestCat so glad to hear everything went well with your baby! me too. two negative tests, but I still feel guilty.

Kindly please speak to your midwife or GP about mental health support. And please stop googling. There is so little evidence on effects of small amounts of alcohol in pregnancy.

They can’t say many things for sure-generally and during pregnancy. You will need to get used to that.

I'm sorry, but this is now sounding like severe neurosis. I really think you need to seek professional help. Posting on here doesn't seem to be doing you any favours!

@PinkRoses1245 I have tried but there is a long waiting time. so the choice is either abortion or waiting for help. but I don't know how long the wait is. I so wish I hadn't been drinking, then I would have had so much less anxiety. but it doesn't help to think like that now.

Call a mental health line.

@Fallingthroughclouds i have tried:)

They can't tell you anything for sure! I just gradually calmed down over the remaining months of my pregnancy. There's no way I was going to abort my baby and I knew rationally that loads of women drink quite a lot before they know they're pregnant and most babies are fine. It took me a while to calm down but I did. I'm sure you will too.

@SallyWD thank you:)

What if you took a fall at 24 weeks or something? Would you consider aborting then too incase the baby was harmed? Altho the chances are everything would be fine then too.
Can you see how your line of thinking isn't practical at all? I know it's the anxiety, but that being said there are plenty of other things other than drinking in pregnancy that can happen too but can turn out ok.
Hopefully you get the support you need soon, then you can relax a little.

@OooohAhhhh no of course not. but there are things I can't do anything about. it can happen to anyone. but feel most people who become pregnant manage to avoid alcohol. i feel guilty because we were trying to get pregnant but i didn't know i was because i took two tests that were negative.so I didn't think I was pregnant that month.
but still feel that I have only myself to blame.

OP you need to stop blaming yourself - you didn’t know you were pregnant, you drank a small amount. You stopped drinking once you knew you were pregnant. Listen to what people are telling you - most of us who have responded drank before realising we were pregnant. All have continued with healthy pregnancies. Your doctor won’t tell you for sure because they can’t be 100% sure about anything during pregnancy - it’s irresponsible to tell you anything is 100%! They won’t even say 100% if you’re having a boy or girl at your scan just what it looks like. Would you feel this anxious if you had eaten something you’re not supposed to while pregnant? Been in a jacuzzi? There’s never a 0 risk all you can do is minimise risk once you have tested positive.

Also don't forget, how are we supposed to know to stop doing something if we don't even know we are even pregnant at the time? There isn't enough hormone (or even of the baby) to even detect pregnancy so early on.
So surely if you was to continue drinking further on into the pregnancy then damage is more likely to occur as the pregnancy progresses?
But you didn't do that, you stopped very early on once the body detected you was pregnant. Breaking it down an thinking about it like this is helpful I think.

Doctors can’t guarantee anything. It’s just how things are. If you get a 1 in 10,000 chance of the baby having Down syndrome are you going to abort because the doctor also won’t guarantee the child definitely won’t have it?

I get when you’re anxious it’s hard to be rational but I wish you would read lots of the posts. You didn’t even binge drink. I’m not sure when the advice came for women not to drink at all in pregnancy but before it used to be permitted to drink a small amount. And those children were fine.

@jolies1 that's what's so strange, I probably ate a lot of strange things before I knew I was pregnant but the only thing I think about is the alcohol.