Pregnant, alcohol and high anxiety

[Mia098]

Hello. I have found out that I am pregnant. before I found out I was drinking alcohol. we were on holiday the first week I was pregnant and drank wine and beer every day. I came home and took a pregnancy test. it was negative. I took another one which was also negative. we went on holiday for 5 more days and then I drank wine with food. when I got home I got a positive test and since then I've had so much anxiety because I'm terrified of having hurt the child. It has now been a few weeks and the anxiety is only getting worse. even though this was a wanted child, I am now considering an abortion as I feel that the anxiety is eating me up. the doctor said I could think about an abortion since I had so much anxiety because of the drinking. I don't know what to do, the anxiety has taken over me and I feel I have no choice.

@Fallingthroughclouds yes, this was a wanted baby, but I didn't know how I would react to the alcohol and get so anxious about it. had I known that, I would never have thought I was ready for this. yes, it's probably an extreme reaction, but when my brain has read the scary stuff online, I get very scared. no, if I have an abortion now, I probably won't have a baby in the future because I'm clearly not coping well.

Go and get some professional advise. Ask your GP for an urgent referral to the perimental midwife team. If you want this, you can do it. There is all sorts of help out there. There was really good advice earlier about how everyone used to drink and smoke etc a couple of generations ago, my mum definitely did, no FAS here, along with the most important thing. It is prolonged, frequent use of alcohol that effects a foetus. Take a few days, calm down and stop searching for things on the Web that tell you you have giving your baby FAS, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT IN ANY WAY.

I suffer from anxiety too, and if you abort this baby due to anxiety then you will only feel even worse afterwards. Always wondering if it was the right thing to do and if baby was ok etc. That will eat away at you far worse.

I fear if you have an abortion you will very much regret it, and then it's too late. Your anxiety won't be there forever & will get better with the right help & support, you just need to get past this stage at the moment.
You can self refer for CBT therapy (cognitive behavioural therapy) which is a free therapy service provided by the NHS. Each region has their own websites for it, so ask your GP what the website address is. You can book your sessions all online.

Please don't worry, as PP said there’s no way of the alcohol actually getting to the foetus until the placenta grows and connects with your blood supply at the end of the first trimester. There's limited academic evidence that drinking a small amount during pregnancy is harmful at all, read the book "expecting better" you'll realise how little scientific evidence there is behind most medical guidance during pregnancy.

Here's the thread that I was talking about: Can't bear this anymore, is termination at 15 16 weeks just going to make it all worse? | Mumsnet

If you look at the posts, the OP was back and forth booking termination appointments because of sky high anxiety over some drinking before she knew she was pregnant. The thread stuck in my mind because it was heartbreaking to read. If you look at the update, her child is fine; her issue was her anxiety and mental health.

You need help for your anxiety. It can be helped, whether by therapy or medication or a combination of both.

thank you very much. I don't know if it's the anxiety talking, but I feel like I am going to follow everything that happens with the child, both development and looks. but maybe it just feels that way now, I don't know.

@DappledOliveGroves thank you very much. this sounds like me! I read that many children are doing well, but I don't know if my child is going to be ok. I read about someone who drank at week 6, and she said that the child had a fas. it scares me!

My old colleague was forever moaning about her back hurting
She drank a lot and took drugs, and went to the doctors about her back pain. They said it was the baby. Her "what baby?!"
She gave birth 6 days later with no clue she was pregnant before that. He's 18 now and absolutely fine

Obvs I wouldn't recommend doing what she did pregnant or not!

@Mia098 so you need support but not for FAS, for the anxiety. Pre natal mental health issues are often not picked up on, but are real.

The hard part with the research on FAS and therefore the guidance, is that expecting mothers rarely self report accurate volumes of alcohol consumed during pregnancy due to the shame. Don't compare your own consumption with that of those purporting to have drunk x-amount on the Internet. You and your baby will be just fine. FAS generally only occurs when there is a significant ongoing consumption of alcohol throughout pregnancy. And the only reason your healthcare workers won't give your certainty is they know that mothers will under report the amount they have drunk and that for women with chronic alcohol issues FAS is a real risk. It isn't worth their professional registration to 'predict' an outcome based on a 15 min appointment without being very certain ome way or another.

Good luck. You got this!

That's not heavy drinking, I would be worried if you said you drank 1-2 bottles everyday but 1-2 glasses of wine a day on holiday is nothing.

The thing is, in the nicest possible way, you can never know if your child will be ok. You could be teetotal, eat wonderfully, do exercise and your child could be born with a birth defect that no-one could have tested for. Your child could have autism. Your child could have a genetic condition. Or they could be perfectly healthy but something could happen to them in childhood (illness, accident). When you decide to get pregnant, the child you end up with is largely out of your control. Ditto parenthood - whatever you do, you cannot predict or overcome every eventuality. You cannot control everything. So I would very much urge you to deal with your anxiety

@Shadypaws23 wow, she must have been so scared!

@Thingamebobwotsit thank you!

@DappledOliveGroves no, I fully understand that a lot can happen to a child, both during pregnancy and when the child is born and growing up. what hurts here is that I may have done this to my child, and I don't know how I can forgive myself if it is something wrong with the child because of me.

I think this is something to take with a pinch of salt as many people underestimate or downplay their drinking (most women aren’t going to tell the world they drank regularly during pregnancy). I really do not think the amount you drank at the stage in your pregnancy is anything to worry about regarding FAS - as other posters have said, it’s incredibly rare and affects people who drink heavily throughout pregnancy.

There’s so many things that can happen there’s always a tiny risk you need to accept. Should I travel by car? What if I have an accident? Should I go on holiday while pregnant? What if I get sick? Should I have eaten / drank that? All you can do is try your best to make sensible choices and remember anxiety is not good for baby either. And after they arrive you have tried your best to protect them for months and you find them happily eating handfuls of dirt!

If having a few drinks in the first few weeks of pregnancy caused FAS there would be many, many more cases of it. Like other posters have said you need to speak to your partner and get them to help you stop reading scary studies you’re finding online to support your fears & make an urgent appointment with MH support through your midwife, be completely honest with them. If you decide not to continue with your pregnancy you need to be sure you have received the correct support before you make that choice and remember that ultimately it is your body and your choice, but for a wanted baby in a serious relationship I would be involving DP as much as possible.

@jolies1 thank you:)

I don't know how many in this chat that drank before they knew they were pregnant, but it's probably easy for those who didn't drink to say that everything will be fine. I would probably have said that too if I was the one who hadn't been drinking. but now I am one of those who have drunk, and those who have drunk like me can perhaps feel the anxiety that I do.

I drank before I knew I was pregnant. Went on a couple of benders. Single mum here (great relationship with the ex). A very healthy seven year old. Love of my life we have a wonderful relationship, couldn't manage this world without her. Abortion never crossed my mind if FAS had been an issue we'd have dealt with it

It feels like there’s more to this than the alcohol. You have drank hardly anything, and none of the rational evidence being shared is helping you. I hope you find peace, but this definitely requires a professional and not the internet.

Honestly don’t worry!
lots of people did the same and their babies are completely fine!
You both will be alright xx

@Fallingthroughclouds thank you for replying:)

@redxlondon it's the alcohol that gives me anxiety. thanks. yes, it's just that I'm so anxious about what I read on the internet. I don't read it anymore, but unfortunately I remember what I've already read.

Agreed

@NancyMaloni thank you:)