Pregnant, alcohol and high anxiety

[Mia098]

Hello. I have found out that I am pregnant. before I found out I was drinking alcohol. we were on holiday the first week I was pregnant and drank wine and beer every day. I came home and took a pregnancy test. it was negative. I took another one which was also negative. we went on holiday for 5 more days and then I drank wine with food. when I got home I got a positive test and since then I've had so much anxiety because I'm terrified of having hurt the child. It has now been a few weeks and the anxiety is only getting worse. even though this was a wanted child, I am now considering an abortion as I feel that the anxiety is eating me up. the doctor said I could think about an abortion since I had so much anxiety because of the drinking. I don't know what to do, the anxiety has taken over me and I feel I have no choice.

I knew a woman at uni who didn’t discover she was pregnant until after the cut off for an abortion. She’d been drinking and partying like a typical student and her child turned out fine and is doing well. So even in cases where a woman drinks during most of the pregnancy it isn’t guaranteed something will go wrong. Drinking a few glasses each day for the first few weeks is really nothing to worry about. I’d be more concerned with your anxiety negatively affecting your health.

@OooohAhhhh thank you:) I just feel quilty because We were trying. even though we took two tests, I think I should have stayed away from alcohol completely just in case. but I trusted the tests.

@ThomasinaLivesHere no, I wouldn't. but it couldn't be my fault, that's what hurts me. one of the days, maximum day seven after conception i drank maybe 3 glasses over a 2 hour period and it scares me a bit. I also drank 1-2 glasses of wine that night. so that day I am very afraid of.

You should be fine, my son has FASD as his bio mum drank throughout pregnancy. A huge number of the population have undiagnosed FASD.

@withoutapaddl thanks for reply. that's what I'm afraid of, having to live with myself if that were to happen.

@Mia098 please keep calling your mid-wife and ask to speak to the perinatal mental health team. Explain how urgent it is and just keep pestering. You should be seen fairly quickly. Although it's unlikely to help your anxiety it might help you realise that it is very much pregnancy related. Anxiety in pregnancy is horrific and I think you need to face the reality it is unlikely to get better but once baby arrives it will 100% be worth it. I was very lucky and my anxiety settled almost instantly after birth.

it is comments like the one above here that prove that alcohol can cause damage. I don't think I can live with this uncertainty..

It can - in people who drink heavily throughout pregnancy. Most cases of FAS you have seen are born to women who had alcohol addiction and did not get treated during pregnancy. And even then it is a very small number who are affected by it in a way people would notice. The main risks in the first few weeks are of miscarriage - you’ve got past that stage safely it seems.

Please listen to the advice you are being given and demand immediate support for your anxiety before making decisions. Stress is not good for you or baby. Have you had your scan yet, to reassure you that baby is developing well?

I was much more anxious about results of NIPT tests than the wine and cocktails I drank before I knew I was pregnant.

@jolies1 thanks. I wish I could calm down about it, but she who has commented above who talks about FASD, she also says that there are many people who have it undiagnosed. so maybe both fas and fasd are possible this early, even if we don't think so.
yes, I've had an early scan, but they say they can only see organs but not if anything in the brain is damaged, and I'm afraid of that. we don't know how much the mother of her child drank, it could have been the same as me. Sorry if I seem fussy, but I'm just so scared. After all, I only want the best for the baby, and I got off to such a bad start.

I’m not a doctor but I have worked in social care - the children we fostered and supported through adoption who had FAS symptoms had been born to mothers who had numerous issues including alcohol abuse, not just minor use, during pregnancy. They weren’t children born to women who had a glass or two of wine in very early pregnancy and then lived healthily. Women drank moderately throughout pregnancy until the last generation - my mother drank Guinness through out each pregnancy!

@jolies1 thanks. in a way I wish I lived in those days without the internet, because then I wouldn't have known everything that could go wrong. I just get so angry with myself because I feel that the alcohol thing could have been avoided. then I would not have so much anxiety and guilt now. I should just stay away completely, even if the tests were negative. But that is to late now. I just feel so stupid.

@bumphope2020 thank you very much. yes, I don't understand how I can cope with so much anxiety. and if I choose to continue the pregnancy I will be so afraid that I have harmed the child.Even after the baby is born.I feel that when I get pregnant in 2023 I should know better than what has happened now..

I probably sound crazy to many, but you can go crazy thinking about this. Google is my worst enemy. but I think there must be a reason why they write it online. because they don't want to make pregnant women full of anxiety and consider abortion if there wasn't a chance.

thanks to everyone who has answered me.

@Mia098 I've been thinking about you and hoping you are ok. How are you feeling?

@LavenderSweetPea thank you very much. I still feel pretty terrible to be honest. the only thought that is in my head is that i have hurt my own child. I'm trying to change my thinking, but even with health care I can't do it. I was so afraid that I would regret an abortion, but it feels horrible to feel like I do now. I'm afraid I'll never be able to get rid of the guilt of what I've done. thank you for thinking of me🌸

How is your friends child doing now?

@Ssmomma88 my friends child?:)

Sorry I mean your child?

OP this happens to so many people. I’m sure baby will be fine. You’ve stopped drinking now to help your baby which is great. Plenty of people don’t manage to stop. I think the key for you is to get anxiety under control as your anxiety could impact your post partume period. I’d be more worried about your anxiety than the few early weeks drinking. Best of luck. Your baby will be lucky she or her has a mum who cares so much xxx

@Beachwaves127 thank you<3

No problem. Please remind yourself of this when you need to: Your baby will be lucky she or he has a mum who cares so much.

Many babies aren’t so lucky.

Regardless of course do what is best for you x

How are you OP? How have the scans been going so far? Probably all ok I presume

@OooohAhhhh thank you so much for asking:)
I feel like I can never forgive myself , feel like an idiot and now regret not having an abortion because I feel so horrible. I'm now 33 weeks and I'm not looking forward to giving birth and seeing the child grow up with mistakes that happened because of me. I have spoken to health professionals about this but nothing helps. I should have just had an abortion when I could.
I thought I made the right choice since I'm 33 years and thought it might take time to get pregnant again if I had an abortion. but it's not a good life to feel that kind of guilt either and I'll never be that safe, happy person again.

@Mia098 you really need to make your peace with this. You have kept the baby. The baby sounds healthy. Presumably they've not raised concerns at the anomaly scans?

As previous posters pointed out, you stopped drinking well before the placenta took over. It sounds like your heavier drinking was even before you had a positive pregnancy test (I E. Before implantation). Therefore there was no link between baby and your blood at the time. I'm not sure what anyone else can say to reassure you. I'm glad you've got some support but in my humble opinion you really need some quite intensive counselling about this. For it to still be eating you up when you are so far into a healthy pregnancy must be so tough and you really need some much better mental health support. Have you accessed maternity mental health services during your pregnancy? You could be fast-tracked to a clinical psychologist.

You really need to get on top of this now or you will be constantly seeking confirmation bias to your worst fears with every little (normal!) thing that your baby does.