Pregnant, alcohol and high anxiety

[Mia098]

Hello. I have found out that I am pregnant. before I found out I was drinking alcohol. we were on holiday the first week I was pregnant and drank wine and beer every day. I came home and took a pregnancy test. it was negative. I took another one which was also negative. we went on holiday for 5 more days and then I drank wine with food. when I got home I got a positive test and since then I've had so much anxiety because I'm terrified of having hurt the child. It has now been a few weeks and the anxiety is only getting worse. even though this was a wanted child, I am now considering an abortion as I feel that the anxiety is eating me up. the doctor said I could think about an abortion since I had so much anxiety because of the drinking. I don't know what to do, the anxiety has taken over me and I feel I have no choice.

Your anxiety maybe doing more harm that the alcohol, I did this as I had no idea, my doctor did the same when she found out with hers

Agree with Wanda that stress is far more likely to harm your baby.

Honestly, you are blowing this out of all proportion. Took me a few days to work out that my 'hangover' from getting very drunk one Friday night might actually be something else. He's a strapping, healthy adult now.

OP - your anxiety is clouding your judgment and making you ill. I recall another poster in a similar situation a number of years ago. She was posting regularly and considering a late stage abortion of a much wanted baby because of her anxiety over the fact she’d had a few drinks. IIRC she went ahead and had a perfectly healthy baby. I’ll try and find the thread.

This happened to me with my second. I had no idea I was pregnant. I even had a normal period. I had a particularly boozy month, going away and having friends to stay. Anyway, my baby was fine. He's now nearly 11 and couldn't be healthier.

Hi OP, I also think it sounds like anxiety.

Which can show itself in so many ways. It's only recently that I can look back and realise how anxious I was as a first time mother.

I Google diagnosed my first child with cerebral palsy (I was very serious about this and waited until my husband came home from work to sit him down and 'break the news' ) This was due to a low Apgar score and the fact he didn't crawl at 9 months.. I know it's ridiculous now but at the time it was all I thought about, read about, researched.. panicked over..

My second baby, I decided had FAS despite me not drinking once I found out at 5 weeks. He's 10 now and really clever and does not have ASD.

My third child, I was convinced had dwarfism. I was so concerned about his growth...

I now realise it was extreme anxiety.

I hope you feel better soon. It's horrible to go through and I remember how all encompassing it was xxx

Can’t lie I’m so happy for you that this post has a rational response “well we all had a drink before we knew and the kids are all fine” ….over the usual MN crazy divorce your husband and move out the country because he didn’t pick up your fav snack last time he was at tesco!

It happens to us all you don’t know what you don’t know and it’s so early on you will be fine as per my previous post! But as someone speaking from experience the only thing that needs addressed is your anxiety…don’t let irrational thoughts and fears take over, you need, as I did, a professional to talk you through it and give you an understanding of why these irrational amplified thoughts run through your head and that they happen to everyone but it’s about learning how to recognise it’s a wild thought x

@jolies1 thank you for your reply. yes, I agree that the internet is not a good friend, especially not now. at the same time, the scary truth is there, which is very scary for me right now.

@LavenderSweetPea yes, We talk about it every day. So i feel a little bit sorry for him. but he sees how affected by the anxiety I am and he has said he supports me no matter what choice I make. but it hurts him to see me in such pain.

OP, you and your baby will be fine. Please stop torturing yourself and take the psychological help you have been offered.

@bobcat2424 you drank before you knew you were pregnant with your second, that's why you were afraid of phase? Yes, anxiety can affect so much. May I ask how you managed to work with the anxiety?

@ItJustFellOutLikeWordVomit
I am so happy for all the nice comments here. there are a lot of kind people here with good hearts! I've been to a psychologist for help with my anxiety before, but the psychologist said he couldn't help me. I therefore went to another psychologist and he said the same thing. I therefore feel that I cannot be fixed from the anxiety problem:/

@MadKittenWoman thanks. I'm still waiting for help. :/

I regret posting that link....it doesn't state the full picture. Basically, at your stage of gestation there is an 'all or nothing response'. A teratogen that causes damage to the cells either causes a miscarriage or the cells repair themselves fully. At this stage of development the cells have a remarkable ability to repair themselves - better than at later stages of development.

If a woman doesn't have a miscarriage due to exposure at this time it is expected that the exposure will not cause a birth defect. I got this from a scientific paper but I'm not going to post it as it's lengthy and you'll probably find a way to worry about something in there (meant kindly! )

Course you can be helped! I’ve worked in mental health for a long time and can assure you your way of thinking is 1000000% not too far out to be rationalised and have a chat about how you got there and how to deal with those feelings going forward xxx

@Mia098, unfortunately I didn't recognise that I was anxious. I spent years worrying, luckily my eldest did crawl and walk so that went with time (he's 11 now and perfectly normal)
Then I guess I fixated on my middle baby.. FAS despite the fact I knew that I didn't drink in pregnancy. At one stage I questioned my husband when he came home from work: 'I didn't drink in pregnancy, that is true isn't it?'
Then I was fairly sure he had Autism.
Then I had my youngest.. and that was the a whole catalogue of worries.
I think I started to feel better when I went back to work and got back to the gym.
Unfortunately I am trying to deal anxiety now- almost 10 years later it's come back with different (equally unjustified ) worries.
I have finally started therapy xx

It doesn't matter what we say, you're reading links that contradict everything that we have said, and you keep on referring to it to back up what you are thinking, as a way of confirming your thoughts. This goes back to why you shouldn't search the internet, you can go down a massive rabbit hole where you'll find one thing that says it doesn't harm, but then you will look for info where it says it does harm. In reality, the chances of any damage occurring is ridiculously slim, so much so that it isn't even worth thinking about.

I do think it's a very poor excuse to warrant a termination. I really do hope you get help with your anxiety over this.

Honestly don't worry you won't be the first or last. You really should only consider an abortion if it was a possibility before the drinking blip. It is a bit concerning this was one of your first thoughts, maybe you need a little bit of support from the perimental health team.

@ItJustFellOutLikeWordVomit thank you. I really hope so:) But I am afraid that I can’t calm down because I know there is a small chance there, and I’m terrified of that little chance. I can’t sleep well, I can’t function how I want to. And if I take an abortion all this worry will go away.

@Fallingthroughclouds what did you mean about «You really should only consider an abortion if it was a possibility before the drinking blip.» ?

@bobcat2424 it sounds very painful to feel like that. I hope you get good help now. it was a good thing you hadn't been drinking before you found out you were pregnant, because that would have probably made your worry even worse. believe me;)

@PerfectYear321 thank you:)

Not drinking during pregnancy is quite a "new" thing. I remember visiting my friend's grandparents who didn't understand why I wasn't drinking. The grandmother told me she had a glass of wine every day during pregnancy, and never thought it would be harmful. People used to drink, take drugs and smoke- it's just how it was.

You can not cause fatal alcohol syndrome because you had some drinks at the very very early stage of pregnancy. I used to work with fas children- their parents were heavily (not just few glasses or beer) drinking EVERY SINGLE DAY during the whole pregnancy.

The alcohol isn't the problem here. You clearly have a very big anxiety for some reason and you try to explain it with the alcohol intake.
I have to be honest: it's only going to get worse. If I can describe motherhood with one word it would be: worry. However, you said if you will have an abortion the worry will go away. It won't. If you want another baby at some point, abortion is not the answer. The anxiety will be back, in different forms.

It is scary but motherhood is the most amazing experience that you can imagine.
You need to look into what kind of help you can get; talk to different doctors, search for support groups, pregnancy groups etc. You are going to find out you are not the only one who feels like this.

As PP has stated, untill the placenta has formed the fetus is self sufficient in getting its nutrient I.e. takes very little from you! My self and countless others have drank amounts of alcohol before finding out they were pregnant with perfectly health little ones being born at the end. FAS is more applicable to those with extensive and prolonged alcohol use throughout pregnancy . The reason there is little scientific data on this is that it is not ethical to carry out sic studies on pregnant women. In European countries there’s no advice in alcohol consumption especially in later trimesters.
the choice of the abortion of course is up to you but if it is purely based on potential damage to the baby after a few days of drinking when they are not even connected via a placenta it is really not necessary!

Ie was this pregnancy planned? Before being concerned about the drinking, would you be considering terminating anyway?

@Mia098

Did you originally want a baby? Do you really think the worry will just go away, would you not wonder what could have been, feel guilt over terminating what is very likely a perfectly healthy baby, wouldn't you have strong emotions about the termination? Do you really think you would be obsessed with FAS once you held your child and watched them develop beautifully. Abortions are big deals to most people, and not usually the first option in planned pemregnancies. I have never heard anyone have such a strong reaction to accidental drinking during the first short time of pregnancy, not even close.

That being said, I think you have some severe neurosis and you are very possibly, not ready for a baby, either this one or if you tried to get pregnant again straight after. Your blind, blinkered panic and naivity over a aborting a much wanted baby (if it was ever wanted) gives serious pause for thought.

Assuming 'all this worry will just go away' suggests you really need some counselling and a very sympathetic ear. If you had an abortion then fell pregnant again quickly, I honestly do not think you'd be emotionally ready for all the changes and upheaval this would bring, unless you have effective therapy. Whatever you decide I wish you the very best of luck and that you can be at peace with your decision.

The same happened to me before I found out I was pregnant. I was on holiday during the tww and really let my hair down which I don't even normally do. I mentioned it to my midwife at my first appointment and she said that happens to most women and there is nothing to worry about. If you want this child, then don't worry about the drinking before you found out, the child will be fine!