No kids or babies in scans?

[Toria33]

So they have booked me for some insanely early appointments 8.30 and my last pregnancy was high risk so i had hospital scans and dr appointments and midwife’s appointments all on different days, so the amount of time i would have to leave my 7 month old is insane, dose anyone know why this is? he is an insanely quite baby so not likely to distract and i would only leave him with my mum who is an hour away and can’t do the day the second scan is booked for.. I can’t drive and my husband wants to be there, so not sure what to do.

For this rule to make sense it would have to be the sane in every hospital trust. It isn't because it's perfectly possible to scan with children there. I have had bad news as op says having my husband there was more important than the presence of other children. It also can result in women who are poor being refused medical care. Also the pilling on and bullying of a woman who had had so many losses is disgusting.

I think before you start panicking about "hundreds of hours" of missed time in your babies life or a large amount of scans, you need to get through the 20 week scan and see what the outcome is.

If your mum can't do Mondays, ring up and change your scan- it's only like any other app that you change if it's not suitable. Then speak to your midwife about the struggles of Monday apps, if it's just routine midwife that you end up needing then it's not many and think about if you really require your husband to be there for them ones.

At the end of the day, you've had an awful time with the loss of your pregnancies but it's a standard NHS service which has rules for everyone, you're not paying for a private service so can't dictate that your needs are more important than others, whether that feels fair or not, unfortunately isn't going to be a priority

I think the risks of children/babies being in hospital for personal comfort outweigh the benefits if I’m honest. Hospitals are not a place for children never have been and never will.

This - honestly don’t see what the issue is.
You are coming across increasingly dramatic and very me me me.

Honestly OP. There is no point getting so stressed about this. As I mentioned before if you ring and tell them you cannot make it they will find another appointment for you, you may have to wait or you could get lucky, like I did, and they miraculously find an appointment the following day, despite being fully booked. Believe me they do not want to deny you care even though they are busy.
Im not sure if you have already rang and explained, they MAY make an exception, as again they do not want to deny you care.
Finally you, husband and baby could just turn up. Best case they will scan you anyway, worse case they will just rebook you. Either way you will get your scan or a more suitable alternative date.

if you are expecting many appointments again this pregnancy you will need to have to re-evaluate your childcare options though. Get through this first scan/appointment and take it from there.

I was at a hospital radiography department and they had signs up saying no children in the room and please don't ask staff to supervise children.

I've had another letter through for a clinic review with bold writing saying they do not have childcare available for X rays and scan appointments.

It's very clear that the radiologists are doing a medical investigation.

Why should maternity scans be any different?

They're professionals doing their job and need to be able to talk to their patients without having to mind out for children or them/the patient being distracted by children and babies.

What happens if you go into labour on a Monday? Or if you have to go for other scans on mondays further on in the pregnancy, when your really quiet baby isn't so quiet or wants to be running around and climbing on things? What would you do then?

MC is horrible, I had my last one in 2020 so had to go to the multiple scans alone. When I had my first the scan room in epau wasn't able to be used so I had to go to the 'normal' one. To come out and see happy pregnant ppl with their scan pictures etc was awful, this was in 2010 and there were babies there too and it was seriously like a knife twisting in my heart, I just broke down!

I haven't read your other threads but if it's only a case of your mil being late, maybe get you H to talk to her to ensure she will be there on time or could you pick her up en-route and take her with you to the hospital to wait in the cafe? Or do the same with your dad?

Your partner can look after the baby!

Up to you.

You might want your husband but if you need someone to look after your child and he's your only choice then you can't.

It may be that like in the covid days you'll have to do the scan alone but if it's bad news they'll allow him in to the private room with you?

Hardly. She is refusing to listen to good advice and sympathy. Instead she wants special treatment because she has had losses. There are many of us myself included who have suffered. (I have had more than 10 pregnancy losses. ) but you know what I had my cry picked myself up and got the fuck on with it. Every. Single. Time.

The op is being stubborn and tone deaf and overly entitled because...

It's actually insulting the way she is behaving. The op must realise that she is in a very privileged position and is throwing a tepmer tantrum because the hospital's policy doesn't suit HER specific needs. That's disgusting

I think the only way round this is to pay for a private scan. Then both dh and baby can come

You really need to sort out some other kids of care for your baby for emergencies

I can't beleive you don't have a friend you can leave baby with

Op, sorry i’m with everyone else here.

I understand childcare can be tricky, but at the end of the day, the sonographers need to be able to concentrate on what they are doing. You can’t guarantee that your baby will be quiet.

I also had trauma from my first birth and would prefer not to be alone in the growth scans i’m currently having, but if you reallt feel there is no other childcare, then you ultimately need to decide what is more important, you not being alone in the scan, or having the scan to check on your unborn child.

So if someone’s got 5+ kids they should all be allowed in the room?
That’s 8 people in one tiny room.

It would be nice if hospitals could be flexible but some can’t and as OP can get her DH to wait outside with the DS then I understand their reasons.

Ok so firstly labour is a fair bit different to a routine scan appointment so would warrant a bit more planning but secondly, homebirth 😉

You need to contact your midwife and ask for an antenatal mental health referall.

Look, you WANT your DH, but your baby NEEDS your DH to look after them if there isn't anyone else available. You can ask family and friends or hire a babysitter, if I was available and a friend asked me I'd do it in a heartbeat. If you do not trust anyone but your DH or mum to look after your baby then that's you choosing to go it alone rather than choosing to allow someone else to look after the baby for an hour or two.

If you can't bring your DH you're going to refuse medical care for you and new baby? Really? Once again this shows you need urgent mental health intervention. You're pregnant and you need to accept that can come with you needing medical care, which could include routine and potentially overnight hospital stays.

What's your plan for giving birth if your mum isn't available? Are you going to free birth at home without any medical assistance if your DH can't come in with you because he's watching baby?

It sucks, but you're not the first to need to attend medical appointments etc alone. You won't be the last. You need to deal with your anxiety now before it poses a real health risk to you and the baby you're carrying. Your first will be without you much longer if you die or need an extended stay in hospital because you didn't get the appropriate medical care early.

The level of entitlement is real. So many people have been through trauma and yet they can understand why the rule is in place. I’m sorry for your losses but you are not the only person to go through such terrible things.

You’ve been given multiple good suggestions. If you really need your partner there I would ring the hospital and just say you cannot do that day and you need an alternative or you won’t be able to attend. They will probably decide to help you and slot you in elsewhere if you are polite about it and don’t come off as entitled as you are seeming. There has to be space somewhere. I rang my hospital as we are away for a few days at the end of the month and she was so helpful and actually got me in 12 weeks on the dot.

You have mentioned though you should be able to have your little family there so if it’s just a case of wanting your baby in the scan with you too I think that’s a bit daft.

If you can’t rearrange it maybe consider your MIL. If they are usually late then you drop the baby there? She would be doing you a favour so the least you/your husband could do is drop them off. I know what it’s like to rely on one person for childcare. We only have my MIL and she’s going on holiday this week but you do have alternative childcare, you just sound like you don’t want to use it.

I’m also curious to know the plan for labour. I know multiple people have asked but you haven’t addressed it…

@Toria33 the one who has lost a child is obviously worse you don't want a screaming child. Saying you have nobody to look after your child is quite a poor excuse what will you do in labour? Who will watch your child then?

I'm a single parent with no support myself. I agree with others too many entitled people on this thread.