No kids or babies in scans?

[Toria33]

So they have booked me for some insanely early appointments 8.30 and my last pregnancy was high risk so i had hospital scans and dr appointments and midwife’s appointments all on different days, so the amount of time i would have to leave my 7 month old is insane, dose anyone know why this is? he is an insanely quite baby so not likely to distract and i would only leave him with my mum who is an hour away and can’t do the day the second scan is booked for.. I can’t drive and my husband wants to be there, so not sure what to do.

That's what I'm currently doing. DH has only been to the private gender scan (with DS) and all NHS scans I have gone to alone. My next will be a few days before my elective section and I could potentially be driving myself a 45 mile round trip 2 days before having my baby. But that's what I have to do.

Hang on, so husbands/partners should stay away to look after siblings because other people may receive bad news and don’t want to see other people’s babies/kids in the waiting room?

But those mothers who then can’t have their partners there because no alternative childcare have to just handle unexpected bad news alone? Nope that makes no sense to me

(This coming from someone who turned up at 12 week scan during covid restrictions to discover MMC and then make decisions around treatment alone).

OP I’ve taken a baby into 12 week scan and they weren’t an issue. Managed to organise childcare for 20w scan which is more detailed and does require a more concentration from the sonographer

It's a shame you haven't given your body more time to recover from a difficult pregnancy and your son a bit more time with you before getting pregnant again. No doubt you're going to be highly indignant at the mere suggestion but it wasn't sensible. We all know how contraception works before that excuse gets trotted out

I also had surgery for a MC alone in non covid times as Grandparents were working/on holiday so DH needed to look after 2 year old.

But it is a rule I absolutely respected as how can a child be brought to a ward/hospital environment where there a possibility of seeing that child could make a grieving mother or parent feel worse than they already do.

If you plan on having subsequent kids and have no framework in place for childcare for dc1 then what's the plan for labour? Can't bring dc1 along there.

To be fair, it sounds like OP could make alternative plans if she wanted to but she just doesn’t want to.

It also isn’t the only reason for kids to not be allowed.

Abnormalities on scan are mm difference. Trying to get the exact view while mums inevitably shift towards the pram, and maintain a running commentary is challenging.
I work in exam rooms where you would nit be able to fit a pram. Toddlers running around, tripping over leads and trying to unplug expensive equipment offers additional challenges.
A local hospital changed their policy pre COVID after an extremely expensive payout for a missed scan diagnosis. Apparently there were 2 yr twins running around in a small darkened room with the sonographer and patient.

Those are the rules. They suck but that's how it is. I'm saying this as someone who had 3 mcs and 1 ectopic through lockdowns and covid restrictions, I've recently had a baby and had serial growth scans, extra midwife appts. I was being seen every 2 weeks from 24 wks and then every week from 32 wks. Baby was born at 37wks and was in hospitalfor 3 days. So, I get it completely. I do understand.

It was brutal working out childcare for my eldest. And, we have no family around to help. We had to pay for sitters, extra breakfast clubs and asked friends to help. I did several appts without H.

You have 3 choices

1. Get a sitter/childcare
2. Go alone/H in waiting room with baby
3. Refuse scans/appts

But lots of people have multiple kids and they can’t have them all coming into the scan room or the labour ward.

For my second baby they kept arranging scans for a Monday when I didn’t have child care. I told them I couldn’t attend Mondays, they said it’s Monday or nothing so I just had to say well then it’s going to have to be no scan as I know they wouldn’t bend their rules for no children (which I do understand). They did find me an alternative appointment BTW after they insisted I attend the scan.

Unfortunately the ‘rules’ do need to be consistent for everyone. There are many reasons hospitals and clinics have taken this stance post COVID which many other posters have explained. Maybe it took something like COVID to make hospital administrators and health care professionals realise how much of a distraction children can be during medical procedures, not to mention their clinics are probably a lot more efficient and calm. Prior to that family’s attending was the norm.

Im sure everyone will sympathise with your situation OP, and wish you all best. But you are going to have to make all sorts of sacrifices having two babies so close together and this is just the first. You can ring and complain and they may make exceptions, but all I know is my hospital took that stance and stuck to it.

Also just as a side point there will always be the ‘gobby’ variety of parent sat in that waiting room, take one look at you sat with your baby and begin to loudly kick off as, without knowing your situation, they have been unable to string their brood along.

Was unplanned. I didn’t have my iud back in as I was having surgeries and didn’t want to have it removed for ct/mri scans. Woman often start trying 6 months pp however. Given our prior losses however we were happy to have a potentially viable pregnancy and I wasn’t about to have a abortion as a child even unexpectedly is a blessing

This is a lot of money in a time of cost of living crisis and I won’t leave him with anyone but my mother. (For why I won’t leave him with my in-laws check out other threads)
i don’t drive so husband has to take me
I am considering refusing some scans if I end up having to have 8 like last time as well as 8 midwife appointments and 7 hospital appointments, often the hospital days took 3- 6 hours. I’m really shocked as they mentioned nothing at my booking appointment when we took him and he slept through most of the 2 hour’s appointment.

I do find it totally sickening that because of this women are finding out horrific news alone, simply because they cannot go with a child. They May cancel appointments if you turn up with a child and your partner in some hospitals, children aren’t even allowed in waiting room in some bans. is as I stated a complete fear of mine, to go in alone after experiencing so many losses I couldn’t do it.

It's not just about you

I think you will find it is. I have been through multiple losses this situation is about me and I had to endure loads of kids around, now suddenly when it’s my turn oh sorry no kids. Frankly I barley noticed them. It was actually pregnant women I found more triggering and we can’t exactly ban them can we?! As I said were 80% of losses occur in epu us in a separate location. So your talking about 2/100 patients ish for miscarriages past 12 weeks. Yes there are the other conditions which idk the percentage of. My family has heart problems so higher risk there.
I’m telling you it’s far more harrowing to receive hideous news alone than with other people’s children around. It makes you physically incapable of going to scans alone, makes you a bit irrationally clingy to your spouse and child js.
most if you lecturing me haven’t been through multiple losses I have as i said barely clicks in my memory but the heavily pregnant happy woman dose as as I said we can’t ban those..
if I have to endure scans alone I just won’t be able to do it rational or not fear that stops your physical movement is a thing, multiple times my husband had to drag me to scans in my last pregnancy for fear. Now I am stressed beyond being able to sleep so that’s all for that!!

Unless it is your own personal private hospital, then it most definitely is not all about you.
If the rule is no kids, then you can't take your kids. It's that simple. You get a babysitter and take your husband or you take the bus and go alone. Welcome to being a mother of 2, get used to it.
Also, loss is far from the only reason for a difficult pregnancy or receipt of bad news. Where is your compassion for other families and the medical staff trying to do their jobs?

YABU. They have to have one rule and stick to it.

and sorry for your loss, but having had losses too it would have been horrendous for me having other people’s kids there. I could barely cope with seeing babies in the street. You knew this was the case before choosing to have another pregnancy

No, it isn’t. This isn’t just a rule for you, it applies to everyone. Even if your baby is as quiet as you say, if they relaxed the rules then there will be plenty of children there who are loud, disruptive etc. it’s not fair on the other women or the sonographers for that to happen. Plus you’ve got absolutely no guarantee that your little boy won’t choose the exact moment that you’re in the scan room to soil his nappy and get upset because he needs changing. Or doesn’t like the small, dark room and gets scared and cries. Then what are you going to do? By all means ring them and explain, but don’t be surprised if they say no.

And if I’ve understood you correctly then 80% of losses occurring at the EPU is 20/100 occurring not in the EPU. So 2/10, not 2/100. And as you’ve said, there will be couples being given devastating medical news about their baby, as well as being told their baby has passed away.

If they do stand by their no children rule and you won’t attend a scan without your husband, have you considered having them done privately? I’m fairly certain that Ultrasound Direct do a dating scan and an anomaly scan and they might let
you bring your son. Perhaps not the same as having NHS ones, but never than no scans at all.

I'm so sorry this is such an emotional and tricky situation for you! There seems to be a huge lack of compassion on this thread. I hope you speak to the hospital and explain your situation so they can move your appointment.

I totally understand where some people are coming from (like the sonographer / medical staff commenting), and it's helpful to know the rationale, but it doesn't make this situation any easier for you. Also the person who made a comment about your pregnancies being too close together... No words. 😑

Sending positive vibes and I hope your scan goes well!

As others have said, it's for a whole host of reasons.

It's a very skilled technical appointment where the clinician needs to concentrate.

There may be a need for further testing or talking to consultants about results which can take hours and a young child is likely to become restless in that time.

You, or others, may have had bad news and seeing babies children at that time would be triggering for them.

I've been there myself twice. Once I was told I'd had a missed miscarriage and needed urgent surgery to remove the baby as I was infected. My husband couldn't be there as he was looking after our son. I walked out of the appointment to wait for the chat with the surgeon to prepare for the next day and there was a woman with a young baby. I bawled my eyes out as seeing the baby made it worse. The other time was for ectopic pregnancy, again similar, waiting to chat to consultant and there was a baby with mum there.

As much as it's an inconvenience for you, I mean this politely, they really don't care. They have a job to do and it's easier without children there

There will always be mums there with babies as the sosnographer rooms are next to other antenatal practices. Blood tests etc.

Even being called to come in and collect something.

Its ALL to do with covid.

I had 3 children 2009, 2010 and 2015 and I was allowed to bring children before.

Maybe in your hospital, however in mine there are no children allowed in any part of the wing that carries maternity services.

Our EPAU is in a different part to the ante-natal clinic and ultrasound rooms and still, no children allowed. And it's high security - you're buzzed in, letters checked and buzzed out.

OP you do really need to understand that this isn't all about you. I'm sorry for your losses, but you're not the only person to have had many and being a parent - you make sacrifices and sometimes that means you have to do things alone and potentially receive bad news alone.
It cannot be one rule one, one rule for another. The rule is the rule and the hospital is there to protect all its patients and it's staff, and if banning children from ante-natal clinics and EPAU's is what needs to be done to do that, then so be it.

People have explained the reason why you can't take your baby quite clearly. Protecting other people from bad news is the main reason, and as a patient this rule always struck me as a nice bit of NHS sensitivity.

It's true that your baby wouldn't understand what was going on. But it's rare for a woman to be 12 weeks pregnant with a 7-month old. I hadn't even started ovulating again by that point because of breastfeeding. So most children at the scans would be 18 months +, at which point they definitely need more care than you can provide lying down still, are more disruptive, and more likely to pick up on what is going on.

Do you have childcare plans for later in the pregnancy? What if you have to spend nights in hospital?

Are you breastfeeding? That would be a perfectly valid reason to have to take your baby along with you.

You will either have to find childcare or your husband will have to look after the baby and you will have to attend the scan alone, unfortunately OP.

You're worried about bad news. So are all the other women in that waiting room with you, and some will unfortunately get it. They don't want your baby in the waiting room with them. And the sonographer who is trying to concentrate on doing their job properly will not want your baby in the room either. What if your baby is crying and the sonographer miscalculates the nuchal thickness?