No kids or babies in scans?

[Toria33]

So they have booked me for some insanely early appointments 8.30 and my last pregnancy was high risk so i had hospital scans and dr appointments and midwife’s appointments all on different days, so the amount of time i would have to leave my 7 month old is insane, dose anyone know why this is? he is an insanely quite baby so not likely to distract and i would only leave him with my mum who is an hour away and can’t do the day the second scan is booked for.. I can’t drive and my husband wants to be there, so not sure what to do.

Your partner can though. So it's not an issue.

You are being awkward. None of these struggles are unique to you. We're all parents here. We all have to juggle our own wants with practicalities. Pay for childcare or DH looks after baby or organise transport.
If you want to break the rules, nobody here has any idea how your hospital will respond. That's up to you, but you do have choices.
(FWIW if money is tight, everything but the cot mattress can be handed down, shared or 2nd hand)

Please do back a few and read where i list everyone who cannot look after our child
i am annoyed about leaving him but have no one to leave him with

Baby one is 7 months he still needs his cot! Or we would have

no one to look after baby 1 who i am not allowed to bring

Look OP, vent all you want. It won't make any difference. If you can't do the scans and they won't move appointments then you can't do them. They're not going to change the rules for you.

Your only option I can see is if husband comes and waits outside. There's no other way around it.

Take husband and baby to the hospital.

They wait outside while you go in.

Why's that difficult?

No, but that was because I didn't need my husband to look after the living children I already had. Because I didn't have any living children.

@Toria33

Then you get DH to look after baby on site whilst you go into the scan.

Then he is there if you do need support, and so is your baby, they're just not in the room. That is your best compromise if you want medical attention during this pregnancy.

You're going to have to come to the realisation that with 2 children, there's going to be lots of times where you're going to have to do things alone or with only one child and leave the other with DH.

Your DH can.

This is part of having a second child OP.

If you do not have childcare for the labour then your DH is going to have to stay home with your son.

Just have DH and DS come to the scan with you but wait outside.

Then your DH can support you as soon as you get out and you’re not worrying about your son.

Which is worse the 2/100 experiencing loss by themselves because no one to look after their first child
or someone walking out and seeing a child
i had both in my twin pregnancy loss (although because of COVID) and its not something i want to repeat i want my husband and there is no one to look after my child
the state i have gotten into thinking about going in alone, i cannot and won’t go

This is what I would do tbh.

I'm sorry for your losses and trauma op but if you don't want to leave your DS with MIL then I'm not sure what else you can do.

My hospital, pre covid, don't allow children in for the reasons others have stated.

Pay for childcare then.
If you just want to vent, fine, but you have choices should you wish to make arrangements.

But it's not just about that, it about allowing a medical professional to carry out a medical examination effectively in a very short timeframe.
Children are a distraction.

You've been given a number of potential solutions and advice but it sounds like you've got to a point where you're too distressed to consider them. Take a deep breath and try to de-escalate. This is an entirely manageable situation.

Right so take your husband and baby. And if the scan is a disrupted or can’t be completed you go back another day.

You are going to take the baby. I have no idea why you posted since you are taking him.

You have had it explained over and over why hospitals have rules. And it’s because some people feel their need to have their kids and husbands (and often other people) trumps everyone else. They think it’s more important that their child is there than make sure the sonographer can do their job properly. They forget it’s a medical setting. Not saying you think that, but that’s why the rules are there.

The rules are there for good reason and you believe your wants, make the rules non applicable. So do it. No one here is going to try and physically stop you so what does it matter what we think?

Your husband doesn't need to wait outside the hospital with the baby, he can wait outside the doors of the antenatal area? I do get it, I found walking into a hospital alone awful after a bad experience but had to get over it and did manage eventually.

I'd just ring and say you really can't make Mondays work so you'll have to cancel. Near on guaranteed they'll find a way to fit you in.

It is annoying but as an doctor, having young children/babies/toddlers at an appointment is very distracting and affects patient care. For clinic appointments there is no blanket rule but I find I’m constantly having to stop kids from pulling oxygen tubing/obs machines/trying to climb up on examination beds during the appointment. The parent is also distracted. Re scans, my toddler was 1.5 years when I had my early scan and wasn’t in nursery that day so my husband stayed outside the room with him. The scan can sometimes take longer and having a crying/disruptive child in the room makes the sonographers job much more difficult (they will ultimately get blamed if something is missed). It is a difficult situation but they can’t have different rules for different people. I hope you manage to find childcare

I was last in an antenatal clinic about 13 years ago but even then it was very discouraged to bring dc with you. Space was very limited and if everyone brought a partner and 2 dc or babies in buggies it would be a nightmare. In our clinic there were signs stating that chairs were for expectant mothers and partners/dc would be asked to give up their seats (which they were) and I remember women and men kicking off about this, saying they had been there for hours and couldn't expect the dc to sit on the floor.

OP what are you going to do when you’re in labour/give birth?

You won’t have your DH there with you if you can’t get childcare.

Do you know how many hundreds of women have been through way worse trauma than you and if they have no childcare then their DH’s can’t go in with them.

I don’t understand what you expect us to say.
If they won’t allow children, they won’t allow them.

I guess you want us to say they should treat you differently to every other woman and you should be allowed your child and DH in with you but most places will not make exceptions.

You’ve not answered multiple posters when they ask why can’t your DH and DS wait outside for you?

Surely that’s the only solution and it gives you what you want - your DH just outside the door ready to support you and you not leaving your son for hundreds of hours.

You are coming cross as overly entitled. Many of us have had multiple losses. We have had them alone and during covid as well. Let me tell you that facing surgery alone after being told you have a non viable pregnancy is not easy. Coming out of a scan room to see a very pregnant woman, a new mum or a child/baby is hard.

Every woman who has had losses deals with them as best she can. Whether that's through counselling, alone or with family. You obviously have some trauma around this please seek help. As others before you have and after you will. In whatever capacity helps you process this. Having your partner and child there does not help process trauma. Before you go there. Having someone there if needed is a crutch. Crutches aren't necessary they are an accessory.

You are not unique or special. They will not change their rules for you. You will have to do what other women are expected to do. Find child care or go alone. (I also don't have my own car - H does but needs it if he has the kids) get dropped off and picked up. It's not rocket science. They can even wait in the cafe. Or take a bus, train or taxi. Or pay for a private scan.

Things are expensive and yeah there's a cost of living crisis going on. Remember beggars can't be choosers. If you can't afford to get childcare, pay for a private scan or a taxi. Then you'll have to go alone or refuse the scan.

You are being extremley unreasonable to expect special treatment because you have suffered loss and are financially struggling. There are women on this site and who may read this that have had molar pregnancy or full term still born babies and you are showing lack of care or awareness of any other loss but your own. There are worse things out there happening right now than your baby not being allowed into a scan. Show some fucking empathy. You'll get a better response.

In the nicest possible way, OP, you need to pull yourself together.

You would miss an important medical appointment to find out vital information about the health of your unborn child because your usual babysitters are unavailable and you refuse to attend without your husband?

The rules are the rules. So you need to either find someone to take your baby for a couple of hours, or put your big girl pants on and leave your husband waiting in the car while you go for your scan.

If you won't abide by the rules and are ignoring feasible solutions, don't go.
But you sound like a petulant child.

In the nicest possible way - this isn't about your wants.
This is about a medical examination to do with your unborn baby, this is a necessary medical procedure and your wants won't come into this until you know the outcome of the scan.

You need to pull yourself together, pick a compromise and get on with it.

OP in the gentlest way, are you sure now is the right time to be having a second child.

I had PND and psychosis with my child and I had very good mental health before getting pregnant and giving birth.

You are obviously very vulnerable and not in a good place mentally.

I’m honestly not sure how you’re going to cope if you need to give birth without your DH or need childcare for your son, let alone actually parenting 2 young children.

I think you need some therapy and to learn how to cope with everything asap, as having a second child is going to change a lot of things and it’s not always going to be possible to have both your DH and DS with you.