No kids or babies in scans?

[Toria33]

So they have booked me for some insanely early appointments 8.30 and my last pregnancy was high risk so i had hospital scans and dr appointments and midwife’s appointments all on different days, so the amount of time i would have to leave my 7 month old is insane, dose anyone know why this is? he is an insanely quite baby so not likely to distract and i would only leave him with my mum who is an hour away and can’t do the day the second scan is booked for.. I can’t drive and my husband wants to be there, so not sure what to do.

No it wouldn’t. A 7 month old doesn’t need to be permanently with their mother.

And given the OP’s mother can look after him on different days is irrelevant.

OP move the appointments. And try to be less dramatic.

I think it's bad policy and quite dangerous, actually. There will be a significant number of mothers with small children who simply do not have childcare options and will miss important medical appointments as a result of hospitals banning them from bringing their children. I understand that kids are a distraction, and certainly it's not ideal if there's bad news, but better that HCPs take that in their stride rather than put barriers up to women recieving essential medical care.

Women who receive bad news in their scans should be supported in a separate area rather than thrown back into the waiting room with families.

@LittleBearPad you can't just "move appointments" 🙄 In most areas, certain clinics are always on the same day of the week. And depending on what the appointment is for (e.g. growth scans) they will need to be done in a certain week.

No availability non fully booked for weeks and weeks

As for the being less dramatic sorry i had a trauma …and you ops haven’t

@Toria33 kindly, it’s not all about you. It’s a hospital. It’s about everyone using the service. Rules are put in place because the service has to accommodate a lot of people.

Your baby maybe exceptionally quiet. But you can’t guarantee your baby will be quiet at the time of the scans. Your baby could be poorly. Grumpy, not slept properly etc and the person performing the scan is trying to do a very serious and important job.

There can’t be a rule of ‘no children unless exceptionally quiet’.

Whilst I appreciate you would feel better with your husband there insisting you need your baby as an emotional support tool in case something is wrong isn’t healthy. No one is expecting you to kiss hundreds of hours of your child’s life either.

But also with having a second baby, you do realise you can’t be attached to your older child constantly. There will be times you have to be with one of the other?

You don't know that.

I had five first trimester losses before my first successful pregnancy. If I'd received bad news at my 12 week scan then seeing a woman with a young baby who was already pregnant again in the waiting room might well have tipped me over the edge.

You are just being ridiculous and sound like a teenager. Yes you have had trauma.

You have no idea if other people have not.

I'm not sure why you are getting so many aggressive responses, it seems reasonable to me!
My hospital asked you not to bring children to scans if you could avoid it but they were allowed if needed. And they were welcome at midwife appointments etc.
Its ridiculous to suggest that babies should be banned from maternity services in case it upsets someone else. If they really can't be around people there should be appropriate spaces for those dealing with difficult news.
I guess as your husband is coming they will expect him to wait with the baby if you question it. If he wasn't then I would call them and say I have no childcare so you either let the baby in or I don't come.

You know nothing about any of us.

There are some practical options which PP have suggested:
Call to change the appointment
Your husband stays behind to look after your son

Sure, your feelings are relevant but it's callous to think this is only and all about you.

I couldn’t have left any of my children at 7 months old for an indefinite amount of time. They were still being fed every few hours.

I really think women should have to autonomy to decide whether or not to have their child with them. It might be distressing if there's bad news but surely women can decide what's appropriate for their own family. There are plenty of mothers without support, who's only option would be to pay for expensive childcare, possibly unable to even do so.

I agree. It will put marginalised and vulnerable women at further risk.

But @MargotBamborough, as valid as your emotional reaction to that would be, does it trump another woman's right to actually receive medical care? Not talking about OP specifically here, but about the women who can't attend appointments because of this rule.
Or, sticking with the OP, why would your emotional response to receiving bad news and then seeing a baby, trump OP's emotional response to receiving bad news alone with no support from her DH, given her medical history?
I don't think there's a clear answer that provides comfort for every women experiencing bad news during a scan. Therefore I think it's more important to prioritise women actually being able to attend and receive the medical care they need.

It's not just about being given bad news, although that is a factor.
The sonographer is doing a job, a job which requires concentration and children are a distraction.
If you want it to be a family day out then pay for a private scan.

@GCSister "a family day out"? She's lost 8 babies and wants her husband's support during a scan. How fucking crass and lacking in compassion can you possibly be?

DH didn’t go to any of my scans with baby 2 and 3, because we dont have any childcare nearby 🤷🏻‍♀️ that’s how it is. Book private scans if he really wants to see the baby, that was a solution for us.

Sorry, but thats just ridiculous. So your DH would put his job before your baby? Of course he can take time off.

Most people have had trauma. Some more than you.
But this isn’t a competition.

Saying you’ll miss hundreds of hours of your child’s life because your mum will need to watch him whilst you have a scan is being dramatic.

You’ve chosen to have another baby which means your time is now going to be split between the 2 kids and when you give birth you may possibly have to stay in hospital and your son definitely won’t be able to stay.

You made the choice to get pregnant the 2nd time and you made that choice knowing you’ll need to be away from your current son.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being away from your son.
Its not like you’re abandoning him for months.

Did you have to receive the news alone??? Because i did more than once and that made it so much worse
people don’t know my history as i said I have lost 7 pregnancies of 8 babies, its just some odd twist of fait that i had two seemly sticky ones close together
as someone just said i simply won’t get my required care simply because i cannot find someone to drive me and someone to take care of my child.
As i said many times epu is in a whole separate section you have to be over 12 weeks to be in the antenatal area

But it is a good blanket rule to protect those who are vulnerable during trauma from being what could be seen as forcibly subjected to something that could further impact their mental health - seeing a pregnant woman with a little baby.

As someone who has had losses and very invasive treatment for one of those losses that lasted 8 months - and as someone who is currently having growth scans and the rule of no children allowed does hugely inconvenience me and leaves me no option but to attend these alone - I completely understand and agree with the rule.

And I'm very sorry she's been through that trauma but at the end of the day It's a medical procedure and not a place for children.
Her husband can still go to the scan but they will need to find childcare.
Neither the OP or sonographer needs the distraction of a baby.

There are plenty of women who have no recourse to childcare. None at all.

You are advocating for these women to not receive medical care by supporting this policy.

You have no idea what trauma another family has, or will, experience.

The Op does have childcare. She has several options.

So her situation isn’t relevant to those who genuinely don’t.

those who genuinely don’t have childcare have exceptions made.