No kids or babies in scans?

[Toria33]

So they have booked me for some insanely early appointments 8.30 and my last pregnancy was high risk so i had hospital scans and dr appointments and midwife’s appointments all on different days, so the amount of time i would have to leave my 7 month old is insane, dose anyone know why this is? he is an insanely quite baby so not likely to distract and i would only leave him with my mum who is an hour away and can’t do the day the second scan is booked for.. I can’t drive and my husband wants to be there, so not sure what to do.

Not at all true it adds up most of my dr appointments i had to wait a total of 6 hours per go, often having a 1 pm and not being seen until 6 pm repeatedly for 7 appointments, then there are the scans which are a good few hours round trip per go and then the midwife appointments they have also ban children another hour and a half plus travel i have appointments 6 times a month with my first it adds up!
didn’t choose baby happened by accident and while cycle tracking

i said i am Orishas leaving son with mother but only with mother
i was away from him the first 9 hours as he was in nicu, and at 7 days for days and 5 weeks for. Days and 7 weeks for days at 4 months for a week twice, i feel i have left him a dam enough ^ was all because of my health, which is now better.

My feelings are mixed on this. I can see the justification for not having children around for situations where women are receiving bad news. However realistically I'm not sure being around children after traumatic news is actually any worse than being around pregnant women receiving good news, it's all going to be very painful.

Ultimately I feel that arriving for a scan without children should be the expected norm however there should be the option to bring children to appointments where there is no other option and where not bringing their children means the woman cannot attend their scan. This is healthcare for mothers and needs to work around the needs of mothers. However of course there are so many entitled people and for every isolated woman desperately needing to bring her children to be able to attend, there will be at least another one who just wants to bring her kids along to watch the scan, take up all the seats in the waiting room and cause a nuisance to staff and other patients. Which is probably why it's just a hard no.

I’m sorry for your losses, I’ve been there too, but it’s just not an appropriate place for a baby. There will be women there who are told bad news, they aren’t then going to want to be greeted by a baby. I know this, it happened to me. I too lost twins (my first pregnancy), I was told bad news and came out to a baby in the waiting room. I nearly collapsed with grief.

What will happen if you go into labour on a Monday and your mum can’t have your DS? You need to find alternative arrangements

The policy, makes vulnerable and marginalised women more vulnerable and more marginalised.

The OP does have childcare which she is refusing to use.

The policy, makes vulnerable and marginalised women more vulnerable and more marginalised.
Exceptions are made for women who are genuinely vulnerable and have no other options.
But there needs to be a policy in place otherwise it becomes unmanageable and families bring multiple children which is not beneficial for the patients or staff.

Love to meet that person with more trauma and give them a hug rape/ assault/ losses they must be going through something crazy to top all that .. I NEED MY HUSBAND or i will not or cannot go as I said i don’t drive

No it doesn’t. Because there’s exceptions for people who genuinely don’t have childcare.

A hospital where people are having medical scans is not an appropriate place for lots of children. Which is why there’s the rule. To reduce the number of children attending down.

and let’s be honest, the reason the rules are in place is that too many people can not be sensible and treat scans as a family event and try and take children that don’t need to be there. If people treated scans like the important medical appointment they were, there wouldn’t be a need for the rules.

And Op does have childcare. She just doesn’t want to use it. She doesn’t want to take up the options.

Sorry for your losses. That's a lot

Have you made any mummy friends of similar age babies - can one of them look after your baby so you and dh can go for a scan

Do you really believe that people with more trauma than you are rare?

As people have said, it's not all about you. You are being very dramatic.

Just suck it up. Or pay for private scabs instead

Some hospitals are of the stance no child care cancelled appointment

i said my mother couldn’t make my scans because they are Monday who else am i meant to use MIL as I said check out my thread for why no there idk wth other childcare i have???

Ah we've reached the trauma top trumps stage of the thread.

Nobody is saying you need to be alone. You need to organize childcare and/or transport.
Hospitals are not places for children. And frankly, that should be considered before having subsequent children.
I had a 16 week loss. Do my feelings not matter because I was over 12 weeks or because i havent had as many losses as you? And FWIW I was alone, because DH was with our other child.

Nope

I think this is pretty standard when it comes to scans, midwifery appointments etc and is sensible. And for lots of reasons, as othersnhave said.

At the end of the day, it's a medical procedure. If it is bad news it's not appropriate for a child to be there, there are others in the waiting room at what could be a stressful time for them and generally not appropriate for children to be running around (not all run around, I know, but lots do!) and if something were to go badly for someone else the last thing they'd want to see when walking out of the scan room is a baby/small child.

I know it's inconvenient but it's just the way it is.

@Toria33 , I'm sorry for your losses. Congratulations on your DS and your new pregnancy.

From the perspective of professionals, these scans are medical assessments of your pregnancy and need to have professionals fully focused on the scan rather than potentially being distracted at important points by another child. The 12 week scan is used for dating and for measurements for screening for conditions, some of which are life-threatening - it's important to be as accurate as possible.

As you and I (and many others) are sadly aware, sometimes people get bad news at scans. Advising people against bringing their other children along means that, if someone is told bad news, they can at least process it and have any necessary discussions without also having to be responsible for another child.

I'd really suggest trying to find someone who could look after your DS for the appointment, even if just for the duration of it. They could sit with him in the hospital grounds or coffee shop if necessary - I would be happy to do that for a friend if they needed it.

If you absolutely can't find anyone, and you need your DH with you in the scan (it's ok to need someone with you, I absolutely needed my DH with me for scans during a pregnancy after loss), you can and should still go for the scan, and for any other appointments where you can't get childcare. If you speak with someone in advance (there should be a number on your appointment letter) and then explain when you arrive, then they'll know what to expect and may have their own ideas about how to support you. For example, they may have a student in the unit who has 10 minutes free to sit with your DS, or a quieter room for you to sit in if you're anxious.

As you've seen, sometimes people do need to bring children along. It's not advised and it's not the preferred option, but it happens. If you have no alternative, then just try to mitigate the effects through advance notice and making sure DS is fed, changed, settled, etc if possible.

Pregnancy after loss can feel so stressful, and can bring up lots of difficult emotions. Have you spoken about this with a midwife yet? There may be additional help available, like specialist psychology support or a midwife who specialises in this area. There are also support threads available here on MN, which may be worth checking out.

If you don't have any alternative childcare and refuse to go without your husband then it looks like you're not going.

I've had to go through a miscarriage, several hospital admissions and surgery when pregnant with DD1 and even had to give birth alone with DD2 because of no childcare. It is what it is. I couldn't imagine refusing to attend medical appointments.

Whilst waiting for one scan with DD2 there was a mum who'd brought her toddler and husband and was shouting at the sonographer because the toddler couldn't come in

Lots of people have experienced trauma and I'm very sorry for what you and others have been through.
If you need your husband there then you will need to use childcare. It's what most people do whether they have experienced trauma or not.
It allows the sonographer to fully focus on your unborn child without distractions.

Yanbu. I had a miscarriage diagnosed and a prenatal diagnosis with my dc there and it was fine. With my youngest dh got the sack for taking what his boss decided was too much unpaid parental leave to accompany me to various appointments or look after the dc when I went on my own.

And when I was at one of my appointments, someone did turn up with a young child and were told they'd have to reschedule.

Can DH drive you and DS there and then have a drink in the cafe or something?

For women who genuinely have no one to look after their children their midwife will work with the sonographer to work something out- this doesn't include you. The rooms are small, the scans require a high level of concentration and its easy to miss something if you don't have the environment you need; most adults can respect the need for quiet at points of the scan but children can't in the same way. That's without the other considerations people have touched on. Personally I'd make sure he was close by but prioritise getting the scan even if it means he won't get to see it when he wants to, these have been the 'rules' for a while, has it been discussed before? You could get a private scan where he'd be able to go because they don't have the same requirement for derail as a medical scan.

The other option of course is to get some sort of childcare.

If your husband is coming with you (you said you need him there so he must be), can't he just wait outside the hospital with your DC? My husband took my first DD to a nearby park when I had my scans and I rang him when done. Then he is nearby and you have childcare.

What is this magical fictional childcare i have??? Oh you mean my husband who has to drive me so which fairies are loooking after my baby???