No kids or babies in scans?

[Toria33]

So they have booked me for some insanely early appointments 8.30 and my last pregnancy was high risk so i had hospital scans and dr appointments and midwife’s appointments all on different days, so the amount of time i would have to leave my 7 month old is insane, dose anyone know why this is? he is an insanely quite baby so not likely to distract and i would only leave him with my mum who is an hour away and can’t do the day the second scan is booked for.. I can’t drive and my husband wants to be there, so not sure what to do.

Ask to rearrange your appointment to day you mum can help with childcare.

Get your DH to drive you to the hospital and wait outside / in a cafe with your baby.

Pay for a private scan where you get to make the rules.

A babysitter. A childminder. A nursery. A friend.
Or your husband and you take a bus or taxi. Or he drives you and waits elsewhere with baby.

You sound increasingly anxious and are becoming incoherent, OP. Have you spoken to your GP about your mental health in this pregnancy?

When i had my scans, there were often toddlers in the waiting area. They had toys there for them

But i don't think they're allowed in the actual appointment

No, there are websites that have ofsted registered short term child care options, it's pretty sad if there's literally no one you can ask in your life- what's the plan for labour? If there isn't though and you don't want to look for anything then yes it'll have to be your DH.

Also why can't he drive your DS in as well and they do something on site whilst you're in?

Rearrange the appointment and call in good time.

During the first lockdown when no one else was allowed with me, my doctor called me and arranged a scan over the phone. I was worried (I had a pervious stillbirth where I was told baby was dead by myself).
So I asked the scan woman in case of bad news, can you tell my husband over the phone. She said yes, we can arrange for someone to support you should you need it. Luckily, I didn't need support, but if you can't bring your own support system then you can ask for their support should you need it.

We have no one local who can do this i have made this very clear and i do not want to leave my baby with strangers plus that costs money and the appointment is at 8.30 in the morning

I think you would be wise to widen the pool of people you're prepared to leave your baby with. It will be useful/ necessary in other circumstances in the near future.

You know the appointments are going to happen. You have time to plan and make arrangements - but you don't want to.

As for contemplating "refusing" the scans, why would you put your unborn baby at risk. It sounds as though you're defiantly refusing to follow the rules -and you are allowing your defiance/ resentment to come before care for your unborn?

It might depend on the hospital or the sonographer. I miss calculated my dates and at the first scan measured about a week less than what I thought I was so had to have another scan once I was 12 weeks, it was a bit more last minute and my husband couldn't get time off so my sister took me and we had my eldest son who was 2.5 at the time. I was going to go into the scan alone as that's what the letter said but when the sonographer called me through she let my sister and son in too. It could have been because my previous scan was fine, so they thought there would be less risk of upsetting new or just she didn't mind. I would guess it's their discretion.

@Toria33 have you actually called the department and explained your situation, or spoken with your midwife?

This isn't an unusual situation. The first step to sorting out a plan is to talk to people about it.

I’m really sorry about the lack of compassion you have received on this post. Find it strange how strongly/negatively people feel about this matter.
My scan waiting room (London based) has been full of loads of children so I figured they had relaxed rules since covid. Seems to me they would rather someone be able to attend a scan with their partner and child than not go at all.
I hope you can find a solution and try not take all this negativity to heart. P

There is no area that doesn't have any childcare. That's not a thing.
DH looks after baby then. Also 8.30 isn't too early for childcare since, obviously, parents have to be at work.
You're being incredibly awkward and entirely unwilling to look for a solution. If you think the rules shouldn't apply to you, take your baby and hope they see you.

It’s next week i tried already they had nothing
so so so sorry for you loss
i just don;t think i can do it again by myself good or bad news walking through those doors mentally ..alone

for the people asking why he can’t drive me and be somewhere else .. its a mental thing and i am totally fine with him, i had a support team in my last pregnancy and she called me irrational and i won’t be using that again, no mental health person should be calling anyone’s fears irrational

Find it strange how strongly/negatively people feel about this matter.

My sister is a sonographer, she's told me how difficult it can be to scan when there are children and babies present. The rooms are small, they have a short amount of time and they are measuring and looking for any issues. It requires concentration.

Surely people want the sonographer to be able to concentrate and do their job to the best of their ability? Children and crying babies can make that difficult.

Thanks to covid I had to have my maternity appointments alone with no support. I understand it's hard but you at least have some sort of solution - your DH can watch his kids.

i agree it’s absolute bullshit, my dh is going to have to miss our baby scans for this pregnancy as he’s our only childcare option. we’re going to book a private scan at 16 weeks instead but it is a shame isn’t it

There is my MIL who is always late when i ask them to be somewhere on time often by an hour simply out of disrespect, i don’t trust them to be on time or want to leave DS with them, they be AH
my mother who cannot do Mondays and my dad can’t drive me on Mondays
my bestie who i totally would leave him with works in another town 1 hr away
DH bestie lives on the other side of the country
we have drifted out of touch with a lot of friends movies here months before COVID hit and not made any other connections I’m not being awkward, and money is a bit tight at the second (saving up for thing baby cribs cannot be shared, we are reusing clothes etc where we can)

Just so you are aware if you haven't had it already they will want at least ONE maternity appointment without your partner there.

It's also incredibly unfair on the women who recieve bad news to come out of that scan to a waiting room with babies and children in it. They'll know their reasons why they don't want children there. Please respect it.

I’m fine with my midwife i know her well although i might be getting new one :(
dr and scans as i said i will mentally not do well good or bad news

Why can't he take time off. Most companies allow fathers to attend 2 appointments. And he can use annual leave for the rest

It’s standard and they give you plenty of notice of when scans are to arrange childcare. I don’t really see what the issue is?

Lots of people have way more trauma than you and it’s quite shitty to think that you have it worse than anyone else, because you don’t.

You chose to get pregnant when you had sex (this is what we tell men all of the time).

Its absolutely fine that’s you’re having another baby but you’re acting surprised that that means you’ll have to leave your son sometimes.

You need a find a way to cope with leaving him and not feeling guilty because it’s very possible you’re going to have to stay in hospital after the birth of your second.

Ring the hospital and ask if they can both come in.
If they say no, then it’s a no.

Whats more important, having your DH there or not leaving your child with someone else?

If you need your DH there then try and get childcare or rearrange the appointment (may not be possible).

If it’s that you don’t want your son left with anyone/you don’t have childcare then get DH to look after him.

The best solution would be for DH and DS to come with you but wait outside.

Then your son doesn’t need childcare and if it is bad news and you need support then DH will be just outside of the door.

Third time its next week i only just found out that apparatus neither of my parents can not do Mondays, frankly think its bloody stupid but there it is