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Original poster

MIL telling me not to buy baby clothes? What should I do?

208 replies

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 14:55

She keeps telling my partner and I that we shouldn't buy any stuff for baby as we will have stuff given to us from other people. It will be a great help having items from other people as babies grow so fast. But it would also be nice to have a few items that DP and I have chosen for our baby. I have bought three clothing items so far and every single time shes seen it she tells me not to.

I feel like buying baby stuff is a bonding process to
How would you feel and deal with this?

OP posts:
Katy123456 · 13/09/2023 17:48

She is right you will get lots but buy them anyway if you like - I don't know anyone who didn't splurge a bit!

Just tell her you know but want to get some bits!

FictionalCharacter · 13/09/2023 18:13

IncompleteSenten · 12/09/2023 14:58

I'd buy whatever the fuck I wanted to is how I'd deal with it.

Yep.
Why on earth do people think their MIL is in charge and can tell them what to spend their money on.
Don’t let her spoil this for you OP. Buying them things you like is part of the joy of having a baby.
Be careful about accepting “gifts” of other people’s cast-offs. You’re not a recycling facility so you don’t need to accept things you don’t like or that are fit only for the textiles recycling bin. My dh had a colleague who gave us bin bags full of old clothes, 90% of which were unusable.

BreatheAndFocus · 13/09/2023 18:15

Move out! Whose idea was it to live with her? Why would you want to do that? Saving to buy isn’t a good enough reason in these circumstances. Her comment about the pizza sounds like she resents you staying with her to save money then ‘wasting’ money on a takeaway. Perhaps she’s worried your stay will be extended because you won’t have saved the money quick enough?

You’d be doing everyone a favour by moving out. MIL wouldn’t be making passive aggressive comments to you, she wouldn’t be interfering, and you’d have a physical boundary.

viques · 13/09/2023 18:18

She is probably right but that doesn’t make her any less annoying or stop you from doing what you want! Buy want you want for your baby, maybe think of something special like a beautiful shawl that no one else is likely to get for you, and small things are cute to buy too, baby bibs, muslins, baby sponges, little socks and mitts…….

Gumptionesque · 13/09/2023 18:25

Nod and smile and ignore the fuck out of her.

Hibiscrubbed · 13/09/2023 18:25

FictionalCharacter · 13/09/2023 18:13

Yep.
Why on earth do people think their MIL is in charge and can tell them what to spend their money on.
Don’t let her spoil this for you OP. Buying them things you like is part of the joy of having a baby.
Be careful about accepting “gifts” of other people’s cast-offs. You’re not a recycling facility so you don’t need to accept things you don’t like or that are fit only for the textiles recycling bin. My dh had a colleague who gave us bin bags full of old clothes, 90% of which were unusable.

Show quote history

A SIL does this to us. She offloads all of her kids’ old shit because she can’t face throwing it away and can’t be bothered to donate it, so we get given bags and bags of absolute shit to ‘sort through and just keep what you want.’ That way she gets to feel virtuous like she’s helped us out and hadn’t binned her kids’ stuff, and I am completely stitched up with loads of filthy crap.

I painstakingly tried to sort it into suitable donations initially but now I just bin them bags because it’s all filthy and broken and no use to anyone.

Also, she only ever dumps it when I’m not here to say ‘no thanks’.

hotpotlover · 13/09/2023 18:40

I think she means well. We were gifted so much, our house is overflowing with baby and newborn clothes.

Lilyburnspotts · 13/09/2023 18:55

In a way she's correct. We got soooo much stuff that did till they were around 9 months and then all of a sudden we had nothing. People love buying the smaller baby sizes but we did go in to mothercare or wherever and buy aa few favourites! But just don't show or tell her what you buy, it's your money and your baby!!

OopsieDaysi · 13/09/2023 19:34

It sounds like she’s passive aggressively telling you to spend nothing so you can move out of her house.
Buying clothes for your baby is definitely special, and you have no idea if what others buy will be to your taste. When my little boy was born, everyone bought 0-3 months even though he was in Tiny Baby, so we had to go out and buy an entire wardrobe because I let people convince me I didn’t need anything. DH had to go to the supermarket while I was in hospital as the babygrow we had downed him!

Flufferz · 13/09/2023 19:53

I’m probably going to sound so ungrateful here but whatever!

We were given so much baby clothes but all most all of it in 3-6 months as people want to “make sure they wear it” but we weren’t given any smaller sizes. I’m 4ft 11 I was never going to have a big baby, she is 11 months old and only now fits in 3-6 month clothes. They are all completely the wrong season. She is crawling and walking so she wears outfits not baby grows her feet get stuck in.

secondly the majority of clothes we were bought were disgusting not my style at all! I just didn’t put her in them. We had basically everything in next and duplicates too all in horrible clothes…

1 useful bit if information that might help you is that next will let you exchange without the receipt as the barcodes are individual so as long as the label is still there (price can be removed) you can exchange! Life saver!

Buy all the clothes you want for your baby my mother was the same telling me I was wasting my money on literally everything I bought, she still does now… but my money, my choice and I just ignore her!

LylaLee · 13/09/2023 20:21

Hibiscrubbed · 13/09/2023 18:25

A SIL does this to us. She offloads all of her kids’ old shit because she can’t face throwing it away and can’t be bothered to donate it, so we get given bags and bags of absolute shit to ‘sort through and just keep what you want.’ That way she gets to feel virtuous like she’s helped us out and hadn’t binned her kids’ stuff, and I am completely stitched up with loads of filthy crap.

I painstakingly tried to sort it into suitable donations initially but now I just bin them bags because it’s all filthy and broken and no use to anyone.

Also, she only ever dumps it when I’m not here to say ‘no thanks’.

Show quote history

Take it back to her house.

Tinkly laugh, "We are doing Marie Kondo minimalism thing, and I've also done a course on how to sew their clothes going forward. Here's your lovely donation of tat back."

Notagains · 13/09/2023 20:22

Just ignore her and buy what you want

Threesmycrowd · 13/09/2023 20:23

IncompleteSenten · 12/09/2023 14:58

I'd buy whatever the fuck I wanted to is how I'd deal with it.

Love this! You do you OP sod your MIL interfering!

Floralnomad · 13/09/2023 20:26

You need to move out unless you want her telling you how to deal with your baby when it arrives . Find somewhere else to live sharpish .

IndysMamaRex · 14/09/2023 10:42

Buy whatever you want its not her business. Yes people will likely buy stuff for you but it’s unlikely to be all you’ll need & you can’t rely on it. Just either don’t tell her or tell her you’ll buy what you want when you want thank you.

I loved buying bits myself it was part of the excitement & preparations so just ignore her & enjoy ❤️

celticprincess · 14/09/2023 10:57

well, I was gifted quite a lot but my baby was 5lbs and didn’t fit into any of it until around 3-4 months for the newborn stuff. When we found out that the baby was going to be on the smaller size I went and bought some basic sets of vests and insides in the tiny baby sizes.

Also, we did get gifted lots but having a baby with severe reflux meant we also went through a lot. Not all the gifted stuff was practical. Some bought nice pretty dresses etc that I would put on her when we went out places but most of the time she lived on her little baby grows til she grew a bit and we were able to control the reflux.

hotpotlover · 14/09/2023 11:35

I can also recommend Vinted for baby/toddler clothes.

I got some lovely summer dresses for my daughter on there for a bargain and they were as good as new.

VegMam · 14/09/2023 12:45

Unnecessarily buying brand new isn’t bonding, it’s destroying the planet.

You have so much more to offer your child than meaningless consumption.

You probably will need to buy some things, but eBay / vinted etc. are great places to find lovely bundles of baby clothes second hand.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 14/09/2023 15:06

It's absolutely one of the lovliest things to do with your partner when expecting your baby. Yes you will get gifted things but it probably won't be enough to cover everything baby needs. Don't let her spoil what is a lovely exciting experience!

Cheirosa · 14/09/2023 15:07

Nothing to ‘deal with’ imo. It’s your baby, do what you like and tell her it’s not her decision.

Hope you find some lovely clothes!

HeddaGarbled · 14/09/2023 15:24

@BreatheAndFocus

Move out! Whose idea was it to live with her? Why would you want to do that? Saving to buy isn’t a good enough reason in these circumstances. Her comment about the pizza sounds like she resents you staying with her to save money then ‘wasting’ money on a takeaway. Perhaps she’s worried your stay will be extended because you won’t have saved the money quick enough

Yes, I think this is the real issue.

Loafie · 14/09/2023 15:31

I'd knock this in the head or she'll be a nightmare.

peachesarenom · 14/09/2023 20:38

I agree with you that it is part of the bonding process, it was for me anyway! I bought most things in the sale and went for the full 0-1 year size spectrum. It has brought me a lot of joy seeing my baby grow into the things I bought them when I was pregnant! Enjoy yourself!

Branwells77 · 15/09/2023 17:16

If you want to buy your baby some clothes then do so why are you listening to your MIL. When you buy any clothes just put them away and don’t mention it to her.

Megirlan123 · 15/09/2023 17:25

Tell her nothing or tell her you want to buy.
This is yours and your partners baby and while it will be lovely to have her support, do not let her tell YOU what to do with YOUR baby