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Original poster

MIL telling me not to buy baby clothes? What should I do?

208 replies

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 14:55

She keeps telling my partner and I that we shouldn't buy any stuff for baby as we will have stuff given to us from other people. It will be a great help having items from other people as babies grow so fast. But it would also be nice to have a few items that DP and I have chosen for our baby. I have bought three clothing items so far and every single time shes seen it she tells me not to.

I feel like buying baby stuff is a bonding process to
How would you feel and deal with this?

OP posts:
Elaina87 · 13/09/2023 09:47

Just ignore her and buy what you want! Who cares what she says? It's great having stuff passed on and really useful, but perfectly natural to want then then have some new things you've chosen too. It's s a strange argument to have and none of her business what you buy for your child.

Elaina87 · 13/09/2023 09:52

Ah just read up on the context more, it's because you're living with her and saving up. I would just say to her politely, we are really grateful for all the help and things being given to us, I would just like to choose a couple of items myself for my new baby, I'm not going to spend lots of money. She does need to stop breathing down your neck, but it will be hard when you're under her roof. Save up and move out as quickly as you can!

Mugaloaf · 13/09/2023 09:55

Do whatever you want. We were given tons and tons of stuff, but we still bought bits...because we wanted to.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 13/09/2023 09:57

You need to move into your own home. It’s the only way you will be able to enjoy your pregnancy and newborn if your MIL is already having a go at you.

fearfuloffluff · 13/09/2023 10:15

Well, she's infantilising you and treating you like a child. But if you live with her rent-free, have a baby despite not being able to afford anywhere to live - what do you expect really? She's probably frustrated with you.

A few nice outfits help you to prepare but if you don't have much money, it's basically only stuff the baby will puke and poop on. Ditto prams, cots etc - secondhand is sensible if you don't have much money.

How does she actually feel about having you living with her, and having the baby around? Is she genuinely looking forward to it, or doing it with gritted teeth to help you out? I think you need to sit and have a grown up conversation about it, and also develop a plan for how and when you will move out.

Having a baby hits you like a ton of bricks, she knows that and you don't. You need to find some dynamic that means you benefit from her experience without it feeling overpowering and infantilising.

You could actually draw up ground rules eg, here's our savings plan, so long as we save up regularly then the rest is ours to spend as we wish, she can't come into your room without asking permission etc - but equally she might have rules about where you leave mess or baby things, how much you can ask of her, how much you contribute to housework and cooking etc.

BestieBunch · 13/09/2023 10:20

I would reply, I appreciate your advice but we will be buying what we’d like for our baby and anything else received will be welcomed bonus.

Gmary20 · 13/09/2023 10:39

Tell her to mind her own business, and tbh how is she even seeing the clothes? Do you live together? If not, tell her to stop being intrusive and don't let her into the room where you keep the baby clothes.

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 13/09/2023 11:04
Im Out Nicki Minaj GIF by 2023 MTV Video Music Awards

MIL needs to stop butting in…

StephMD89 · 13/09/2023 11:05

Whilst MIL is right that you will get bought stuff, it won't be enough/the right stuff. I say this as I'm holding my 5 week old. My baby is still wearing newborn vests and bodysuits and the majority were bought by me. People tend to buy 0-3 months which won't fit them, and you won't get them straight away either as you won't see people straight away. Plus people buy clothes in the wrong size/season. Already the amount of stuff I have had to return because it's summer clothes yet the size bought is going to winter time! Also unless you want to be washing clothes every single day, you definitely need enough essentials to keep you going.

Also you will be bought things that you don't like/need. While I am grateful people have bought presents, people don't actually think of the practicalities of things and just think they are cute so will buy them.

Next thing would definitely be to move out. Do you really want to be treated like a teenager again where you are getting it in the ear for spending money. Buying a pizza is not going to stop you from getting your own house! Weigh up whether saving money is actually worth the impact this is going to have on your mental health. Motherhood is hard enough without having to deal with others opinions 24/7! At least you can ignore texts/phonecalls, but you can ignore someone you love with.

hdbs17 · 13/09/2023 12:00

Just buy stuff.

She can have an opinion but it's your baby and your money!

Couldntthinkofausername24 · 13/09/2023 12:36

I was going to say tell her to fuck right off but this all depends whether this is first or second baby. With first baby I wanted everything brand new and was well snobbish when it came to hand me downs. I'm expecting baby number 2 and I haven't bought it anything new. It has all its siblings clothes, cot, pram etc. Not bought a single thing.

Katela18 · 13/09/2023 13:57

IncompleteSenten · 12/09/2023 14:58

I'd buy whatever the fuck I wanted to is how I'd deal with it.

Sorry I'm sure it wasn't meant to but this made me laugh out loud 😂

But essentially with this poster said!
You're an adult (I assume), just stop telling her or showing her. In my experience peopoe do buy but they buy cutsie outfits not necessarily the essentials like vests, sleep suits, socks and mittens.

mondaytosunday · 13/09/2023 14:18

Presents I got for my babies tended to be special occasion wear or incorrect size (some body gave me a really cute all in one winter outfit and actually said 'I know it's the wrong size but I couldn't resist')! I was even given a Baby Dior dress!!
No one bought me basics that they wore day in day out so I had fun buying cute onesies etc.
ignore your mil it's none of her business.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2023 15:21

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 16:18

It's a tricky one as we are staying with her for a couple of years until we can afford to buy , so the other week she found one of the things I bought and immediately came to ask me why I'd bought it

Show quote history

How did she find it? Didn't you keep it in your room?

Is the baby going to have their own room or will they share with you till you move?

To be honest, if you're living with her and having a baby there I think you might be in for a world of pain.

Put buying on hold and rent might easier

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2023 15:23

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 16:52

Mainly going out for meals, we spent 10 pounds on a pizza at dominos on Friday after work and she said we were wasting money

She obviously feels entitled to her opinion but you'd be better off spending that on your own place.

Can I ask how old you and your partner are?

LogicVoid · 13/09/2023 15:24

Are you contributing fairly to the household..?

Ponderingwindow · 13/09/2023 15:36

I was going to say that it’s time to start acting like a mother and take charge of your life and household, ignore her opinion and stop sharing so much detail.

however, you are in a situation where your MIL is probably begrudgingly letting you live in her home while you are supposed to be saving money to get your own home. She is going to have opinions about your spending. Expressing them to this degree is excessive, but you may just need to put up with her if you want to keep living there. One way to deal with her might be to show her that you are meeting your savings commitments despite the small purchases. It might get her to stop worrying that you are going to live there forever.

BackOfTheMum5net · 13/09/2023 15:43

She’s not wrong, you will end up drowning in cute baby outfits because everybody loves choosing cute clothes for newborns- and why wouldn’t you want to enjoy that too??

Ohpleeeease · 13/09/2023 16:28

As long as you live with her she’ll have an opinion you won’t find easy to ignore. Tbh I’d be saving every penny of that Dominos pizza money towards my own place. In the meantime avoid conflict, just smile sweetly and say “that’s nice, but choosing for ourselves is one of the things we’re most looking forward to!”

Mummytotheboy · 13/09/2023 16:43

I mean she's right to a small degree but its also your money and i agree its nice to buy things, its exciting especially when you wash them and see them all on the washing line. Also people tend to buy you cute outfits or clothes a few sizes too big. They don't buy you vests, sleepsuits, muslins, the stuff you actually need. Buy your baby a special coming home outfit that you've chose together and their very first baby grown that they wear.

lordloveadog · 13/09/2023 16:46

Move out. The baby is not even born and she's finding stuff you've bought and questioning you about it. This is going to be bad for you.

KittyTurquoise · 13/09/2023 16:59
  1. Gifts typically come after baby arrives so you will want a stock of things prior to baby’s arrival.
  2. You'll likely want to wash things before baby can wear them so again having your own items ready is better.
  3. Baby may not be the size you expect (mine was 5lb 6 when born so we had to go out and buy tiny baby clothes).
  4. All it takes is a few spit ups and poosplosions and you very quickly go through clothes.
  5. Yes, buying clothes for your baby is a lovely experience and one you will likely want to have.
  6. It’s your money, sod what MIL thinks!
Hibiscrubbed · 13/09/2023 17:19

Ignore her overbearing intrusion and do what you like. You’ll be given some surf, sure, but it’s largely cute rather than useful.

Your baby, your excitement, do what you want.

Allyliz · 13/09/2023 17:23

Buy what you like and just don't mention it...babies can get through 5 or 6 outfits a day so there's no such thing as too many clothes for little ones. Enjoy shopping for your baby

Sugargliderwombat · 13/09/2023 17:39

Don't tell her anything about what you are planning for your baby or your birth.