MIL telling me not to buy baby clothes? What should I do?

[Mummatobe98]

She keeps telling my partner and I that we shouldn't buy any stuff for baby as we will have stuff given to us from other people. It will be a great help having items from other people as babies grow so fast. But it would also be nice to have a few items that DP and I have chosen for our baby. I have bought three clothing items so far and every single time shes seen it she tells me not to.

I feel like buying baby stuff is a bonding process to
How would you feel and deal with this?

I'd be worried that she's going to massively overstep every decision you make about your baby; if I'm honest, but I might be projecting because of my own MIL and how bizarre she turned after I gave birth!

And YYY to the advice to stop telling this busybody your business.

You're handing yourselves to her on a plate. Stop it.

Be strong. Buy what you want, and if she complains, tell her plainly "While I do see your point of view, I enjoy buying baby clothes as it is part of the bonding process for me, and so I'm going to keep buying them things".
If she continues to complain, she knows that you have stated your case and aren't making any pretense at going along with what she wants. It's worse if you pretend to agree with her and have to hide what you're doing.

Ignore!

my father in law once told me I should leave all the buying of children’s clothes to my mother in law. Made me feel so angry. All the did was drive me away. Very silly of them. It does ease up as the children get older but I hated all that stuff when they were little. Overbearing grandparents.

I disagree with people saying don't tell her.

You need to be fully open that, while you hear what she's saying, you don't agree and won't be doing it her way. That way she can accept it and move on. Conflict is good sometimes. If she refuses to accept your approach, that's her problem. Don't hide what you're doing as if it's something to be ashamed of.

Also - find a place of your own to rent.

A few years of having this woman horn in on your business is going to ruin your relationship and your mental health.

Even if it sets you back in your house purchase plans, it's worth it to be living on your own.

Nooo don't nod and smile! Contradict her openly and plainly.
"I told you not to buy baby clothes"
"Oh, Sharon, I thought I already told you! I am going to buy baby clothes. I remember you telling me you didn't think it was necessary, but I thought about it and decided I will. Thank you for your advice though."

@Mummatobe98

It's a tricky one as we are staying with her for a couple of years until we can afford to buy

Two years is a long time to be living with someone who treads all over any boundaries you may have. Perhaps you (and perhaps your partner) need to find somewhere else to live whilst you save/take next steps.

so the other week she found one of the things I bought and immediately came to ask me why I'd bought it.

and, it seems, invades your privacy so she can berate you some more about decisions which, as an adult, you are entitled to make.

Also if she's so interfering now, how much worse will it be once your baby is born, especially the early weeks? 🌹

It is likely you'll be given things, especially as people love to buy the cute smaller sizes. But there are no guarantees you'll be gifted everything you'll need. Spend your money how you like, it's one of the fun parts and you can always regift things others give you. I'd be firm with your MiL.

How is she to live with in general?
Do you have your own parents nearby?
I only ask because we were living with inlaws when our first was born, she had always been one to disagree just for the sake of it but things went a bit crazy when my eldest was born.
Eldest is a young adult now so long time ago but I still remember the distinct panic I felt when I went to pick baby up and she'd say why? Why do you want to pick the baby up????!

Go back to renting, and just ignore her. I mean, I’m fond of my MIL but have never dreamed of taking her advice on a single thing, however minor — she’s deeply unimaginative and has dreadful judgement.

She is right that you'll be given loads and it really will only last weeks.

Pick a couple of strategic bits you want. A gro bag is good and you don't tend to get them as presents. An outfit to go home from hospital in.

You can never have too many muslin cloths.

Of course you should be allowed to choose a few things but her advice probably comes from a good place as you really don't appreciate just how fast they outgrow it before you have a baby.

Or get extras the things you like in slightly bigger sizes as you will be given less of these.

It depends really, is she saying it in a dictating way, or in a well meaning way? You will be given loads, and babies grow out of each size really quickly so she might just not want tou to waste your money. I'd acknowledge that, whilst also saying you want to choose some items yourself.

Buy what you like. Don't tell her. Be delighted when you receive gifts, confident that you already have the things you want. People don't have many babies nowadays - enjoy yours as much as you can.

You need to find somewhere else to live asap. Preferably before the baby is born.

Being a first time parent is hard enough without having to deal with this shit on top of it.

As other posters have pointed out, the money you will save from living with her will not be worth the effect of what sounds like a really controlling and overbearing environment on you as a new mum with a newborn to look after.

I still remember the distinct panic I felt when I went to pick baby up and she'd say why? Why do you want to pick the baby up????!

That sounds absolutely horrendous.

It's none of her business, but at the same time it's a massive, massive deal to move in with them and then bring a baby into the equation as well. Does she think you can't manage your finances?

I think you need to move out asap for everyone's sake, you'll only drive each other all crazy once the baby comes. Tbh I'd have hated to have my mum or MIL in the house permanently when I had mine, and I'd also hate to live with someone else's newborn and associated chaos.

I would be really vague, 'oh just a couple of bits' and take the bag upstairs / leave in the car.

It's true, people do buy you stuff but I actually found that a bit annoying. You only have tiny babies once or twice (or more if you have more children obvs) and I felt I didn't buy them anything I actually liked and didn't have that cute shopping experience because I was constantly trying to use the stuff people had given me.

We got given soooo many clothes but very few 0-3 interestingly. Nearly everyone had had the same idea to size up.

I would be really vague, 'oh just a couple of bits' and take the bag upstairs / leave in the car.

I'd ask back, "Why do you want to know?"

I found people bought 1 or 2 cute outfits sometimes newborn size, sometimes trying to be helpful in a few sizes up. So actually I was glad I'd bought the basic bits ie vests and sleepsuits because otherwise I'd have had none!
I felt obliged to keep and use the the clothes even if just once for the obligatory photo. This time around with number 2 expected in Jan I'm only going to keep things we'll genuinely use and enjoy. I haven't got the headspace or time to be storing things to sell on which my baby never even wore.

I/we weren't given any clothes for our baby! Had to buy everything. Though I did learn later that buying actual outfits for 0-3 or 3-6 is totally pointless (and actually a pain for nappy changes) and that keeping some nice babygrows & cardigans for days out, is far comfier for the baby and easier for nappy changes.

However you can do exactly as you wish! Just smile and nod when she starts!

you know what I'd say, I'd be quite Frank with her & tell her "it's my baby not yours so pissoff"!! Like literally! Just don't understand some people nowadays it's like trying to have control.. why not just natutally want to do what YOU want to do!?.. because when baby is here you will probably have more family members, friends and even strangers telling you what to do with your own baby like, don't feed like this, shouldn't be wearing that ect you need to get her told & anyone else that also tries to come along and tell you what to do!

It's very tricky when you're living with her presumably at a reduced rent to save money, to put up boundaries about her commenting on what you spend money on. I know I'd find it hard if I was housing people and they were spending /' wasting' money on what I thought were luxuries (although I would be kind and try to keep my mouth shut).

Are you having a baby shower? Maybe she knows you have a mountain of clothes arriving then.

I would say 'thank you so much I know you're trying to help us save, I have a few treats a month and now they're going on a baby as I get so excited shopping for him. Have you heard anyone say they're getting us clothes? If you do please let us know and we'll make sure we don't double up!'

I don't think you can say 'piss off' to the woman putting a roof over your head without opening yourself up to her saying the same back... op doesn't want to be giving birth in a stable x