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Original poster

MIL telling me not to buy baby clothes? What should I do?

208 replies

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 14:55

She keeps telling my partner and I that we shouldn't buy any stuff for baby as we will have stuff given to us from other people. It will be a great help having items from other people as babies grow so fast. But it would also be nice to have a few items that DP and I have chosen for our baby. I have bought three clothing items so far and every single time shes seen it she tells me not to.

I feel like buying baby stuff is a bonding process to
How would you feel and deal with this?

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 12/09/2023 15:19

Ignore her and buy what you want, it's none of her business how you spend your money.

CluelessHamster · 12/09/2023 15:19

As others have said. It is your baby. Buy whatever you want.

My babies came home from hospital wearing clothes DH and I had chosen (they are all in their twenties now and back then the hospital provided clothes for them to wear on the postnatal ward so dressing them to come home was a big deal and a cherished memory!) I still have those clothes in a keep forever box and can remember buying them - just a basic three pack of babygros and vests but so special to me as the first things I bought for DS1 and then handed down to his siblings (I had longed to be a mum since I was barely more than a child myself and I'm feeling all emotional now!)

She's right in one sense that you don't need to go crazy as they will get a lot of gifts and they grow out of the tiny sizes so quickly BUT she doesn't get to tell you what to do for your baby!

Sounds like you need to prepare yourself to be assertive! She's had her babies - now it's your turn!

Dogon · 12/09/2023 15:20

I'd tell her I'm very grateful we'll be bought clothes but of course there are some items we'd like to choose ourselves to dress our child in.

AuntieEsther · 12/09/2023 15:21

Ignore her?? Don't tell her what you're buying!

CyberCritical · 12/09/2023 15:23

Do whatever you want and either don't tell her or say 'thanks for your advice but we've decided to do xxxxx'. Rehearse that sentence as you may need to say it frequently!

MrsJ6921 · 12/09/2023 15:23

I genuinely love my MIL however I really don’t like when people say you shouldn’t buy things or you should wait to see what other people buy you.

I would go ahead and buy whatever the hell you want, you can’t rely on people to buy you what YOU want neither.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 12/09/2023 15:30

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 14:55

She keeps telling my partner and I that we shouldn't buy any stuff for baby as we will have stuff given to us from other people. It will be a great help having items from other people as babies grow so fast. But it would also be nice to have a few items that DP and I have chosen for our baby. I have bought three clothing items so far and every single time shes seen it she tells me not to.

I feel like buying baby stuff is a bonding process to
How would you feel and deal with this?

Buy the clothes you want, but don’t go overboard, they grow so quickly.

AdoraBell · 12/09/2023 15:31

Ignore and don’t tell her what you buy.

CurlewKate · 12/09/2023 15:31

Nod, smile and buy the stuff you want to buy. But do bear in mind that you will get clothes given so why not buy some basics and lots of stuff you really, really love and see what happens.

ZebraD · 12/09/2023 15:32

Just don’t tell her and do what you want to do. She doesn’t have to know and then she can’t boss you about.

LadyOfACertainAge · 12/09/2023 15:36

Well it’s up to you what you buy and it is nice to choose some stuff for yourself.

But sometimes it’s also nice to listen to others advice. Unless she’s normally a bitch take it at face value and just buy a few bits until baby is here and you know what you need/will suit them

MammaTo · 12/09/2023 15:38

It’s just one of those things people say I think - buy the stuff it’s not a big deal.

AlltheFs · 12/09/2023 15:40

I really wasn’t given lots for newborn (I was for bigger sizes), but regardless I wanted the first things DD wore to be things I had picked.

Tell her to mind her own business. How does she know anyway? Stop telling her anything.

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 15:41

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 12/09/2023 15:02

This is the perfect time to start showing her your boundaries... Buy whatever you want... And no need to hide them. Tell mil you can buy whatever you want. Do you work? Is she implying you are spending her ds's money?

Yeah I work , it's been my money I've used to buy stuff , I'm the higher earner out of me and my partner

OP posts:
teenysaladandsniffofarose · 12/09/2023 15:47

I'd be buying whatever the fuck I wanted and showing it all to her with a big smile on my face. Any unwanted comments she made I would literally ignore and not respond to.

teenysaladandsniffofarose · 12/09/2023 15:49

Also I specifically asked people this time round to not buy any gifts but vouchers if they really wanted to "gift" something. I have specific tastes and hated some of the clothes I received for DS1 😂

yomellamoHelly · 12/09/2023 15:52

I wanted my dc to have lovely comfy babygros / be warm / be easy to change in the dead of night so I made sure I had the basics sorted. Lots of the stuff we were bought (certainly with our first) was from childless friends who didn't give any thought to practicalities / comfiness - just bought what they thought was cute / didn't realise.

ActDottie · 12/09/2023 15:54

Just tell her it’s your choice what you buy for baby. I’ve bought so so so much for my baby already and I’m due January! It’s part of the process and getting excited about it.

PS top tip I’ve recently discovered Vinted! You can filter by “New With Tags on” and get some amazing bits for bargain prices! I really recommend it to save money because as you say they do grow out of clothes quick!

aSofaNearYou · 12/09/2023 15:56

Yeah obviously just ignore her but also I think she's wrong - people might give you individual fancy outfits, but not the multi pack of plain babygrows you really need.

LadyBird1973 · 12/09/2023 15:57

It's nice to buy things for your baby. And also babies puke and poop a lot , so you often need more than you think.

It's also entirely up to you what you do. But be nice to mil, I expect she means well. Over the years I've found that just listening and then doing what I want is a good approach to list things. And sometimes peoples advice is good.

Just a thought but family might have got together and planned to buy some of the expensive stuff for you, so don't be unnecessarily combative.

BubziOwl · 12/09/2023 15:59

Tbh I agree with your MIL, but it's irrelevant whether she's right or not and also a non-problem. You don't need to justify yourself. A simple "yeah you might be right, I'll bear it in mind" will do, and go about your business and buy as many clothes and you like. Repeat as necessary. It doesn't need to be a big deal at all.

shearwater · 12/09/2023 16:01

You definitely need to buy some clothes as you can't rely on having all the right stuff provided and from the start when they are born.

People gave us lots of lovely gifts but hardly anything at all for a newborn. I didn't even know there was a newborn size as well as 0-3 months, I thought it was the same, so had to nip out to get quite a lot after DD1 was born!

Also I wanted all new stuff for DD1- obviously much of that then was worn by DD2 and passed on further, so it wasn't wasted, but I wouldn't have wanted a load of other people's cast offs unless it was brand new and unused.

N27 · 12/09/2023 16:03

I agree you beed to nip this in the bud right away before she starts pushing other boundaries!

yes you probably will be gifted things, but why would you rely on other people when it comes to providing your baby?

”thank you, but we are excited about our baby and I’d like to be prepared rather than relying on other people”

said on repeat, every time.

Chanhedforthis · 12/09/2023 16:03

3rd pregnancy here, kept a lot of stuff from baby no. 2 but I'll still be out buying baby clothes!

Go and buy some lovely baby clothes op, enjoy it!

becarefulofyourheart · 12/09/2023 16:04

Do what you want! It is a bonding process, it’s nice she wants to save you money but weird she’s being so insistent about it. Also, if you’re getting clothes handed down you’ll have to wait and see what you actually get, and when, so it does no harm to have a few little outfits laid by. I would say, while still being reasonable and pleasant and civil towards her and thinking she’s probably only trying to help, it’s not a bad thing to be firm regarding the pregnancy and the baby, start as you mean to go on. She’s had her baby, and now it’s your and DH’s turn😇