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Original poster

MIL telling me not to buy baby clothes? What should I do?

208 replies

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 14:55

She keeps telling my partner and I that we shouldn't buy any stuff for baby as we will have stuff given to us from other people. It will be a great help having items from other people as babies grow so fast. But it would also be nice to have a few items that DP and I have chosen for our baby. I have bought three clothing items so far and every single time shes seen it she tells me not to.

I feel like buying baby stuff is a bonding process to
How would you feel and deal with this?

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 12/09/2023 16:04

Just ignore her. It will be good practice for the future...!

autumnmakesmehappy · 12/09/2023 16:05

I had my little boy in April and my Mum and MIL kept saying to me "oh you don't need to buy anything all the grandparents are very keen to help you get everything you need." Of course I loved the fact that they wanted to be involved and were so excited but I had this urge to want to buy for my much longed for baby. It was almost as though it was my way of starting to care for him and to finally start my journey as a mother. As a way around it, I organised a shopping trip for my mother, MIL and I where we all spent the afternoon shopping for the baby.

AlltheFs · 12/09/2023 16:05

If was little things that mattered to me. Eg I wanted the sleepsuits with zips not poppers and inbuilt mittens and feet (where you could fold the hands and feet over or have them opened).

They were so much easier to use. Also we wanted vests with particular poppers on them so they were compatible with vest extenders (we used nappies and they were a godsend).

I wouldn’t expect other people to think of that and I wasn’t going to hand out those details to all and sundry.

WhichEllie · 12/09/2023 16:06

I would give her a puzzled look and say something like “Why do you keep saying that? It’s our baby, of course we’ll buy whatever we like for him/her.”

Possibly she’s just hinting that she has bought or intends to buy a whole wardrobe for your baby but I wouldn’t care for that either. If you want to buy clothes for your baby (and most mothers do) then you shouldn’t feel pressured into not doing it because a relative wants to do it instead.

adriftinadenofvipers · 12/09/2023 16:07

We didn't actually get any hand-me-downs, when I think about it!

Discoconut · 12/09/2023 16:07

People bought clothes when my baby was born, but none of it was newborn. It was all at least 3-6 months, because lots of people work on the assumption new born clothes will be wasted. Buy whatever you want to buy. Who cares what any single other human thinks.

BeeCucumber · 12/09/2023 16:07

Why is MIL so involved? This is your baby and you make the rules. Boundaries are your friend here - tell her to keep her nose of your business.

ironorchids · 12/09/2023 16:08

Say "Sorry I have to go to the loo" or "I just need to make a quick phone call" right in the middle every time she begins to say such things, and absent yourself from the conversation.

She's being rude so it's ok to do it right back.

trulyunruly01 · 12/09/2023 16:09

Whilst I appreciates people's gifts, I had already decided upon my strategy for dressing baby in the early days - very soft jersey cotton babygros, very soft envelope neck vests. That is all that is needed. A variety of colours and designs, some more expensive than others. But always soft.
I also wanted everything, even brand new items, washed in Fairy and ready to wear.
So whilst people's gifts of clothing from Disney Store etc were admired, and sometimes worn the next time I saw them, I certainly didn't wait for the gifts.

ironorchids · 12/09/2023 16:09

Say "Sorry I have to go to the loo" or "I just need to make a quick phone call" right in the middle every time she begins to say such things, and absent yourself from the conversation.

diddl · 12/09/2023 16:11

Does she think that you'll be given so much that you won't need to buy anything??

Even so if you use what you have bought you haven't wasted your money have you?

Chowtime · 12/09/2023 16:11

IncompleteSenten · 12/09/2023 14:58

I'd buy whatever the fuck I wanted to is how I'd deal with it.

lol this made me laugh it's what I would do.

No-one fucking tells me what i can and can't buy for my kids. Thats just bizzare.

How does she know what you're buying anyway?

cleanasawhistle · 12/09/2023 16:13

My MIL started being a bossy pain from the minute she was told I was expecting.
Don't spend money on new,get everything second hand etc
I just kept repeating I will buy what I want because I can afford too.
We really didn't get much in the way of gifts for the baby ...and no gift what so ever from MIL so good job I had stocked up

SleepingStandingUp · 12/09/2023 16:13

Don't tell her.

Say I'm so grateful we'll have hand me downs but I want to pick some pieces myself too

Chowtime · 12/09/2023 16:16

Another really weird thing that often happens is that people tell you not to buy much and hint that they will buy it and then don't. Thats really fucking annoying!

GingerIsBest · 12/09/2023 16:17

If your question is actually, "is MIL right and I shouldn't buy clothes" my answer would be - buy a few basics as you don't know what you'll get or if it will work or fit or whatever but inevitably, once the baby comes you realise what you do/don't like and land up doing a whole bunch of shopping.

But really, listening to other people's advice and opinions is, in my opinion, helpful. Doesn't mean that you have to do whatever it is they suggest. And if you feel like you're not allowed to go against your MIL's preferences before the baby is even born, you're going to need to work on those boundaries pretty pronto if you want to avoid a miserable time over the next few years.

shams05 · 12/09/2023 16:17

Do you live with mil? Just don't tell her what you're buying and nod and agree with her otherwise.
You may well receive bags of hand me downs but there's no guarantee they'll be the right size in the right season and that you'll have enough of each item.

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 16:18

SleepingStandingUp · 12/09/2023 16:13

Don't tell her.

Say I'm so grateful we'll have hand me downs but I want to pick some pieces myself too

It's a tricky one as we are staying with her for a couple of years until we can afford to buy , so the other week she found one of the things I bought and immediately came to ask me why I'd bought it

OP posts:
ImthatBoleyngirl · 12/09/2023 16:18

Her saying that would make me want to buy my baby even more clothes! 🤣

SummerInSun · 12/09/2023 16:18

Friends and colleagues will give you a cute expensive outfit, and that's lovely to have, but they won't give you the endless amounts of stuff you actually need 95% of the time.

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 16:18

shams05 · 12/09/2023 16:17

Do you live with mil? Just don't tell her what you're buying and nod and agree with her otherwise.
You may well receive bags of hand me downs but there's no guarantee they'll be the right size in the right season and that you'll have enough of each item.

We do at the moment

OP posts:
PinkRoses1245 · 12/09/2023 16:20

She does have point, you could receive clothes as hand me downs or gifts, so I wouldn’t buy a lot. But it’s your decision. I’m personally too paranoid to buy anything until baby is here

Palava57 · 12/09/2023 16:25

I think she’s right - between what you’ve bought & get given you will end up with so many clothes some will scarcely be worn and some unworn.
I really don’t think shopping for clothes or other stuff has anything to do with bonding with a baby. It really doesn’t matter who buys what & sometimes they will look particularly cute in something someone else bought or favourite a toy someone else bought but they will still bond by far the most with you 😊

cobden28 · 12/09/2023 16:26

You can't guarantee that you'll be given/handed down items that your baby will want or need. Unless you make up a list of items that you want for the baby and circulate it to family and close friends?

I specified, when I was pregnant in 1991, that I wanted lots of underwear, all in one stretchsuits and a goodly stock of terry nappies for my baby but my mother only bought lots of frilly pink dresses when she knew I'd had a girl. None of this was practical or worn, so it ended up being given away to charity shops. I largley kitted out my daughter from charity shops anyway as we couldn't afford the designer stuff 🙁.

headcheffer · 12/09/2023 16:27

DuploTrain · 12/09/2023 14:58

Ignore her, don’t tell her what you’ve bought, and enjoy buying whatever you like for your baby.

100% this. You will get given loads of stuff. It's still nice to buy things for your own baby.