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Pregnancy

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Original poster

MIL telling me not to buy baby clothes? What should I do?

208 replies

Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 14:55

She keeps telling my partner and I that we shouldn't buy any stuff for baby as we will have stuff given to us from other people. It will be a great help having items from other people as babies grow so fast. But it would also be nice to have a few items that DP and I have chosen for our baby. I have bought three clothing items so far and every single time shes seen it she tells me not to.

I feel like buying baby stuff is a bonding process to
How would you feel and deal with this?

OP posts:
LylaLee · 12/09/2023 16:28

Often the money you save by living with relatives ends up costing you in terms of your mental health and your relationship with your partner.

Let's say you get a 1 bed flat for £1500 per month. In 2 years you'll spend £35,000.

Sometimes it is better to start the property ladder on a shittier rung, less £35,000 than to live with an overbearing person who sees themselves as the grown up in charge.

She's going to be a nightmare, giving you parenting advice from the 80s when she had her babies. She will refuse to believe you are wrong, putting a bumper in the cot, and all sorts of shit.

shams05 · 12/09/2023 16:28

Ok then you just explain that although you're very grateful, you'd also like to pick up some bits as and when you see things you like. If it's first baby you will most probably get loads as gifts too but keep all receipts and tags intact and you can always return things you don't end up using.

Whatwouldnanado · 12/09/2023 16:31

It probably come from a good place as she knows you are saving for your own place.

Will she be helping with childcare when you go back to work? Definitely ‘thin end of the wedge’ , so buy what you like and get boundaries in place now before she starts dictating about everything else. Hand me downs are great, but picking your own special things is part of the excitement of becoming parents. Enjoy,

AngelAurora · 12/09/2023 16:32

Buy whatever you want, do not tell her, your baby so in fact she needs to stop buying stuff not you.

Hottip · 12/09/2023 16:36

My response - I had the exact same.

'Ha, are you honestly trying to tell me what I can and cannot buy for my baby?' Hahahahahaha, this Mum is indulging in retail therapy - I dare you to try and stop me'.

Laugh it off basically.

Lottie917 · 12/09/2023 16:39

Absolutely buy whatever you want to buy your baby. It is a lovely thing for you to experience while you're pregnant.

I'm sure she means well and she does have a point that yes, you do tend to get a lot baby clothes as gifts, but from my personal experience I got a lot of 0-3 and 3-6 months clothes for DS, which were so lovely, but no newborn clothes or more practical things like hats, scratch mits, bibs, etc. I also think it's a tad presumptuous of your MIL to assume you might get all you need for baby clothes or otherwise in the form of gifts from other people.

I say do it, and if she can't just enjoy you sharing it with her, then don't tell her 😊

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 12/09/2023 16:39

You wont get enough to fully kit out the baby though and sod it it's your baby if you want to buy things thats your business.

HMW1906 · 12/09/2023 16:40

I agree with you, it’s nice to be able to choose and buy some outfits that are
to you taste for baby.

Your mother in law is also right that people will likely buy you more clothes although this doesn’t mean you should buy items yourself.

As someone who has a 6
month old I’d suggest buying the outfits you like in 6-9 months/9-12 month (season dependent) ….most
of the clothing you get as gifts will likely be in 0-3/3-6 months so you’ll get to around 6 months and need to start buying clothes

Theroom · 12/09/2023 16:42

I like buying special things for my baby but I was given so much clothing that I actually felt stressed and overwhelmed by the quantity. More than my child could possibly ever wear. I've given stuff away to three different pregnant friends and still have boxes of the stuff.

So I think you and MIL are both right. Of course you want to choose things for your baby. But you probably WILL be given a lot. People love buying new things to gift babies. I recommend being more discerning than I was about accepting secondhand stuff and don't just accept it all because it's free!

RosieRainbow1986 · 12/09/2023 16:44

Definitely buy what you want! Yes, you'll have things from people but I loved buying clothes for my baby - my favourite part of pregnancy tbh!

mrsbyers · 12/09/2023 16:47

Do you live with her ? I’d be just buying what I wanted it’s non of her business but understand that MIL have much higher expected input in some cultures eg Asian households

diddl · 12/09/2023 16:48

Ah OK.

You are living with her to save money so she thinks she gets a say in your spending!

What does she tell her son not to buy?

WhichEllie · 12/09/2023 16:49

Oh, you living with her to save money changes the context quite a bit. She may be annoyed that you’re spending money on baby things when you’re “supposed” to be saving to move out of her house or she may even be miffed that you got pregnant while living with her/before having your own place.

I think the answer is probably to move out much sooner, preferably before the baby is born. As another poster said, even if that means moving to a smaller/cheaper place than you would ideally want.

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 16:49

I agree it's already getting to me a bit and I just feel so stuck

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 16:50

I did have a place that I was renting but it's unsuitable for the three of us

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 12/09/2023 16:51

You need to move out. This will only get worse.

Mrsjayy · 12/09/2023 16:51

Buy what you want people will give you lovely gifts ir might ask what you need but just buy your stuff.

greyhairnomore · 12/09/2023 16:51

Imagine her chipping in on how you're feeding , how you're dealing with sleeping etc.

Original poster
Mummatobe98 · 12/09/2023 16:52

Mainly going out for meals, we spent 10 pounds on a pizza at dominos on Friday after work and she said we were wasting money

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 12/09/2023 16:52

I’d nod and smile and say ‘oh ok Sue’ and just buy whatever the fuck you want. Don’t show her.

3luckystars · 12/09/2023 16:52

I’ll tell you what to do, STOP TELLING HER THINGS.

And under NO circumstances should you TELL HER YOUR BABY NAMES. It’s really easy, and really important to stop telling her things.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/09/2023 16:53

Buy what you want, obviously.

diddl · 12/09/2023 16:55

Did she have to snoop to find what you had bought?

mathanxiety · 12/09/2023 16:55

Fgs, buy stuff for your baby.

If you're in such a state of hand wringing now, wait til you have the baby and the world and its uncle Charlie starts giving you advice.

Develop a bold spirit and a very thick skin.

tt9 · 12/09/2023 16:56

it's your baby, do what you like. just nod and smile when she says what she says and then do what you feel is right

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