Pregnant and homeless pls help

[Queenxxx]

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

I’m absolutely not an expert but I believe that if you are already in council accommodation you can apply for your spouse to live with you on a spousal visa and that is generally acceptable. So, whilst your husband doesn’t have recourse to public funds, you would be able to go to the council and seek accommodation on your own behalf and your spouse should be able to live with you. The issue might be with temporary accommodation until you have somewhere longer term. I imagine in that case the council’s priority is you and your child.

Please speak to Citizens Advice Bureau (can advise on immigration rules) and Shelter (won’t advise on immigration but will advise on housing) asap. Please also speak to your midwife - do you have your booking appointment soon?

Wishing you the very best. X

Have you ever heard of unplanned/unexpected pregnancies?

Unplanned pregnancies usually only happen once or twice, maybe three times at a push and then people somehow manage to get their contraception under control and unplanned pregnancy stops happening for them.

I think for many people the truth is that they were a bit lax with their contraception or didn't use any. Obviously this has now caused massive difficulties for you OP and for your child. I really don't think it's fair to bring another poor child into this situation. In your situation, I would definitely be having a rethink.

As an adult and a mother of three I would have no qualms opting for a termination in these circumstances.
My first responsibility is to the children I've already had, nothing else makes sense, people are far to happy to destroy the quality of life for the already living because of " feelings " sometimes you have to make hard choices for the overall best, OP is not doing that but it's her choice.

We also don’t know where OP lives and whether £800 is a realistic rent price.

Right; you present as homeless to your local authority, if your husband has no recourse the application will have to be in your name your husband should be allowed to reside with you even if he has no recourse because he isn't the applicant , but he is someone who might reasonably be expected to reside with you.
I'm a retired homeless officer; I have housed people who are in exactly the situation you describe.

I don't want to be separated from my husband because I don't want to go through pregnancy alone

Sadly, that's a risk which comes with continuing the pregnancy in circumstances like this, where you know it will make you homeless and DP's visa depended in some way on your mum housing you all

I'm not about to join the throngs suggesting you terminate since that's your decision to make ... however when you're making it do be aware that choices have consequences

It’s no longer recommended first line (or second line) within first trimester due to increased risk of cleft palate - but plenty of alternatives OP can try first

OP I am sorry for your situation but we are all strangers on the internet. Many people spout rubbish on threads. You should contact Citizen's Advice - it's free and confidential. Alternatively there are immigration solicitors you can contact.

Whether to keep the baby or not is up to you. But you are in a precarious situation anyway. Your mum could have passed away, or kicked you out for other reasons and you'd still be in this situation.

You need a long-term plan. What skills/qualifications do you or your husband have? Can you earn more so that he can have a spouse visa? Two people on minimum wage should be able to do it.

Also, I presume the visa is for 5 years? So you have 5 years to think about this.

The worst case is that you are separated for a while but you will receive a lot of help and benefits as a single mum. That doesn't mean you will never eventually reunite.

If you try something illegal and he is found out however your chances will be zero, he will have a black mark against his name and won't be allowed in. So don't even think about that.

I think realistically you are going to have to apply for housing for yourself and the kids and your DH has just put his visa at risk and will have to sort himself out. I really wouldn’t risk trying to sneak him in, you really are in a vulnerable position. I would prioritise the kids in this situation. There should be various charities that help with bits for the baby and locate the foodbanks near you.

Also get a grip of your life and don’t be so passive waiting for something to turn up to fix the decisions you have made. There is nothing wrong with not wanting an abortion (even if it’s not what I would do in your shoes) but you then have to accept there are repercussions too.

Even when the spousal visa is tied to a fixed address? Wow I had no idea housing officers over ruled the home office. Also it's highly irresponsible to suggest that she present as single , while on benefits, to claim emergency housing costs, and then move her ( possibly illegal) husband in to her b and b /bed sit. She could be done for fraud!!!

Don't be so ridiculous. It's called CHOICE for a reason!

You contact the council and tell them you’re being made emergency homeless and they will find a hostel for you and your family. Realistically, it will be slow stressful path to permanent accomodation.

The world doesn't stop north of Milton Keynes.

That’s not what the poster said.

The most responsible solution here is an abortion. You mightn’t like it, but it’s the right thing to do.

£800 may be enough for a 2 bed home elsewhere in the UK, here in London isn't even enough for a single room, let alone a flat or a house.

To people suggesting she rents a room: the amount of landlords that don't accept children is staggering. Again, we went through this when we were renting privately when my DS was a baby many moons ago. The amount of rejections we had when we mentioned a baby weren't few and that's the truth, even after we showed enough evidence that both of us worked and earned reasonable salaries and that was for flats/houses.
If people really think she'll be able to a room in a shared household with a toddler and an incoming baby they have another think coming. It's possible to find it? Yes, but it'd be a total unsafe pigsty.

Unless he's been here for 5 years then possibly not, according to Shelter.

OP has a job - she's her mum's carer

It's funny how so many pro-choice posters on mumsnet are only pro-choice in regards to ending a pregnancy and not a woman's right to chose to continue one.

I agree it's not the best situation to bring a child into but shes already made her mind up. Which is her right.

I think you've been very silly.
And you sound young and immature.
I take it you married him so he could stay in the country.
You're going to have to get in the real world and stand on your own two fit whilst you deal with the consequences of the decisions you've made I'm afraid.

A lot of people can’t go ahead with an abortion. It’s just not something they can go through with. If you are pro-choice you should be as accepting of that as you are of people who can and do make that choice.

Can everyone please stop getting at the OP for a choice that is incredibly, unbelievably difficult and entirely hers to make? And, no, she doesn’t need reminders from you about the consequences of that choice. She needs informed support and advice.

What an abject mess.

Hello everyone,

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

Yes, I have housed people in this situation. She doesn't have to do anything illegal. From the point of view of the homeless legislation a husband is a person who might normally be expected to reside with a pregnant woman, there is caselaw to that effect, the immigration aspect is entirely separate . I have known that to be altered , as the woman is becoming homeless .
Sorry that I actually understand homeless legislation and have dealt with many people where a spouse has no recourse , but it does happen to be the case.

OP, you don't want to abort, you don't want to be split up from your DH, and you don't want to go live in his home country.

Realistically, I think you are going to have to compromise on one of those options.

You've made clear that you want to continue with the pregnancy, so you're looking at potentially finding accommodation without your DH, or moving to his home country.

There are certain risks with giving birth in a foreign country and what this could mean for your own parental rights, but as your priority seems to be your DH, I think it's worth serious consideration, even if it's only a short-term measure.

You don't say where he's from - is it somewhere you could travel to by rail, for example? It would be a horrendous journey with your head in a sick bucket, but if he has family willing to put you all up on the other side, it could be worth the trek.

You could then potentially explore a move back to the UK once you had recovered from the pregnancy and were able to go back to work. Leaving the UK doesn't have to be a forever thing - and if he's able to find employment more easily over there, it could help you with getting a deposit etc together for when you do explore moving back again.