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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Pregnant and homeless pls help

367 replies

Queenxxx · 29/07/2023 16:42

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

OP posts:
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7
AlligatorPsychopath · 29/07/2023 18:16

Honestly? You knew the terms of your DH's visa and also the terms under which you were living with your DM. Very likely you also knew from your first pregnancy that you're subject to HG. Under those circumstances, it's difficult to believe that you wouldn't double up on two very reliable forms of contraception since it was clear that another pregnancy would topple your entire house of cards.

But you've got pregnant again and decided to go ahead with it. Your choices are effectively to present as homeless to the council and to be housed in emergency accommodation with your DD while your DH is deported, or to go back to your DH's home country with him. Neither of these are good choices, but they are the predictable consequences of your actions, and there is little to nothing that can be done about them if you aren't willing to terminate.

You can bargain with your DM to stay longer, but if your DH can't support the three of you as is and you can't or won't work, that isn't going to change much anyway.

Mummy08m · 29/07/2023 18:16

Eastie77Returns · 29/07/2023 18:10

Can people please stop suggesting a termination. I fully agree that having children you can’t afford is not a responsible course of action but OP is pregnant, the deed is done, and she wants to keep her baby. This insistence that she must have an abortion is hideous.

If OP wrote “DH is insisting I have an abortion due to our housing situation” everyone would be up in arms, how dare a man make that suggestion, it’s your body your choice etc.

Seconded

lemondust000 · 29/07/2023 18:19

Why Mom? Are we American?! What happened to Mum? 😂

reesewithoutaspoon · 29/07/2023 18:20

How are you fulfilling the financial criteria of the visa? don't you have to be bringing in a minimum amount of money as well as having accommodation?
Contact shelter asap. If you're not working does your husband at least fulfill the minimum income needed to stay here?

Mars27 · 29/07/2023 18:20

Marynotsocontrary · 29/07/2023 18:07

However (and this is a big however), if your husband is on a spouse visa, you are already breaking the conditions of it because you need to be working and not in receipt of benefits for his visa to be granted.

I don't think you need to be working for your spouse to get a visa if you have carer's benefit @Mars27

But it seems OP could lose this now?

Yes, I wouldn't be able to comment on specifics, just on the bare bones of the situation, eg, if OP wasn't receiving carer's allowance she would have to be working in order to sponsor her husband. We went through this myself as I'm European but my husband wasn't so I had no other options other than to be working and earning above a certain threshold. He was working to and making more money than me but that didn't matter at all.

Unfortunately, It seems to be a very intricate situation with lots of things to consider.

RoachFish · 29/07/2023 18:22

Mummy08m · 29/07/2023 18:16

Seconded

Show quote history

But by following through with the pregnancy she will make herself and children homeless and her DH deported. It has presumably been a long road for them to be reunited and their chance of having a united family would be completely wasted by having another baby. She will bring up two children who won’t know their dad as it will be a lot harder/impossible for him to obtain another visa later on if he’s found to have broken the conditions. It’s still early in the pregnancy.

Neverseenbefore · 29/07/2023 18:22

Don’t you need to be working to meet the financial threshold of a spousal visa?

DreamingofTimbuktu2 · 29/07/2023 18:23

I think the best option given you want to keep the child is to persuade your mum to let you stay until the baby is born and then go to your husband’s country.

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 29/07/2023 18:24

I'm actually going to say something doesn't add up here. The OP would have been on carers to get her DH a visa but then said she tried to work only after finding out she was pregnant. But can't as she has extreme sickness. On carers you are on very limited hours that you can work before your carers stops. I think it's 12-14 hours a week Nmw. But if the op worked more than that, she would lose her carers and then the visa would be invalid anyway? As the DH doesn't earn enough to support them all.

Yet the DM explicitly said housing was dependent on no pregnancy.... but they got pregnant anyway and now want housing?

I can't help but think that the op has maybe sub consciously engineered this expecting a place for the family to live. Otherwise you would surely know 100% that your DH would have to be returned to their home country? It doesn't right with me.

Im99912 · 29/07/2023 18:24

If the OP chooses to have her baby then she had to deal with the consequences of that choice

that’s being homeless with a toddler and being pregnant
Living at worse in a hostel / B&B
Her husband possibly being deported

As many have said it’s the OPs right to choose her baby - she just has to ensure she can be ok with the consequences of that choice

FunGamesStuff · 29/07/2023 18:25

OP, you've mentioned mental health issues and while I know that having an abortion is never an option for some people I wonder if it might be worth exploring whether you might be able to have an abortion.

I wouldn't wish your situation on anybody but the thought of going into temporary homeless accommodation whilst extremely sick with a young child and a partner working 12 hours a day is the type of thing that would be extremely difficult for anyone let alone someone with existing mental health issues. This combined with the visa issue effecting your partner makes it even more of a shit show.
No one's suggesting an abortion is an easy option but the alternatives available to you are really bad.

What do you think is the best thing to for your daughter?

alittleadvicepls · 29/07/2023 18:25

I'm sorry to be so insistent on you moving to your husband's country but I don't see why it wouldn't seem like a viable solution? You don't have to stay there forever but right now it looks like a) you declare homelessness and your husband gets his visa revoked and deported or b)you temporarily move to the other country until you have enough savings built up to come back to England.

I've lived in Ghana and worked there as a midwife. Healthcare IS different but it's not non-existent, especially in big cities. You don't even have to give birth in your husband's country, you could come back to the UK for it.

It just sounds like you're unwilling to compromise and the sad reality of the situation is that you may have to make a decision you're unhappy with in the short-term.

Mutinyonthecrunchie · 29/07/2023 18:25

OP I'm sorry you've had some harsh replies on here, there are a lot of arseholes on MN. Hope things work out soon for you.

notahappybunny7 · 29/07/2023 18:26

This reply has been deleted

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Mutinyonthecrunchie · 29/07/2023 18:26

As I was saying....

Smashedsmashed · 29/07/2023 18:28

They won’t house your DH as he has no recourse to public funds.
You are going to have to go to GP to get some anti sickness medication. And most importantly beg and plead with your mother to let you stay at least until you have the baby.
Good luck

GrinAndVomit · 29/07/2023 18:28

lemondust000 · 29/07/2023 18:19

Why Mom? Are we American?! What happened to Mum? 😂

Wow. A really integral question here.

Have you never heard of a place called The West Midlands?

Neverseenbefore · 29/07/2023 18:29

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 29/07/2023 18:24

I'm actually going to say something doesn't add up here. The OP would have been on carers to get her DH a visa but then said she tried to work only after finding out she was pregnant. But can't as she has extreme sickness. On carers you are on very limited hours that you can work before your carers stops. I think it's 12-14 hours a week Nmw. But if the op worked more than that, she would lose her carers and then the visa would be invalid anyway? As the DH doesn't earn enough to support them all.

Yet the DM explicitly said housing was dependent on no pregnancy.... but they got pregnant anyway and now want housing?

I can't help but think that the op has maybe sub consciously engineered this expecting a place for the family to live. Otherwise you would surely know 100% that your DH would have to be returned to their home country? It doesn't right with me.

Carer’s allowance isn’t valid for a spousal visa. If the OP has a disability herself, that’s different.

almostoverthehill · 29/07/2023 18:29

Mutinyonthecrunchie · 29/07/2023 18:25

OP I'm sorry you've had some harsh replies on here, there are a lot of arseholes on MN. Hope things work out soon for you.

Harsh maybe but it’s the reality of the situation you can’t sugarcoat everything.

Ds16dv · 29/07/2023 18:30

@Queenxxx no one has the right to pressure you into abortion . But also since you don't want to do that which I totally get. It means things will be harder.

Give shelter ring tell them your and your husbands situation. It's hard to get through so keep pressing redial till you do. And get advice from them regarding your husband.

If the worse happens you may have to do things separately. Your main focus must be your children and making sure they have a rood over their head even if that's via temporary accommodation. You need a letter from your mum stating you have to leave. You then take this to the council who will then need to put you and the children into emergency accommodation.

If the worst happens can your husband rent a room for a while?

GrinAndVomit · 29/07/2023 18:30

They effective believe that op has relinquished the right to bodily autonomy by being poor and having an immigrant for a husband.

Yep. It’s interesting how many are so venomous about people who vote conservative but then believe this.

FunGamesStuff · 29/07/2023 18:30

Eastie77Returns · 29/07/2023 18:10

Can people please stop suggesting a termination. I fully agree that having children you can’t afford is not a responsible course of action but OP is pregnant, the deed is done, and she wants to keep her baby. This insistence that she must have an abortion is hideous.

If OP wrote “DH is insisting I have an abortion due to our housing situation” everyone would be up in arms, how dare a man make that suggestion, it’s your body your choice etc.

I don't think anyone is 'insisting' that the OP have an abortion just that she considers all her options and that she makes sure she understands the consequences if she chooses not to.

I'd have an abortion in her situation.

JusthereforXmas · 29/07/2023 18:31

Queenxxx · 29/07/2023 16:42

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

Given your circumstances you CAN privately rent... move in and UC increases to cover the rent, you don't pay anything.

As for your immigration issues you need to ask some one knowledgeable, maybe citizens advice could help or point you in the direction to find the answer. I imagine once you get your own house it will be fine though.

CapEBarra · 29/07/2023 18:31

If your DH is on min wage he’s getting what - £1600 - £1700 a month - say £1200 after tax, NI, pension, etc. You get carers allowance and child benefit and maybe JS allowance? So you have maybe £2k a month in income. Of course you can get an £800 a month home.

Illbebythesea · 29/07/2023 18:31

Your husband I have no idea about, you’d have to talk to citizens advice about that one. But I do think there are conditions on being on a visa and they include not claiming benefits/social housing for a specified amount of time. There’s no going around that. But I do believe your husband can stay with you for a certain amount of nights.

You & your children are a different matter and will be housed. Most likely will be put into emergency housing, (hotel, hostel, b&b.) Then moved into temporary housing, normally a privately owned flat/house rented to the council, then you’ll be able to bid on council properties. If I were you I’d get down then sooner rather than later, so hopefully you’ll be in temporary accommodation before the baby arrives.

Best of luck.