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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Pregnant and homeless pls help

367 replies

Queenxxx · 29/07/2023 16:42

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

OP posts:
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Fluffycloudsblusky · 29/07/2023 17:49

Are you on London? It you are contact https://www.goodcounselnet.co.uk/
They may be able to help you. Even if you are not in London they maybe able to put you on contact with some help. Good luck

Home

Home

https://www.goodcounselnet.co.uk/

IhaveanewTVnow · 29/07/2023 17:49

Queenxxx · 29/07/2023 17:23

Guys my husband works 12 hours a day, but it's still not enough for us to afford private rent right now. I am severely ill right now with HG. I can't go even 10 mins without vomiting, I have tried to work but I physically couldn't do it I was literally vomiting the whole time. I'm just at a really really hard point in my life right now.

How do you care for your mother when you are so poorly. Very sad situation.

thank goodness the U.K. has the public sector and homelessness teams and tax payers willing to support situations like this.

personally I think you need to reconsider having another child. You can’t afford it and you can’t house it. Many people make that decision to not have another child because they can’t afford it.

Mars27 · 29/07/2023 17:52

I used to work in immigration, albeit a long time ago and lots of things changed, unfortunately for the worse. I can only comment on the basic requirements that haven’t changed.
As you stated it, you’re not terminating the pregnancy so your options are limited.

You can go to your council and you will be classed as homeless and put into emergency accommodation, usually a hostel/B&B type without private kitchen or bathroom facilities, until something permanent comes along and this may take years. However (and this is a big however), if your husband is on a spouse visa, you are already breaking the conditions of it because you need to be working and not in receipt of benefits for his visa to be granted. I’m just intrigued as to how they issued him a visa just with the fact that he had a roof to live under as it goes beyond that like I said it above.

But moving on, when it comes to renew his visa, you’ll need to show that you’re not in receipt of benefits and can actively sponsor him. If you’re living in a homeless hostel it is going to be clear that you can’t sponsor him at all, so your jig will be up.

I can’t comment on benefits as I’m not a specialist, but if you move out there’s a big chance you will lose your carer’s allowance. Also, if you move out, how are you going to care for your mum?

I suppose all you can do is to plead for a bigger deadline than two days until you can research more and see if there's anything else to be done. Good advice above regarding contact Shelter and CAB but they're swamped in requests and it could be weeks until you have an appointment with a housing advisor.

Are you or your husband religious? Is there a church or other place that could help you?

Robinbuildsbears · 29/07/2023 17:52

RunningFromInsanity · 29/07/2023 17:43

Ludicrous that you would allow your daughter to live in a shitty hostel room rather than terminate at 8 weeks.

Everyone is different. I personally would have gone through all sorts of terrible living situations in exchange for the life of any of my brothers.

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 29/07/2023 17:53

Badbudgeter · 29/07/2023 17:47

Failing to abide by visa conditions can lead to the current visa being cancelled and deported back to country of origin.

I suspect your Dh may not be housed by the council does his visa say something about no recourse to public funds? He’s probably not able to claim help to pay rent/ council tax etc.

This ^
When my son was looking to bring his fiancé here we were happy to have them to live in our flat, as he was paying the costs etc. But we were told very clearly that the spouse visa is classed as breached if they were to become homeless and require any state help. My adult son could get help. But his spouse could not. And so the course would be homeless, in beach and have to return to their home country.

IhaveanewTVnow · 29/07/2023 17:54

Queenxxx · 29/07/2023 17:25

He is on spouse visa and can't get public funds

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Then he may not be housed with you. Homelessness is using public funds.

Mars27 · 29/07/2023 17:57

Something that pps said while I was typing and I hadn't thought of it: your husband's visa has probably very clearly stated "No recourse to public funds", so he may not even be housed with you.

JellyBeanFactory · 29/07/2023 17:57

From the Shelter website:

If you're on a spouse or partner visa
You cannot usually get homeless help if you're in the UK on a spouse or partner visa. Your partner is expected to provide you with a home for your first 5 years in the UK.

You are somehow going to have to increase your income and rent your own place.

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 29/07/2023 17:58

@Mars27 There is an allowance now for disabled people in receipt of PIP, that want to bring a spouse into the uk. The financial threshold isn't as high and they do take benefits into account and do a thorough financial investigation. I suspect that's what's happened here. As I said, we went through it with my son and his fiancé but it didn't even last a month before she wanted to go home. But they were incredibly strict, it was drummed into all of us, me and my DH includ that if we forced them out of the flat, the visa was breached and she would be deported

Wiccan · 29/07/2023 17:58

Queenxxx · 29/07/2023 17:05

Have you ever heard of unplanned/unexpected pregnancies? Seriously educate yourself and stop being so horrible.

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Sorry I have to agree with @Ollifer.Someone has to say it . People need to get their act together , they are on benefits and don't have a home having another child. OP seems more concerned with him getting his visa . Why should your mum cope with it all ? .

Mummy08m · 29/07/2023 18:01

Op could you look into very cheap accommodation options like a room in a houseshare? Even in London (ofc I don't know where you are) you can possibly get a room with bills at about 700. You'd be overcrowded for a while but you might be able to save up till the birth then rent a larger place.

Your HG hopefully won't last forever, maybe just a couple more months. At that point you might be able to pick up some work again.

So however uncomfortable your short term solution is, it hopefully won't be for too long

Chowtime · 29/07/2023 18:02

Not what you want to hear but I'd also suggest a termination.

I know from my daughters experience that it will be very very problematic indeed for your husbands home office conditions if he doesn't stick to the agreement.

Mars27 · 29/07/2023 18:03

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 29/07/2023 17:58

@Mars27 There is an allowance now for disabled people in receipt of PIP, that want to bring a spouse into the uk. The financial threshold isn't as high and they do take benefits into account and do a thorough financial investigation. I suspect that's what's happened here. As I said, we went through it with my son and his fiancé but it didn't even last a month before she wanted to go home. But they were incredibly strict, it was drummed into all of us, me and my DH includ that if we forced them out of the flat, the visa was breached and she would be deported

I totally believe you, but the OP hasn't said it that she's disabled herself, rather she is also a carer for her mum which makes me think that disability hasn't come into the equation when applying for his visa (and I may be completely wrong of course)

AuntieMarys · 29/07/2023 18:05

Queenxxx · 29/07/2023 17:06

Um. She literally suggested I kill my unborn child?

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Stop being so dramatic.

WannabeMum22 · 29/07/2023 18:06

is it possible for you to temporarily rent in a much cheaper area? generally there are minimum wage jobs available across the country so moving to a very cheap area at least for the duration of your pregnancy may be best.

kkneat · 29/07/2023 18:06

The council will have a duty to accommodate you & your child but it sounds as though your husband has no recourse to public funds? Does his stay in the uk depend on him having accommodation without relying on the state? Maybe you need to look up his immigration status first
Ignore the poster who said you are at risk of being found intentionally homeless, of course you are not as you do not have settled accommodation. The council will first consider putting you in a hostel/hotel but may want to speak to your mum first to convince her to keep you for longer. Please be aware if you are in a London borough or some city boroughs they are housing people in other cities in North of England where there is available & affordable private rented once a housing duty has been accepted.

Marynotsocontrary · 29/07/2023 18:07

However (and this is a big however), if your husband is on a spouse visa, you are already breaking the conditions of it because you need to be working and not in receipt of benefits for his visa to be granted.

I don't think you need to be working for your spouse to get a visa if you have carer's benefit @Mars27

But it seems OP could lose this now?

Perfect28 · 29/07/2023 18:07

You say you don't want to be a burden but you are happy to bring another child into the world that you can't support, so you will be a burden and so will your children. Being so emotional about it is also offensive imo to the many many women who have had terminations for practical reasons.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/07/2023 18:10

@Mummy08m I agree that an abortion is something that I would not choose if any other option were available although I support everyone's right to choose. BUT and it's a bit BUT, OP already has a child she cannot afford to house, she has a husband on a visa that allows him no access to public funds and who by the terms of his visa she should be supporting financially, she is stating that she is incapable of working. She cannot afford to have this baby, if she does then it's likely she will be doing so in temporary housing with a deported husband.

A medical termination at 8 weeks is a logical suggestion.

Eastie77Returns · 29/07/2023 18:10

Can people please stop suggesting a termination. I fully agree that having children you can’t afford is not a responsible course of action but OP is pregnant, the deed is done, and she wants to keep her baby. This insistence that she must have an abortion is hideous.

If OP wrote “DH is insisting I have an abortion due to our housing situation” everyone would be up in arms, how dare a man make that suggestion, it’s your body your choice etc.

RudsyFarmer · 29/07/2023 18:13

You have two issues. Your spouse being required to be housed by your family and yourself and your husband having the financial means to fund your housing and support yourselves and your child(ren).

You need to get on the waiting list for social housing and get advice re. your husbands visa. Shelter sounds like a good idea but I also wonder if there are charities locally specialising in helping your husbands nationality re.immigration. Are you in an area with a large community of people from the sane country? Might be worth looking on Facebook to see if you can join any groups and get more tailored advice.

Prinnny · 29/07/2023 18:14

If you present to the council as homeless it’s likely you and your toddler will be placed in a B&B type temporary accommodation. Your husbands visa may be revoked given that he’s now homeless and your not working and unable to support the family. You’re in a right mess tbh.

IhearyouClemFandango · 29/07/2023 18:15

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/07/2023 18:10

@Mummy08m I agree that an abortion is something that I would not choose if any other option were available although I support everyone's right to choose. BUT and it's a bit BUT, OP already has a child she cannot afford to house, she has a husband on a visa that allows him no access to public funds and who by the terms of his visa she should be supporting financially, she is stating that she is incapable of working. She cannot afford to have this baby, if she does then it's likely she will be doing so in temporary housing with a deported husband.

A medical termination at 8 weeks is a logical suggestion.

This. With no way to support or house a child it makes no sense to have (another) one. Especially when pregnancy makes you so ill that you can't work to improve your situation, and your husband's very immigration status may be threatened by it. Madness.

Mummy08m · 29/07/2023 18:15

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/07/2023 18:10

@Mummy08m I agree that an abortion is something that I would not choose if any other option were available although I support everyone's right to choose. BUT and it's a bit BUT, OP already has a child she cannot afford to house, she has a husband on a visa that allows him no access to public funds and who by the terms of his visa she should be supporting financially, she is stating that she is incapable of working. She cannot afford to have this baby, if she does then it's likely she will be doing so in temporary housing with a deported husband.

A medical termination at 8 weeks is a logical suggestion.

Yes it may be a sensible suggestion but it's been made multiple times on this thread and op has already said it doesn't fit with her priorities/beliefs.

I'm staunchly pro-choice. But for me that includes supporting a woman whatever her choice is.

Op chooses not to abort. That is her choice.

The women goading and insulting her (not you, I mean others on this thread) for that choice are NOT pro-choice. They don't understand the meaning of the word choice, in my view.

They effective believe that op has relinquished the right to bodily autonomy by being poor and having an immigrant for a husband.

You might think I'm a small-c conservative bigot but I think the view I've outlined above is the cruel and bigoted one.

Newshoess · 29/07/2023 18:16

@kkneat I'm in the North and our housing is terrible here too. Private rents have rocketed around £800pcm and that is for a very basic area. @Eastie77Returns people are perfectly entitled to give a Frank opinion giving the situation has escalated to this level. You don't have to agree this is a public forum and you can't tell others what to say.