AIBU for being upset at sister-in-law's pregnancy announcement?

[Desupi]

I am currently just over 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I have been together 12 years. He has 3 younger brothers who all got married in their early 20s, however because marriage isnt really for us we were hoping that being the first to provide a grandchild would be 'our thing'.

Today his brother and wife announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant. Everyone in the family was extatic, but we were left feeling a bit devastated because it feels like the first grandchild excitement is no longer there for us. Obviously not wishing to steal their thunder we did not mention our own pregnancy, also because it is still early days and we havent had a scan yet.

I feel like I'm being stupid for being upset and hating on them when they had no idea that I am pregnant, but I can't help it.

Anyone else been in this situation?

You’re being a bit silly. Your baby will be more than special enough however many cousins are expected.

Being the first grandchild really isn’t a thing. Your babies will be so close in age and that’s fantastic - having cousins is really special.

instead of seeing why this is negative, you’ll be able to find 100s of reasons why this is great.

embrace it. Every baby that is wanted is a blessing. Pregnancy and childbirth and having children is hard enough without inventing drama where there isn’t any.

Try and focus on the positives. This isn’t a problem.

You sound very entitled - what does it matter?

6 weeks difference is nothing. You’ll basically be pregnant at the same time which will be lovely for all of you. My advice would be don’t announce until you get a 20 week clear scan and don’t tell anyone the names you’re thinking about as the drama that causes is HUGE.

Oh don’t be daft. It’ll be absolutely lovely for your darling baby to grow up so close to their cousin, this doesn’t detract from your happy news at all.

Get over yourself

OK, deep breath, dwell for 5 minutes and then put this in perspective. Really.

Honestly, yes you are being a bit unreasonable. BUT you also have hormones that are probably adding fuel to the fire.

Try look at it as a best friend for life for your child.

Wow people really don't hold back with some of their comments 🫣

I think you feel what you feel but agree that it isn't a big deal at all. Try to focus on positives - how close the kids will be in age will be so lovely for everyone!

Yes you're being ridiculous.

I completely understand. My sister was first and I followed shortly after. Once they were here it really didn't matter.

My cousin and I are nine months apart in age and it was the Best Thing Ever. Your LO and cousin will be weeks apart! I'm jealous 😅

Have a think about why this has become a competition for you. What do you feel the need to prove to his family? Do you feel less than them for not being married?!

Your child is not something you provide people with!! It’s a real human being and both babies will be equally loved as individuals.

Did not expect my first post on mumsnet to have me in tears within 20 mins of posting. I don't think I'll be coming back :(

I'm glad you're not saying any of this in real life, OP, because it's actually quite awful. This view that you have of a 'first grandchild' being any more special than any other is strange and smacks of one-upmanship.

Do you feel displaced in your family or something? Not good enough because you didn't want to get married? When you have your baby your family will be as pleased for you as they will for any of their family members.

I think you need to take some time to ground yourself because if you don't, this 'badge' that you think has been stolen from you is going to get bigger and shinier and really cause issues for you and for your wider family.

I get you op but honestly in the grand scheme of life it won’t matter. You little one will have a playmate for life which is a very special thing.

As other posters say don’t get into with names!

It's not a competition

Come on op!!! They are entitled as much as you to have a baby. Pregnancy made me emotional so that’s probably what it is. I don’t get the not wanting marriage thing as a reason to have the first baby ? Be happy for them and congratulations to you

Hi there. My two sisters, my two sister in laws and me all had our first babies within 7 weeks of each other. We have 5 cousins now who are as close as can be. It's bloody lovely. We all had our seconds in the same year and I went in to have a third the new after.

How lovely for the two cousins to grow up together so close in age.

Family will be equally happy for your news as much as theirs.

Sorry but you did ask, YABVU

It's ok to feel disappointed/sad that your plan isn't working but nothing you can do about it so try to think of other things. You have hopefully a good pregnancy that results in a healthy baby and that's all that matters.

Of course it's a normal feeling and thought process, maybe just tell your own mum def not the sil 🤣. People on mn are very weird, it's like they think the public persona is the only thing going on and if not you are autistic/ narcissistic/ psychopathic etc. Once you've had your scan and told them all I bet they'll be very excited to have cousins close in age. Would be worse if it was a year earlier as the grandparents might be all tired out.

You're being daft.

Think about do you really want the excess fussing that comes with the pfb? God no. We did have the first. Then a year later sil had JC reincarnated... Was happy to take the back seat and be rid of overbearing ils....