AIBU for being upset at sister-in-law's pregnancy announcement?

[Desupi]

I am currently just over 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I have been together 12 years. He has 3 younger brothers who all got married in their early 20s, however because marriage isnt really for us we were hoping that being the first to provide a grandchild would be 'our thing'.

Today his brother and wife announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant. Everyone in the family was extatic, but we were left feeling a bit devastated because it feels like the first grandchild excitement is no longer there for us. Obviously not wishing to steal their thunder we did not mention our own pregnancy, also because it is still early days and we havent had a scan yet.

I feel like I'm being stupid for being upset and hating on them when they had no idea that I am pregnant, but I can't help it.

Anyone else been in this situation?

Don't make it a competition

Do be careful about this after the children are born. my dgd has just a cousin who is close in age and they get on well but too many of the adults spend their time comparing them.

I've been with my partner 7 years this year and pregnant with my second child. No plans to get married. Can also come at me too 😘

Our*

I think you're being very unreasonable.

It's not a competition who pops out the baby first. How old are you? I can't even be bothered to try and explain some logic to you as this just seems so petty.

@RLmadmum @Emmamoo89 want to pop round for a cuppa and we can commiserate about the awful unstable lives we've inflicted on our children?

Us three and OP united in our quest to bring up our children in the most miserable way possible because we dared to have children without having a ring 🤣

however because marriage isnt really for us we were hoping that being the first to provide a grandchild would be 'our thing'.

I don’t think you need it to be a ‘thing’. You cant control what other people do. Maybe they wanted to be the ones to have the first grandchild as well!

Congratulations, OP. Think of my poor mum, who bore the first grandchild only to be eclipsed by her mum being pg too. Then it happened again with subsequent pregnancy (me - my uncle is 8 weeks older). No fuss, and no babysitting either.

You’re gonna have to grow up 😬

My son and my niece were due 2 days apart. Thank god my SIL wasn’t bitter about it!

Term is from 37 weeks, however there are evidence that a baby born at 39-40 weeks will have better health and development outcomes than those born 37-39 weeks. Before casually saying "don't worry your baby might be born early", have in mind the data below:
https://everyweekcounts.com.au/

Its not about daring to do something, and it's really not about a ring. I'm at the stage of life where the splits and divorces are rife and have a few friends that have been absolutely done over financially because they weren't married, and didn't have a leg to stand on. Divorce can be brutal enough financially if you've taken an unequal amount of time off work to care for children, your mortgage capacity can be lower, you're less able to set yourself up and start again even due to ongoing unequal childcare and also parent care, even if you do have the legal framework of marriage to negotiate in.
It's not a moral issue, I couldn't give a hoot who's married and I'm a single parent myself, but I know several otherwise intelligent capable women who have been absolutely shafted because they hadn't covered their own arse.

Six weeks pregnant is a touch early for competitive parenting,isn't it?

yes you are being unreasonable they have every right to be ecstatic about their child it’s not a competition! I got pregnant in 2019 and was planning to announce when that very day my brother and his girlfriend announced theirs it was wonderful news so I just waited a week and let them have their moment, you need to grow up having a child isn’t “a thing” like you said it was your choice not to get married you sound selfish

God and then this one to be honest you sound like someone that needs pandering to you came on to a public forum and I think you thought people you would hear what you wanted to hear and not the truth

😂

As someone qualified in financial planning, I have to point out to prevent anyone seeing your message and panicking that your comment is not only unnecessarily judgemental of someone's life choice, but is also very inaccurate. The vast majority of modern pensions allow a named beneficiary on death to not be a spouse. The only exception is defined benefit schemes (which are not that common these days due to the expense employers have to keep these funded, unless you work on the public sector) and some much much older defined contribution schemes.

First means nothing, grandparents do have favorites but it's has nothing to do with who came first. My son is the 19th grandchild for my MIL and is blatantly her favourite by miles.

I do believe the first grandchild is more exciting than the next (one of my DC is first on one side and second on the other). Everything they do is a huge deal because nobody else has done it yet since your parents had you. However 2 that close in age will not make a difference and both will be just as special. They will hit all their milestones at the same time and share firsts. Days out will be more fun and your baby is getting a best friend for life. You are extremely lucky.

Is this possibly to do your perception of status within the family as the other brothers are married so you wanted to be the first partner to provide a grandchild to feel equal? It maybe worth taking a closer look at how you feel about not being married. Also, no woman ever wants to be told she could be hormonal but at 6 weeks pregnant it may be hard to think about things in the same way you would normally.