Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

AIBU for being upset at sister-in-law's pregnancy announcement?

169 replies

Desupi · 24/07/2023 21:06

I am currently just over 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I have been together 12 years. He has 3 younger brothers who all got married in their early 20s, however because marriage isnt really for us we were hoping that being the first to provide a grandchild would be 'our thing'.

Today his brother and wife announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant. Everyone in the family was extatic, but we were left feeling a bit devastated because it feels like the first grandchild excitement is no longer there for us. Obviously not wishing to steal their thunder we did not mention our own pregnancy, also because it is still early days and we havent had a scan yet.

I feel like I'm being stupid for being upset and hating on them when they had no idea that I am pregnant, but I can't help it.

Anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 24/07/2023 21:30

Yabu. Nobody owns the right to pregnancy. Pretty sure both babies will be equally loved

chitterchatter22 · 24/07/2023 21:30

I know this is disappointing as you had it in your head you would be the first to announce a baby in the family. But this is great news for you. My children are the same age as their cousins and they are all the very best of friends. And it was great for me at the baby stage having someone to go to baby classes with.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

CaptainMyCaptain · 24/07/2023 21:32

You are being ridiculous.

coodawoodashooda · 24/07/2023 21:33

Your baby may still be born first!

LameBorzoi · 24/07/2023 21:35

OP, this is AIBU. It's where you come for unguarded, completely frank, truth (and a fair bit of crazy).

aSofaNearYou · 24/07/2023 21:35

Honestly, I think the whole "first grandchild" thing can be a thing, but it's unlikely with such a small age gap between them. Much more likely when they've had years of doting on the first child.

satellitesunshine · 24/07/2023 21:36

yabu. your baby is a human not a competition, get a grip

Weloveflowerss · 24/07/2023 21:37

Desupi · 24/07/2023 21:22

Did not expect my first post on mumsnet to have me in tears within 20 mins of posting. I don't think I'll be coming back :(

Oh bless you. I can understand why you are upset about it. AIBU threads always bring people here to comment and make people feel bad about themselves. Please don’t take it personally, congratulations on your pregnancy and hope it all goes well x

TakenRoot · 24/07/2023 21:38

coodawoodashooda · 24/07/2023 21:33

Your baby may still be born first!

You think that counts as reassurance? That any mother would be glad for her child to be 6 weeks premature?

TakenRoot · 24/07/2023 21:42

OP, congratulations on your pregnancy.

I imagine you anticipated the joy of telling the grandparents-to-be, and in truth there is likely to be a ‘we are going to be grandparents’ reaction. But this is fleeting. In practice your baby will be just as keenly anticipated and just as adored and cherished.

Once you decide to make your own announcement I hope you will have a wonderful time being pregnant and new mums together.

MotherOfVizslas · 24/07/2023 21:45

It's lovely that the cousins will be so close in age. My oldest child has a cousin born the same year and they are thick as thieves🥰

noglow · 24/07/2023 21:45

coodawoodashooda · 24/07/2023 21:33

Your baby may still be born first!

That's not a good thing is it.

I would say the only thing I found tricky was having to shut down comparisons at thr start but people got the hang of it!

wishuponastar1988 · 24/07/2023 21:45

I think yabu. Me and my SIL had our babies 9 days apart and it was so lovely being pregnant together and having newborns together. I honestly don’t think it matters who announced first… our babies were grandchildren 2 and 3 and my mum was over the moon for us both.

user1471447924 · 24/07/2023 21:45

Meh.

BubziOwl · 24/07/2023 21:48

MotherOfVizslas · 24/07/2023 21:45

It's lovely that the cousins will be so close in age. My oldest child has a cousin born the same year and they are thick as thieves🥰

I was going to say exactly this.

OP, think how lovely it will be to have someone to go through the early days of motherhood with. Someone to have round for a cuppa while the babies play when they're a little older.

You are being daft right now. That's okay, lots of us are - but just let it go. They've done nothing wrong and you know that really. Just focus on the good stuff.

And most importantly - congratulations!! ❤️

Hazeltrees · 24/07/2023 21:50

I understand your disappointment but nobody did this deliberately...its actually rather wonderful!

JusthereforXmas · 24/07/2023 21:51

Your being utterly ridiculous... you chose not to get married, you cannot chose others fertility. You built up a ridiculous fantasy for yourself and its no one elses fault.

If anything people will be excited that theres 2 close in age. They will likely (wrongly usually) have the fantasy they will be tiny besties.

escapingthecity · 24/07/2023 21:52

I felt like this a little bit when my younger SIL announced she was pregnant while we were trying. For about 5 minutes. Our kids are 3mo apart and there is no sense of the 'first grandchild' at all. Is this coming from your relationship with your own grandchildren? Or a difficult relationship with your DPs/PIL?

Hiddenvoice · 24/07/2023 21:54

I understand that you wanted to be the first but look at it in the way that two cousins will grow up close in age and can be best friends. My siblings and I all announced our pregnancies within 8 weeks of each other. We were all equally surprised. My oldest sibling though we were stealing their thunder but now watching our children play together just warms our hearts.

Weloveflowerss · 24/07/2023 21:55

TakenRoot · 24/07/2023 21:42

OP, congratulations on your pregnancy.

I imagine you anticipated the joy of telling the grandparents-to-be, and in truth there is likely to be a ‘we are going to be grandparents’ reaction. But this is fleeting. In practice your baby will be just as keenly anticipated and just as adored and cherished.

Once you decide to make your own announcement I hope you will have a wonderful time being pregnant and new mums together.

Beautifully put and compassionate!

BiscuitsandPuffin · 24/07/2023 21:55

Desupi · 24/07/2023 21:22

Did not expect my first post on mumsnet to have me in tears within 20 mins of posting. I don't think I'll be coming back :(

Seriously? You knew enough about MN to know the term "AIBU" but were unfamiliar with the type of responses people get when they ask if they're being unreasonable?

Nah.

FuckOffMadameGazelle · 24/07/2023 21:56

Why is your child more special?

Emmamoo89 · 24/07/2023 21:57

Yabu but you did ask. They'll both be very much loved. Enjoy your pregnancy

landbeforegrime · 24/07/2023 21:57

From the other side i get you. we are expecting dc2. met up with sil and bil. they announced their first pregnancy to us - they found out that day. i couldn't help but think the timing was bad. we are expecting about 5 weeks before they are. we hadn't announced pregnancy and i felt concerned about how and when my dh should tell his family without taking away their thunder. i totally expected his ds to be miffed about it. i don't know if she is or not but she hasn't expressed it if she feels upset. the point really is that i understand why you feel like this as i kind of expected this reaction from my sil. just because the focus from her parents will be split, nothing to do with who will be first dgc. i wouldn't hold it against her if she felt this wasn't an ideal scenario and understand why you aren't loving the close proximity, especially when you are due shortly after your sil.

BeeDavis · 24/07/2023 21:57

Sorry but I can’t have much sympathy for
you. When we announced our pregnancy to my husband’s nana, the first thing she said to us would be that his cousin and his wife will be gutted…. Basically because they were TTC (which we didn’t know and we hadn’t told anyone we were trying) and it honestly just ruined the announcement, to her anyway. It’s like they thought they should have a baby first because they were married and we weren’t at the time; we’d postponed our wedding because of Covid. It makes you sound so entitled. Funnily enough they conceived a few months after we did, so all that drama for nothing.