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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Boyfriend wants an abortion

237 replies

Idontwantausernameplease · 15/07/2023 22:36

Hi everyone,

I just found out I’m pregnant. Backstory is that I fell pregnant with my partner last year and he asked me to abort, I did and it was traumatic.

Fast forward a year, my OH and I were sitting down for dinner and he tells me he is ready for baby and if I would consider taking my coil out. I had not spoken about babies since our termination and thought it was completely off the cards for us. Naturally I was surprised but also felt this wow feeling that I really didn’t know existed inside me.

I agreed to have my coil out and scheduled it for a month later so I could really settle into the idea of letting it happen if it happened. i have not even had a single period before falling pregnant and now he’s said that he didn’t mean it and that he doesn’t want a baby, please could I consider getting rid of it.

All I have done since finding out a few days ago is cry at the fact that this is my body and to ask me again to go through the trauma of abortion again is just something I don’t think I can do.

He is saying to me that he’s not telling me to do it but I should consider what life would be like raising a baby alone. Bear in mind that this is not a new relationship, we have been together for five years and so the decision to have a baby with him felt natural and comfortable to me. I didn’t think that in a thousand years he would turn around and say he doesn’t want a baby after asking me to take my coil out and continuing to have sex without any contraception. I mean what did he expect would happen?

I feel completely blindsided and don’t know where to turn. I have typed this so quickly and I know I have probably left a lot of detail out. But I am desperate for someone to help me make sense of my emotions… I am dying inside.

OP posts:
Cas112 · 15/07/2023 22:52

I honestly don't know what kind of manipulation this is but that's exactly what he's doing, manipulating you. Lose him, keep the baby.

Cheetocat · 15/07/2023 22:53

If you want the baby then you should keep it but that man will never be a good father.

Squeaky2023 · 15/07/2023 22:55

What ever you do, get rid of that horrible man and be good to yourself xxx

Squeaky2023 · 15/07/2023 22:55

He's a wrong 'un. He really sounds toxic.

Lizzt2007 · 15/07/2023 22:57

Op that's awful for you. You have a very hard choice to make regarding continuing the pregnancy or not, but whichever decision you make you need to get out of that relationship. How could you ever trust him again having done that to you x

ConnieTucker · 15/07/2023 22:58

Squeaky2023 · 15/07/2023 22:55

What ever you do, get rid of that horrible man and be good to yourself xxx

This. Dump him. Move. Enjoy your life. What a cunt he is.

sunshinesupermum · 15/07/2023 22:58

What an awful partner. Get rid of him, not the baby!

pavillion1 · 15/07/2023 22:58

what kind of sick whacko is he .. theirs something very disturbing about him .

SiobhanSharpe · 15/07/2023 22:58

This is entirely your decision, please do not allow him to persuade/cajole/manipulate you into doing something you really don't want to do.

Gettingbysomehow · 15/07/2023 23:03

Well you know what? Next time he gets pregnant he is welcome to go and have an abortion.
This is your pregnancy and you can do what you want. Preferably without him.

FiddleLeaf · 15/07/2023 23:05

He has to go. It’s utterly disgusting how he’s treated you.

The baby, that is completely your choice. He doesn’t own your body.

NeverThatSerious · 15/07/2023 23:08

He’s one fucked up individual. I’m so sorry. I’d be dumping him either way, but if you feel you cannot go through with an abortion, then don’t!!

ManonDe · 15/07/2023 23:09

Squeaky2023 · 15/07/2023 22:55

What ever you do, get rid of that horrible man and be good to yourself xxx

Agree. Manipulative arsehole.

Maddy70 · 15/07/2023 23:10

I my opinion... It's his baby too. It's a huge commitment and if you are not both onboard I would definitely abort fir the sake of that potential child. There will be other opportunities

Wallywobbles · 15/07/2023 23:16

@Maddy70 that's an assumption. She may never get pregnant again.

InWalksBarberalla · 15/07/2023 23:16

Maddy70 · 15/07/2023 23:10

I my opinion... It's his baby too. It's a huge commitment and if you are not both onboard I would definitely abort fir the sake of that potential child. There will be other opportunities

I might consider that valid in the case of an unplanned pregnancy but here he encouraged her to remove her coil and they were actively trying to conceive together. And we have no idea if another opportunity will arise or not.

OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You need to dump the asshole first, and then think about what you want to do.

StaunchMomma · 15/07/2023 23:30

What an utter bastard he is!

You need to get out of that relationship, OP.

I cannot believe how cruel he is. This is honestly one of the most awful things I've read on here.

As for all of the bullshit about it being better for the child to abort than for it to be raised by a mother alone, FUCK THEM AND THEIR JUDGEMENT AND IGNORANCE!!

Plenty of happy, healthy kids are raised by single mothers.

It's flippant of people to say there will be 'plenty of other opportunities' - life doesn't work like that for millions of women.

Whatever YOU choose is perfectly OK. Don't be swayed by ANYONE.

Maddy70 · 15/07/2023 23:38

I did state it was my opinion...

GritGoes4th · 15/07/2023 23:40

Maddy70 · 15/07/2023 23:10

I my opinion... It's his baby too. It's a huge commitment and if you are not both onboard I would definitely abort fir the sake of that potential child. There will be other opportunities

Ignore this ^^ and anyone going on about his 'rights'.

Dump the manipulative man. Have the baby if you want to. File a claim with CMS for child maintenance. Because it IS his baby too, and he needs to support him or her for the next 18 years.

Good luck, OP. You will be much better off without him. I know you have tough decisions ahead.

Offyoupoplove · 15/07/2023 23:44

Oh gosh. He sounds horribly emotionally abusive. Please don’t have an abortion you don’t want. Regardless of how he feels now, he intentionally made a baby and he will need to contribute.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/07/2023 23:44

Your hopefully soon to be ex partner is really an absolute bastard, isn't he.

FuckNuggets · 15/07/2023 23:46

Maddy70 · 15/07/2023 23:10

I my opinion... It's his baby too. It's a huge commitment and if you are not both onboard I would definitely abort fir the sake of that potential child. There will be other opportunities

Other opportunities with other men you mean? Because after asking the OP to go through an abortion, then asking her to try for a baby, then waiting for her to get pregnant and claiming he wants her to get an abortion AGAIN! You can't possibly mean there will be plenty of opportunities with this abusive bastard?

Maddy70 · 15/07/2023 23:47

FuckNuggets · 15/07/2023 23:46

Other opportunities with other men you mean? Because after asking the OP to go through an abortion, then asking her to try for a baby, then waiting for her to get pregnant and claiming he wants her to get an abortion AGAIN! You can't possibly mean there will be plenty of opportunities with this abusive bastard?

Clearly obvious I meant with another!

AdoraBell · 15/07/2023 23:52

Get rid of the waste of space. Then decide what to do about the baby. Do you have family who can support you?

RugbyMom123 · 15/07/2023 23:52

You have to leave him either way. He’s an awful person.

You may as well have a bundle of joy. It’s literally the best thing. It’s hard too. But so one million times worth it 🥰