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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend wants an abortion

237 replies

Idontwantausernameplease · 15/07/2023 22:36

Hi everyone,

I just found out I’m pregnant. Backstory is that I fell pregnant with my partner last year and he asked me to abort, I did and it was traumatic.

Fast forward a year, my OH and I were sitting down for dinner and he tells me he is ready for baby and if I would consider taking my coil out. I had not spoken about babies since our termination and thought it was completely off the cards for us. Naturally I was surprised but also felt this wow feeling that I really didn’t know existed inside me.

I agreed to have my coil out and scheduled it for a month later so I could really settle into the idea of letting it happen if it happened. i have not even had a single period before falling pregnant and now he’s said that he didn’t mean it and that he doesn’t want a baby, please could I consider getting rid of it.

All I have done since finding out a few days ago is cry at the fact that this is my body and to ask me again to go through the trauma of abortion again is just something I don’t think I can do.

He is saying to me that he’s not telling me to do it but I should consider what life would be like raising a baby alone. Bear in mind that this is not a new relationship, we have been together for five years and so the decision to have a baby with him felt natural and comfortable to me. I didn’t think that in a thousand years he would turn around and say he doesn’t want a baby after asking me to take my coil out and continuing to have sex without any contraception. I mean what did he expect would happen?

I feel completely blindsided and don’t know where to turn. I have typed this so quickly and I know I have probably left a lot of detail out. But I am desperate for someone to help me make sense of my emotions… I am dying inside.

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 14:44

I have told real people and of course they are shocked but think that he’ll come around eventually. That or the opposite, I must get rid of it to spare me anymore pain. People that know me so well are telling me to abort from the kindness of their hearts, not in a bad way but for me not to be stuck like this and have maybe half a chance at healing

OP posts:
Unicorn2023 · 23/07/2023 14:52

@Idontwantausernameplease People that know me so well are telling me to abort from the kindness of their hearts, not in a bad way but for me not to be stuck like this and have maybe half a chance at healing

The above should say people that know me well are telling me to leave the bastard! What is going on with this! I am heart sorry for you but this is all about aborting the baby and should be about you leaving this peace of shit!!!

Persipan · 23/07/2023 14:56

You've said yourself, very perceptively, that My feelings are completely last on his list of things he cares about and that’s what hurts the most. I can absolutely understand why the pregnancy is at the forefront of your mind at the moment but I agree with basically everyone else in the thread that this relationship is terribly toxic for you and that for your peace of mind and healing, being with him is not helping. Have you had any chance to think about how you want to move forward regarding the relationship?

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 15:00

Agree with pp - wheres the decision about him

Original poster
Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 15:15

I’m going to abort and leave him.

OP posts:
WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 15:18

Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 15:15

I’m going to abort and leave him.

❤❤

Please go to your gp. And please.consider the police, even just as a chat and Claire's law. He might not hahe hit you but he has abused you.

Lottapianos · 23/07/2023 15:18

The very best of luck to you. Get him out of your life and keep him out, and make the absolute top priority in your own life from now on

Original poster
Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 15:19

I’m too embarrassed to go to the gp, with this again.

OP posts:
Ladyj84 · 23/07/2023 15:19

Why are you with a crazy insane person your worth more than that

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 15:28

Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 15:19

I’m too embarrassed to go to the gp, with this again.

Oh Op please dont be. You have nothing to he embarrassed ahout and you need help.

Newshoess · 23/07/2023 15:43

@Idontwantausernameplease how old is this man. You need to throw him out ASAP!! If you want your baby I would keep it because if you are a single mum anyway it's not going to change that much. The baby years sail by! Wishing you all the luck.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/07/2023 15:54

Some GP do online consultations where you can write it down. You’ve done nothing to be embarrassed about.

People saying oh he’ll come round, that’s just something people say like “Hot enough for you?” On a hot day. It’s just an automatic response that doesn’t actually mean anything.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 23/07/2023 16:00

Maddy70 · 15/07/2023 23:10

I my opinion... It's his baby too. It's a huge commitment and if you are not both onboard I would definitely abort fir the sake of that potential child. There will be other opportunities

How dare you tell a mother who does not want to abort her baby - to do it!

Newshoess · 23/07/2023 16:03

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 14:36

OP would you consider asking the police for Claire's law? There is no way this piece of shit hasnt got form

Have you told people IRL?

I wouldn't even bother... I would just get shut ASAP.

Unicorn2023 · 23/07/2023 16:07

@Idontwantausernameplease Please don’t feel embarrassed 😢 the doctor will help you so much just ask for help 🤗♥️

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 16:12

Newshoess · 23/07/2023 16:03

I wouldn't even bother... I would just get shut ASAP.

Show quote history

Yeah, let's not bother trying to protect Op from an evil abuse man and or other women in the future. Lets.not bother
If OP found it that easy to get shot she wouldnt be here.
Shes asking for help and support not you showboating.
.

Newshoess · 23/07/2023 16:16

@WildUnchartedWaters everything doesn't need to be a bun fight on MN. I've offered support. I have added a recent input. Claire law isn't as simple you would have to get the police round to your house, OP has 2 other children and I was just thinking of OP and the fact that she's already stressed.... ultimately if you end a relationship I'm not sure why she needs to delve into this man's history and cause herself even more upset.

Original poster
Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 16:16

Of course it hasn’t even been easy to come here because I am ashamed of myself and how I’ve let things get this bad. I get that people will be mentally stronger than me, but bear in mind that I have been in this for so long that it’s difficult to just find a way out. It hasn’t and isn’t as simple as you may think, getting rid of leaving, all of those things are easy, if you’re not afraid of the way that you’re already feeling, on top of that there are decisions to be made but you’re being coerced. You never asked for any of this but here you are, alone and scared. So please, consider that before you tell me how simple it is to do something asap.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 23/07/2023 16:17

@Idontwantausernameplease

OP I am praying for strength for you as you go through this extremely difficult time and a peaceful future.

You are a better person than you think you are and I hope you'll see that for yourself and with the support of friends and family who love you. 🌹

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 16:20

Newshoess · 23/07/2023 16:16

@WildUnchartedWaters everything doesn't need to be a bun fight on MN. I've offered support. I have added a recent input. Claire law isn't as simple you would have to get the police round to your house, OP has 2 other children and I was just thinking of OP and the fact that she's already stressed.... ultimately if you end a relationship I'm not sure why she needs to delve into this man's history and cause herself even more upset.

I never said it did.

You dont know whar you're talking about. I do. They dont have to come to your house. It's also unlikely they would tell her anything unless it was severe (in which case you dont think she might want to know that...? ) and it would mean the police were aware of this piece of shit for the next person he traumatises.

As Op has found it difficult to post and go to tne doctors I'm not sure how you think she will 'get shot'. I'm not entirely sure she will.

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 16:21

Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 16:16

Of course it hasn’t even been easy to come here because I am ashamed of myself and how I’ve let things get this bad. I get that people will be mentally stronger than me, but bear in mind that I have been in this for so long that it’s difficult to just find a way out. It hasn’t and isn’t as simple as you may think, getting rid of leaving, all of those things are easy, if you’re not afraid of the way that you’re already feeling, on top of that there are decisions to be made but you’re being coerced. You never asked for any of this but here you are, alone and scared. So please, consider that before you tell me how simple it is to do something asap.

It's not that they're mentally stronger than you. Its that they're far more narrow minded than you.
Ignore them. Lots of us hear you.
I do think you should go to tne doctors though at least

bengalcat · 23/07/2023 16:25

The most important thing to do is leave this man .

AlfietheSchnauzer · 23/07/2023 16:28

Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 09:44

I decided I’m not strong enough to keep going with this pregnancy. I’m not brave enough, I’m not strong enough and I’m not good enough to do this right.

Oh no! Don't be daft, you're an experienced mother! Don't let this abusive bastard control you. He has coerced you into this :( Uf you didn't want this baby then you wouldn't ever have had a dilemma! But you did because a big part of you wants it!

Billybagpuss · 23/07/2023 16:32

It’s easy to be mentally strong when it’s not your own life you’re commenting on. 💐

leaving him is the right decision, don’t be ashamed, you did what you thought was the right thing at the time, now you need help to find the strength for the next step. Mn is often at its best then, use the support helping you get those practical ducks in order.

good luck speaking to the clinic. Take a few days and some time to yourself to help get your head around it all.

do you have somewhere else to stay for a few days.

Terzani · 23/07/2023 16:36

@Idontwantausernameplease He’s got into my head completely and I feel as though if I keep it I’m going to have the worst life. I’m not young, I’m mid 30s now and this is maybe my last chance at this. But, he keeps drumming into my head that he doesn’t want me to struggle. Saying things like let’s be smart about this. I don’t want to lose you but and our relationship was turning a corner before this. Insinuating that i ruined everything in a sense.

So the only thing that happens is that you are being pressured and gaslighted into aborting your baby and staying with this scumbag. Now you say you decided to ”abort and leave him”, but I don't think you will leave him; you will just abort the baby because you are afraid of the scumbag - too afraid to leave, too afraid to say no to him, too afraid to say and do what you really want. He almost got his way - he convinced you that you are unfit for a mother, good for nothing, dependent on him and even guilty for ruining this relationship!
I know how it is to have 2 abortions just because men dictate it - it's soul destroying, a kind of grief and self-loathing that can't be compared to anything. Can't you just think about how you were before meeting this scumbag? You have 2 children, you have a good job, you are young, how come that you consider now so powerless? Please, leave, leave now! Leaving is your only way to bee free and restore your sanity! As long as you stay with the scumbag and listen to him, you will continue to be an emotional wreck, unable to make decisions for yourself, lonely and desperate.

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