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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant with unplanned baby, husband is adamant he doesn’t want it

437 replies

Pippin18 · 07/06/2023 00:07

Hello

i guess I’m looking for some advice.
I am 14 weeks pregnant with 3rd baby, only found out 3 weeks a go.
I was/am scared and anxious - we have DS1 6,7 in July and DS2 5,6 in December.
the baby is due in November.
we are 31&32.
failed mirena coil.

Husband wanted me to get an abortion I enquired but I couldn’t do it. Its has gotten me in a right state for 2 weeks. I told him yesterday I couldn’t do it and he went mad.

he wants nothing to do with the baby. Wishes I’d miscarry, I’ve ruin his life, suicidal thoughts ect

he’s a great dad to our boys but says he was enjoying his freedom and he doesn’t want to share me again!

he’s adamant he won’t help and he’ll regret the baby so won’t even look at it or do anything for it - it’s putting a massive strain on how I feel.

I’m so scared around the whole thing, it feels like a long time a go I was dealing with a newborn. Also I’m scared to know I don’t have any of his support.
he said he’ll be here for the boys but not this one.
he keeps saying he hopes I’ve made the right decision for me cos it’s for no one else!
he’s my best friend. We’ve got a solid relationship bar this huge thing!!
I know he’s got in my head cos it’s keeping me awake now.
with his help, love and support we’d be okay! We have more options for paid support now than ever before! - but I can’t see me getting that!!

I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve by this post, I’m just wondering if anyone else’s husbands have come round or if they stay like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippin18 · 07/06/2023 06:39

CeeceeBloomingdale · 07/06/2023 06:25

He's a dick. You will always resent him if you have an abortion you don't want.

What I really don't understand is why you have told your children. Especially him giving you permission to tell them whilst telling you to have an abortion. Why on earth would your children need to know about this? Surely only after you have decided to keep the baby and have decided if you will be together or separate do the need to know.

He has made it all about him, about getting his life back, what he wants, his mental health, what he will and won't do fo the baby. Meanwhile your mental health will suffer if he coerces you into terminating. He can't choose for you, he has an opinion but your decision is final. He will also be financially responsible for the baby, whether he likes it or not.

I have made it very clear to him that I won’t be getting an abortion, so for me that card is off the table. Even if that means I do it alone!

We told the boys as he was ‘trying’ to come to turns with it and said he would.
Plus the reality is the baby is coming. They’re excited why keep it from them just cos he’s being an arse!!

OP posts:
Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 06:40

What an awful way to treat you.
Im surprised he’s said he wants you back to himself etc, the way he’s treating you is likely to cause long term resentment. He is damaging your relationship beyond repair.

please look after your health and your weight, it would be tragic if the stress he is causing you results in you losing this baby!

So glad to hear you have a strong family and friends network

MummyJ36 · 07/06/2023 06:41

It’s not like your kids are teenagers and living independent lives! The age gap between the 3 kids will be totally appropriate and what a lot of people go for. It’s such shocking behaviour. He’s acting like it was an immaculate conception. Did you ever talk about what would happen if you got pregnant by accident? Honestly if he was this bothered he should have had a vasectomy.

Do you have the option to stay with family for a bit with your DC’s? Maybe give him a taste of what it would be like to really lose you? Honestly if my DH went on like this I’d have to move out, it is not good for your health or the babies health living in a situation like this.

willWillSmithsmith · 07/06/2023 06:42

What an absolute cunt he is. I could never look at him the same now anyway. I’d tell him I was having the baby (if that’s what you want) and that I could never look at him again so he can do one. I’d rather have this baby than this man. Any man who spoke so viciously is not someone I could stay with. Poor little baby to have a father who hates them before they’re even born.

airmaxJ · 07/06/2023 06:43

What about showing him the comments on this thread xx

BananaSpanner · 07/06/2023 06:45

Shame him. Tell his family how he has been and tell them you want him gone as you can’t live with someone who is wishing a miscarriage on you. He needs to leave until he can start to make amends and if he can’t, then you are better off doing it on your own.

airmaxJ · 07/06/2023 06:45

Screenshot him this from me . You are ruining your relationship long term and she's not going to want you if you keep this up . Look after her and this little baby and you all will be happy. Come on she said you were her best friend and everything before this . Fix it !

willWillSmithsmith · 07/06/2023 06:49

airmaxJ · 07/06/2023 06:43

What about showing him the comments on this thread xx

That’s what I was thinking. It might help for him to see how awful, immature and disgusting he is.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 07/06/2023 06:51

He’s already destroyed your family. Single-handedly.

SecretSwirrel · 07/06/2023 06:52

In all honesty, it doesn’t sound like your relationship with your husband was actually as good as you think it was. If he really didn’t want another child, he should have had a vasectomy. Well done for standing your ground on an abortion.

ArseMenagerie · 07/06/2023 06:53

‘Doesn’t want to share me again’ 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Fraaahnces · 07/06/2023 06:55

Well… isn’t he mag-fucking-nanimous? I love how he thinks he gets to make all the decisions. I think he needs to be told about how his life is going to be when he has 50/50 care of all three kids, and how you might actually enjoy your life a bit more with less washing, housework, shopping and cooking to do. I wonder who will have more “freedom” then? Oh really? YOU will.

DustyLee123 · 07/06/2023 06:57

He’s a control freak. Threatening suicide because he doesn’t get his way ? Kick his sorry arse out and give baby your maiden name.

SimonsCow · 07/06/2023 06:59

Ask him to leave. Tell him you’re not sure you’ll ever willing to forgive the way he’s acted. At the very least he needs to get away and think through what he’s potentially losing.

HeyLovee · 07/06/2023 07:00

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 07/06/2023 00:19

How did you get pregnant if he had a vasectomy and you had a coil?

Oh, hang on, he didn't have a vasectomy?

And he didn't wear a condom?

So this baby that he did absolutely nothing to prevent creating; he's blaming YOU for? You, the one person who did actively try to prevent the creation?

He should be angry at himself but instead he's upsetting a pregnant woman.

Start finding your inner anger. HE got you pregnant.

HE had sex with you without using any contraceptive; how fucking dare he then blame you for ruining HIS life, because his unprotected sex led to a baby.

This man is an arsehole.

100% agree. What an utter arsehole he is.

Dooopylally · 07/06/2023 07:02

Unless he is currently having a break down of some sort I don't see how he can ever fix what he's done. Would he see his GP?

Justleaveitblankthen · 07/06/2023 07:03

This is truly shocking and he would have lost me anyway. Could not see him the same way ever again, let alone sleep with him.
It's your choice, but I would 100% choose the baby. ❤️

Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 07:03

I missed the bit about threatening suicide etc until PP mentioned it.
Thats emotionally blackmailing you! The way he is acting is basically unforgivable now. I can’t imagine my DP wishing miscarriage on me

Original poster
Pippin18 · 07/06/2023 07:04

Dooopylally · 07/06/2023 07:02

Unless he is currently having a break down of some sort I don't see how he can ever fix what he's done. Would he see his GP?

Nope - I have tried to persuade him to go but he won’t!

He said he’s depressed and loosing himself but it’s wholly because of the situation with the baby he wasn’t like it or thinking it before!

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 07/06/2023 07:04

He is being totally unreasonable to be treating you this way. Just not on at all. If I was in your shoes, I would have the baby, and if his attitude doesn’t change towards you and the baby, the marriage would be over. Please don’t keep taking this abuse. Good luck with the pregnancy OP, you will be ok Flowers

Original poster
Pippin18 · 07/06/2023 07:05

I think I’m struggling with self blame a little cos I don’t want to spilt the family up as it’s unfair on the boys!
but at the same time I know I can’t live with this if it’s how he’s going to be. I will never ever forgive what he’s said I know I won’t!

OP posts:
OhDoh · 07/06/2023 07:06

Hes emotionally blackmailing you! He's a man child. Honestly OP I don't know how you come back from this. Asking him to leave comes to mind as personally I could never forgive the way he is treating you.

do not give this baby his surname. Good luck with the pregnancy OP and congratulations on your baby. X

Lefteyetwitch · 07/06/2023 07:06

I would tell him that when you divorce over this he doesn't get to choose which children he supports. He will foncailly support them all and he will see them all. All or nothing.

At this rate having him removed from all your lives isn't a bad thing.

flutterby1 · 07/06/2023 07:08

I think you should get rid of HIM not the baby. He doesn't want to share you again? He thinks an accidental pregnancy is YOUR fault. He sounds vile

airmaxJ · 07/06/2023 07:08

Are you going to feel better after writing this and the support from comments. It breaks my heart to think you have being hard on yourself or getting hurt and actually getting emotionally abused and not known. Know that you are the priority as if you fall , your kids suffer. Your number one priority now and get eating and enjoying yourself please xx