35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

[georgarina]

I would talk to your midwife at your next appointment and they should be able to discuss the process with you/refer you on

Hope all is well xx

[solosunflower]

Thank you. I will do

[solosunflower]

I should have had an abortion. I feel so miserable at the thought of being a parent. I've not spoken to the father the entire pregnancy. The only family support I have is a toxic mother who I don't want back in my life.

[Choppies]

If you are feeling this way then contacting your midwife seems sensible - they can refer as needed and signpost to support whatever decision you make - much better to make the decision with as much support and information as possible. I personally think acknowledging your limitations and situation is hugely brave so hats off to you!

[solosunflower]

Thank you. I can't stop thinking about it. I think of the couple desperate for a newborn and all they can offer. I really have very, very little.

[iloveburmese3]

Sending love OP. You're awesome and brave to carry a baby and we all support you. As you say there is a couple who will love and cherish your baby and you've done a great job carrying it to full term. Really hope it all goes well. Hugs x

[solosunflower]

Thank you. I'm wondering how I'm going to explain to people.

[iloveburmese3]

As a super model once said 'never complain, never explain'. It's your life and you don't need to explain to anyone. The fact is your facing this alone so you need to make this decision for you and your baby and no one needs to know anything else. I absolutely love my baby and about to have another which I will cherish but honestly feeling huge admiration and bravery for you and think what you're doing is admirable for your future and your baby's. Keep us updated and hang in there. Hugs x

[Chocolatetadpole]

Hey OP, sending love to you. Sounds like you're having a tough time. Are you seeing someone about your mental health? You sound like you're in a tough place.

Your midwife will be able to refer you to the right process, if you don't have luck there call your local Children's Services and explain that you want to relinquish your baby when it's born. They should be able to signpost you to some support services and counselling around adoption too. Look after yourself xx

[solosunflower]

Thank you. I have found a number online. I've just got to wait until 9 am to put a call through. I know it's going to be tough, but my logical brain tells me it's the best thing for all concerned.

[Sunandstars123]

Dear @solosunflower I'm feeling very sad you are in such difficult situation. You've been alone with your thoughts and fears and you don't see any better solution for the future and perhaps no internal resources to cope alone with the baby. But it could be depression that fogs your prospects on the future. Please, speak to midwife about your mental state and don't rush decisions before you feel better.

Children is a difficult task for everyone of us, but also a huge motivator to progress and overcome.

And no one can judge you. They are not in your shoes. Hug you x

[Sallyh87]

Dear @solosunflower, so sorry you are feeling so alone. You say you have little to offer a baby but you have lots you are clearly a rational and strong woman who is already thinking only of the wellbeing of the baby. That’s a lot and more than a lot of babies have. There is a lot of support available through benefits, social services and even charities.

Agree with PPs, speak to your midwife. Discuss your mental health aswell. Look at what support is available.

Whatever decision you make, you owe no one any explanation and if asked just say you don’t wish to speak about it and move on. It is clear that you just care about the babies welfare and happiness and that is really commendable.

Good luck x

[solosunflower]

Hello, thank you for the considerate responses.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I have no support network. The father hasn't spoken to me since he found out - so no one from that side. From my side I have a mother and brother. My mother I have been cutting out for a while, but today I made the decision to stop all contact. I can't have that toxicity back in my life again. My brother is highly controlled by my mother and desperate for her money. The baby really would only have me. Plus I'm struggling to keep my head above water financially. I'm looking for ways to better my career prospects, but that would be very difficult with a baby. I simply can't provide any of the things I want to. I don't want them to have the childhood I endured. So I think of a couple who are desperate for a baby and are in a good position in life with a lovely family. I feel like a loser in comparison.

[rubygiz]

I wish you all the luck and happiness in your future what ever you decide to do x

[georgarina]

if you do want to keep the baby your midwife can refer you for a lot of help - family support worker, homestart, charities that will provide you with everything you need (cot, buggy etc) and even a birth partner to tent you to/from hospital and be with you for the birth.

hoping for the best for you with your decision either way xxx

[solosunflower]

I have desperately been trying to find a way to better my prospects. I've looked at accountancy, which does not seem to be the right fit. I've also got nowhere retraining in tech. I own my own home and earn less than 20K. I'm drowning as it is. On SMP I'd be about 500 less a month. I know people say a child only needs love, but that really isn't true. I lived a childhood of abject poverty and it was miserable. I can't do that to another soul.

[rwalker]

Wishing you love and support
the midwives will be able to sign post to the correct service to enable you to go ahead with any choice you make

[Theunamedcat]

That's fair enough your reasons are perfectly sensible and you shouldn't feel the need to explain yourself to anyone

[Penniless]

OP, bear in mind that social workers will explore your baby staying within your family, or with its father or his family. There’s an adoption board on here with knowledgeable, kind posters — post this there for well-informed responses.

[YerAWizardHarry]

You need to look into benefits over and above SMP such as universal credit

[ThreeLocusts]

Hi OP - I enquired into this when my husband wasn't happy with my third pregnancy (didn't go through).

It wasn't hard to find the right people at the council to talk to, but they were a bit judgmental, I felt. Just so you can steel yourself for that. They would have taken the baby off me right after birth if I'd opted for that.

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. I hope you can put your toxic family behind you and pursue the life you want, knowing your child has gone to a family who are delighted to welcome them.

[determinedtomakethiswork]

Have you looked at what benefits you would get? This would be such a huge life changing decision for you and the baby. Don't go into it until you know that you can cope with it and that there is literally no other option.

[clpsmum]

No advice but sending big hugs you are incredibly brave and honest I admire you

[Octopusmittens]

@Sallyh87

Dear @solosunflower, so sorry you are feeling so alone. You say you have little to offer a baby but you have lots you are clearly a rational and strong woman who is already thinking only of the wellbeing of the baby. That’s a lot and more than a lot of babies have. There is a lot of support available through benefits, social services and even charities.

Agree with PPs, speak to your midwife. Discuss your mental health aswell. Look at what support is available.

Whatever decision you make, you owe no one any explanation and if asked just say you don’t wish to speak about it and move on. It is clear that you just care about the babies welfare and happiness and that is really commendable.

Good luck x

This.

Sending you a big hug OP. Please don’t rush into anything. Wishing you all the best.

[Dibbydoos]

Sending you a big hug OP.

Go into it as you are with eyes open, but please don't think once baby is here adoption will be easy. Hormones kick in and screw with new mums and once you see baby you may feel differently. So look into it, but don't fix it so you don't have the opportunity to change your mind. Go with how you feel in your gut.

Best of luck xxx