35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

It's extremely difficult to put a newborn up for adoption in the UK. The father would have to agree to it and give up parental rights, and every other family member possible would be considered.

Sending hugs and the best for you xx

There is plenty of time for that! I have used Homestart for 6 months with twins.l and a toddler.
The lovely volunteer held the babies for hours. It was what I imagine it’s like having a supportive mum who is fantastic around children / babies. Was so wonderful. Never wanted her to leave!

I am so sorry you are going through this OP as much as I really sympathize your difficult situation, I can not imagine for a million years what I would NOT be willing to do to be able to keep my baby that I carried for 9 months - for example working as many hours as possible from home, getting all the benefits you can, def file for child support from the father. There is ALWAYS more solutions than the problems. Giving up your newborn should not be based on temporary financial difficulties I am sure there are MANY single mothers who brought up their children under way way worse financial conditions. I just do not believe people should base such a massive decision on their current financial situation - you can always make or lose money. I know its hard but you might be going through some mental health issues, I hope you speak to professionals for help, ask yourself whether you want your baby, if answer is yes and you are just afraid, be brave, get all the help you can and give it all you have. If after trying really hard for a period of time you then decide its not for you its not like you can only give up for adoption as newborn. I just feel sorry for you that you didnt even give yourself a chance as a mother!

@solosunflower was not asking about whether adoption is the right thing to do, but how she would go about it.

@solosunflower , please speak to your midwife or gp, they can signpost where to get impartial advice so you can work out what will be best for you and the baby.

Adoptions are made legal via adoption agencies and made legal via the courts.
So Contact adoption agencies, they won’t be so judgemental either.
childline or social services, One or both should be able to recommend a suitable agency if you can’t find one.

Good luck Op

Agree with this 100% the child being raised by it's biological mum is the best outcome for this baby. This baby isn't here to make someone else's "dreams come true", utter nonsense.

@solosunflower your hormones are raging at the moment, please don't rush into anything just yet. See if you can get a Citizens Advice appointment and talk through what help you'll get money wise and of course talk to your midwife and anyone the refer you to, but don't think you have to give up the baby for it to have a better life. That's not necessarily true. Money isn't everything and it's REALLY hard to be a parent but adoption is not as easy as you'd think, the baby will be in foster care for a while, possibly 18 months until any paperwork is complete. Take care of yourself and do whatever is best for you AFTER you have all the information you need. Much love whatever you decide, you're already a better mum than you give yourself credit for ❤️

Hugs OP. I don’t have any advice for you but you can have all my hugs. Xx

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I’m an adoptee myself, adopted at birth. My birth mother was in a very similar situation to you, didn’t have any support and had two other children. She did what she thought was best at the time for us all, as I’m sure you want for your baby too.

All I can say in terms of support, is speak to your midwife as other posts have said. She should be able to direct you to the support you need. The charity Adoption UK has a helpline and support email on their website. Their advisors are really helpful and supportive.

Unfortunately, adoption is a permanent solution to what can sometimes be a temporary problem. I know my birth mother has lived with the pain of giving me up all her life and so have I, even though I had wonderful adoptive parents.
Sending hugs and I hope you’re able to find the support you need x

Hi OP, I don’t know if this will help you but from the sound of your post you’re already showing a lot of love and courage by considering what you think would be best for your baby.

I just want you to know I was in exactly the same position as you. Fell pregnant last year, relationship completely broke down with baby’s father and I had little
to no support elsewhere. Finances were terrible. Had no place of my own. I ended up giving birth on my own and my emotions just spiralled. I seriously considered giving my baby up for adoption.

But I want to be completely honest and tell you as my little
boy gets closer to 5 months old, I really couldn’t be happier that I didn’t go through with giving him up.

I ended up getting a place sorted, I got universal credit sorted. I’m managing finances ok.

Believe me this is hard. I was a mess for the first few months of his life and everyday was just me getting him through the day by feeding changing and putting to sleep. I just didn’t feel like his mum. I didn’t feel any connection. But I do now. It’s like a slap out of nowhere when it hits you.

Please do what is best for you but I want you to know you can give your baby everything and so much more. Just by the courage and love you’re showing.

Ffs.

@solosunflower Reading your posts, it sounds a bit as though you don’t really want to put your baby up for adoption, but feel you should because you aren’t good enough?

Is that how you feel?

Because you are good enough. Love really IS all it takes, along with a secure home and the absence of other early life adverse experiences. It’s things like homelessness, drugs, alcohol, domestic and community violence and physical and emotional abuse that can really mess up childhoods. Do you feel you could provide an upbringing free of these things? If so, your child has every chance of flourishing with you, no matter how poor or small your little family is.

If you feel you truly couldn’t cope - that’s valid. But if you could cope but just think your baby could be ‘better off’ elsewhere, and you can provide a safe and loving home, then listen to your heart x

You owe no one an explanation however I did know someone who told people the baby died. And it made sense logically, if you go through with an adoption you will need to grieve it’s a loss and people treating like a loss helped them mentally. Not saying it’s the right thing to do but I completely understood why they choose that route.

Sorry to read this OP. You sound like such a loving mother already. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide. It must be awful feeing on your own just now 💐

feeling

How far along are you OP?

You do not need to rush into anything.

You can put your baby up for adoption at any time but you cannot back out (or it’s much harder to) if you choose to and then change your mind.

I had my child at 18 with no support at all from the dad or my family.
Unless posters have done it themselves then they cannot possibly know what it feels like going through a pregnancy alone, giving birth alone, buying what the baby needs alone and with no money, not having a break, not having someone to even to talk to and make decisions about your baby.

When she was a baby I did think about putting her into care as I ally struggled.
I also had PND which didn’t help.

I’m so glad I didn’t though as she’s been the best thing that ever happened to me.
But I wouldn’t judge anyone who would choose adoption though because it is so incredibly difficult raising a baby alone.

If you are still early on in the pregnancy then take your time to come to a decision.

There is no shame in putting a child up for adoption and it can be completely wondrous for the family who go on to raise them.

If anybody asks you about it you can just say "the baby was not destined to be with me; I don't wish to say anymore."
Someone would have to be particularly cruel to push you on the subject, so feel free to walk away from anyone who does.

Take care of yourself, your hormones will be all over the place, so get lots of rest and eat as well as you can.

What does your heart say?

OP says she is 35 weeks pregnant.

@Cocobutt it tells you in the title she's 35weeks very close to full term.

I worry she's got cold feet, frightened as the birth gets closer, worried about money and her ability to provide for her child. Possibly depression kicking in too.

I don't think giving the baby away is the right thing for her to do.

Oh OP your so very brave. Is it mainly to do with finances? I know SMP is the pits, but this would be topped up with universal credit and child benefit. It sounds to me like you have thought so long and hard about this. I hope you find the right answer. Best of luck and big hugs.

Please go into this decision with your eyes wide open. My 25 yo BIL was in the care system from a baby and was systematically abused by 2 foster fathers and a social worker.
He’s very psychologically damaged.

Me and DH considered adopting but the process is difficult and children who’ve been given up for adoption as babies, generally go to multiple foster carers before they are adopted (I have a few friends who have adopted).
Is your only reason for considering adoption, financial? If so, look into what support you can have from UC. If you have a spare room, can you rent a room out?

It isn't entirely untrue, if you do any training with adoption agencies, they speak about adoption starting in the womb with the developing foetus. Also, not entirely true that all adoptions are wonderful and fabulous and work out perfectly.

However - OP hasn't asked for this information so in terms of how to go about it, speak to your midwife and make a self referral to Children Social Care stating that you would like to consider relinquishing care of your baby. They will want to assess you, and explore all family options which may be painful to discuss so bear this in mind. It isn't an easy and straightforward process a lot of the time.