35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

Wishing you all the best, OP. Only you know your situation and only you can make the decision.

Also wishing you the best OP. your brave and amazing. you will be making some couples dreams come true.
xx

I’m a single adopter twice over and I agree with this. @solosunflower please do consider your decision long and hard - and please don’t rely on the pressure from people here on MN. You are in a highly vulnerable state right now but there are services that will help you navigate your worries. Could you even have pre-natal depression; would it be worth you speaking to your midwife or GP? I won’t repeat all the excellent advice you have been given here but I believe that children’s services will want to try to keep your family unit together come hell or high water, especially as adoption is an irreversible legal process.

Ironically, as an adopter, I have had to give up a highly successful career in order to facilitate being at home for my two DDs, both of whom have disabilities and issues relating to their starts in life. I’m not rich but we manage and babies and children can be as expensive as you want them to be.

Can we knock this shit on the head. Stop encouraging the OP to think of the baby as a gift to give to make someone else happy.

The best outcome for a baby is to be raised by their biological mum. This isn’t cruel or mean, it’s the truth.

It doesn’t mean adopted parents are not good parents - I have nothing but admiration for adoptive parents, it’s a damn hard thing to do.

Hats off to the very eloquent posters who made thoughtful, and honest posts about the realities of adoption.

You are enough for your child.

Things change.

Please don't discount yourself.

BRAVO! Well said @SilverCatStripes

You have an emotional brain as well

Have you checked for benefits you get whilst working?

Hi OP, I'm a birth mum (have had a baby which got adopted)

I have never gotten over the trauma of being separated from my baby, it has caused a void like no other, a void that not even having other children has helped to repair.

I'm aware that my birth son has trauma of his own come to the surface as a result of the adoption.

Please be certain this is what you want. You need some counselling to talk through your feelings.

Op it really does sound like you are only thinking adoption for financial reasons.

Would teaching be an option for you, which also has the benefit of school holidays?

I know in Scotland their is help available to pay for childcare for single parents who are studying.

Please don't discount yourself. You could speak with your mortgage lender and ask to only pay interest while you are on maternity leave.

If adoption is what you want then that's completely your choice but if it isn't what you want then there is universal credit, free childcare hours coming into play, food banks, free courses for working mums, look at the £10 a day thread, paid surveys, personal assistant work, you are very much able to improve your career with a child DONT think that you can't, don't forget CMS. Not many are prepared for a baby and not many have the money but manage plus you have a house that's more than most.

I had no home not even a rental, no husband and had a job two days a week but that's all changed now

Make the decision based on what you want not how much you earn.

Great idea about teacher and paying interest only while on maternity

Sending strength your way whatever you decide. It’s clear that you are putting the baby first and I hope you find some pace in your heart. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time.

She wouldn't have to divulge his details, would she? They can't force her to.

And if she explains why her own family are no-gos, I'm sure they'd listen.

You sounds like a brave and logical woman. It also sounds like you would keep your baby if you felt you could afford to. So my first stop would be working out all possible ways in which you could afford to / finding out about all the financial support available. With free childcare coming in you may find that you have less to worry about. If that isn't what you want then there are a variety of different adoption types and you may be able to get support with an open adoption. Please don't underestimate the heartache of being parted from your baby and never knowing whether they will trace you when they grow up so that you get to hear from them again.

OP I know you didn't ask if you should go for an adoption, but many of us are getting the sense that, you don't really want to, but you feel you have no choice and that it would be 'best for the baby'.

Please be sure that you are making the best choice for both of you - it's a big decision with lifelong implications. If you were certain - then absolutely get the ball rolling, but if this is coming from a place of feeling 'not worthy' and 'not good enough' - then you need to resolve your concerns first. Could you be suffering from depression? You sound lonely - lonely and pregnant is Really Fucking Hard.

Love to you.

Just wanted to say take your time over this. If you decide to have your baby adopted please don't let it be because you think you.dont have enough to offer or because you are thinking about what a childless couple could offer.
You say you grew up in abject poverty but also that you have a toxic parent. I am guessing that the two are linked. I grew up in poverty with an alcoholic parent. I went on to have a 5 year old and then a baby completely alone with zero family support. We were skint. It wasn't miserable though and though it wasn't perfect and I feel I got a lot wrong, overall it was a healing experience and my kids are now adults who seem kind, balanced decent people.
Please think very carefully about robbing yourself of possible wonderful experiences and never ever think that you have nothing to offer..you are clearly a caring courageous and decent person. Sit on it..talk to your midwife and as many supportive people as possible, and all the best with whatever you decide. 💐

Hi OP, are you trained in tech did you say? What have you trained in. I am a recruiter for a company and I can help you find a better role if you want

Also, kindly- your baby needs you. There is financial support. You can get funding if you work full time to put baby in nursery. I think you’ll regret it as your thinking financially but once baby is here you will feel different

A charity like the Good Councel Network will help you if you decided not to go for adoption. They are a Christian charity but help any mothers to stay with the babies. With supplies etc. They are mainly based in London but have a network. https://www.goodcounselnet.co.uk/ If you click on get help there is a number to call.

The offer help with housing, baby supplies, moral support etc.

Don't forget about maintenance. He might not want anything to do with the baby, but he will have to pay.

I'm so sorry you are finding things so hard.

Please speak to your GP or midwife, you need to talk this through in real life to make sure you make the best decision for you and your baby.

If he’s not on the birth cert he doesn’t have parental rights, but if he came forward and identified himself as the father and did a DNA test, SS would be obliged to consider him and his family as placement for the baby. I think it’s no harm for people to point out that the OP doesn’t get any overriding right to determine with whom her baby ends up. Children have better outcomes raised by birth family unless there’s significant abuse/neglect/reasons why that’s impossible, so SS will try to keep them there — the OP may be imagining a utopian scenario, a prosperous couple, desperate for a baby, who can give her child everything she feels she’s unable to, but in fact that’s not necessarily the case. She might be adopted by a single adopter of modest means.

I say this not to be mean, but to get the OP to think about why she feels this baby would be better off raised by someone else, and the reality of what that might mean. Would she feel differently if she knew her baby was going to be raised by a single adopter whose income only just met the adoption criteria?

Wishing you love and support OP. When I had my baby I felt so sorry for her because she was going to have such a crap mother. I think she would agree have not been and things like finances did fall into place. I believe now that it was pre/postnatal depression. Late pregnancy was for me a time of very heightened emotions and fear/terror for the future. That is normal as it is your instinct kicking in. Please talk to your midwife at length about this.