Dad's overnight on postnatal wards - yay or nay?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Taking this debate off another thread so as not to derail

For me, unless you book and pay for a private room, overnights are for mums and their babies only.

No recovering woman should have to handle overnights with upwards of 4 stranger men sitting in chairs in close proximity to their bed.

Dad's there to care for the woman and baby is unacceptable - not their job. Not at the expense of the other women wanting privacy overnight.

Nay from me, open visiting during the day fair enough but not overnight.

It is the man's job to look after HIS DC. It wasn't allowed when I had my first and I was completely heartbroken when DP had to go home.

I would support there being separate areas for lone woman or women with partners. But I 100% support dad's stopping if required

Absolutely not.

I hated it that there was a man in my ward.
It made everything so much louder because the couple chatted all night.
And I didnt feel safe - he had already wandered into the delivery room while I was in labour and stared at me.
I was 19, totally alone, in shock - I can't have been the only vulnerable young woman to be in that situation.

Nay from me, there is no need to them to stay over night. All they do is snore and keep everyone awake in my experience!

No. They’re not postnatal, are they?

Nay. But they’re used in lieu of maternity care assistants.

You are in a hospital surrounded by medical professionals, what did you need your DH there for that you/the hospital staff couldn't cope with overnight?

If there were enough HCP to provide support to women immediately post birth, i would say nay. But there arent. So i say yay.

And in my case, take long baths in the solitary bathroom meaning the women couldn’t and would ‘have to come back later’ 😡

I gave birth during covid and really could have done with my partner being allowed in even for an hour or two a day.

Absolutely not.

It is the man's job to look after HIS DC

I'm not too sure what looking after the baby needs overnight that the mum cannot provide. If dad is there all day, he can do all the looking after while mum rests then overnight mum's there.

I'd have loved MY DH to be there, however, I would have hated have 5 other strange men around when I was immediately post natal.
So, unless there are private rooms for all, the men need to go home overnight.

I haven't got a DH.

Because I wanted the father of my child there with me.

I take it you're not disabled?

That assumes the woman can eg get herself to the loo overnight, pick up her DC after a difficult section etc. There are lots of women who will tell you tales pf HCP not being able to respond to buzzers overnight etc due to the staffing situation.

You are assuming mum is able. I think what you are proposing is fine unless the staff say actually you know what this mum needs more help

When I had DD2, my DH couldn't stay overnight as he was home with DD1, and covid restrictions meant visitors were limited to one person, no overnights. It was far quieter on the postnatal ward than with DD1, and generally felt like a more peaceful environment.

Yup. I couldn't and was forced to wait for what felt like an eternity for someone to help.

Because I wanted the father of my child there with me.
Want and need are two separate things.
Why has having a baby become this massive drama and half the time women can't manage without their 'man' on hand, some threads on here 🙄

It’s a really difficult one. DH stayed when I had our first. Baby screamed all night (turned out he was not well, but that wasn’t discovered yet) unless he was being held standing up and bouncing, I had had a c section, had some issues which meant I wasn’t up yet and still had catheter. The ward was short staffed. If he couldn’t have stayed, it would have been horrific.

For our second, it was during covid so no overnights allowed. The ward was lovely and quiet, my baby slept all of the first night, I was up and about much more quickly. Frankly I didn’t need him!

I think, rather than a blanket yes or no, I’d like ward staff to have much more power to identify women who need extra help, and allow them an overnight visitor, and to chuck out any unhelpful or disruptive men.

Ah another abled bodied person who has no thought to other people who might need extra help with things as simple as fucking putting their knickers on

Some people don't need a "man" but they could do with someone

I think it all depends on everyone's expectations. With my first, yes the partners were allowed at all times. We obviously knew this was the policy. It was a busy ward, and the staff would not do any baby care at all. I had canulas in both hands and a catheter and couldn't do much without help - they definitely relied on a partner being there.

We were also told off for our baby crying like crazy all night long on postnatal, but what could we do other than try our best to feed and comfort her. (She was already 3 days old and not exactly placid...) Eventually they allowed us to take her to the day room for a bit to get her away from everyone else...

This time, we've moved house and this (much smaller) hospital doesn't have partners overnight. I'll be interested to see the different role of the staff if they can't rely on the partners being there.