Dad's overnight on postnatal wards - yay or nay?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Taking this debate off another thread so as not to derail

For me, unless you book and pay for a private room, overnights are for mums and their babies only.

No recovering woman should have to handle overnights with upwards of 4 stranger men sitting in chairs in close proximity to their bed.

Dad's there to care for the woman and baby is unacceptable - not their job. Not at the expense of the other women wanting privacy overnight.

I don’t agree. It’s the first night with the new baby for both parents, and excluding the father from that feels wrong.

Another here that had babies in 2018 and 2020.

In 2018 I'd had a difficult long labour and was unable to walk and off my face on all sorts for the first 12 hours. Me and baby had suspected sepsis. My DH being there meant we both got looked after. However one of the dads was horrible. Opened curtains, spent most of his time on the bed, watched loud films throughout the night, snored and was really loud.

2020 I had a very different labour, despite this one being an induction it was much easier and shorter. I could walk, I got a shower on my own before DH was kicked out. I was in a (reasonably) fit state to look after a newborn. Also it wasn't my first baby I was more confident about looking after a baby. The ward still wasn't much fun but it was mostly quiet, the other mums were polite but not intrusive. I did feel the difference not having strange men there.

In an ideal world there would be separate rooms so women could have some privacy and there would be the space for the dads without all the noise and being so close together.

I did hear or one dad weeing in the sink on the ward in 2018 but luckily that wasn't my bay.

No. Completely inappropriate to have strange men wandering around a hospital ward at night when women are at their most vulnerable.

Private rooms aren’t the answer either. Everyone on my ward had had big complications and was being closely monitored but not actually helped. We weren’t allowed to have private rooms though there were some available so they could keep an eye on us. Monitoring doesn’t mean they’ll pick up your baby when they need a feed, they won’t change or dress your baby, help feed you or give you meds or water.

Someone’s got to do it.

And if you can't imagine needing so much basic help then lucky you, you had a better delivery than a lot of us got.

Of course staffing levels should be higher and care should be better but while they’re not you can have vulnerable post op women going without pain relief, food and water and babies sitting hungry and in dirty nappies, or you can accept a compromise and allow them some help.

This is my experience - couldn't get to my baby overnight as straight to the postnatal ward post section. DH kicked out before we got there as it turned 9pm when we were wheeled downstairs. Baby crying with hunger at 3am - buzzer "not working" so I was ignored for ages. Another woman on the ward got seen to straight away and didn't bother to let them know about us even though I'd been shouting/crying out. So I had to keep shouting.

Would have loved for him to stay quietly in the ward with us.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz It's not appropriate to use the men to plug this gap.

So, with the fact that an increase in STAFF will not occur, likely only further decreases at this point, what is your fix? Who will plug this gap? How are you going about sorting this?

Maybe homeless women will be keen if it’s a roof over their head during the night and a chair bed to sleep in. Not sure new mums who are immobile and need the assistance want to have long term homeless women touching their baby and in their showers/toilets though? How about let’s go back to the really old days and get kids back to work for nothing but their keep. Maybe be all kids over 10yo whose family get assistance/credit could be forced into working nights in this capacity? Of course these are ludicrous suggestions that are not serious, but equally I’m really keen to hear your fix with something that has a real-life chance of being achieved and implemented (so not increased staff obviously).

Yay from me, I needed dh there.

It's a difficult one.

My DH didn't stay overnight both times as we thought it was best at least one of us got a good night's sleep.

And men on wards overnight is not a great idea.

On the other hand I would have 100% wanted my DH there had I had a C section as the wards aren't staffed enough for women who have had sections to have support such as being handed baby etc for feeds.

But then if you let section dad's stay others will kick off that they are not allowed to stay.

In an ideal world there would be better staffing levels and this wouldn't be an issue and I'd then 100% say no partners / other adults overnight

🙄

If I was in a side room then yes. Otherwise no because of privacy, but my goodness it would have helped.

I got 10 minutes sleep that first night having been awake and in labour or theatre for the previous 72 hours. and that was only because I put in earplugs to drown out the sound of the woman opposite crying in pain and having staff come to her all night. And then was told off for neglecting my baby because they had to wake me as she was crying. I tried asking a healthcare assistant if she could hold my baby or swaddle her properly so she would sleep in the cot for half an hour as I was worried I was falling asleep holding her and they said no. So I stood in the corridor with her because I knew I couldn't fall asleep standing up less than 24hrs post emergency C section. If my partner had been there then he could have held her while I got some sleep.

I don't get it myself, but then I was fully mobile and capable as I hadn't had any pain meds no stitches either time. I went home within 12 hours first time, 18 hours second time (1 night each time). Perhaps if I had had a c section I would feel different.

Btw first time I was in a ward of 5, second time I had a private room (overseas) I much preferred the shared ward as we were all chatting

No dads overnight

more health care assistants to help the mums

No men overnight

Jesus that’s awful. I’m sorry that happened to you.

Unacceptable unless in private rooms
It breaches the other women's right to privacy/dignity/safety having random men on the other side of the curtain overnight
Daytime visitors are bad enough

Nope

No new mum wants a strange man near her when she's just given birth and at her most vulnerable. Using the facilities that aren't meant for them, making noise, disturbing other patients.

If dads were meant to be there aswell there would be an extra bed instead of just a chair surely?

With my first, I gave birth at 10pm and my husband was sent home at midnight. I really didn't want him to go as it seemed like such a bonding time for us as a family but i can definitely see why it wouldn't be nice to have men on the ward.

For my second and third, I gave birth on the midwife led unit. Double bed, en-suite bathroom, access to a mini kitchen. My husband was able to stay the whole time with me. They were all straightforward births and I was lucky to be able to move around/ pick up the baby easily but it made a massive difference to my experience to have my husband there. I have never loved him more than when watching him hold the baby in the wee hours after he was born.

It does seem paradoxical (at my hospital anyway) that women on the MLU are the ones with straightforward births and don't NEED their partner have access to private rooms whereas those with more complex births on the labour suite end up on the ward.

I think the ideal answer would be more private rooms and better levels of staffing but in reality it makes sense for those who have complications after birth to have their partners stay in a private room.

They have chairs which turn into beds. That’s precisely what they’re for.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Not on my ward there wasn't. But I was in a low risk midwife led unit, maybe that's why.

A double bed, are you sure? Did your DH share the bed with you? That seems bizarre!

Absolutely not. Men have no place in a ward full of vulnerable women. And staffing levels should be high enough that they aren't needed.
But the absolute worst thing is when an exception to the no dads rule is made.

@Theresahippopotamusonourroofeatingcake

"It does seem paradoxical (at my hospital anyway) that women on the MLU are the ones with straightforward births and don't NEED their partner have access to private rooms whereas those with more complex births on the labour suite end up on the ward."

This.

To all those who object on a "strange men wandering around vulnerable women" principal - is that much worse at night than during the day, though? Women are trying to rest/sleep/learn to feed at all hours of the day and night on postnatal. I'm not sure the day/night distinction makes much sense.

That’s horrendous. I hope the staff threw him out of the delivery room very quickly.

I’m completely against men staying on maternity wards. There shouldn’t be such a shortage of staff that they’re used as care assistants. And there are many, many accounts of men on the wards being extremely inconsiderate or worse.