Due August 2023 (Thread 3)

[BoodifulGoose]

Follow on from thread 2 cause we talk, a LOT 😂

www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4693024-due-august-2023-thread-2?page=40

@Knov20 oh I’m so so sorry :( xxxx

@Mulner88 we don't have any family to help us, they are all abroad, they can't even pop for a weekend. My dd was a terrible sleeper (she still is at 5!) I started cosleeping late but works so much better for me and my sleep! You can do it without help! You may have to spend more than others on childcare, especially if you want to go out, but at the same time there is no family drama and unnecessary advice/criticism on your parenting style. I did a NCT course before giving birth, I made some great friends with same age children (all gave birth on the same month) and we help each other with childcare. It will be fine!

@Knov20 I'm so sorry. That must be a terrible shock for you. 💐

@CityKity haha my initial reaction to the positive test was MY PARENTS WILL KILL ME and then I also realised I'm a 28 year old married woman and they'll be so happy 😂

@Knov20 I am so sorry 💐I hope you get again a bfp very soon. xx

@mgwyegve I think that pink blood is not usually something to worry and common. I hope everything goes well. x

@Knov20 Sorry for your loss :( x

@mgwyegve Spotting is common in early pregnancy BUT if it's worrying you, you can call your local EPU and explain what's going on. They may offer you an early scan or they may say just wait and see (as every trust varies) but it's definitely worth speaking to them if you're frightened as that's what they're there for.

@Mulner88 We had no family around us either and our son was born in the November lockdown of 2020 so we couldn't go and see friends either. It's hard but it is doable.

@Knov20 so sorry 💗

In defence of people who are negative:

There are around 1,700 babies born every day in the UK, yet probably like 50 people who have posted in here, and maybe another 50 who are lurking along (like me!) That is a tiny proportion of the 51,000 people who will give birth in August.

The fact is, you’re far more likely to find yourself here if you’ve experienced loss before and are anxious about it. Many people will be posting on here or reading in here for reassurance that what they’re going through is normal for the stage they’re at.

Pregnancy after loss is so so shit. I can’t put it into words the level of anxiety it gives you and the total joy it steals from you. I absolutely long for the conviction that I get a positive test and then I get a baby again. But for me, I’m in the rare, less than 1% of women, who have 3 or more
miscarriages in a row. I cannot see my pregnancy ending well. I cannot fathom how it could end well for me.

For me I haven’t been posting in here because I don’t think it would be healthy for me. I don’t want to get my hopes up and get excited. But I like reading that other people are. I like reading that other people are planning for it to end well and a tiny tiny part of my brain goes “maybe that could be you” before the other part of my brain racks that hope with a stick 😂

I’m totally disconnected from my pregnancy. I’ve had a scan and seen a heartbeat twice. I’ve had no bleeding but because I dated a week behind I am convinced, and no one can convince me otherwise, that I will be having a miscarriage and not a baby. It’s all I know.

I’m definitely over educated in this space, but for me it’s a defence mechanism. I posted about why there can be variations in scans, but despite knowing all this, due to the overwhelming grief I have from my previous losses I cannot accept that I could have a baby at the end of this. It just makes it easier to deal with when it ends in MC because it’s like “well I knew this would happen because…”

It’s super sad. Miscarriage steals so much from you. For me it changed me as a person, I don’t trust my body at all. But for those who have miscarried and find themselves pregnant again a space like this to air their anxiety can just help them feel a bit more real. And they are definitely more likely to seek out support than someone who hasn’t been through that. For one thing, first time mums who haven’t ever googled something because they’re worried about MC probably won’t even know Mums Net exists 😂😊

@Knov20 so sorry for your loss xx

@Knov20 i am so so sorry for your loss 💐 If you need support there are lots of trying to conceive after loss threads in the conception boards on here x

Take care ❤️

@TheWeeLittleDonkey Thank you. That was eloquently put.

@TheWeeLittleDonkey thank you for your honesty and sharing this. ❤️

@CityKity I do think part of it is the fact he’s just one of those kids who loves sleep, we really didn’t do much although I did read Gina Ford when I was pregnant because I was so scared of not getting any sleep and have no idea how people cope in that situation. Didn’t follow any of the harsh bits and he slept in our room til 8 months in the end up! But I do think that majorly helped

@Knov20 😔 so so sorry to see this. Was so hoping you had good news now. The absolute worst week for it to happen too (not that there’s ever a good one but just an extra shitty time!)

Take care of yourself, we’re here if you need to just let it out. Will be keeping an eye out on the September chat for you x

@TheBirdintheCave @Alexandra07 thank you both for your replies. I have messaged my GP to let them know. I think my EPU only see women from 6 weeks onwards. I’m sure my GP will just say watch and wait as there’s not a lot they can do… it was very light bleeding and currently nothing there at all so 🤞 just a bit of old blood that’s just made it’s way out and that’ll be the end of it.

it’s all so worrying at these early vulnerable stages isn’t it… 🙁 I might book a private scan at 6 weeks… do you think this would be worthwhile?!

x

I was the same @BCxx especially because there are some people on these forums who like to ram it down your throat that you shouldn't just "assume" everything is going to be fine. But if I lived my life like that and never got excited about anything it would be a very sad existence. So I choose positivity instead. I've got two healthy children and there's no reason this shouldn't or wouldn't go the same way, so that's the path I'm choosing and I'm planning for a future with another baby unless I am given a reason not to!

@mgwyegve In my experience 6 weeks is very hit or miss in terms of seeing anything concrete. What you're really looking for is to see a heartbeat, and it's 50/50 whether that'll happen at 6 weeks. Lots of people see a heartbeat, lots of people don't. I've always booked scans at 7 weeks and always seen a heartbeat, going any earlier and potentially being too early and not seeing anything would just upset and worry me so I've always chosen to go that little bit later.

@mgwyegve I booked a private scan, although I will be 8 weeks by the time I have it but the thought of waiting until 12 weeks is unnerving so if you think it'd put your mind at rest I'd definitely give it a go!

Welcome @edithmay and @DB1109

@Desperatelyboredhousewife Thanks for sharing that you’ve had similar ectopic concerns and been told not to worry. It really is good to know others have experienced this too. Mine has all gone this morning. 🤞

@TheWeeLittleDonkey Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability and for sharing your story. A lot of us can't claim to understand what it's like to suffer a loss, and I can only hope to God that I never do. But the reality is, I will never know until it actually happens. And although everyone on here is wholly sympathetic (if perhaps unable to be empathetic) and understanding, you've chosen the selfless route of staying in the background and enjoying (and and letting others enjoy) their bubble of innocence and excitement of things to come, without trying to burst that bubble. Even though I'm sure you're thinking "how the F can you get so excited!!" - you don't say it. Because that's insensitive. The difficulty lies when those who have been through it choose to share their story in a way that makes others feel like they can't, or shouldn't, enjoy this moment of blissful ignorance "because there's no guarantees". You're absolutely right, if we're on this forum then we are undoubtedly well aware that there are no guarantees, but it's ok to sometimes let ourselves believe that there are without being constantly reminded that there isn't.

@mgwyegve I wouldn't pay for a scan at 6 weeks. I had one yesterday because of bleeding at the hospital(6+5) and started stressing that the size is too small, but there is a lot of variation and stories of embryos measuring small at 6 weeks that measure fine at 12 weeks. A 6 week scan would stress me more, it won't guarantee what will happen next, it will not change the outcome. I would wait for 8 weeks to hear a heartbeat. 💓 But if you get reassurance with the scan and feel better, go for it!

@overwork Thanks for sharing that about ketones too. I’m actually annoyed with the obstetrician I saw for making a big deal about this as, from the research I’ve now done, it’s seems that this is fairly common in early pregnancy and not really a concern. Not really that surprising considering how many of us have nausea, food aversions, etc.

Just catching up on all the messages since last night, I cannot stay awake past 9pm this week 🙈 I’ve seen a lot of people posting about not being able to sleep but is anyone else like me and can’t get enough sleep?

@Chocolotandtea my husband didn’t come with me to mine as he was working but my mum did 🙈 the midwife said it was fine to bring someone for moral support and it was actually really nice to have my mum there, I think she liked it too as she feels a bit more involved
in the pregnancy now. I’m scared of needles so it was nice to have her support during the blood test too (which was absolutely fine btw!)

@Knov20 I’m so sorry about your loss, take care of yourself and hopefully you will get that rainbow baby soon xx

@edithmay and @DB1109 welcome! I think it’s normal to have worries, this baby was very much planned and wanted but I still worry about how much our lives are going to change. I think it helps that all our friends have had/are having babies now so there will be lots of people to go to for advice.

@mgwyegve sorry to hear about your spotting, I hope everything is ok. Like others have said I would probably wait a little bit longer for a scan. I went for one on Sunday when I should’ve been 7+5 but she dated me at 6+4 (I ovulated late so was expecting this). We could see a heartbeat but the sonographer said you can’t always see one at this stage so it would be better to wait a little while longer if you can x

@Lykoilover I have just seen you posted on thread 2 and wanted to let you know we’re now on thread 3 as we move fast 😂 congrats on the pregnancy! I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. Have you told your older children yet?