Being shamed for telling people before 12 weeks, help!

[firsttimelondonmummy]

I really don’t get why it’s so taboo and you are made to feel awful if you tell people before 12 weeks if you are comfortable with it and the risks.
We understand we are at a higher risk of loosing our pregnancy given we are only nearly 8 weeks but we had a scan at 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat and I was really really struggling with exhaustion and so thought telling work cautiously (a select few) was the right thing to do.
Now my boss keeps telling me she thinks I’ve done the wrong thing and when we tell her we are comfortable with informing those people about the pregnancy and also comfortable telling them if we unfortunately don’t hold she says that’s disappointing and I’m being super negative about my pregnancy.
Feel like I can’t win and don’t understand why I’m being treated like this when it’s my decision and I feel comfortable sharing we are pregnant and also sharing if we did unfortunately didn’t hold.
We of course hope to hold and are wishing for a healthy happy baby but also trying to be realistic that unfortunately things can go wrong this early on.
Am I missing something? Am I being awful?

@StClare101 fyi I got that promotion you said I wouldn’t 😊.
To anyone reading this if you want to tell your work go for it!!
If you work for a decent company who values you it won’t have any negative impact.
It will also ensure your boss understands why some days are tough and why you aren’t quite operating at the 1000% you might have been before you started to grow a human inside you.
So glad I listened to my gut and not all the negativity 🙏🏻
New role here I come 🥳

Actually it is all about her. It's her pregnancy and should be her decision when to to tell people!
OP people get very weird about this. We told people as and when we wanted / felt they needed to know. With my second pregnancy it unfortunately ended in a miscarriage but I was 6 weeks and had only told a couple of close friends. I did end up telling some family and work after. I found everyone to be very supportive! Good luck with your pregnancy!

I've told my employer on both recent occasions as early as 5-6 weeks because I'm at higher risk of early loss, so it is easier for me if my closer colleagues and management know and more importantly, I'm then covered formally for pregnancy-related absence. It's crucial for my mental and physical health to be transparent and supported by those around me, particularly at my most vulnerable stage. I'll be going for a second early scan this week and my employer knows if the pregnancy has stopped developing, I'll need to go into hospital for medical management. To a certain degree, this lets them plan ahead.

I see it as also breaking down taboos about miscarriage, as for me early loss is a large part of pregnancy (4 early losses, 2 live births - chances are not in my favour). I'm not going to just pretend those early losses don't happen and that I should carry on as normal in a workplace for the comfort of others based on cultural taboos. My work and colleagues have been very supportive.

I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience!! I think each person should be able to tell people whenever they choose to! I understand that it's hard to "un-tell" people but that's down to the individual.
I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant and our families know, my work knows (due to the environment and how sick I've been) and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well done OP!
You should've never been shamed, you tell people whenever you feel comfortable!
I told some (not everyone) people about my first pregnancy at 6.5 weeks, there were some raised eyebrows but due to certain reasons, it felt the right time for me. I had a m/c but it wasn't caused by me telling people (as opposed to what some like to believe 🙈). Next time I swore to keep it a secret for a long time and still had an early m/c!
I'm now 15 weeks and we aren't telling people.
It's really about how people feel and sometimes we feel differently with each pregnancy.
Glad you went with your gut ❤️
How are you doing?

By the way, at work I was also told to not tell many colleagues in case anything happens. And when the loss happened, was told 'good that we told you not to say to many people, now you don't have to announce loss to too many colleagues '. That didn't sit well with me at all. I didn't want to keep my loss a secret and people who new about pregnancy and then loss as opposed to just being told after, are usually better at supporting.

I’m sorry to hear of all of your losses, my heart breaks for you.
As you said @usedtolovenaps telling people or not telling people doesn’t change what’s meant to be and there’s nothing anyone can do differently to prevent 😢

Sending my love to all of you and thank you for sharing your stories ❤️

@Blughbablugh i‘m so sorry to hear that but I’m glad you had support around you! 💖

@somethingluscious 100% early loss is loss and should be recognised like any other loss and breaking down the taboos so you can have the support and time you need to grieve is so important 💖
I've also got everything crossed for you and sending you all the baby dust 🌈 ✨❤️

@tropicalplaydoh agree and sending you all the sticky baby dust ✨

@usedtolovenaps little man is looking well so far! we are very close date wise as I am 16.5 weeks now, 20 week scan early Feb. Keeping everything crossed he continues to grow healthily 🤞🏻keeping everything crossed for your little one too ✨❤️