Being shamed for telling people before 12 weeks, help!

[firsttimelondonmummy]

I really don’t get why it’s so taboo and you are made to feel awful if you tell people before 12 weeks if you are comfortable with it and the risks.
We understand we are at a higher risk of loosing our pregnancy given we are only nearly 8 weeks but we had a scan at 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat and I was really really struggling with exhaustion and so thought telling work cautiously (a select few) was the right thing to do.
Now my boss keeps telling me she thinks I’ve done the wrong thing and when we tell her we are comfortable with informing those people about the pregnancy and also comfortable telling them if we unfortunately don’t hold she says that’s disappointing and I’m being super negative about my pregnancy.
Feel like I can’t win and don’t understand why I’m being treated like this when it’s my decision and I feel comfortable sharing we are pregnant and also sharing if we did unfortunately didn’t hold.
We of course hope to hold and are wishing for a healthy happy baby but also trying to be realistic that unfortunately things can go wrong this early on.
Am I missing something? Am I being awful?

@Headabovetheparakeet wow! Unbelievable!
Also sorry to hear you went through that.
How people don’t have performance impact and lie I’ll never know! They are stronger than me that’s for sure.
First time I’ve seen such a sharp poster haha but I get it’s a never ending judgment cycle lol.

@HeyHeyHeyyyyy I’m so so sorry to hear that 💖
Thank you so much for your kind words xxx

I feel like this general consensus that women should keep it quiet until 3 months have passed is just adding to the tabboo of miscarriage. I told everyone I wanted to at 4 weeks, well aware that bad things happen but knowing I would need those people if something went wrong. People die in road accidents every day, but we still use the roads, why shouldn't a woman, whilst being fully aware of the risks, enjoy all of her pregnancy?!

You're not weird or awful. Welcome to the world of being a mum, where everything you do is only appropriate if the woman you're speaking to did exactly the same as you.

Told my sisters immediately each time on the basis that if anything went wrong I would be getting support from them

Both times I had to tell people because I was spewing 40 times a day from the day before the pregnancy test came up positive. It's fine. You know the risks and you're comfortable with having told people.

What you have here is one over-opinionated person.

You could either ignore, or ask them to stop.

Nobody is 'shaming' you, that's just being dramatic.

I had to tell my boss at 4 weeks, from my hospital bed where I was being admitted for OHSS (ivf pregnancy). After me, my husband and our clinic, he was the first to know. I certainly didn't want it that way, but he was nothing but supportive. Your boss is being a dick and I'd be keeping a note of any further "behaviour" just in case.

@Daisychainsx this!! 👏🏻👏🏻
I don’t know how people who go through miscarriage do it without the support of their work.
I want to know if it did happen (we’ve got everything crossed we hold a healthy happy pregnancy) that I’d have that support network.
Also that I have the safest work environment possible from the get go.

@TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet it has actually been shaming.
I don’t need to write out the conversation for you to confirm that.
If I’ve said I felt shamed, something in the conversation made me feel like that.
I really don’t get nasty posters like you.
You contribute nothing and simply aim to put people down and make them feel uncertain of their own feelings.
Its terribly sad.

Absolutely as if its something to be ashamed or embarrassed about!
@tickticksnooze your post is ridiculous!! And to say that someone going through cancer treatment can't talk about i!!! ODFOTFSOF!!

@lawandgin I am hoping now I’ve said my piece it’ll stop 😭🤞🏻

I'm another who told people early, mainly because I damn well wanted to. There is no "should have". Telling people doesn't jinx it!

This is your news, you can shout it from the rooftops the second you pee on the stick frankly.

@MichelleScarn 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Well I was very sick from the beginning so colleague realized. One DIL had HG she got complaint from colleagues reported to HR that they could hear her throwing up in the loo, open plan office. Other DIL just looking at her white face and dark shadows I twigged straight away.

40 years ago there wasn't this 12 week obsession

@Strokethefurrywall agreed and that’s what we’ve said to people we’ve told.
’What will be will be’ 💖

Wow.

How ridiculous.

So nobody should ever talk about their pregnancy just Incase someone is suffering infertility or a loss?

Nobody should ever talk about anything cancer related incase someone affected by cancer is upset by it?

This is life and as long as people are sensitive and don't go overboard you can't expect people never to talk about what is happening in their life.

I told work at 6 weeks I was so excited. I miscarried at 8 weeks and I was so glad I had told them. They were amazing. I cannot imagine wanting to keep it all secret.

I've just told my best friend this evening at 7w with baby no4 because I'm too excited and can't keep it from her. I think the waiting until 12w to tell people is old school now. If something is going to happen, it's going to happen and telling someone before you hit 12w isn't going to change that.

@justasking111 this is what I’m talking about how on earth do most people hide it and it not be excruciating.
My work have been amazing (other than my OP but this is just an opinion I’m confused by and felt a little shocked and hurt by rather than anything else).
I have been told to take it easy and rest up and I’m so thankful they don’t just think I’m slacking off!

@parsniiips 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Everyone should talk about their pregnancy when they damn well want to.

If you are ok with having to let people know if things didn't go to plan and are happy to share early then fine, nobody else's business.

@TheMumLife3 agreed 💖

@Bobblemymind I’m so sorry to hear this.
I am glad you had the support though and would definitely want to be surrounded by support myself in that situation 💖

@parsniiips agree and at least if something did happen (keeping everything crossed it doesn’t) I have the support of my work to take the time I need.

I’d probably feel a bit uncomfortable if someone told me early purely because I’ve had losses in the first 12 weeks and it’s pretty brutal. I wouldn’t say anything though. I’d just hope for the best for them.