OP, I’m so very sorry this has happened.
The problem is that he’s had time to live with his actions, his intent and his attitude towards your relationship, whereas this is a massive shock for you.
You still love him, of course you do, as the bottom of your world as you know it and predicted it, has only just fallen out from underneath you.
I can’t tell you what to do but I’ll be honest, I’ve always desperately wanted to be a Mum. I’ve always felt like it was the only thing in life that I would actually be good at.
When I got to my late 20s, I would have just settled for anything really. I just wanted to be with someone, be loved and to have a family of my own. Desperate was the word to describe it really.
Every man I was with though, despite being head over heels for me in the beginning, quickly began to have very little respect for me, as they knew I would probably just take anything, to be part of a family. They treated me badly in general.
I’ve had a HUGE amount of grief to deal with in my lifetime and I was just grasping on to anything. Health and people still being alive was the only important thing to me so unkind and in-genuine behaviour was acceptable.
Thank goodness I didn’t end up having a child with any of these people. I’d have not only been having my self esteem bashed but would have been setting that example for my child.
I decided that it was better for me to go without experiencing motherhood in my lifetime, than bring a child into a situation where their parents don’t respect one another and it’s ok for their Mum to be walked all over.
My Dad lived with us but was non existent as a father and that had a massive impact on me. It’s had an effect on my whole life.
I wouldn’t have done that to a child, not knowingly.
Roll on lots more years and I actually met the man of my dreams when I was 37. He’s genuine, caring and kind and values those qualities in me too. We’ve been trying for a baby and I’m now 15 weeks pregnant.
I’ll be a month off 40 when I give birth to my first child. Not ideal timing maybe and not how I thought my life would be (I’d have loved to have had 4 children!!) but my god, so worth the wait.
What I’m trying to say, with all my ramblings above OP, is that you truly deserve better.
I understand how hurt and crushed you are feeling now and how you’d understandably and instinctively want to be in denial about it all and pretend things aren’t that bad to yourself but try to be brave, look at what’s happened realistically and put yourself first.
Its easy to say: “I’d end the relationship and have an abortion” but actually doing it, when having to live with the initial pain, would take great strength.
You're still very young though OP and you honestly do just deserve a much better and more honest man and father-figure for your children.
In all likelihood, you’ve got a choice between a lot of pain in the short-term and for things to then get much better or to have your confidence and self-belief be whittled away over a long period of time/the rest of your life.
I think the best piece of advice on this thread is to get you to think of what you’d be saying to your best friend, if they had come to you with this.