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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Infidelity - Found a condom under the bed

235 replies

Pippa0321 · 06/11/2022 22:17

I’m 2 months pregnant, we tried for a year and when we found out we were extremely happy. (we’ve been happily together for 6 years). However today I was cleaning and I found a condom wrap under the bed. I confronted him and he admitted he cheated with a random girl a year ago. He was out partying and met a girl, went back to her place and got with her, he thinks the condom wrap was in his pocket and may have fell out when he got changed back home. I don’t know what to do I’m shocked. I would have never ever expected that from him. He has been such a good boyfriend, so loving and so in love with me for all these years. I thought 100% he was the type he’d never cheat. Any advice? Should I leave him and keep the baby? Leave him and get an abortion? Or stay with him and keep the baby despite everything? Thanks x

OP posts:
i83 · 10/11/2022 19:19

OP, I can completely understand you instinctively playing all this down, I think everyone would if they were put in your situation.
It’s a natural defence mechanism, to try to fool yourself and protect yourself from the hurt, shock and heartache; by trying to say it’s “fairly normal” and that “lots of other men do it”.
A proportion of men murder people and children and some men are pedophiles etc. Does that make that ok or normal? No, of course it doesn’t.

I’m so sorry but he’s lied and cheated and had sex with other women and prostitutes in your own home and your own bed. That is disgusting behaviour.

He will not change, it’s not been a one off. The deceit involved is off the chart!!

I understand you’re worried about being alone but lean on your family, friends and even people here, for support to get you through this.

It will be hard at first but you will get through this and meet another man, who is lovely and genuine.

Having a baby and being tied to this man will be very difficult but that’s your decision.

For what it’s worth, I definitely would give the child my own surname, after carrying the baby for 9 months and giving birth to the baby!!! I don’t think I’d put his name on their birth certificate.

Please try to think how you’d feel if this was happening to someone else. There is no justification in the world to excuse this despicable behaviour…. and that’s just the stuff he’s finally owned up to.

You deserve better, a million times better and you will find that.

Sending you love and strength xx

i83 · 10/11/2022 19:31

Just to add, I don’t think the baby having their Mum’s surname is punishing the Dad in any way.

I do actually think this man deserves some punishment though!! He’s betrayed the trust of his partner, brought a baby into this world knowing what he’s been up to, put his partner and a baby at risk form STIs, lied over and over again and committed a criminal offence many times.

BretonBlue · 10/11/2022 19:50

FFS, will some of you get a bloody room and get off a vulnerable OP’s thread? Pathetic.

maggiebun · 11/11/2022 09:01

@pinheadlarry
I might be thinking too deeply about this but the prostitute story is not adding up for me..
Prostitutes dont typically go to their customers houses because of safety reasons,
i might be wrong but he could be saying "prostitues" to make it seem impersonal
He could be sleeping with someone that he doesnt want you to know about, maybe somebody that you know like a neighbor or a friend
Or maybe he is having an ongoing affair
Prostitutes sound like a cover story to me

Not too deep at all, these are my thoughts exactly. But tbh none of it is making sense to me

KettrickenSmiled · 11/11/2022 10:34

maggiebun · 11/11/2022 09:01

@pinheadlarry
I might be thinking too deeply about this but the prostitute story is not adding up for me..
Prostitutes dont typically go to their customers houses because of safety reasons,
i might be wrong but he could be saying "prostitues" to make it seem impersonal
He could be sleeping with someone that he doesnt want you to know about, maybe somebody that you know like a neighbor or a friend
Or maybe he is having an ongoing affair
Prostitutes sound like a cover story to me

Not too deep at all, these are my thoughts exactly. But tbh none of it is making sense to me

OP doesn't need to worry herself about any of this.
She knows he's a liar, & cheat & a sleaze - speculating about the details will do her no favours at all. The less she thinks about this scumbag & moves forward into her new life without him, the better.

HowcanIhelp123 · 11/11/2022 12:24

So sorry OP. You already know you need to leave. What would you tell a sister, mother, friend or daughter in this situation? He won't change and he has put you and baby at massive massive risk.

Does he know how harmful an STI during pregnancy can be? What damage that can do to you and baby? I'd show him.

He won't stop. He never wanted to. He has been doing this for probably your entire relationship with zero guilt until he got caught. Him saying he will is lip service at best.

Leave. Decide whether you want to keep your baby for you and you alone.

workshy46 · 11/11/2022 14:06

God this is so depressing. You think at 29 you won't find anyone better than someone who cheats in your bed and pays women for sex behind your back? In your position I would terminate as moving on will be a 100% easier without the lifelong tie to this creep
No he won't change, you will probably stay and waste the best years of your life on him though going on your posts.
Raise your standards , get counselling and don't even consider getting into another relationship until you have done some serious work on your self esteem and self worth.

kateandme · 11/11/2022 15:42

He wasn't any of those things op.
Murderers love their mum's you no.and can be kind to gfs. As long as everything a within the years control.wants.needs then they can be as pleasant as bloody anything.
What he's done to you is as fowl as cheating comes really.to you.amd to the poor woman he's used.
Please don't think this could ever be a nice man.hes had you fooled.not your fault.but I think you desperately wanted to make this work and he manipulated that.

Kathry09 · 17/07/2023 10:28

Hi
please don’t judge as I know I have made wrong decisions but now I have to live with that and do what I think is best now for everyone.

my partner cheated before we had children. I then discovered he was sexting after I had children with different colleagues.

I am now in the situation where my partner has cheated again.

My children have the best life and so do I and I don’t want their life to be turned upside down.

it’s not excuses but my partner seems to have a lot of issues he has never dealt with from childhood to present day such as losing his father. And yes we do argue maybe more than most but I guess I don’t want my life to change and I don’t think my partner wants his life to change.

I guess I just don’t know what to do. I know that it’s wrong and how can I keep accepting it but for my children I feel like it’s not fair on them.

it’s just a complete mess. Any advice from anyone who has accepted infidelity successfully with children involved?

Tessabelle74 · 17/07/2023 13:40

Kathry09 · 17/07/2023 10:28

Hi
please don’t judge as I know I have made wrong decisions but now I have to live with that and do what I think is best now for everyone.

my partner cheated before we had children. I then discovered he was sexting after I had children with different colleagues.

I am now in the situation where my partner has cheated again.

My children have the best life and so do I and I don’t want their life to be turned upside down.

it’s not excuses but my partner seems to have a lot of issues he has never dealt with from childhood to present day such as losing his father. And yes we do argue maybe more than most but I guess I don’t want my life to change and I don’t think my partner wants his life to change.

I guess I just don’t know what to do. I know that it’s wrong and how can I keep accepting it but for my children I feel like it’s not fair on them.

it’s just a complete mess. Any advice from anyone who has accepted infidelity successfully with children involved?

None of you have the best life in reality though do you? You have an unfaithful partner and a man who will teach your childre that cheating is ok if you let him. You will have a better life without him because YOU will be happy and In turn your children will know that a happy Mum is more important than a Dad's sexual desires! Please seriously think about kicking him out, you deserve so much more!

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