Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Infidelity - Found a condom under the bed

235 replies

Pippa0321 · 06/11/2022 22:17

I’m 2 months pregnant, we tried for a year and when we found out we were extremely happy. (we’ve been happily together for 6 years). However today I was cleaning and I found a condom wrap under the bed. I confronted him and he admitted he cheated with a random girl a year ago. He was out partying and met a girl, went back to her place and got with her, he thinks the condom wrap was in his pocket and may have fell out when he got changed back home. I don’t know what to do I’m shocked. I would have never ever expected that from him. He has been such a good boyfriend, so loving and so in love with me for all these years. I thought 100% he was the type he’d never cheat. Any advice? Should I leave him and keep the baby? Leave him and get an abortion? Or stay with him and keep the baby despite everything? Thanks x

OP posts:
Shopaholic123Go · 06/11/2022 23:23

Are you prepared to be a single parent? Because you won't know if you can get past this or not, even if you want to try. So if you're not prepared to be a single parent then I'd get a termination.

I don't believe him when he says a year ago at her place. It's a vaguely plausible story but I suspect he's minimising and only confessed to anything at all because he'd been caught out. Do you never clean thoroughly? Would you really have not noticed this wrap before now? Why did he unwrap a condom at her home then put the wrapper back in his pocket? The pocket of the clothes he wasn't wearing because he was busy having sex. For these reasons I'd say it happened in your bed and was recent.

I couldn't trust a cheater. I don't think anyone can really. So is cheating something you can tolerate or not? Some people do choose to turn a blind eye for whatever reason or are in relationship that isn't monogamous. It's a personal decision. If this is his one fault, is it a deal breaker? Is he as happy and relaxed as he seems because he gets to do whatever he wants? If he never slept with anyone else again, would he be a different person, less happy, with the knock on effect on your relationship that entails?

What's his attitude about it, how remorseful does he seem? Is it "just" cheating or is he lying to you about the when and where? Is he disrespectful with a bad attitude now he's been caught? Is he taking full responsibility or blaming you in any way?

Sorry you're going through this at what should be a happy time in your life.

KangarooKenny · 07/11/2022 07:32

I don’t believe what he has said, I believe he is minimising and distancing what actually happened.
Id be splitting up.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 07/11/2022 10:35

When you confront they never admit full truth first go. If they're truly sorry you don't need to find a condom wrapper for it to come out. He's trying to find the minimum he can admit to that you might be able to accept.

I'm with everyone else, cheating much more recent, in your bed.

Original poster
Pippa0321 · 07/11/2022 10:57

yeah... according to him, he was completely wasted he barely remembers anything. He said he remembers kissing this random girl who he couldn't identify on the street, but he doesn't actually remember having sex... as I found the condom wrap (our bed is very low, not even the vacuum fits under so I don't really look under the bed) he said he assumes there was sex and when he was collecting his stuff from that room he must have put it in his pocket, with his wallet, phone etc. but according to him, he doesn't remember any of that...

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippa0321 · 07/11/2022 10:58

Meagainalready · 06/11/2022 22:31

How did a condom
wrapper make its way back from another house, to your house and then UNDER your bed of all places and then lay undetected for a year and yet be found fairly easily when you did some cleaning today?

either the whole thing is made up or the story about it being a year ago and not in your house is made up.

but then anyone cheating would surely be fairly careful to dispose of the condom wrapper.

yeah... according to him, he was completely wasted he barely remembers anything. He said he remembers kissing this random girl who he couldn't identify on the street, but he doesn't actually remember having sex... as I found the condom wrap (our bed is very low, not even the vacuum fits under so I don't really look under the bed) he said he assumes there was sex and when he was collecting his stuff from that room he must have put it in his pocket, with his wallet, phone etc. but according to him, he doesn't remember any of that...

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippa0321 · 07/11/2022 11:00

choiceschoices1 · 06/11/2022 22:43

I'm so sorry you're going through this. What's the used by date of the condom ? As this will tell you roughly when it was purchased. Check out used by date of current condom then minus back the time and apply to one you found. Sorry to say but I would not believe this story and nor would I accept a one night stand from a year ago. It's only going to get tougher whilst pregnant and newborn , baby, toddler stage

thanks for that - I checked and the date of purchase is exactly when he said that happened, so I guess this condom must be from that time...

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippa0321 · 07/11/2022 11:03

Bananarama21 · 06/11/2022 22:48

How old are you op? The choice is yours inregards to the baby but I'd ditch him. Your relationship will never be the same and you'll be constantly look over your shoulder. Especially when your busy with a newborn.

I'm 29. It's hard because until today our relationship has been very good - he was a good loving boyfriend - the best boyfriend I've had! Although I have to say we had an issue with him lying. He used to lie to me a lot every time he was going out about the time he got home, where he went, etc. I guess he is a liar but it was never a major thing, only small little things. But I believed this is very common in men to avoid an argument?

OP posts:
RandomMusings7 · 07/11/2022 11:03

Men usually drip feed when confronted with evidence.

If he confessed so easily to a drunken one-off a year ago I think the truth might actually be much worse. Like a recent ongoing affair or multiple women.

Do some digging. Check phone. Back records. Google maps location data. Phone records. Email. Everything.

How old are you?
Unless you're desperate for a kid abd time's running out I would terminate and start fresh.

RandomMusings7 · 07/11/2022 11:04

Why were you TTC without an engagement/wedding first? Are you the higher earner?

monsteramunch · 07/11/2022 11:06

thanks for that - I checked and the date of purchase is exactly when he said that happened, so I guess this condom must be from that time...

So he bought condoms at a time you weren't using them?

GreenManalishi · 07/11/2022 11:07

Even if you belive his unlikely tale of the magical empty condom wrapper that made it's way out of his jeans pocket and under your very low bed like a homing pigeon, after he had been out having wasted sex in the home of a random woman he met on the street when he had been with you for five years..... oh hang on, that's not great, is that the best he could come up with?

The other option is that he's been shagging in your bed more recently than a year ago, while you were trying for a baby and/or pregnant.

Either way he is a lying low life and you don't need what he is offering.

Should I leave him and keep the baby? Possibly

Leave him and get an abortion? Possibly

Or stay with him and keep the baby despite everything? Not in a million years.

NoDoor · 07/11/2022 11:10

He cheated on you recently in your bed. Sounds like he just put the most plausible story out there and then would feed you more details until you accepted one below the truth.

Original poster
Pippa0321 · 07/11/2022 11:11

monsteramunch · 07/11/2022 11:06

thanks for that - I checked and the date of purchase is exactly when he said that happened, so I guess this condom must be from that time...

So he bought condoms at a time you weren't using them?

Well, he says he didn't have any and those are not his condoms. He said (although he doesn't remember) that probably the girl had them. But what I'm referring to is that the expiry date matches that exact time so I guess this specific condom is from that day (and not a more recent affair)

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 07/11/2022 11:11

You say he is a liar, but you don’t seem that bothered. It means that you will NEVER be able to trust anything he says to you. You cannot build a proper relationship on such rocky foundations and you should certainly think carefully about whether you want to bring a baby into this world. I would not want this man anywhere near a child, and I certainly don’t think he’s going to be a dependable dad.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 07/11/2022 11:13

Pippa0321 · 07/11/2022 11:03

I'm 29. It's hard because until today our relationship has been very good - he was a good loving boyfriend - the best boyfriend I've had! Although I have to say we had an issue with him lying. He used to lie to me a lot every time he was going out about the time he got home, where he went, etc. I guess he is a liar but it was never a major thing, only small little things. But I believed this is very common in men to avoid an argument?

Show quote history

He's a liar pure and simple.

You have a few options:

  1. stay with him, have baby and hope he lies less unlikely
  2. leave him, have baby but let him have contact/access
  3. Have a termination and be free from him forever.
  4. He is not good and loving - he lies and cheats!
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 07/11/2022 11:14

NoDoor · 07/11/2022 11:10

He cheated on you recently in your bed. Sounds like he just put the most plausible story out there and then would feed you more details until you accepted one below the truth.

This makes it more worse for me - cheating in OPs bed??

GreenManalishi · 07/11/2022 11:16

Mate, he thinks you came down in the last shower.

he says he didn't have any and those are not his condoms. He said (although he doesn't remember) that probably the girl had them.

There is a lot of can't remember and probably and not sure coming from a man who is very very sure about what he's stuck his dick in, where, and when. He can remember. He knows exactly how that wrapper got there and there is zero confusion on his part. He's just not telling you.

AbsoluteYawns · 07/11/2022 11:18

OP how awful for you.
In your shoes I would never want to see him again or have any contact with him. I would leave and terminate the pregnancy. I could never trust him again.

User0610134057 · 07/11/2022 11:20

PurplePansy05 · 06/11/2022 22:33

Well if your story is true, it's pretty obvious it happened more recently and in your bed, I'm afraid.

This ^^

i think you need to think about whether you’re up for being a single parent and being linked to him forever via your child. I’m so sorry but it’s better to find out what he’s like now

Harrysnippleno3 · 07/11/2022 11:27

He has been such a good boyfriend, so loving and so in love with me for all these years.

He hasn't been though, has he? Neither a good boyfriend nor so in love with you.

I'm sorry OP but as soon as you face up to this and get rid of him the better.

hugefanofcheese · 07/11/2022 11:27

I don't think this posted first time, apologies if it's a duplicate!

I think he will reveal more information in bits and pieces. He's admitted cheating, but in the most acceptable form possible for most people (if they were to accept infidelity at all). Drunken fumble, faceless, no intent, no pattern or feelings, not in your house or bed. Wouldn't recognise the woman if he bumped into her in Sainsbury's.

The condom wrapper doesn't really make sense. Why would it be under the bed, and why would he have brought it home if the sex happened at hers. I think he didn't want to deny cheating outright but has sanitised and minimised as much as possible.

Personally I would not trust this version of events, even if you felt you could live with a one off drunken shag with no further complications.

As for what to do. Personally I wouldn't want to stick around to find out the full truth. Too many inconsistencies in the story, and he is a cheat. At 29, I might feel differently about the pregnancy that if I was 39 but it doesn't necessarily sound like he would be a terrible co-parent. Could you manage as a single mum, either if you decide to take a zero tolerance approach now, or if more, less savoury information comes out eventually?

Spookypig · 07/11/2022 11:31

Don’t abort a much longed for and tried for baby over a one night stand! If it honestly was a one off and he immediately was honest about it and he really regrets it then are you able to forgive him? I personally couldn’t throw away my relationship and my child and our future together for a one-off drunken mistake. Imagine how you’ll feel if you abort this baby out of shock/hurt and end up getting back with him? You’ll have got rid of your wanted baby for no reason. Imagine you leave him and regret it but he has moved on and doesn’t want to get back together? That would be my biggest fear - that I could have forgiven a one off mistake and had a happy family life together with the man I loved and our child, but I was unable to forgive and now I’m alone and miserable. It must be a horrible shock but it isn’t your baby’s fault, don’t do anything hasty that you could regret for the rest of your life.

monsteramunch · 07/11/2022 11:34

There is a lot of can't remember and probably and not sure coming from a man who is very very sure about what he's stuck his dick in, where, and when. He can remember.

This. He can remember the bits that you already know, but miraculously can't remember any of the bits that make him look even worse...

What a prick.

Whatever you do next needs to be based on you being a single parent I think, as it's unlikely IMO that your relationship will survive this. Especially as I'm almost certain from what you say that he had sex with her in your bed.

RandomMusings7 · 07/11/2022 11:34

When you forgive a man's cheating you are basically giving him permissions to do it again. All they learn from it is that they can do it and you'll take it and stay.

Don't be a mug. Have some self-respect.

Spookypig · 07/11/2022 11:35

Okay just RTFT and now I’m confused as you said he was a good boyfriend and you were really happy together but in your later post said he was a liar - a liar isn’t a good boyfriend?

If you think he’s lying and/or can’t forgive him then ditch him but I’d still keep the baby. I just don’t think I could actively try for a baby for a year and then abort it? It would put me in a really bad place. The baby will be your one piece of joy to come out of this mess if you do split.