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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

First time IVF age 42

312 replies

worrymerchant · 29/01/2008 11:05

HI - i am 42 and going thru my first IVF ICSI cycle... (already have DS,15ys, and DD 13ys from prior marriage). DH has low motility. Egg Collection produced only 7 eggs, 3 poor quality, 2 failed ICSI, i didnt fertilise so was left with just one egg to implant last thurs on day 2. AM feeling very low about it all. Any positive advice or feedback please?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
worrymerchant · 11/07/2008 18:04

Hello everyone it's long lost Worrymerchant.... are you still there??!! i have thought of you lots and lots. xxx

OP posts:
newbishad · 13/07/2008 19:31

WM,

I saw this on the off chance. Welcome back WM

I had stopped adding messages as I thought no-one was around. I am happy to continue if people are still about.I have been thinking of you and wonder where you are at in the whole IVF process and life. How are the kids. Let me know.

As you probably saw from these messages I had a little girl Emily 7 weeks ago. We are delighted and exhausted! I am now writing up our story as my third book.

TNP, MB and Faith let me know how you are doing if you get a chance.

Lots of love,

NS XXXXX

faith08 · 16/07/2008 06:40

hi everyone, it's good 'ol faith08. NS how are you doing? how's Emily? hope everything's fine. i'd also like to say hi to TNP and everyone else....hope you all are fine. well i'm ok,still cry occassionally but i'm learning to take each day as it comes. there's really not much to tell...just thot i should drop i and say hi. God bless

Takenoprisoners · 16/07/2008 10:27

Hello everyone. Glad to see this thread hasn't died a death just yet! Looking forward to hearing your news when you can. Love TNPx

newbishad · 16/07/2008 11:21

Hi all,

Still thinking of you. Nothing new to add but drop in when you've news.

Faith: It's a hard time I know...have you decided whether to try another cycle? I am thinking of you. Let me know how your meeting goes in September.

Lots of love,

NS.

worrymerchant · 20/07/2008 16:54

Hi Everyone, SO glad you picked up my message .. I was really worried you had all disappeared! I have had family over from the states this last week and have been so very rushed off my feet I just have not had the time to check in - I still have to sit down and read through what I have missed - NS I am thrilled to hear about baby Emily - TNP how are you doing?

Faith - I missed out on getting ot know you so will have to read up to find out about you, but I am glad to see you on this thread and hope whatever has happened that you are ok.

things my end have been a bit rough, hence the silence - lots of difficulties to sort through plus some illnesses - my son ill during GCSE's with suspected pneumonia for instance, just what he needed.

anyway, give me a couple of days to catch up on the thread and i will post again very soon i promise! Dont go away any of you!!

lots of Love,

WM xxx

OP posts:
newbishad · 21/07/2008 18:33

WM,

Thanks for your kind words.

You have been unluky with your son's health. Did he have pneumonia? I hope he's better now. GCSE's are a hard time at the best of times.

I am so glad you started this thread and that you are keeping it going now. I have received great support from it. I can't believe we have been talking for 7 months. I have missed it in the last few weeks.

I am enjoying the good weather, writing and sleeping (when I get a momment)and learning about parenthood (first time round so lots to learn). Dealing with colic has been lesson number one. Any ideas for how to cope with a screaming baby when you've tried just about everything?

WM I am looking forward to your news.

TNP: I am sure your hands are full but when you get a chance write a bit and say how your doing.

Faith: Thinking of you. Drop in for a chat when you can.

MB: How's things with you.

Lots of love,

NS XXXX

newbishad · 26/07/2008 17:36

Hello all,

Anyone around for a chat?

Love NS XXX

Takenoprisoners · 31/07/2008 15:56

Hello Everyone - sorry I've not posted sooner but it's been quite mad here right now and I'm juggling keeping two DSs entertained + baby.

Hi to Faith and great to hear from WM again! Yes, I gave birth on 5th July to DD - she was 8 lb, 10 and a half ounces (mustn't forget the half!),and I had a quick, no complications labour of just over 6 hours. Did have to have stitches, though - as DD came out doing a revolutionary salute and I think reactivated my old site wound from previously. I'm so looking forward to hearing all your news - what happened with your son's exams in the end WM? Did the school let the exam boards know he was unwell and can they take coursework 100% into account in his case? I expect the stress of taking exams had made his system run down just when he needed it least.

Well, NS, how are you doing? Is the breastfeeding still going well? DDs really doing well with her feeding and had put on loads of weight in the space of just under a week, so I'm happy she's taking enough etc.

School holidays here, and DS1 needs lots of structure (along with necessary doses of tv) to keep him on the straight and narrow. DS2 needs to be watched constantly when in the presence of DD, as it would only take a second for him to lob a metal tractor at her or violently shake the pram etc etc, so I'm a bit of a bundle of nerves at the moment! Don't want to wish the summer hols away but really, I can't wait for September so at least DS1 is sorted out. However, having given birth to DS2 in the middle of bleak winter, I can honestly vouch for the joys of a summer baby and of course I have August to not worry about having to get out of the house at a set time for school, which would be impossible at the moment, as I have no routine whatsoever ...

Anyway, that's all from me for the moment - my brain is garbled, and my boys need a ringmaster .. arrghh, will I have any hair left by the end of the year?

Hope you are all well, lots of love, TNPx

Takenoprisoners · 03/08/2008 12:03

bumping up

newbishad · 05/08/2008 14:26

Hi TNP,

Sorry for the delay. I am round at Dad's at the momment because he has a lung condition and his wife is away and I have to keep an eye on things. I don't have easy access to the computer.

It sounds like your managing it all very well there (oh the joys of large families). I am glad DD is putting on lots of weight. We've had problems with breast feeding. Emily wants to feed all the time, constantly and I am wondering if I have enough. Her weight gain has been steady but not great (she was 10 pounds 11 oz at just over 9 weeks) We have topped her up with one formular feed through the night and I also express (using an electric pump hired from the National Childbirth Trust). I am not sure if I will be able to make 6 months but I take it one day at a time. At least she's smiling now. That makes it all worth it.

Emily is also a bit of a madame about sleeping in the bed with us. (If we put her on her front the baby police would come and collect her but these days sleeping in the bed with you is fine or so it seems.) She has decided she won't sleep anywhere else but the books say you can't spoil a baby until they are 6 months.

I have complained to the hospital about my treatment and received a long letter back a few weeks ago. They were apologetic but nothing more. I have written back a list of suggestions and also have contacted AIMS (the organisation striving for improvements to maternity services). AIMS were horrified (but not suprised) to hear my story and have suggested that I contact the National Patient Safety Agency. I will do this after I have a meeting with the hospital.

Your mail reads well (I think you should be a writer.) I can picture it all...the stresses and strains of caring for 3 children. I imagine you provide most of the care while DH is away. It's great to be back in touch anyway. I've missed our chats. Do write when you get a chance, though I can see your hands are pretty full.

Well that's about all for now. I'll check in soon. Hope to hear from you soon MB, WM and Faith.

Lots of love

NS XXXX

Takenoprisoners · 06/08/2008 09:42

Hi NS

Good to hear all your news. Hope you're taking care of yourself as well at the moment - it sounds like you've got your hands full and you need to make sure you look after yourself, too.

I'm really impressed you've managed to write to the hospital and start making an issue of your appalling treatment - it must take so much mental energy to do that, I think, as I can barely manage the most basic of admin-type tasks and so couldn't imagine being able to formulate your experiences on paper for the hospital. I didn't even know there was a National Patient Safety Agency - shows what times we live in with our healthcare. So, well done you, and don't give up the fight: they owe your some sort of recourse.

Breastfeeding: it really sounds like your feeding with your DD is like how mine was with DS2. By 10 weeks, I was giving him a l0 o'clock formula feed just to give myself a chance for my milk to 'fill back up' a bit - he used to feed for about an hour and a half and then give me a half hour's break!! I was totally exhausted, of course and worried that I didn't have enough milk. In reality, of course, we do make enough milk for our babies, but it doesn't feel like it when they cosntantly feed, drain us, and still want more.

What I found out subsequently, when preparing for feeding DD, was that DS was probably in a cycle of drinking just the foremilk each time - probably because, although he was feeding for ages each sitting, he wasn't latched on perfectly. Latched on okay to feed alright and not make me in agony, but not latched on well enough to really get to the hind milk. It's the hind milk that has the calories and that fills them up for long enough until the next feed and satisfies them etc. He probably wasn't getting that and so soon after a feed was quickly hungry again and the cycle would go on. And the foremilk would make him very burpy and sick-y. Is Emily like that? If so, I wonder if it might be a good idea to try and 'stretch' her feeds out a little longer (use of a dummy perhaps?) so that when you feed her, she's hungry enough to try and work for that hind milk. It's difficult when if you're demand-feeding, but she ought to be able to go for a few hours between feeds at this stage, although there will be times when she needs it more frequently because of thirst or comfort etc. You can tell when they reach the hind milk (or at least this is how it feels to me) when they seem to drink more 'deeply' and slowly and really work at their feed, ifswim. Can you get a counsellor to check your latch as well, so that those feeds become more efficient, and she can reach the hind milk more effectively? Might be worth it. You cna get herbs to boost supply as well - but I don't know if they work & haven't tried any of them, so can't vouch for them.

Anyway, sorry - you didn't ask for all that advice, but I can't help but add my two penn'orth because I had such a hard time feeding DS. I have probably droned on for far too long. You've done really well to get so far and if you want to carry on with it, there is some good support around - not least, the BF and Bottle feeding topic on here, which is full of excellent advice.

Oh, and don't worry about the co-sleeping thing - we also have DD in the bed - warmth + security = happy baby, so do what works for you.

Right, I'm off now to drop of DS1 at a playdate - he's been invited round for a full day at a 'friend's' - but the catch is that this child is not exactly an ideal playmate, shall we say - he's v argumentative and rough, but DS1 is dying to go, so what can I do??? We had this particular child over to play last week and I was a nervous wreck supervising them as the kid was quite nasty to DS2. Hmnn ... Hope you're back home and settled soon, take care & lots of love, TNPx

newbishad · 06/08/2008 13:48

Hi TNP,

Oh dear, keeping in with the it crowd at five! I guess I'll have all that when Emily gets to that age. If the parents are there to supervise I wouldn't have thought you'd have to worry too much about it, slightly different if they aren't, can't really advise, sorry, tricky situation. My brother had a friend a bit like that at around the same age, Mum supervised closely if he came over, like you do. Of course it's much more stressful particulalry when you've three young children to care for, hopefully DS1's got some other friends and you could push him gently in the right dirrection.

Thanks for all the help about breast feeding. I have decided one way around it is to try and express so that I can regulate the feeds a bit more...otherwise like your DS2 we'll be at it constantly. I annoyed myself today by expressing about 5 flozs only to spill two ozs over Emily and myself because the top wasn't on the bottle properly. (Ahhgh) Comfort feeding has a lot to do with our problems. If I let her she'd be on my lap all day, feeding for 5 minutes, sleeping for 5 minutes and so on, 24/7.

I seriously want to follow up on the complaint with the hospital, more so for other women than myself. I know how lucky I am to have Emily after infertility and I feel that any life should be tresured. I have seen and heard some awful stories in our maternity hospital. One woman (on the ward at the same time as myself) suffered a ruptured uterus at birth. Not only was she expected to care for the child (she ended up handing the child over to another mother at 4.00am in the morning through exhaustion) but nearly collapsed just as she was about to be discharged (because she needed a blood transfusion). Another mother I spoke to suffered concussion on the delivery ward because she was allowed to walk around after the birth. She was not followed up on the post natal ward. I was alloed to walk around with severe anaemia and I could have dropped Emily, lifting her in and out of the cot. When I spoke to AIMS they said there have already been tragedies because of neglect in the hospitals and that's why they mentioned the National Patient Safety Agency.

Sorry for the rant I'm on my soap box again but I really feel it should be addressed.

Anyway better go now. Lots of love NS XXXX

newbishad · 09/08/2008 10:34

Bumpty bump

Takenoprisoners · 10/08/2008 13:59

NS - I'm absolutely craving some decent sleep atm - how are you doing at nights with Emily? Do you find your expressing gives you much of a break? Love TNPx

newbishad · 10/08/2008 19:07

Hi TNP,

Bad nights are so draining aren't they?

We seem to be dealing with the sleep situation (thank God because my own sleep is so delicate). In the end I decided to top up her feeds with formula and it seems to be helping, firstly because I now have longer to build up breast milk so even though we are mixing feeds she is I think getting more breast milk secondly, she is more satisfied and hence happier. She slept through the night for the first time last night.

Happy baby = more relaxed baby = more rest for everyone.

It isn't a decision I came to lighly but I think I haven't been producing enough milk for a while. I have had so many medical complications that my body is run down. Whilst breast feeding is best for most babies, in our case mixed feeding has proved benefical. I do feel a bit guilty about it though and I fought it for a long time but (on the advice of health visitor plus doctor) this is what we are doing.

The expressing did help but the pump packed up. I tried a hand pump and that didn't work. In the end I hand expressed (getting about 2ozs each time). It does help because baby gets more and you can pace when you do it, baby still gets on demand.

Hope this helps. Lots of love and sleep well.

NS XXXX

Let me know how DS1 and the friend go.

newbishad · 10/08/2008 19:21

TNP,

I had another thought over pizza. Breast milk (like formula) can be stored for 24 hours in the fridge. Maybe DH could take a turn at feeding and let you sleep!

Lots of love NS XXX

Takenoprisoners · 11/08/2008 09:36

Hi NS - you sound like you're doing really well and that formula top-up is helping. Like I said, I did the same with DS2 - had to in the end. Don't feel bad about it - she's still getting majority breast milk and probably better quality too, as you can recharge.

Anyway, thanks for the tips - I just can't seem to express very well - couldn't last time, either - don't get very much after a lot of effort etc. If I ever manage to get enough for a decent feed, then I'm only left in agony later with really full breasts so I don't get the rest from it either way. I have an electric - a good pump, it's just me! I'm so envious that Emily went through the night on Saturday - that's the most fabulous news. We're trying to get DD on a four-hourly cycle through the night, hopefully if we time it right, I 'only' have to do one middle of the night feed, but I think I'll just have to hang in there and try to stretch it out bit by bit. It's soooooo tiring - yawn.

Take care - let me know how the hospital saga is unfolding ... love TNPx

newbishad · 11/08/2008 11:40

TNP,

Hope you get a good night tonight! When you get a chance could you share experiences of the 2 month injection. Emily is having hers late because of Dad's illness, so she is due for it Thursday. I am a bit nervous about it. She is so much happier now her feeds are sorted it seems a shame to upset her but I know it has to be done!

Lots of love NS XXXX

Takenoprisoners · 12/08/2008 13:39

NS - To be honest, I don't remember anything particularly awful about the first vaccs - I think he was fine with it, but he was a very colicky, fussy little chap at that age still, so it was difficult to determine what was causing it! I'm sure Emily will be fine - but to be on the safe side, make sure she's well in herself before you let her have it, and don't be afraid to delay it by a few more days if you don't think she's up to it. Did you opt for the Vitamin K injection when she was born, just out of interest?

Argh, - DS1's awful 'friend' - he came home completely exhausted - not in a good way - and with bad habits which I've had to iron out! The 'friend' is the kind who, when you say something to him, he completely ignores you and looks the other way - God, I hate kids like that!!

Has Emily been through the night any more since Sat? We got DD to go 4 and a half hours last night - a record! TNPx

Takenoprisoners · 14/08/2008 13:02

Hope the injections go well today, NS.

newbishad · 14/08/2008 18:30

Hi TNP,

Emily seems to have got on fine with her injection. She screamed at the time of course but since then has been her usual grizzly fusspotty self. She's certainly not off her feed anyway. The new regime of part breast part formula feeding seems to be suiting her really well and she's put on a pound in the last two weeks.

How's it going with you. Sleep any better? Emily has been really active these past two nights and kept us awake for a good few hours. Hope she sleeps through tonight.

I have a sore place under my arm and think I am beinging to get a blocked milk duct. I keep massarging it.

I am also keeping up with the complaint and the hospital. I am due to meet with the head midwife soon.

Lots of love and goodnights NS XXXX

Takenoprisoners · 18/08/2008 10:01

Hi NS - hope Emily remained okay after her injection & that she didn't get any temp spikes or anything over the weekend. How much does she weigh now? She must be packing on the pounds! Has your sore area got any better? I've heard that a good thing is to keep feeding on that side if you suspect a blocked duct - hope it's settled down for you.

Well, we've /only/ got 2 weeks of the holiday to go - and I've survived so far!! Counting the days, though. DD is being christened on 7th - I attempted to start her christening cake yesterday, but managed to burn it, not realising how hot the range was, so will have to start over. I'm hopeless at icing/decorating, but am going to try and do something with it ... Okay, DD awake now so must go and see to her - I'm putting her in cloth nappies from today and just using disposables at night-time/during outings. We have a visit from the Health Visitor this Friday - does yours still visit or are you managing to make it into clinics or not bothering with it?

Lots of love, TNPx

newbishad · 20/08/2008 12:05

Hi TNP,

I've just got a momment to write you a quick message in-between feeding and taking my niece swimming.

Do you mean 7th September for the Christening, I reckon you must do. Hope all goes well with the plans...take lots of photos, hope there won't be too much of a baby screaming competition! (That's if lots of babies are invited of course!) Brave of you to bake a cake. I don't know much about christenings not being Christian but I think it's a really great thing to do. We haven't even had a nanming ceremony for Emily...my family don't go in for that sort of thing. anyway she would scream too much. We really are having problems with the colic again. DP reckons it's a delayed reaction to her injection. She never got a temperature but too days ago her little tummy filled up with bubbles again and she's blowing wind out at gale force 10. May have to speak to the doctor if it continues although she seems better this morning. I've had my hand on her stomach for a good part of last night.

Well done as well for the cloth nappies. We're still sticking to the disposable.

Must go... my niece is going to play games on the computer while she has her hair done.

Lots of love,

NS XXXX

Takenoprisoners · 22/08/2008 19:00

Hi NS - hope you enjoyed the swimming with your niece! Not long until Emily will be joining you, I bet. Hope her windyness has settled down - not much fun having to continually settle them through the night when they're like that. Have you tried anything like Infacol? I've never used anything like that so can't vouch for it. I had the health visitor round today for a check and mentioned DD feeding a lot recently and being wriggly and burpy - she said to watch what I eat and take adequate rest (hah!) as it affects the milk. True enough, I eat fairly well in the evening, but during the day my appetite goes and I often don't bother as I should. Are you eating properly (you probably think I sound like your mother now!)

Well, the christening is 7th Sept, yes, but it's a very small affair - just godparents and my mother. I can't face a bigger party, but didn't want to postpone the christening until I felt up to it, as I wanted her done asap. I'm thinking of having a joint first birthday party for her and my mother, whose birthdays are within 5 days of each other, next summer, when the thought of having a houseful/catering doesn't fill me with so much dread. But yes, I am attempting to do a cake (& getting myself stressed thinking about it - ridiculous). I took the DCs to an adventure play attraction-place yesterday - they found it good fun but I was highly anxious just keeping track of them & keeping my eyes of them. That, and there were loads of wasps and I was paranoid about DD being stung.

As you can probably tell, I am full of anxieties atm - maybe a variant of a PND coming on, I don't know ... or maybe just overtired and fed up from the school holidays. You sound like you're managing very well, take care, lots of love TNPx